The title of this recording is "Mark - South". It is described as: Mark talks about early years in Queenstown, coming out to family members and being bullied at university. It was recorded in Dunedin, Otago on the 8th May 2014. The duration of the recording is 30 minutes, but this may not reflect the actual length of the event. A list of correctly spelt content keywords and tags can be found at the end of this document. A brief description of the recording is: In this podcast Mark talks about early years in Queenstown, coming out to family members and being bullied at university. The content in the recording covers the 2010s decade. A brief summary of the recording is: In this podcast titled "Mark - South," recorded in Dunedin, Otago, the speaker shares their journey regarding sexual orientation, identity, and coming out to their family and friends. The conversation begins with the speaker reflecting on the changing language and acceptance around sexual orientation. The speaker identifies as gay and recalls becoming aware of their attraction to the same sex during adolescence, initially thinking they might be bisexual due to societal norms around heterosexuality. Throughout the podcast, the speaker shares the experience of coming out, which began by confiding in a friend and gradually expanded to more friends and eventually family. The first family member they told was their sister, during the absence of their parents. This poignant moment led to emotional release, reinforcing the support and closeness within the family. At the beginning of their university journey, however, the speaker faced a surprising regression, feeling the need to return to the closet due to encountering homophobia in the halls. This contrasted sharply with the supportive environment in their high school in Queenstown, which the speaker reflects on as a generally liberal and inclusive community. The speaker's experience highlights the diversity of attitudes towards the LGBTQ+ community across different regions and contexts in New Zealand. The speaker's participation in the local organization UniQ (Otago) demonstrates the importance of community and support for individuals navigating their sexual orientation and identity. They advocate for greater visibility and support for transgender individuals and express concern about the persistence of transphobia. Furthermore, the speaker discusses their academic pursuits, majoring in psychology and gender studies, and their future aspirations to integrate mental, social, and physical wellness into a supportive and inclusive environment. They celebrate the passing of the Marriage Amendment Act (2012), which was a significant milestone for them and reflects societal progression in New Zealand's views on LGBTQ+ rights. At the core of their message to those struggling with their identity, the speaker emphasizes the importance of finding a trusted support network and the transformative power of open communication. To conclude, the speaker expresses pride in being part of an evolving community and the unique positioning of LGBTQ+ individuals as agents of change and support for one another. They cherish the sense of responsibility and opportunity to support others within the LGBTQ+ movement. The full transcription of the recording begins:  How would you describe your identity? A gay male student. I don't know what, um, Do you think the language that we've used, um, about to describe our sexual orientation has changed much over time? Um, I think so. Probably. Um, we're in a position where we can use the word queer. Probably more. Um, like, appropriately, Um, even though I know in the UK, it still hasn't been sort of like it's still an offensive word, but And I also know a few friends who, um, they identify as, like, homosexual women, but they don't identify as lesbian. They just don't like the word. And so I guess we are in a bit of a different place now, but yeah. When did you first become aware of your sexual orientation? I think about the age of 15. I, um it's kind of hard, though, because, um, I come from a really very liberal family. Um, and we've had, like, quite a lot of gay people around, um, like in my upbringing, like gay friends of my parents and things like that. And they always stress that it's fine. Um, and so for a really long time, I wasn't sure if, um, because I was so accepting of gay culture, I guess that I never really thought about it. I just kind of was I was like, Gay is ok, straight is OK, um, and and then I, um Yeah, I guess I remember. Sort of, Um, funnily enough, I was watching porn, and, um, I remember thinking I'm more attracted to the guy and the girl. Um, but it took me a really long time to sort of, you know, properly understand that, Um, and for a really long time, I genuinely thought I was bisexual. Um, I know that lots of, um, people consider or used by sexuality as a stepping stone. Not to say, like, obviously, bisexuality is a you know, um, but I genuinely thought I was, um, only because I suddenly had this interest in the other sex. But I think because, um, you