Homosexual's Wife Tells Her Story After 10 Years,... (Press, 16 May 1985)

is, and how it affects families. Angela, a Christchurch woman, shares her story of shock and adjustment after her husband, Brian, came out as gay after over ten years of marriage. They had a seemingly normal life, raising two children, but tension had been building for years. Angela became increasingly aware of Brian's close relationship with a male friend and his lack of sexual interest in her. A pivotal moment came when they watched the film "Making Love," which revolved around a gay man in a heterosexual marriage. Following the film, Brian ultimately admitted to Angela that he had strong attractions to men. While Brian expressed his love for her and their children, the revelation shattered Angela’s sense of security and identity. She described feeling betrayed, as if her womanhood had been invalidated, and struggled with the emotions that followed. While Brian pursued support from a Christian gay group, Angela sought counselling to deal with her feelings of loss and confusion. Brian's coming out led to a protracted, emotionally charged period in their marriage, during which Angela found herself feeling increasingly isolated and unsupported. She noted a lack of resources for women in her situation, comparing her experience to that of wives of alcoholics, who at least have support networks. As Brian sought to explore his identity while remaining part of the family unit, the strain became unbearable for Angela. Ultimately, she issued him an ultimatum leading to his departure from the family. Despite the emotional upheaval, Angela expressed concern for her husband and the difficulties he faced. She also felt a profound sense of loss and betrayal, grappling with feelings of unfairness. As she began to rebuild her life and walk through her grief, Angela highlighted the need for support networks for women finding themselves in similar situations. She acknowledged the difficulty in discussing such issues with friends and family, who often withdraw rather than offer support or understanding. Angela’s hope is to establish a support group for women affected by such revelations, recognising the deep and often isolating impact that the coming out of a husband can have on family dynamics. She seeks to foster a more supportive community for those in similar situations, ensuring that they do not feel alone in their experiences.

The text on this page is created, in the most part, using Generative AI and so may contain errors or omissions. It is supplied to you without guarantee or warranty of correctness. If you find an error or would like to make a content suggestion please get in contact

The text on this page is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 New Zealand