In this digital story Ivan talks about growing up in Malaysia and dealing with depression.
Audio and Text Transcript Download mp3 Download HQ mp3Plain Text (for Gen AI)This story is available on the Rainbow Touchstones DVD. Please get in contact for more information.
This project was funded by a NZ Mental Health Media Grant and proudly supported by the Ministry of Health's Like Minds, Like Mine Programme and the Mental Health Foundation of New Zealand.
Summary
The digital story, "Orange - Rainbow Touchstones," chronicles Ivan Yeo's life experiences, recorded on March 29, 2010, in Auckland, New Zealand. Throughout the five-minute recording, Yeo vividly shares the complex challenges of growing up in Malaysia during the 1980s while grappling with their identity and mental health struggles.
Raised amidst the cultural backdrop of a Malaysian Chinese society deeply influenced by Confucian values, Yeo discusses the overwhelming societal pressure to conform to traditional expectations—carrying on the family name, marrying, and upholding family honor in a predominantly Muslim nation where being gay was severely stigmatized. From a young age, Yeo felt out of place and faced ridicule for not fitting gender norms, labeled as a "girly boy," an experience that ushered in a childhood shadowed by sadness, fear, and anxiety.
Yeo reveals a moment of profound self-recognition at the age of eleven upon reading a newspaper article, which, despite its negative portrayal, provided a term that resonated with their feelings—homosexual. This realization, however, was coupled with fear of being rejected and ostracized. Yeo's first relationship in their teenage years had to be kept hidden, illustrating the pain of concealing their true self, which was exacerbated when a letter to their partner was discovered, leading to being barred from seeing them. This secretiveness took a toll on Yeo's emotional and physical well-being, manifesting as physical pain, energy depletion, and intense episodes of depression, which went unrecognized at the time.
The pressure persisted as Yeo grew older, with relentless questions about the lack of a romantic partner, further intensifying feelings of alienation. The recounting reaches a climax with a pivotal confrontation with their family, leading to a declaration of the desire to escape abroad—a spontaneous plea for liberation from the constraints of societal judgment.
Embarking on a new life in New Zealand marked a significant turn. The move was filled with melancholy at the separation from family yet provided an unprecedented opportunity for self-discovery and authenticity. It was here that Yeo finally encountered the language and understanding of depression and anxiety within an academic setting, enabling them to identify and address the mental health issues that had been lifelong, albeit unrecognized, companions.
The narrative closes with a message of perseverance and hope. Yeo shares the wisdom that healing is possible if one allows it and that the journey through life's inevitable ebbs and flows requires resilience and self-care, suggesting that both good and bad times are transient like the changing weather.
This summary is created using Generative AI. Although it is based on the recording's transcription, it may contain errors or omissions. Click here to learn more about how this summary was created.
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