know, heterosexuality is just everywhere, and it's not so much shoved down your throat, but it is very much like the norm. And so for a really long time, I just thought, you know, I was both, um should have Cotten on that. I wasn't interested in any of the girls in my school, but I don't know. And then I think I properly sort of accepted that. I was, um, that I was gay and not interested in girls. Um, around the age of 18, Um, did you have it coming out? Um, kind of, um I came out to my I think I came out to my friends first. Um, a few of my really close friends. Um, no. Sorry. I came out to a friend in high school who, um, was by he identified as by um, and I remember talking to him about it, actually, no. So I'm gonna rewind once again. Um, there was someone a friend of a friend who lived in Dunedin, and he was openly gay. Um, and I remember I was just talking to him on Facebook. Um, and I was just like, Hey, I think I might be gay. And I felt like I didn't really know this guy. And so I felt like a kind of console in him because he would just sort of, you know, he didn't know much about my life. I could just talk about it to someone who was openly gay, and we just kind of chatted about it, and then that made me go and talk to that friend who was in my school who identified as Bi and I talked to him about it as well. And, um, he just kind of told me what it was like for him. Um and then I guess it's kind of that snowball effect of the more people I told the easier it kind of got, especially once I told my closest friends because that was, you know, those are the people that meant the most to me, Um, in terms of my friend group. Um, And then, um, my first family member I told was my sister, um, my parents had gone away for a few weeks somewhere, and we were eating dinner lasagna, And, um, I was telling her about, um, a story about this guy who, um he was sort of like he was on the rugby team. Um, very like, straight and really lovely guy, Um, and quite a good friend. And we were all quite intoxicated at a party. And he, um, just got, like, quite close and not inappropriate things, but he was He was, you know, um, crossing the line of what you just do to, like another guy friend. If you were straight, maybe, and the other. You know, um, so I remember thinking I wasn't quite as drunk as he was. And I remember thinking, I'll tell him to stop now because he's gonna severely regret this in the morning. Just I knew his other friends They weren't going to be particularly accepting if he suddenly was outed or anything like that. So I just thought this wasn't particularly a good idea, and maybe I'd hit him up about it the next day. So I did. And he was like, I, I think I'm by I don't really know what to do. And he was really stressed out about it. And so I was telling my sister this story, Um, but as I was, um, the reason he sort of like started coming on to me is because at this point, I was relatively known to to be openly out at high school. Um, and I was telling my sister this story, but because I hadn't told her that I was out, there was sort of this, like missing link in the story of why he'd be coming up to me. Um, and then I sort of got to the point where the link was just going to be way too obvious. And so I paused and was like, Is this about to happen? And then I was, like, entirely, I think I'm, um I think I'm attracted to guys as well. Um, and then my sister and I are really close. We I consider her one of my best friends. She's 4. 5 years older than me. So she's kind of always, like, been my like, older sister, um, in a like, protective kind of way. Um, and I remember we just, like, kind of looked at each other, and then both of us just started crying. And then both of us started laughing because we were like, Why are we crying? Um, I knew that I could come out to her. It was more of just sucking it up and sort of doing it. Um, I remember Ellen was talking to Ellen Page. Um, Alan Generous was talking to Ellen Page, and there was they were just discussing how, um you think for a really long time you've kind of accepted in yourself that you actually carry around a lot of shame. Um, and you can't really pin what that shame is about, but when you come out, it's sort of like all of it goes away. And I don't really know what the like mechanisms behind that is. But I feel like it's just some sort of, I don't know by not being able to to openly say it. There is some sort of like something is holding you back from it. Like, Why would you Why would you not if you weren't somewhat ashamed about it. And so I think that maybe that's why I just started crying because, um, I knew she'd be OK with it. And I don't know why I hadn't told her first or even, you know, when the idea first popped into my head a few years back, Um and so I think it was just kind of that release of finally being able to tell someone who's really, really close to me and who would understand the whole time and be really supportive. And so we talked about it for a while, and it was really lovely, and it was just I don't know it felt very