The title of this recording is "Orange - Rainbow Touchstones". It is described as: Ivan talks about growing up in Malaysia and dealing with depression. It was recorded in Auckland, Aotearoa New Zealand on the 29th March 2010. Ivan Yeo is being interviewed by Gareth Watkins.  Their names are spelt correctly but may appear incorrectly spelt later in the document. The duration of the recording is 5 minutes. A list of correctly spelt content keywords and tags can be found at the end of this document. A brief description of the recording is: In this digital story Ivan talks about growing up in Malaysia and dealing with depression. The content in the recording covers the 1980s decade. A brief summary of the recording is: The digital story, "Orange - Rainbow Touchstones," chronicles Ivan Yeo's life experiences, recorded on March 29, 2010, in Auckland, New Zealand. Throughout the five-minute recording, Yeo vividly shares the complex challenges of growing up in Malaysia during the 1980s while grappling with their identity and mental health struggles. Raised amidst the cultural backdrop of a Malaysian Chinese society deeply influenced by Confucian values, Yeo discusses the overwhelming societal pressure to conform to traditional expectations - carrying on the family name, marrying, and upholding family honor in a predominantly Muslim nation where being gay was severely stigmatized. From a young age, Yeo felt out of place and faced ridicule for not fitting gender norms, labeled as a "girly boy," an experience that ushered in a childhood shadowed by sadness, fear, and anxiety. Yeo reveals a moment of profound self-recognition at the age of eleven upon reading a newspaper article, which, despite its negative portrayal, provided a term that resonated with their feelings - homosexual. This realization, however, was coupled with fear of being rejected and ostracized. Yeo's first relationship in their teenage years had to be kept hidden, illustrating the pain of concealing their true self, which was exacerbated when a letter to their partner was discovered, leading to being barred from seeing them. This secretiveness took a toll on Yeo's emotional and physical well-being, manifesting as physical pain, energy depletion, and intense episodes of depression, which went unrecognized at the time. The pressure persisted as Yeo grew older, with relentless questions about the lack of a romantic partner, further intensifying feelings of alienation. The recounting reaches a climax with a pivotal confrontation with their family, leading to a declaration of the desire to escape abroad - a spontaneous plea for liberation from the constraints of societal judgment. Embarking on a new life in New Zealand marked a significant turn. The move was filled with melancholy at the separation from family yet provided an unprecedented opportunity for self-discovery and authenticity. It was here that Yeo finally encountered the language and understanding of depression and anxiety within an academic setting, enabling them to identify and address the mental health issues that had been lifelong, albeit unrecognized, companions. The narrative closes with a message of perseverance and hope. Yeo shares the wisdom that healing is possible if one allows it and that the journey through life's inevitable ebbs and flows requires resilience and self-care, suggesting that both good and bad times are transient like the changing weather. The full transcription of the recording begins:  My only goal was to make myself look as normal as possible. It seemed to be the only answer to my life because I didn’t want to embarrass my family. I grew up in Malaysia with my mum, dad and three sisters. My father always taught us to be good people, not to live for yourself but to live for others. The teaching of Confucius strongly penetrates the whole of malaysian chinese society. You have to carry on your family name, you need to marry, have children and then look after your parents. And because Malaysia is a muslim country - gay is a big no. I can’t recall a happy childhood. I was really skinny and fair and a lot of people called me a “girly boy”. I only remember being sad and scared and anxious. Once my parents brought in a chinese priest to help stop me crying and screaming all the time. No one really knew about mental health, either someone was crazy or they were not. According to the priest I was being disturbed by bad spirits. I think for me it was a combination of many things - my unhappy family, my dad’s compulsive gambling, my gayness. I remember when I was about eleven reading a newspaper article that described what a homosexual was. I felt relieved - suddenly I had a name that described my feelings. But I also felt sad, the article was quite negative. The only example I knew was that if you’re gay you’re abnormal, you’d become a transgender and sell yourself on the street. One of the things I feared most was the rejection of love. When I was sixteen I had my first gay relationship with a classmate. I wanted to share it with my family but I couldn’t. Everything had to be very secretive. Like when I would write him a letter, I would have to be careful about what I said. His sister actually read one of the letters and told his mum and then I couldn’t see him anymore. I remember crying a lot and feeling so much pain that I had to bang my head on the wall. I started to miss school, my chest always felt really sore and I didn’t have the energy to do anything. As I got older everyone kept asking me “why don’t you have a girlfriend?” It made me feel like a freak. The lowest point was when I locked myself in my room after having a huge fight with my mum. My sister and mum started knocking on the door “tell us what you want – anything”. Out of my mouth I said “I want to go overseas”. I had no idea of where I was going to go, I didn’t have a plan but I just wanted to get away. Leaving the country was the best thing. It gave me the freedom not to worry about how other people thought about me. But it was very sad, I missed my family - they were all I had known for the past 28 years. A lot of things changed after I came to New Zealand. It was the first time ever I could be myself. I started to see how society can post their values into a person. It made me see that I am able to choose a lifestyle that I want, but it means I need to choose the right country to be in. It was also in New Zealand that I first found out about depression and anxiety. I was taking a university paper and one day I saw the diagnosis of depression and I suddenly realized that this is what I had. It was a hard moment but at least I now knew what it was. My depression and anxiety are like old friends – they have been with me for such a long time. But now when it gets really intense I know I have to take care of myself by talking to people and getting help. I remember someone once told me that “you’ll get better if you allow yourself to get better” - you’ve just got to hang in there. It’s like the weather – sometimes you get a good one, sometimes a bad one, remember it all passes. The full transcription of the recording ends. A list of keywords/tags describing the recording follow. These tags contain the correct spellings of names and places which may have been incorrectly spelt earlier in the document. The tags are seperated by a semi-colon: 1980s ; Auckland ; Chinese ; Ivan Yeo ; Malaysia ; Mental Health Foundation ; People ; Rainbow Touchstones ; anxiety ; change ; children ; coming out ; crying ; depression ; energy ; family ; feelings ; freedom ; friends ; gambling ; gay ; health ; homosexual ; lifestyle ; love ; mental health ; normal ; other ; pain ; parents ; plan ; rainbow ; reading ; rejection ; sad ; school ; teaching ; time ; transcript online ; transgender ; university ; values ; video online. The original recording can be heard at this website https://www.pridenz.com/rainbow_touchstones_orange.html. The master recording is also archived at the Alexander Turnbull Library in Wellington, New Zealand.  For more details visit their website https://tiaki.natlib.govt.nz/#details=ecatalogue.1089854. Ivan Yeo also features audibly in the following recordings: "Ivan Yeo profile" and "Session 4, Disability". Please note that this document may contain errors or omissions - you should always refer back to the original recording to confirm content.