The title of this recording is "name withheld 5 - Q12". It was recorded in Auckland, Aotearoa New Zealand on the 15th March 2012. The duration of the recording is 14 minutes, but this may not reflect the actual length of the event. A list of correctly spelt content keywords and tags can be found at the end of this document. A brief description of the recording is: In this podcast name withheld talks about being young and gay in 2012. The content in the recording covers the 2010s decade. A brief summary of the recording is: In this insightful podcast episode from "name withheld 5 - Q12" series, recorded in Auckland, Aotearoa New Zealand, the presenter shares their experiences of being a 20-year-old gay individual navigating life in the early 2010s. With aspirations of becoming an actor, the presenter elaborates on the challenges and societal perceptions they face, including frequently being mistaken for a school-aged child due to having a youthful-sounding voice. Their identity unfolds with revelations about their journey to self-awareness, with the realization of their sexuality at 16 initiating a period of fear and concern over the reactions from family and friends. Despite knowing gay couples within their family circle, the prospect of coming out was daunting and the presenter chose to keep their sexuality a secret until the age of 19. They discuss the contrast between living in a smaller town versus the more liberal atmosphere in Auckland, where they felt more comfortable to be openly gay. The presenter’s coming-out experience is unique, as it was primarily conducted over Facebook, which allowed them to make a wide announcement about their sexuality to friends, family, and their broader social network, circumventing the need for many difficult, face-to-face disclosures. The exception was their mother, to whom the presenter came out via a heartfelt letter. While their mother initially struggled with the news, they ultimately became accepting. The conversation also touches on past relationships, revealing the complexity of a long-term relationship the presenter had with a girl from their teenage years. This relationship ended amicably when they both came to understand and accept their own sexual identities; the presenter’s as gay and their partner as a lesbian. Support systems played an important role in their journey. Friends provided a network of acceptance and assistance, yet family ties were more complicated, especially when it came to distant relatives who were still unaware of the presenter's sexuality. However, they express a hopeful outlook, optimistically anticipating these future conversations. During the interview, various aspects of the presenter’s personal life are discussed - from their living situation and support from youth organizations such as Rainbow Youth, to their interests in skateboarding, art, and animals. Although the presenter alludes to having faced verbal, mental, sexual, and physical abuse related to their gender and sexuality, the details of these instances are not expanded upon in the summary. This episode not only offers a window into the life of a young gay person in New Zealand but also addresses broader themes of identity, sexuality, and the coming-of-age experience. The resilience and optimism of the presenter underscore the profound personal growth and self-acceptance that can be achieved even within the complexities of sexual identity exploration and expression. The full transcription of the recording begins:  Hello. How are you today? I'm good. OK? Can you tell us a little bit about yourself? I'm 20 I'm gay. Living in Auckland, wanting to be an actor. I want to be an actor. I like Shortland, Street actor or movie actor. Like theatre, film and television, if I can Just all of it. So you really are 20? Yes. I'm definitely 20. Because even by a microphone, you actually sound like a 13 year old. I know it sucks. Do you get stopped a lot? Yes, I do. I'm kind of like everyone just thinks I'm a school kid and it's really annoying little school kid. OK, so it's 20. Um, what gender do you identify with male and what? Sexuality? Gay? And what's culture? Um, I'm like Australian, Irish Irish. A little bit kiwi or a little bit? A little bit. Ok, um how old were you when you realised I was 16? 16? So, um, how did you feel when you realised I was terrified? It was this whole new experience with you. I was I mean, like I know I knew a lot of gay couples at the time that were like friends with my family, but just the idea of me coming out as gay was really terrifying. Just the whole coming out thing and everybody what they thought of me and stuff like that just really terrified me. So I didn't actually come out then. But I did realise then did you have any experiences with other guys? Then? I knew that I liked guys very much. I had never been with anyone at that point. But I always knew that I liked guys. So when you realised that you had any fantasies or OK, you don't have to go into detail. No. So, um, when you came to realise that you had, did you feel that you had to keep it a secret for for I kept it a secret until I was, like, 19. So that was pretty recent. Quite recent. Have you lived in Auckland all your life? I've lived in the country like just south of So I've I've been living in Auckland for, like 2. 