The title of this recording is "name withheld 3 - Q12". It was recorded in Auckland, Aotearoa New Zealand on the 22nd February 2012. The duration of the recording is 16 minutes, but this may not reflect the actual length of the event. A list of correctly spelt content keywords and tags can be found at the end of this document. A brief description of the recording is: In this podcast name withheld talks about being young and lesbian in 2012. The content in the recording covers the 2010s decade. A brief summary of the recording is: The podcast, "name withheld 3 - Q12," recorded in Auckland, Aotearoa New Zealand, presents an in-depth and personal discussion about the experience of a young individual identifying as lesbian in 2012. At the age of 18, the interviewee shares insights into their life as a facilitator at Rainbow Youth, an organization supporting LGBTQ+ youth. The individual highlights the journey of self-realization that began around the age of 15, developing through intense friendships that were initially perceived as phases but later understood as indicators of their lesbian identity. Despite embracing this identity, the individual faced internal conflicts due to their religious background and external challenges stemming from societal views on sexuality. Considering the intersection of faith and sexuality, they discuss the difficulties encountered in reconciling personal beliefs with the negative and condemning messages from others regarding sexual orientation. These external stigmas contribute to the struggle that many face within religious communities, particularly when being told that their orientation is something that should or can be changed. Despite the comfort found in friendship and acceptance within school and with certain friends, the individual's family remains unaware of their sexuality due to the family's deep religious beliefs. The subject recounts a particularly intense moment with their mother, which involved a confrontation spurred by the discovery of an earring associated with the LGBTQ+ community. Dialogue about the hopes and aspirations for marriage and children highlights the restrictive legal landscape of the time, which did not yet allow for same-sex marriage in New Zealand, as well as the familial expectations of a conventional heterosexual life, including marriage and children. The concept of labels and feminism is touched upon when discussing how the individual perceives themselves and responds to societal categories. The individual identifies as a strong feminist, expressing frustration with the portrayal of issues such as rape in the media and a desire to challenge gender-based injustice. Discussing personal relationships, the interviewee reveals a cautious approach to dating, influenced by religious considerations and personal standards which suggest waiting for a significant commitment before entering a relationship. This carefulness is also reflected in their views on sexuality and virginity, where they uphold traditional definitions and express a desire for meaningful connection before engaging in sexual activity. The impact of homophobia is also evident from the narrative, as they encounter hate speech both verbally and in the form of graffiti, which they actively seek to counteract, although these efforts can sometimes seem futile in the face of persistent hostility. Overall, the podcast offers an intimate glimpse into the complexities of navigating sexuality, acceptance, and identity within a diverse socio-cultural and religious context as a young person in the 2010s. The audio recording provides a personal account that reflects broader themes of coming out, family dynamics, feminism, homophobia, and the search for authenticity within one's own cultural and religious framework. The full transcription of the recording begins:  So we have this anonymous person here. How old are you? I'm 18 years old, OK? Can you tell us a little bit about yourself? Um well, I live a little bit north of Auckland, and I'm currently a facilitator for Rainbow Youth. I've known I was a lesbian for a few years now since I was about 15. Um, yeah. OK, Um what gender do you identify with female? And what culture do you identify with New Zealand? European and your sexuality? Lesbian. Very lesbian. What do you like to be called as a die? OK, that's an interesting question. I I I don't actually really mind like I don't really like the toll dyke thing or the whole fame thing, So I think it changes every day. I know that sounds like really, really weird, but it does. Yeah. Um, and your way Are you like a feminist? Oh, I I'm a total feminist. Like, unbelievably, I get so angry when I see things on TV or just things in general. They just make me so angry. Like whenever, like the subject of rape comes up or on in the newspapers or on a like a movie theme or something. It's just It really ruins it for me, because I It gets me really angry down