natural. Um, and then I didn't come out to my parents for ages afterwards, Like a year and a half or so. But I, um I'm also really close to my mum, So I was like, Well, I'm not gonna go to uni without telling her beforehand. So I went and she was reading a book and I sat down next to her, and I just sat there for, like, an hour in silence. Um, and then she looked up and she was like, Mark, you've literally just been sitting there doing nothing just next to me. What are you doing? And I was like, I kind of got it. I want to talk to you about something. And she was like, What's up? And I just told her after another long pause, Um, I was like, Oh, I think I said how would you feel if I brought a guy home rather than a girl? Um, and she was like, Well, you know, I wouldn't mind at all. And, um and I was like, OK, because I think I'm bisexual. And she was like, cool. And it was a very sort of I don't know. I think she didn't want to do the whole, um we love you anyway, because that almost implies that, um there was sort of something wrong with it in the first place. And I think that Mom by no mum is a very stubborn and very opinionated person. Um, and she's so lovely, but I can just I. I just knew what she meant by being so calm about it. Um, because that's the thing is that that's how she raised me and my sister to see homosexuality as like, absolutely no, There's no difference between your sexual orientation and who you are and where you fit in the world. So, um, there was that and then I didn't come out off to my dad for a really long time. Um, mostly because my relationship with my dad was a little bit It was fine. It was more just that, um, I he's a very typical bloke. He loves his sports. And, um, he's like, a bit of a builder. And, um, I don't know. I think we just look very different people. Um, the thing we bonded over was like action movies that we'd go and see in the cinema and that was that felt almost like that was just about it. Um, and there was kind of a lot of pent up hostility inside of me towards him. We used to argue a lot of the time about nothing in particular, and I think I can now pin that back to not being out to him. Um, because ever since coming out to him, it's been fine and I just don't feel like there's this pressure behind. I don't know. I used to just snap at him, um, for no apparent reason. I think it's almost like I was this close to just being like I'm gay and you won't understand. But no, it's just not the case. But, um, it turns out, um, when I think when I came out to my mum, she was like, Have you told Dad? And I said no And she said, Do you want me to tell him or like, How do you are you going to tell him? Um, and I said, I don't know if I'm ready and she said, Well, that's fine. But, um, I don't lie. And if he asks me for whatever reason, he would ask me, I can't tell him no, because it's not going to feel right. And I said, Well, that's fine. And then so, apparently, like a few, like, I don't know, six months later or something like that. Dad did ask Mom and Mom said yes, but then Dad didn't come to me about it because he was waiting for me to come to him. And Mom didn't tell me that he had come, even though she swore she did. So I was talking to Mom on, um, on one night and I told her I think I am gay. I don't think I'm by She was like, to be honest, I thought that the whole time I did like, you don't show any particular interest in girls. And I was like, Cool. I feel like I need to tell Dad and the like that I'm anything. And she was like, he knows to which I freaked out. I was like, What? How long? And then she was like, Oh, for like I don't know eight months now he's known, and I was like, Are you kidding me? And she was like, I told you and I was like, No, you definitely did it. I would know if you told me. Um but no, it was really nice. Um, and then I remember coming home after that, and it just was so it was like the air had completely cleared. Um, I don't know if Mum had talked to Dad after the phone call, Um, because my dad and I never talked about the whole, like, coming out thing. I just came home and just gave them both a massive hug, and it just felt really different. Um, and I was just like, I don't I haven't really argued with my dad since in, you know, maybe about, like, small bickers, but nothing as as it used to be. And I would just talk about things you know very comfortably about him and got my I had my first boyfriend and he came and met my parents, and it was all just I don't know, it was just all really natural, but that was my coming out process. It was very long and sort of stretched out, I think just because, um, I don't know. I just think because I was in a liberal family, it was a very It's almost a weird situation to be in because obviously it's lovely. Um, and I'm so thankful that that is how my family is. Because I know that that's not the case with so many other people. Um, but I think it just it's almost like I wasn't pushed to do it because it was just sort of like, Oh, well, um, but I don't know. I'm glad I'm here now. So, whereabouts