The title of this recording is "Ryan - Q12". It is described as: Ryan talks about being young and bisexual in 2012. It was recorded in Napier, Hawkes Bay on the 16th September 2012. The duration of the recording is 15 minutes, but this may not reflect the actual length of the event. A list of correctly spelt content keywords and tags can be found at the end of this document. A brief description of the recording is: In this podcast Ryan talks about being young and bisexual in 2012. The content in the recording covers the 2010s decade. A brief summary of the recording is: The podcast titled "Ryan - Q12" recorded on September 16, 2012, in Napier, Hawkes Bay, offers a personal narrative about navigating life as a bisexual individual in the 2010s. Ryan, an 18-year-old attending EIT in Napier, takes the audience through their experiences on sexuality, identity, relationships, and the perceptions faced within society. During the 15-minute conversation with the host, Benji, Ryan reveals their interests in diverse music genres, film, and media, with ambitions to study human psychology and behavioral therapy. The discussion also delves into Ryan's thoughts on gender and cultural identity, positioning themselves as a male who identifies as such, and expressing a fluid sense of masculinity and femininity. Addressing the realization of same-gender attraction, Ryan reflects on early adolescence, pinpointing the onset around 11 or 12 years old. They recount the mixed emotions and outcomes of their initial relationship, which, though it had a significant impact on them, came to a difficult end. The exchange takes a broader view of LGBTIQ+ community interaction in Napier, highlighting a support group Ryan joined to aid a gay friend. This group, while starting small with local dinners, blossomed into a larger, inclusive network extending even beyond New Zealand, facilitating a sense of belonging and community support. Ryan's personal history with coming out, discussed with candor, reveals a timing intertwined with stress and vulnerability, yet the reception from their closest friends was one of acceptance and support. They emphasize that honesty with oneself and others is paramount, tying this back to their own acceptance of their bisexuality. Addressing discrimination, Ryan acknowledges experiences of both verbal and physical abuse, attributing more weight to verbal abuse for its psychological impact. Despite the hardships, a resilient tone underpins their narrative, demonstrating adaptability and strength. The conversation concludes on a note of reflection, where Ryan muses on relationships, intimacy, and definitions of virginity, suggesting that these concepts hold deeper significance beyond their conventional interpretations. In summary, the recording illustrates a snapshot of a young person from the LGBTIQ+ community in New Zealand grappling with identity, relationships, and societal norms. Ryan's testimony is a symbol of personal evolution amidst challenges and a testament to the importance of acceptance and support networks in the health and well-being of queer youth. The full transcription of the recording begins:  Hello. How are you today? Good. Good. That's good. Who are you? Ryan. Hello, Ryan. Hello, Benji. So, um, can you tell us a little bit about yourself? Well, I'm 18 and I go to EIT. And I live in Napier. OK, anything else at this stage, I can't really think of anything else. What music you're into. Um, I'm into quite a lot of different genres of music, like pop, rap, country rock, believe it or not, And hobbies and likes. Well, I love writing, watching movies and just hanging with friends. So what do you do at EIT? Well, I have studied film and media, and I'm planning to do human psychology and behavioural therapy. Where are you going to do that? I'm thinking actually, about doing that as a correspondence, but I may take it as a full degree subject. Where most likely Messy. Or Victoria Wellington? On palmy? Um, I don't know, I. I think Wellington looks like a good variety at this stage. No, you can do things in Wellington. Yeah, indeed you can. However, there is a lot of gay people in palmy, but actually, there's a lot of gay people in both places. any who So, um what is your sex? Well, are male and bisexual Male Is your sex sexuality yet? OK, what what gender do you identify with to explain? Well, like, um, you're male some, And if you're talking about transgenders, they could be born as male, but they gender identify with female or vice versa. Or if you're, um, or for, um for me, I'm a male, and I my gender identity is male. I see your point. So I guess I'd be male. And now well, I'm bisexual, believe it or not. And, uh, cultural identity explain what culture do you identify with any? Really? Any New Zealand European? Doesn't matter. And how do you express yourself? Masculine feminine in between. In between, I guess depending Who? The person I guess someone was OK and OK. When did you realise that you had attractions for the same gender? I don't know. I guess I didn't really start noticing till about 12. 