5 months. So so was it. Did you feel it was a little bit different from living from those two places? Definitely. Like I feel here you can be a bit more openly gay, more openly gay. OK, um, so you have come out of the closet now? Yes. To everyone. To everybody. How did you come out of the closet? Facebook. The general area, like Hey, everyone, I'm gay. Then you just, like, got into the closet, then just came out and say, Hey, I'm gay. I pretty much did it all at once. Did Facebook, my family, my friends, everyone, everyone. So did you tell me about in person? Um, no. Oh, except my mom and my dad works overseas, so I didn't Didn't get to tell him no person through Facebook or email. Yeah, pretty much. So. How did you come out to your mom? I wrote a letter to her in a book, and it was at, like, midnight. I wrote a letter, a five page letter just explaining to her. And then I woke her up. She was really annoyed, and I got her to read it. She was still really annoyed because she wasn't really awake, but yeah, that's how it happens. And I was like I was, like, kind of upset, and it was really awkward, but it happened. And now it's over And how did she feel about it? She was really kind of not sure about all of it for, like, three months. But now she's finally coming to terms with the law, which is really cool. It's just like my mother. In a way, she took, like, three months to just like this is so new. This is a new bed. Wait. Wait a minute. He he's wearing colourful clothes. This isn't different. So, um, what was the general reaction from people? Did you get? I got a really positive reaction and I'm not surprised Reaction as well. A load of people being like I totally knew. And I even had one friend tell me that I was bad at being in the closet. I was like, OK, did you ever have, like, any fake girlfriends just to make people think I sort of, like, tried to make it seem that I like girls for a while there, but I couldn't even force it. It was just kind of like it's not gonna work. Did did the girls know? Or I think some of them Yeah. Did you actually try to do something like try date a girl before you came out or I did date a girl for, like, five years, so wow. Yeah, that lasted a very long time. How old were you? I was, like, 15, 14, 14 when I met her. And she was actually the first person I came out to while we were still in a relationship. And she was actually OK, like she's become a really good friend of mine. Your little fag hag. I'm a little fag, but yeah. Yeah. So what? So did you get upset from the whole thing? Her meal? Well, both of you. She I think she had guessed previously before, and I was obviously very nervous and anxious about the whole thing. And it was really, really rocky reaction for, like, five months. And then it was OK. And then we broke up. Not because of that. Well, partly because of that, obviously, but it was just a very complicated relationship. A straight girl going out with a gay boy. Actually, she's a lesbian. So that's why that's what I mean by complicated. So she was She was actually figuring that out while dating me. So we both sort of figured each other out of dating each other, So it actually worked out pretty well. Oh, that's a new way of looking at it. I'm pretty optimistic. Most of the time. This could be a book how gay boys and lesbians turned out to be gay and strict lesbians. A straight relationship goes wrong. Oh, my God, That's perfect. Yeah. So, um, how did you feel about the whole coming out thing? I felt pretty good about it, because I'm just kind of the person who's like, OK, I'm going to do this, and I just do it. It was just another thing I had to do. So I felt good, and it turned out good. So I didn't get any negative reactions whatsoever apart. Well, not negative, but that little bit of like a I just told my mother kind of thing. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Like, I sort of felt bad about it for my mom. But I couldn't let myself feel bad about that, because it's me. So did you felt during that three months that your mother was coming to terms with it? Did you felt that a little bit stress? Kind of. Well, not stress, but slight tension kind of thing. Yeah, definitely that awkward tension where you feel like there's something to talk about, but they won't talk about it. Did you ever had that? Um, mother son? Kind of, um, conversation? No. No, she's just like she still avoids talking about it, but she's much more acceptant. Yeah. Um, so she's accepted more acceptive. Now, how about your father? My dad's all cool about it. He was just like, OK, that's good. Your boat, That's yeah. My dad is pretty chill about everything. So so are you the only, um, brother? And do you have any siblings or only one? It's just me. The one and only. It's just me. So, um, how about as in, um, cousins or anything like that? They don't actually know yet. They don't know yet because they're like, most of them are in Australia, so it's kind of hard to tell them. I think they'll be fine with it anyway. So no. Won't that wait for a good conversation? When you first see them again? I'm gay or that conversation. So do you have a girlfriend? No. I won't ever have a girlfriend. Do you have a boyfriend? Maybe. Oh, my God. We have a gay in the