these news. Why do they have just sort of real life situations? Oh, God, I know. It's awful. Ok, um when did you realise that you were a lesbian? I would say in my early teens, um, it sort of started off with obsessions, like I called them obsessions when I'd be Really it was a phase. It wasn't It wasn't a phase, but I'd be into one of my friends for, like, a really long time. And it it didn't really I didn't identify as being lesbian then. Then I thought it was just like I liked my friend. But I was like that for so long, and then eventually you sort of figure it out. But up until then, I hadn't so well, how did you feel when you realised that you had to feel like, Oh, my God. I had to keep it a secret. Yeah, Yeah, I did. Um, I was lucky enough to sort of have someone to come out with sort of thing. So we went to the youth group together, which was another nerve wracking experience. Um, but it it was good to have someone to talk to. But as far as family and friends and things that I, I did keep it quiet for a long time. And when I was out, it wasn't because of my own doing, did you? How did you feel? Emotionally? Um, I I'm quite a religious person, so obviously I have struggled, and still sometimes do struggle about it. Um, especially when there's so many people out there who are saying things, even though they sort of have no right to when you know, like you're going to hell or things like that. And even just like your own personal relationship with God, you've got to try and figure it out. Like why? Why would I have been made this way if he didn't want it or something? And then the people who say that we have to try and not be gay, which I just never really understood, but it it's had its fair share of struggles. So are you currently in the closet at the moment? Um, with my family? Yes. With my friends? No. And with the rest of the whole school. No, that wasn't really up to me, though. That complicated there. Yeah, um, I was outed by my friends, and things go like crazy fast as soon as they get into As soon as a few people knows, Pretty much everyone knows, Um, I didn't have a bad time of it, though. Things were really good. Everyone was accepting. So, um, why are you out to your family? Only I'm not out to my sorry. Sorry. Why are you out to your friends? Only because my family are really religious. And they they are. They are of the opinion that you have to have lived a little bit before. You would be able to know, Like at one point, Mom sort of saw that I was in the youth group page on Facebook and saw that I was wearing sort of. I had a rainbow earring, which was, like, my favourite earring of all time. And I wore it in my right ear and everything, and it was really, really great. Um, but she found out about it and she got really angry and sort of said, If you come back when you if you come back when you're 25 you say that you're gay, then we'll support you. But if not, then you honestly have to live a little before you can say that you are. Do you think they think it's just a little phase to go through? I think they do. Um, at the moment it's II. I do keep everything really quiet around them. They think I'm probably over it, but when I'm 25 they might get a bit of a surprise. Um, there's a theory that parents don't accept their Children to being their sexuality because they think that they have an ideal child of them being straight, having them or being a little bit about themselves. Do you believe in that theory? I think I do. Um, I think one of the main things for my mom is like getting married and having Children like she doesn't think that you can be happy if you don't. So I think it's also partially her thinking that I can't be happy being gay because I want. I somehow wouldn't be able to get married and wouldn't be able to have Children. Would you want to have Children or be married when you're older, when I'm older? Potentially I haven't even thought about it, you know, get a girlfriend first, then maybe even not now. Yeah, it's not even legal yet. Well, we have civil unions at the moment. Yeah, Yeah, I want to get married. Damn it. Just go to Canada. Yeah, Yeah. On New York. Oh, yes. New York or California now. Oh, that's good. Yeah. And like I think it's Spain. Sweden, I think South Africa as well. Ok, I want to go to Africa. I'll get married in Africa, South Africa, not Africa. South Africa is an African. It's a different continent. Africa is a continent. Yeah, but not South Africa. South Africa is a country. Yeah, that's right. We're getting off. We're getting off topic here. Um, where was I, Um how did you feel? Um, when, um from how did you feel with the reactions that you've got from when you came out of the closet for my friends? They were amazing. Um, well, most of them were, You know, they they asked so many questions. And now it sort of seems to be the defining thing that we ever talk about. So whenever we hang out, it's not like Oh, do