did you grow up, go to school? Um, so I'm from London originally, um, I went to Hampstead parochial school. Um, and then when I was seven going on eight, we moved to New Zealand. So that was in 2000, and we moved straight to Queenstown. And that's where I lived up until going to uni in Dunedin. Um, so, yeah, just grew up in Queenstown, mostly. Do you think it's harder or different growing up, um, in the South Island and And we like, compared to the thing is I kind of see queen sound like a little bit of a jewel in the South Island. I, um my experience was pretty pretty great. And I'm on the UN Q committee here, and I have gone and talked to people. And I do gender studies, um, as my I'm in my honours year of gender studies. And so we've done a lot of talk about sexuality. And, um, I think in first year, we did a bit about education systems and sexuality, and I remember we all had to sort of, Well, we didn't have to, but in the tutorial, we talked about what our experiences were like in high school, and my high school was very supportive. They encouraged you to take same sex partners to the formal if you wanted to, um, in year seven. So, like, the first year of high school, this guy came around and took us all to the library, and he just sort of explained that homosexuality is fine. Um, statistically, three of you guys there was, like, 30 of us. Um, three of you guys will be gay, which is really funny, because, um, the two the the rugby guy and the guy who was identified as bisexual, um, were both, like sitting there. Um, none of us were out at this point, so it's quite funny, but, um, yeah, um, So it was, you know, it was awesome. High school absolutely amazing. Um, And then I figured out well, I discovered from other people telling me what their experiences were like in Christchurch or, um, in cargo or Gore, that it was not the same. And it wasn't great at all. Um, and it was actually quite, like, terrible, um, which was so, so upsetting to hear about, um and it just made me really, really grateful for what I had to like I happened to experience. I think it might be just because Queenstown has this massive influx of people from all over the world. And you can't really be, um, reserved about anything in particular. You get people of all religions of all races and of all sexual orientations, coming and going, we have gay ski week. It is just a very liberal sort of town in the middle of other towns. That might not be, um did you experience? Kind of. Did you see any differences? And that when you moved to think maybe it's different because you I think you see I in Queenstown. There's only one high school, so it brings people it brings sort of like everyone is in the same high school. You've got people of every, um I don't know, sort of income bracket. And, um, everyone of you know, any religion or anything like that. Once again, it's all just in the same high school. And so I did actually have, um, a group of people who were not nice to me, and they did bully me and I, you know, they would yell faggot down, you know, the street or whatever, but it was drastically outnumbered by close friends or just people who were very who, you know, had positive, um, attitudes towards homosexuality. And, um yeah, so that was fine. But then moving to Dunedin, I felt like that gap wasn't as drastic as Dunedin brings people from Wellington and Auckland which I think are in general, probably a little bit more liberal in terms of this, um in terms of, you know, LGBT Q, um, culture and also people from places that aren't so accepting. And my experience in my hall, for example, there was a lot of homophobia, um, turns out like I didn't expect to ever go back in the closet. But I did. In the first semester of going to my hall, it was really surprising because I was very like in high school I was so vocal about, like, if anyone even was slightly bigoted, I'd be like, trying to tear him down and was very, you know, um, and I just didn't expect it, but I was suddenly just felt, so it just didn't feel right. There was another, um, gay guy at the hall that I was in, and he was constantly bullied, but because he, um he didn't, um He didn't make any efforts to socialise with anyone. He would stay in his room, and then he had his own separate friends outside of the hall kind of thing. Um and so it's almost like they kind of dehumanised him. And they used him just as like a you know, they just targeted him because it was easy. But then it turns out that people did know about my sexuality and no one cared, and I just was mistaken. But that's I guess the problem with homophobia is that you don't know sometimes if saying, Oh, that's gay. Um, talking about something, you know, you're trying to equivalate it with with the word lame. Um, you just don't know. Especially if you're closeted. It was kind of like eye opening because I was almost chucked back in the closet and sort of saw what it was like to see homophobia around you. And I don't know, It was it Was it sucked? Um, but I did have also a bunch of really good friends there who are