family. I think we we actually do have, Like, I think there's a lesbian. There's probably a getting in there somewhere. They're pretty queer, friendly in our family. Thankfully. So, um, did you have any support when you come to realising or, um, coming out? Definitely. All my friends were the most supportive. My mom was just too busy dealing with it, but otherwise it was good to just have close friends helping me. So how about for youth organisations? I found out about rainbow use only a few months ago, So And I gave that courage to ring the phone. I spoke to Tommy, spoke to Tom. Yeah. So what was that like? It was good. I'm kind of scared of phones, so that was the biggest problem. You have a phobia phones, not a phobia. I just It just makes me really anxious when I'm talking on the phone. Partly because I hate my voice because I sound a little bit like a 13 year old. Yeah, I have a vibrating phone. Um, have you been in a relationship before with with guys? Yes. I'm like, currently in a relationship with Monty who is in South Carolina who is asexuals aromantic polyamorous. He's a He's like a complicated person. It's rather hard to deal with most of the time, just not having that physical closeness with someone. So I've been kind of thinking about whether or not it's kind of good for me. But he's Polly. I actually have the option of just dating someone else at the same time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So there's Monty and he's my official first. But there were other guys, but I didn't Really It wasn't official. Yeah. OK, um, has you coming out affected your relationship? No. No. OK. Um, obviously, it affected your relationship with your past girlfriend. Obviously, she was It was really difficult for a while, and then we broke up because of that. And because just it was a mess. But now we're good friends. Um how do you meet other guys? Just coming to rainbow use advertisement for rainbow. You come to rainbow for on K Road? Um, yeah. I don't know. I don't really do it on purpose. I just kind of do stuff. And if I meet someone, it's cool. Um, do you go like on any dating sites like into D man grinder kind of thing? No, but I have heard of them. My flatmate is on grinder, and he tells me about it. I'm like, I don't want to go on there. Kirsten, Come on. Come on. You know you want to. Um So do you also meet guys from Facebook as well? Yeah, I have before. I'm kind of like, too shy to say anything. OK, Um so what's your What's OK? This question is difficult for a lot of people because they have their own version, and sometimes they get get a bit awkward explaining it. Um, what's your version of the definition of virginity? Um, that's a hard question. I think virginity is not so much. Maybe not so much a physical thing, but like mentally, you feel like it's been taken or just That's a really strange question, really hard to answer. Actually, it's definitely a mental thing. And obviously, if something's happened to that person that wasn't like, um, consensual, I don't know if it would count to them or not. So, um, are you a virgin? Yes, I am. OK. Um so have you ever experienced any abuse or abusive behaviour because your sexuality or gender. I do. Yes, I have unfortunately, um, both verbally, mentally, sexually and physically. Ok, so are there any other abusive behaviours that have happened? Ok, so, um so do you live in the general area? In the city? Yeah, I live just over there, literally, just over there. But, like, down the road on road or something like that. Close enough. Close enough. It's only just over there. A 10 minute walking. Probably like half an hour, actually. So, um, what are your interests? Personally? Um, I skate long boarding. I want to do acting. I write, play video games. I enjoy a lot of art. Um, do you go to the arch Gallery down on Queen Street or not Queen Street, but near 80? No, um, I play the bass guitar. I love animals. Especially amphibians. Um, that's pretty much it. That's pretty much it. OK, well, thank you for the interview. Thank you. The full transcription of the recording ends. A list of keywords/tags describing the recording follow. These tags contain the correct spellings of names and places which may have been incorrectly spelt earlier in the document. The tags are seperated by a semi-colon: 2010s ; Aotearoa New Zealand ; Auckland ; Australia ; God ; Grindr ; People ; Q12 (series) ; Rainbow Youth ; Stuff ; The Closet ; Youth ; abuse ; acting ; animals ; chill ; closet ; coming out ; conversation ; courage ; culture ; dating ; email ; family ; film ; friends ; gallery ; gay ; gender ; hate ; letter ; love ; normal ; other ; performance ; queen ; queer ; ritual ; romantic ; school ; sexuality ; siblings ; straight ; stress ; support ; tension ; theatre ; time ; video ; video games ; virginity ; voice ; walking ; work ; youth. The original recording can be heard at this website https://www.pridenz.com/q12_name_withheld_5.html. The master recording is also archived at the Alexander Turnbull Library in Wellington, New Zealand.  For more details visit their website https://tiaki.natlib.govt.nz/#details=ecatalogue.1089226. Please note that this document may contain errors or omissions - you should always refer back to the original recording to confirm content.