you know what these people are doing or this or that. It's all like what's happening with you and your parents and what it seems to be an intense issue for them. And I don't know. I miss talking about normal things, but it's like as far as that goes, it's fine. My parents' reaction, as in my mom's sort of semi reaction to a rainbow earring, which wasn't even me coming out at that point, she we were in the car and she was. She started crying and yelling and screaming at me, and she was driving the car and like, swerving all over the road like about to crash like crying. And she was, Oh, like I should take you out of your all girls school and send you to live with your Nana like, And I was sort of thinking, Well, that's not gonna like change anything, you know? Um, so and then I was like, Look, Mom just pull over. So we pulled over on the side of the road and she's still yelling and screaming and crying, and she was really upset about it, which it made me upset, and I didn't. I like putting conversations like that off and just have it sort of forced on you like that to talk about it and the way she was. Like, you don't like girls, do you? You know, like you just don't like, like, for me. It's like you don't like boys, do you? Oh, come on. Look at that girl over there. And you're just like, No, no, no, no. But just the way she said it, it made it made me feel like I couldn't be like, Yeah, actually, I do a lot like she just made it sound like she was like, really? It was just, like, a surprise to her or something, like, Oh, you're not interested in girls, are you? And I was just like, uh, II. I don't don't know, Like, I sort of said generic answers at that point, but a non committed noncommittal answers. So, um, with you, uh, with your little friends group, you've been practically forced as centre of attention kind of thing when they talk about your sexuality, right? Yes. In a way, um, I sort of have moved groups and not not because of that. Just hanging out with a bit cooler people now you could, you could say, moved on like my original group. It was like the hugest deal because they'd sort of known me when I was straight like No, no, no. Like, they've they've sort of grown up with me and sort of always seen me as being straight. So to be not straight was a huge change for them. So that became, like, the big sort of deal. And whenever we talked, it would be about that sort of thing or it just just all these little things. Um but with my new group of friends, I sort of moved into the group being out. So it's not a big deal for them at all. Like, I saw some of my friends on the way here at Queen Street, and I was like, They're like, What are you doing? And I said, Oh, I'm just being interviewed by my friend. They go, What for? I was like, Oh, some gay documentary. And, um yeah, and they were just fine with it and just sort of carried on it. It's It's different. Yeah, where they like. Wow, you got to be on the document. Yeah, they were. They were really like impressed. They're like, Oh, I've never been asked to be interviewed for anything. They were, like, really upset because they think they're never going to get jobs because they've never had interviews. Sure, I brought them around. I go interview with them next. Oh, OK, I should have. Oh, well, text them. Text them now. Now they're on their way home. Depressing, but OK, um, did you get any support or did Do you have any support? Um, not from my friends or from my family. I know that sounds strange, but the girl who I sort of did come out with, as in who was a really good friend of mine at the time We went to a queer youth group together, and that was really good. Um, we we met a lot of people through that. A lot of people through our own school as well, So we were all sort of connected through that. And whenever I have an issue or anything that I need to talk to someone about, I talk to one of them, which is sort of where I get my sort of support from and then in return, I'm always there for them if they've got anything they want to talk about, but just just things that you feel like you can't talk about with your straight friends because most of them just don't get it. Yeah, OK, now for the more personal questions. Have you ever been in a relationship before? Not a proper relationship, not a proper. Are you currently in a relationship? Not in the current relationship. Um, is there a reason why I'm extremely picky when it comes to people like I I'm not sure if it's like a religious thing, because I know a lot of people like no sex before marriage. I'm probably sort of like no relationship until you're sure that you almost want to marry the person. I know. That sounds like really extreme. Um um, I'm going to start university soon, which will probably give me a bigger portal for meeting people through. But I'm I'm not sort of a combination of not knowing enough people and being really picky, picky, really