Alienation From The Family (Press, 15 December 1988)

Felix Donnelly, the director of the Youthlink Trust, has been highlighting the increasing social and emotional problems faced by younger generations in New Zealand. Since establishing residential homes for needy youth in 1971, he observed a significant shift in the average age of referral from 19 years to just 14 by 1987. Conversations with school guidance counsellors revealed that young children are experiencing heightened emotional issues, and many parents feel overwhelmed and unsure how to help their troubled adolescents. Donnelly, a Catholic priest with a doctorate in community health, has written a book titled "The World Upside Down," expressing his concerns about rapid social, economic, and racial changes in New Zealand over the past decade. He identifies family discord, violence, and economic hardships, including low wages and unemployment, as central factors contributing to societal unhappiness. He emphasises the importance of parental control and open communication within families, advocating for consistency in parenting, where positive behaviours are acknowledged and consequences for negative behaviours are fairly addressed. He warns against physical punishment and advocates for understanding the underlying reasons behind a child's anger or troublesome behaviour, which may stem from various forms of trauma or familial issues. He critiques disciplinary practices in some Pacific Island communities, stating that violence has become culturally acceptable and that church leaders should rethink their stances to better support community members’ adjustment to New Zealand society. Donnelly notes that a significant number of children in the Youthlink Trust care have experienced family dislocation, attributing this to the modern trend of fragmented families. He stresses the need for men to be more emotionally literate, claiming that men often derive emotional satisfaction from work rather than family, which complicates familial relationships. He believes that society's upbringing of males, which often lacks affectionate physical contact and leans towards aggression, contributes to cycles of violence. In terms of communication between parents and adolescents, Donnelly encourages a non-judgmental approach, suggesting that young people are often reasonable when provided with proper information. He believes that communication skills should be emphasised in schools and that training programs for marriage and parenting should be developed to ensure future generations can navigate relationships successfully. Donnelly highlights that many youths in the care of the Youthlink Trust suffer from learning difficulties, yet they show potential when given supportive educational opportunities. He advocates for a system that recognises and nurtures their self-confidence through remedial education. His book, "The World Upside Down," published by Penguin, aims to shed light on these pressing social issues.

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