This transcript has been lightly edited for clarity
Wai Ho: So, I'm at the Rainbow Youth Offices in Auckland, with Kira. Hi Kira.
Kira: Hi.
Wai: So, you live in Auckland and you grew up in Auckland?
Kira: Yes. I was born in Otahuhu, Middlemore [hospital], as a male. Now I'm a 17 year old transfemale, transwoman – MTF. I came out two years ago and started using Kira at the start of last year. I got my name changed a few weeks ago. Yeah, that's it.
Wai: Did you pick the name Kira yourself or did you already have that?
Kira: I picked it myself. I just saw it one day when I was growing up, when I was about eight or nine. I was reading this book and the main character was called Kari, which is a change, an anagram of my name.
Wai: Was it a really big decision for you to transition?
Kira: Well, there wasn't a decision, really, for me transitioning. It was the fact that from a very young age I was a girl and I was born a boy, so it wasn't the fact of transitioning, it was telling everyone.
Wai: So, you've always known that you're a girl.
Kira: Yeah.
Wai: And what did you say to people when they told you you were a boy?
Kira: Basically, when I was young and my parents kind of dismissed it and just thought it was me doing normal stuff – well, not normal, but kind of me just kidding around – and they didn't realize how serious it was. I dropped the subject from about 10 to 15 and just went to Dilworth, which is an all-boy's school, not telling them. And then just before my 16th birthday I told them.
Wai: And what was their reaction like?
Kira: Well, there was a few minutes of silence, but mum took it pretty well. Dad, on the other hand, was a bit disappointed and he was blaming himself and everything. And the fact is that we didn't have a strong relationship, so he thought that was to blame. Then he went into the denial phase of it, and it took about two or three months but he came around and he's supportive of me now.
Wai: And did you talk while he was kind of coming around, or did you just give him some space?
Kira: I encouraged him a bit, but I basically left him to it, just giving him the odd nudge here and there and just putting out hints. So, when I was talking about myself I would use he or she, then I would use she instead of he, because just to reiterate it. Like, when I would talk to him I referred to myself as his daughter and stuff, just subtle hints.
Wai: And your mum was sweet as, pretty much from the get-go?
Kira: Yeah.
Wai: Had she kind of always known? I guess if you've always known....
Kira: She knew something wasn't right, but she didn't know what. She had no idea of what was different about me, but she knew I wasn't like my brothers.
Wai: How many brothers do you have?
Kira: I've got two; one older and one younger, and they both have autism as well. I've got a tiny bit of it, but not as much as them. My little brother is non-verbal.
Wai: And your older brother, did you tell him when you told your mum and dad?
Kira: I told him when I saw him next, which was like a couple weeks after me telling them. Well, actually I told my mum first, then my dad, because they don't live together.
Wai: Oh, okay.
Kira: Yeah, separated.
Wai: Yeah. And your brother was good? Did he say anything?
Kira: No. Again, it took just him getting used to the fact. It wasn't more of a resistance as him just [being] so used to knowing me as he and Matthew and his brother, that it just took a while for it to click in, but after that no sweat at all.
Wai: And what was going on for you when you were 16 that made you say something to mum and dad?
Kira: Well, I was finding going to Dilworth, which is an all-boy's boarding school, just got to the point where I couldn't deal with it anymore. I was really low at the time, but then I decided, right, I've left it long enough, and if they don't believe me now they're never going to believe me, was kind of the attitude that I took.
Wai: And did you tell anyone at school, or did you decide and you're, like, I'll see you later?
Kira: Everyone at school knows now, but at the time I just left.
Wai: You're not at the same school?
Kira: No, I dropped out of school because last year I tried to go back to school but they weren't so helpful with the fact that my legal name was still Matthew, and they weren't willing for me to be in female clothing because I was year 12 and they didn't want to stir up a reaction for just the year and then me going to mufti. But that didn't sit well with me. So, I tried to deal with school and it didn't work out, so then in June I tried to do correspondence school but I was too far behind in the year, so I had to give up that.
Wai: Someone was telling me, do you also do karate?
Kira: Yes, I do karate.
Wai: Have you always done karate?
Kira: No, I started in 2007 when I was still at Dilworth. I was finding it hard, and mum thought, because I was having a hard time there, karate would be a good escape for me because I wasn't too good with team sports at Dilworth. And that kept me active and gave an excuse for me to go out and stay home on Wednesday nights, do karate, and then train back in on Thursday mornings.
Wai: Yeah. And do you still do karate now?
Kira: I have taken a break from it, but yes, I still do karate.
Wai: Do you compete in it or is it more just sort of a training thing for you?
Kira: I train and I have competed, but kata only, which is non-contact, and I'm not allowed to do the kumite, which is meant to still be non-contact, but...
Wai: There's a risk of contact.
Kira: Yeah, there always is in kumite.
Wai: So, do you enjoy competing, or is it just that it's fun but you're taking a break?
