Cheeking The Progress Off The Male Of The Species (Press, 12 December 1983)

In her article published on 12 December 1983, Helen Brown reflects on her experiences at dinner parties, particularly her observations of male behaviour in conversation. She notes that while she appreciates men, she finds them to be emotionally solitary figures, often balancing their egos on shaky foundations. Traditionally, women assumed the role of providing emotional support to men, alleviating their stresses related to work, marriage, and family life. However, Brown argues that women today are pursuing their own aspirations and interests, which has shifted the dynamic of male-female relationships. Brown observes that while men have made some progress in sharing household and child-rearing responsibilities, their conversational skills remain underdeveloped. She points out that many men still prefer to dominate discussions by imparting information, whether it be about wine, horticulture, or the significance of their careers, requiring women to play the role of interested listener. This pattern leaves little room for reciprocal conversation, with men typically not asking questions that invite further dialogue. She critiques both genders, suggesting that women have opted for passive listening rather than actively engaging in conversations, thereby surrendering a form of power. Brown highlights the reluctance among women to share their opinions in male-dominated settings due to fears of appearing frivolous or overbearing. She contrasts the nature of conversations among women—characterised by mutual interest and engagement—with those among men, which often lack depth and variety. An exception to her observations occurred when a man unexpectedly asked her about her childhood, leaving her momentarily speechless. However, when she ventured to share her thoughts, the man's disinterest suggested a disconnect. Brown elaborates that men may feel more at ease with one another but often maintain a guarded attitude, fearing that any display of closeness might be misconstrued as a sign of homosexuality. She frames her critique within the context of Kiwi male attitudes, referencing Prime Minister Dave Lange's use of "poofter" as an insult, which exemplifies the negative connotations surrounding male intimacy. Brown concludes with a humorous reflection, wishing that men would abandon outdated notions of masculinity, as epitomised by figures like Tarzan, who, despite their rugged appeal, fail to contribute meaningfully to domestic life and conversation.

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