11. Maybe. What happened? I don't know. It's I mean, you have to remember it's happened so long ago and, you know, you mix details up and you don't pay attention to anything, but I don't know just I've been treated by sexes since then, I guess. I, I honestly believe I can't go further back then, at 12 to 11, was there like an instance where you noticed, like another boy in class. And you getting feelings or attractions, I guess. I guess so. Yeah. Could be, like a classmate or a friend or a best friend. No. Teacher? No. No, I think it started off with just kind of someone in the class. And then we became friends and, yeah, just like any other soap opera, I guess. Did it did it ever became even more than that. It did. It became a lot more, but it kind of really end is what? Normal? Not normal. But what kind of does happen? It kind of ended, actually. Quite tragic. What happened? Let's just say it kind of ended. It didn't end violently, but there were violent parts of the relationship, but just Yeah, we just I haven't I've only saw him. What? We went to the same high school together, but I had really nothing to do with him, but yeah, I see him uptown now and again, but I just try to avoid as much contact I have with him. So did you ever deny your sexuality to my friends? I have never lied to them about it to myself. No, I haven't. I don't believe in lying to myself. And did you ever not accept your sexuality? I've always accepted who I am. And, um So when did you come up? I don't know. I, I think Probably 34 years ago. I guess. I came out to my friends due to severe stress. And I kind of had a minor breakdown during my year. 11 and everything. Just kind of the shit. The shit did hit the fan a bit, but yeah, who did You came out, came out to three of my best friends and one of my best friends boyfriends. Believe it or not, what was the reaction to that? They didn't actually care. They just thought Oh, OK. Was the what was the What did I say? Really? They just said they're happy for me. And they accepted who I was and didn't actually care at the time. Uh, no, no, I wasn't actually with anyone, but I did. I did see someone, but it wasn't serious, and it ended. So you've So, um, what's it like being bisexual in Napier? It's OK. There are. There are a lot of people, you know that are the same as you. You just, you know, got to look and not be close minded, as you could say. But apart from that, it's all good. Is there a group in Napier? Yeah, there is. The group has it just started from my knowledge of it. It started. I think either beginning of this year or very, very late last year. I think it was memory. Serves me right. I haven't actually asked the co-founder of it. Yeah, I think it actually began in officially began in July. But I think it began earlier this year. I guess so. I'm not so sure. I haven't actually asked the person that actually founded it yet. When did you attend it? I actually joined it because of my best friend who was actually gay at the time. But at the time, Well, who is gay? But I just joined it. This year is to support him. But over time, I actually found the people there to be extremely nice. And as you could say, different from what the other stereotypes? I guess people have for them. When was that? How do you mean? What month? Um, the most Recently I saw them, I think the 21st of September this year. And that was at a dinner function for the group. And there were about 17 of us, I think maybe 18. So it's a small group, but it's progressively getting bigger. It is. It is, um, throughout New Zealand. And we even have a member in America. And I think Germany, um, there's about 100 and 83 of us, I think last time I looked it's just mainly based in Hawkes Bay. Yeah. How many from Hawke's Bay? I think about 100 and 30. So there's quite a bit. And it's open to all ages, isn't it? It's a QS a, isn't it? Yeah. So not just gay people. Bi people, lesbian people. It's open completely to the public. However, the majority of them are LGBTI Q. Yeah. Yeah. So, um, did you have the support about your sexuality? Um, not really. My friends just accepted who I was, and yeah, we've remained open ever since. I don't believe in lying to anyone. But my friends have accepted everything and have seen strong. And even some of them are bisexual. You should bring them around. I can interview them. Help me out. Yeah, I should. But I think Kayla would be a bit unease of being interviewed. And Jacob, I have no idea where he's. I think he's actually in Hastings with his boyfriend. I'm not so sure. My God. See, this is what happens when you don't have phone credit. Oh, So you've been in relationships before? Yes, I have. And flings? Yes. How many relationships have you been in? To be honest, I don't actually count. I try not to stay with a number. I think it's just extremely weird. And I try not to think about thinking about it now. How many do you think? I don't know. I don't want to sound like a slut on the court. I highly doubt that you would sound like a slut. I don't know. Maybe easily. Between 15 to onwards. I don't know. Are they relationships or flings relationships and flings? So that mix in between? Yes, they are. Would you like to tell us about one of your relationships? well, or, uh, going back to when I was younger. I did. I was with somebody for about a few years. I guess two or three years, maybe. And this was during my primary school early intermediate years. I was quite young. Yeah, I was, I don't know about eight, maybe nine when I started. I don't have a relationship when you're eight or nine years ago. Yeah, we got to put a time machine and go back. I actually it feels so long, though. I actually Oh, my God, it does feel so weird and probably makes no sense who never actually heard something like that before. Being in a relationship