Kira: I enjoy competing and training and everything, but I'm much better at kumite, and I enjoy kumite more than I do kata at the competitive stage in tournament. I came 5th in the world cup of green to red belts, and I was green belt in the male divisions.
Wai: Whoa! That's pretty flash. And so was the world comps here or did you have to go abroad to compete?
Kira: I had to go to Melbourne to compete. Yeah, it was Melbourne in 2009, August, and I went with my mum, as well. She competes.
Wai: She competes as well?
Kira: Yeah.
Wai: Cool! And did she get any prizes?
Kira: No. It's very....
Wai: [laughing] Just you.
Kira: I didn't get a prize for getting 5th, that's just what I got.
Wai: Where you placed.
Kira: Yeah. Mum got 4th in her kumite, and hers was a substantially bigger division. She had 30 in hers, and I had just over 15 or 16.
Wai: And you were saying that you've got a little bit of autism. How does that affect you?
Kira: Yeah. It makes being transgendered and the process that much harder, but it just means that I have to change my thinking and my insight on how I see things, and to put them into something that my brain can understand. My brain sees more black and white than the gray, so I just change what I see into something that's more black and white and more definitive. Like, for transitioning you never know when; it's a process and there's no set time for that, but then I say that I'm going to do this today and tomorrow I'm going to do that, and just do little increments like that.
Wai: So you've kind of had to learn about how, or you've had to sort out for yourself, I guess, how to be trans for yourself. Have you had to kind of teach other people about that, as well?
Kira: A lot of people I've had to teach.
Wai: So what do they ask you or what do you say to them?
Kira: I just tell them what they need to know, in the best way I can, my interpretation of everything.
Wai: And do you find that lots of people understand autism or understand what that's all about, or is it, again, something that you have to educate people about?
Kira: People have a lot more of a clue about autism than they do about transgender, and people don't question my autism.
Wai: But they question you being trans?
Kira: Well, they don't question me in that, as such: you're not female, or stuff. But it's like: How can you see yourself as transgendered? You were born a boy; therefore you should be a boy for the rest of your life.
Wai: Have you found that that's an attitude that lots of other people in the queer community have, or is it people outside of that?
Kira: It's usually the straight community, or the other people that take offense to me, and particularly, parents of children are wary of me now.
Wai: Hm. Is that a bit tricky? What does that feel like?
Kira: I just shrug it off. It's their problem that they find offense with me, it's not my fault. I'm just being me.
Wai: How did you come into contact with Rainbow Youth or any of the groups?
Kira: My psychiatrist and psychologist at Whirinaki said something about Rainbow Youth and told me about Tommy, and then I came here and talked to Tommy about it. He explained a lot to me about stuff that I couldn't comprehend at the time, because the specialist that was seeing me for it wasn't too... he'd never had someone before. He only had the guidance of a colleague to oversee it, but he was new to it so he couldn't give me exact information, but Tommy talked me through it.
Wai: So is it kind of lots of practical things or did you have quite a few questions?
Kira: It was more that the process has no certain length of time. It's not like in a year's time you go on hormones and all that. It's everyone at their own pace.
Wai: And were you really keen to meet other trans women or other trans people after meeting Tommy or did you already know lots of trans people before that?
Kira: I knew a couple, but I didn't know too many. I came along to the transgendered group they have at Rainbow Youth, which was once called Gender Quest, which is now GIQ, or Gender Identity Quest, and from there I met a lot of trans people. I didn't intentionally go out to seek trans people, but it just happened that I met lots of new people and they just happened to be trans.
Wai: Was it really nice meeting them, or were you just a bit ho-hum, cool, or whatever?
Kira: It was nice to see some people that were more ahead in the process than me, and that they could talk me through it, because most of the information about trans community is still held with trans people and not these so-called experts that we have to go to. There is a lot of educating that we have to do of them.
Wai: Are they getting any better, or is it still pretty backwards and annoying?
Kira: Well, it's whoever you meet – whichever doctor you meet.
Wai: So, a little bit of a lucky dip.
Kira: Yeah. And if you don't get a doctor, or whoever, that has dealt with trans before, you just teach them and help them understand it. And I don't see it as much as a problem because that means that's one person, if another trans person comes along and needs a doctor, I know that doctor has been taught and knows at least one person that's been trans.
Wai: Do you find that being a trans woman, lots of people, either queer or straight, get being trans, like, get gender really mixed up with sexual orientation?
Kira: Yes. And even on forms it's very muddled up, but I guess it's because society doesn't really grasp the difference between gender and sex – gender being what you choose to be, or what's in your head, and sex as what you've been born as.
Wai: Yeah, and so do lots of straight people, or anyone, I guess, assume that because you're a woman you're going to like men? Is there still that kind of stuff that goes on or not so much?
Kira: Yes, usually it's quite often thought that, but for me that's not what I feel, and I just tell everyone who asks, because a lot of straight people ask me – well, queer people, as well – if I'm straight, or what I consider myself as. But I have heard that a partner of the trans person gets even more ridicule than the actual trans person.