super liberal and really lovely and very supportive. So but yeah, And now I have got a really large group of, you know, I found the The good people in Dunedin. Um, is it important to you to have kind of, like a sense of community and belonging? Um, I think so. I don't think it has to be people who identify the same as me. Personally. I just think it's people who are supportive and who I know who. I, um very sort of stably know what their opinions are. Um, I need to know that if someone was, you know, if someone yelled fagging down the street that that friend, regardless of what their orientation was, would be like, That's not OK and even yell out like, don't say that or something, You know, I don't want I don't know. I just like that sense of, um, sort of support or knowing that there is support, even if you don't particularly need it at that time, just to know that it's there is really important to me. Um, but yeah. Um, and you feel like there's lots of support here at the uni? I think so, Yeah. I. I think it's great. I mean, there's clear support and there's uniq and, um oh, yeah, I think it's it's really good. Um, do you see, or have you been part of, um, social media as a way that young people in New Zealand are kind of connecting about their sexuality and issues that they're facing at all? Uh, I mean, like, I'm on the uni Q page, um, which I post on frequently. There's also this and LGBT Q, um, sort of blog type thing on Facebook. Um, they I am constantly just on my own news feed and posting things I don't know about news around the world or something that's to do with it. So I guess I'm relatively active in terms of that, and then I see it obviously come back from people who are interested in the same thing as well. So yeah, I guess I do see it. Especially with the especially with Facebook, To be honest, only with Facebook. Really? I mean, I see it on Tumblr that I don't know how you want to describe it. A social media site. Um, but that's sort of more international rather than I mean, Facebook is as well, but because I only know people nationally and you know, so yeah, and what do you think about how queer and trans people represented in the media? And if we think of media as news, TV, movies, books, all sorts? Um, I think, um, it's getting better in terms of a more, um, like it's being represented more essentially, um, and it's starting to feel a little less like, um, like, obviously, it is still a minority, but it's starting to feel less like a tiny pool. Um, that people are, you know, considering that yes, there are gay people walking around the street. It's not just sort of this like they'll be part of this community. That's somewhere, you know. Um, so I guess that's good. I think trans people are still severely underrepresented. Um, it's kind of hard because I surround myself with people who are very active with with spreading this like queer and trends news. Um, on my tumblr, I follow things. That stuff is always coming up and then for other people because they aren't interested in it as to the degree that I am, it's hard to judge where because I'm seeing it everywhere. But that's because I'm choosing to find it. Um, but I still think it is really underrepresented, um, trans in particular. And I think transphobia is still a massive area that needs tackling because, I don't know. I just think it's people are very ignorant when it comes to that stuff. So are there any solutions to that? I think, um, it's hard to know what the most effective solution is, But just to make people more aware, um, I don't know. Maybe it's just because I don't know how to like I don't know what would be the most effective way of talking about it without sounding preachy or, you know, I just I don't know. I want In my ideal world, everything would be kind of normalised that it would. It wouldn't be a surprise to be like this is, you know, a trans female trans male or or queer or just anything it can. There shouldn't be any, like, surprise or shock factor to it. And we're getting there. I feel with, um, sort of the L GB side, But the tea still needs maybe more exposure or something like that. Um, I don't know. It's hard to say. Um, what do you want to do after uni? What are your kind of hopes for your future? Um well, I've got my undergrad degree in psychology and gender studies, and my Post grad currently is my honours in gender studies. And next year, I hope to do a personal trainers course. Um, so somewhere in the future, I'd love to somehow combine mental, social and physical in one sort of area. I don't know. I'd love to, like, have kind of, like a wellness centre that had a gym, but it would also have sort of support, um, and be very welcoming to everyone. And I don't know, it's obviously so far in the future, but I definitely have a really high interest in fitness as well as sort of like social things. And yeah, somehow I want to combine them, but yeah, we'll see. Um, how do you feel about the marriage? Equality, bill? Passing? Was that something that was important to you? Yeah, definitely. I was in the, um the