like it's like puppy love in a way, But being in a relationship when you're eight with another guy, it's like, almost unheard of, but it's amazing. At the same time, it started out as amazing, but we remember when we were young and we did a lot of stupid things, and it did end badly, though, but over time I've I've managed to kind of do the whole forgive and forget thing, but it's just it's just hard to accept that it's actually happened and what's happened And you really can't deny the fact that any of it is false. It's just one of those sad fucking things that have happened, and you kind of have to move on from the fact. But it was a very mixed, wasn't it? Yeah, like it started off good ended badly. Yeah. It went along the lines of kind of like a love triangle thing and just ended in a I love. Yeah. Did he fell? And someone else? No, it was kind of the other way, right? It was to do with me, but for full record, you got to remember we were very young. We were, like, eight and nine, and you know that says, you know, nothing better, but yeah, it's kind of one of I think, one of the most things I do regret in my life, practically when you're eight or nine, the only thing you really think is like, Hello. I have a foot. Exactly. That is exactly what it felt like. But nothing's ever happened with either of them ever since I've actually kind of cut contact from both of them, even though it was, like, 10 years ago. Yeah. Yeah. So, um How do you meet other people in the LGBTI Q community? Um, while we talk mostly on Facebook, Um, there is one person who, ironically, I did start talking to on the wall of the gay a K group. And then we actually rapidly became friends, and I added him, but yeah, apart from that, you just met a lot of people through the website and add them as friends. And you click like that. Have you ever meet anybody from pages like NZDAKANZ dating dot com or manhunt dot com or the whole, um, iPod iPod touch iPhone grinder? No, I haven't met. I seem to be very experienced in this. No, I The only way I met anyone is either through Facebook or probably the street corner street corner. For the record, I'm not a prostitute. It's just Hey, I have to make light humour of myself or otherwise. It just ends tragically. Hey, how much is it? Enough. Welcome to K Road, right? Well, you haven't seen the one on nape yet yet. Oh, dear. I should stop while on my head. I'm kind of belittling the city. I I don't know that if you had a rewrite district. You'd be surprised what happens behind closed doors or bushes, Anyhoo, or at school. What is your definition of virginity or your personal opinion? On what? Everything in general? No virginity? I don't know. It's I think it's just what? Just what everyone thinks of virginity. You know, the first time you have sex. Basically, is that your opinion of it? But it's what I've grown up to believe. But I, I honestly can't answer that question because it's just I have nothing against it. It's just I actually wouldn't know what to say about it. Yes. Do you think it could be more than just a sexual physical thing? Absolutely. I do believe it. It could mean a lot to people. It's just I have a feeling we've kind of been lied to throughout the years of what words actually mean. So I kind of can't really comment or speculate. What is your What do you think it is? I believe it is truly I think it's the first time you fall in love. OK, uh, have you experienced or received any abuse or abusive behaviour because of your sexuality or gender identity? I'm not gonna lie on tape. But, yes, I have a bit, Yes, but you could call it a bit. But yeah, it's It's not what they depict in horror movies or dramas, but it's Yeah, I've had my fair share fair share of shit in the last few years. It's actually been both. Yeah, which one has way more, I think, due to my mental state over the years, it's probably been physical abuse, but it seems to be verbal abuse. That seems to be the domino pattern of my mental state. That just triggers a lot. Well, thank you for the interview. You're welcome. The full transcription of the recording ends. A list of keywords/tags describing the recording follow. These tags contain the correct spellings of names and places which may have been incorrectly spelt earlier in the document. The tags are seperated by a semi-colon: 2010s ; Aotearoa New Zealand ; Gay-OK ; Germany ; God ; Hawkes Bay ; LGBT ; Napier ; People ; Q12 (series) ; Wellington ; abuse ; agenda ; bisexual ; breakdown ; class ; community ; culture ; domestic violence ; dominant ; facebook. com ; family ; fat ; feelings ; film ; friends ; fun ; gay ; gender ; gender identity ; hit ; homophobia ; identity ; knowledge ; lesbian ; love ; masculine ; media ; mental health ; movies ; music ; normal ; other ; podcast ; primary school ; psychology ; rainbow ; relationships ; religion ; school ; sex ; sexuality ; soul ; stereotypes ; stress ; support ; teacher ; time ; touch ; triggers ; verbal abuse ; vice ; violence ; virginity ; website ; writing ; youth. The original recording can be heard at this website https://www.pridenz.com/q12_ryan.html. The master recording is also archived at the Alexander Turnbull Library in Wellington, New Zealand.  For more details visit their website https://tiaki.natlib.govt.nz/#details=ecatalogue.1089333. Please note that this document may contain errors or omissions - you should always refer back to the original recording to confirm content.