Wai: Whoa!
Kira: Mm-hm. Quite often. It usually happens to the trans person, but like if I found a girlfriend and she was serious, she'd have to come to my psychiatry, to all my assessment for when I get signed up for surgery and stuff, and then they spend longer on questioning the partner than the actual trans person.
Wai: Wow! Really?
Kira: Well sometimes.
Wai: Yeah. Why do you think that is? What's that about?
Kira: Well just because they have to live with it, probably.
Wai: And have you experienced a lot of transphobia?
Kira: Yes, I have, but I feel more people... it's them assuming that maybe I'm gay, a gay male dressing as a female, so wearing feminine clothing. They assume that, and then they see, and then they are more homophobic than transphobic.
Wai: So there's quite a lot of crossover with homophobia and transphobia. So, is it mostly assumptions, or have you ever been worried about your safety, or is it mostly just the everyday, wear-you-down kind of stuff?
Kira: Yeah, it's more of that, and I know that if someone ever came at me I could hold my ground, so I don't feel a lack of safety. There are certain things that I won't do, but that's more that I wouldn't do it because it's what most people won't do, like walk around the streets, anyway, at 2:00 in the morning with no one knowing where you are and with no one with you – being alone. That kind of thing I wouldn't do, but I don't feel that because I'm trans I'm under any extra attacks, or my safety doesn't feel any more breached than if I wasn't trans.
Wai: Do you still go along to GIQ?
Kira: Yeah, I do. I've been going for over a year.
Wai: And do you do other community stuff, or other queer/trans community stuff, or is it mainly just GIQ?
Kira: I go to the gay group, the Generation Queer, or GQ group, that meets every second Friday here, which is good. It's for under 18's that are queer, gay, lesbian, bisexual, questioning, anyone can just come and be in a safe place and meet.
Wai: And what are your plans for the next few months or the rest of the year?
Kira: Just going on my transition, and then also keep up my karate and keep training, and go to my foundation course and get what I need so I can do a nursing certificate and get into nursing.
Wai: Have you always wanted to do nursing?
Kira: I've always wanted to be in medicine, but my choices are limited now because I left school and need NCEA level credits to get into med school and to get into pre-med, but it seems that there's no place, apart from school, which can get you there. But nursing is available to me so I'll do that.
Wai: What would you like to see change in schools? Not just your old school, but schools in general?
Kira: Getting rid of single-sex schools because that was a big thing for me. I went to a single-sex school, so the only thing you can be there is male. If it was coed, it might have meant I could have stayed at Dilworth.
And being able to make a unisex uniform; if they won't allow you to wear the opposite gender's uniform, at least have a unisex option.
Wai: And what about wider society? What are some changes that you'd like to see it go through?
Kira: Just more education of people, and also it's ironic how they say trans [people], I, have got gender dysphoria. It's a severe mental illness they call it, but yet, it takes cosmetic surgery to change it. I don't know of too many other things that can be cured up with cosmetic surgery.
[laughter]
Wai: So do you feel like it shouldn't be in there, or is it just quite an odd thing that's in there?
Kira: It's just how they've labeled it. They've labeled it as something real big, and yet it's cosmetic surgery, and you have to pay for the surgery yourself because it's not insured, but then you have to go through this whole process. Because it's a massive surgery, you have to go through so much to get it. You have to have people sign you off and make sure you're stable.
Wai: What would you say to parents who, I guess, suspect that their child is trans, or even if you have a friend and you think that they might be trans? What are some advices or good things to do to support them?
Kira: Well, just put them as normal, even if you know that they're trans, if they're not ready to come out they won't come out, so if it's a he, born an MTF, use he, and when they're ready for you to start using she, use she, and just be more open to the fact of transgender and be accepting of it.
Wai: Do you get quite a lot out of being involved in trans or queer communities?
Kira: Yeah. There's a lot of support out there.
Wai: Have you found that really useful for you?
Kira: Yeah. If it wasn't for their support it would be really hard because going through the transition you need someone there, if it's family or a partner or just people from the queer community supporting you and being able to tell you that you're doing a good job and being able to keep you on track, because it's not really the transition that's hard, it's more of when you start to get wobbles in life, that's when it kicks in and you start getting down and it just accelerates the spiral.
Wai: Why do you think that people who aren't trans, or straight people or anyone who has a problem with it, find it really difficult to come to terms with it? What do you think that it is?
Kira: Probably it's because they've never been exposed to it, or they don't believe it happens, and it's basically either ignorance or them not knowing or wanting to accept it.
Wai: Do you have any last words of advice or support for any other young trans people coming to terms and accepting who they are?
Kira: Well, take it at your own pace. That's the best thing. There's no set of rules that you have to follow and no criteria that you have to match up to. You can just be yourself and take it at your own pace, and everyone's different.
Wai: Cool. Thanks heaps, Kira!
Transcript by cyberscrivener.com