room watching it being talked about. It was very important to me. Um, I want to know that I can get married, um, here. And I want that for other people. And I think that that's just sort of a reflection on the country's attitudes towards this in the first place. Um, you know, just II. I think by putting it in the open that, you know, there were all these people who wanted to have the ability to marry each other, really brought it to the surface. And for those people who just don't, you know, they're not. They're not homophobic, but they don't involve themselves in, um, LGBT Q stuff. It really brought to light the issues that they might not have considered before, And I kind of think it just reflected that there are a lot more of us, um, than some people might have expected and that it is actually, you know, human rights that were being sort of taken away and I think that's awesome. And it's almost like that snowball effect, because you just, you know, And then there was England. I mean, the UK that was doing it as well. And I just It's it's just awesome to see who's like on the right side of history kind of thing. So, yeah, um, if you could give a message to other young people who are struggling with their identity or coming out, what would it be? This is so hard, Um, because I think just everyone's experiences are so different. But, um, just the thing that helped me the most was having the support of you like just a few people, and just to just to be able to trust them completely, made all the difference to me. It just, I don't know, talk to talk to someone you trust. Um, and it just just that first step will make it so much easier. Um, it's just I don't know. Everyone is in such different situations, so it's so hard because I hate to say the wrong thing, but for me, it was just taking it slowly, Um and yeah, just coming out to the people you trust the most is makes the whole world of difference. Um and yeah, that's that's all I can and maybe to finish up. What's your favourite thing about being a queen person living in the South? Or, um, I think there it's quite exciting to be, um, a part of something that's changing, like, right now, Um, sort of like the um LGBT Q stuff is very topical at the moment, and it's really exciting to have the opportunity to really involve yourself in something you believe in so strongly. Um, I just Yeah, I. I love that. I can also be in a position where I'm comfortable with myself and I have my really close friends and hopefully through that I can offer some support to people who might not be at the position that I am in. Um, because I think that that's like, I don't know. That's a really it's a really high sense of responsibility, and you can either choose to, um, take it on or not. And I think what I like is just to be able to be there, and for everyone else who's in my position to be this beacon of what that it's OK and that it gets better and that you can just be that what I was talking about with that person that, um, can support you. You can be that person for someone else, and I don't know, I think that's probably it. The full transcription of the recording ends. A list of keywords/tags describing the recording follow. These tags contain the correct spellings of names and places which may have been incorrectly spelt earlier in the document. The tags are seperated by a semi-colon: 2010s ; Aotearoa New Zealand ; Auckland ; Chicago ; Coming Up ; Dunedin ; Ellen DeGeneres ; Ellen Page ; Gay Ski Week ; Geneva ; Indonesia ; Israel ; It Gets Better ; LGBT ; London ; Marriage Amendment Act (2012) ; People ; Queenstown ; Rule Foundation ; South (series) ; Stuff ; Tabby Besley ; The Closet ; UniQ (Otago) ; United Kingdom ; University of Otago ; Wellington ; belonging ; bisexual ; change ; church ; cinema ; closet ; closeted ; coming out ; community ; crying ; culture ; difference ; eating ; education ; facebook. com ; faggot ; family ; fitness ; friends ; future ; gay ; gender ; gender studies ; growing up ; gym ; hate ; heterosexual ; history ; hit ; homophobia ; homophobic bullying ; homosexual ; hope ; hug ; human rights ; identity ; internalised homophobia ; internet ; language ; lesbian ; library ; love ; marriage equality ; media ; minority ; movies ; news ; normalisation ; opportunity ; other ; parents ; podcast ; pornography ; psychology ; queen ; queer ; reading ; reflection ; religion ; rugby ; school ; school prom ; sex ; sexual orientation ; sexuality ; shame ; silence ; social ; social media ; social networking ; straight ; stress ; support ; time ; trans ; transphobia ; trust ; tumblr. com ; university ; walking ; wellness ; women ; youth. The original recording can be heard at this website https://www.pridenz.com/south_mark.html. The master recording is also archived at the Alexander Turnbull Library in Wellington, New Zealand.  For more details visit their website https://tiaki.natlib.govt.nz/#details=ecatalogue.1089596. Please note that this document may contain errors or omissions - you should always refer back to the original recording to confirm content.