A Place For Children In A Homosexual Home? (Press, 21 June 1975)

In June 1975, Dianne, a lesbian mother living with her partner Wendy in Christchurch, shared her experiences of being a voting woman while navigating the challenges of motherhood and her sexual orientation. Dianne, who had previously been married at 16, had two children, a boy and a girl, aged seven and four. Her marriage was troubled, as her husband struggled with alcoholism and infidelity, leading to significant unhappiness for the family. After meeting Wendy, Dianne initially resisted acknowledging her feelings for her partner, desiring instead to conform to the image of an ordinary, married woman. However, she eventually accepted her love for Wendy and they embarked on a life together. They contemplated contesting custody of Dianne's children but were advised against it by their lawyer, who noted the lack of precedent for a lesbian mother winning custody while living with another woman. The couple chose to focus on providing support for the children rather than pursuing legal confrontation. Dianne maintains visiting rights and travels to Auckland during school holidays to see her children. Although her ex-husband has legal custody, Dianne believes that if he were to pass away, the children would revert to her care. Dianne finds it ironic that had she and Wendy not formed a household together, she might have been more likely to retain custody. Interestingly, her ex-husband has remarried and has developed a positive relationship with Dianne, with both families meeting amicably. Their children acknowledge Wendy as "Aunty Wendy," integrating her into their lives despite the unconventional family structure. Dianne and Wendy reflect on the initial bitterness they faced but recognise that the situation has improved. Dianne, while only able to visit her children, finds comfort in knowing that they are thriving in a happy environment with their stepmother. Wendy expresses her guilt over the circumstances but acknowledges that Dianne's ex-husband and his wife have created a loving home for the children. Both women believe that despite their children's current living situation, they would have thrived in a dual-mother household as well and highlight that children do not simply become homosexual due to their upbringing. They argue that their relationship would not prevent children from growing up as well-adjusted individuals. Dianne and Wendy, both from conventional heterosexual backgrounds, are clear that sexual orientation is innate and cannot be altered by circumstance. Moreover, the couple expresses a desire to adopt children, sharing that many childless lesbian women at a recent convention echoed this wish. Wendy, a trained children’s nurse, asserts that they could provide a loving and supportive home, filled with love, money, and security.

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