picky. Yes. Um, is does you being out to your friends and not out to your family affects the way that you want to be in a relationship with someone I don't think so. I think if I was in a relationship, I would be open with my family about it. And I would also be open with my friends about it because it wouldn't really be fair on the other person unless they were also in the same the same situation. It wouldn't be fair to sort of not acknowledge them as being important to you. To the people who are also important to you, I think. Ok, uh, how do you meet other people? So how do you meet other people? Mainly through the Queer Youth Group, which, um, I've become more involved with. So now I facilitate it, and because of that, we get to meet more often and meet other people from other regional groups. And also, I'm not sure really how. But gay people really get to know each other just even though there's, like, sort of minimal contact, whether it's just random people, sort of adding you on Facebook or just like in the street, someone will just come up to you and be like hi, like even if they just recognise your haircut, I think, or something I'm not even I'm not even sure it doesn't happen to me anymore now that I've got long hair. But people always used to come up and talk to me when I had short hair. Yeah, I was just noticed. Um, when I was looking out for it, I was like, Wait, is that Is that her? No, it can't be. Her hair is not long enough really fast. I'm thinking of cutting it off again. Not completely. Oh, no, no, no, no. Just just cut it short like it was in the beginning. Ok, um, another personal question. Are you a virgin? Yes, I am a virgin. Ok, Is that is there a reason why or are you first of all because I haven't really been in a relationship yet. Um, which I think you sort of should be if you're going to have sex with someone, um, casual sex with people you don't know. Generally, it doesn't stick in my mind as something that I'd like to do. Um, yeah, that's probably the only reason. And our question is, what do you think defies virginity or virgin? OK, this is also a hard question because some people that I know would say that you can define virginity, but some things obviously are Virginity. And some things obviously aren't. Um, yeah. I don't know how to, like, put that. Um I think I'm pretty mainstream with the general. Sort of. I'm mainstream with my definitions of sex I. I wouldn't say anything that wasn't sex wasn't sex. And if it's sex, I will be like that is sex. There's nothing. Nothing doesn't fit in either of the categories. Um, have you experienced any abusive or abusive behaviour because of your sexuality or gender identity? Um, sometimes in the street, people have, you know, they have called things, or I know this sounds really sort of petty, but even just in graffiti, you know, when you you see, I think in Browns Bay at the moment there's a certain bench and it's got faggots must die. Um, dirty queers, all sort of things like that. And every time I see them, I get by a vivid from and I scribbled it out and I write no hate. And the next time I come back, no hate has been scribbled out, and it's been written bigger. So it it it it's it's around. I might not have felt the full extent of it like other people have, but it's definitely there, and it's mhm. OK, And, um, do you have any last comments or would you like me to ask you a question that is relevant or not? Um, no, I'm I'm fine. If there's anything else you'd like to ask, you can. Uh no, that's it. Thank you for the interview. That's all right. Thank you. The full transcription of the recording ends. A list of keywords/tags describing the recording follow. These tags contain the correct spellings of names and places which may have been incorrectly spelt earlier in the document. The tags are seperated by a semi-colon: 2010s ; Africa ; Aotearoa New Zealand ; Auckland ; California ; Canada ; God ; People ; Q12 (series) ; Rainbow Youth ; South Africa ; Spain ; Sweden ; The Closet ; Youth ; change ; children ; closet ; coming out ; crying ; culture ; documentary ; facilitator ; family ; feminism ; forum ; friends ; gay ; gender ; gender identity ; graffiti ; hair ; hate ; hell ; homophobia ; identity ; labels ; lesbian ; mainstream ; marriage ; news ; newspapers ; normal ; other ; parents ; queer ; quiz ; rainbow ; rape ; religion ; school ; sex ; sexuality ; straight ; struggle ; support ; time ; unions ; university ; virginity ; work ; youth ; youth group. The original recording can be heard at this website https://www.pridenz.com/q12_name_withheld_3.html. The master recording is also archived at the Alexander Turnbull Library in Wellington, New Zealand.  For more details visit their website https://tiaki.natlib.govt.nz/#details=ecatalogue.1089216. Please note that this document may contain errors or omissions - you should always refer back to the original recording to confirm content.