2008: Karen Ritchie places a name on the Tree of Remembrance Over the years I have surrounded myself with wonderful people living with HIV... sharing their life experiences, not to pity or patronize, just knowing it could so easily have been me. As I drive to Auckland's St Matthew's in-the-City I feel my heart racing with anxiety. Entering the church I look around, realising that everyone else is probably feeling the same, but all are there for the same reason: to remember those who have passed on. We mix and mingle then sit ready for the service to start. I don’t seem to ever remember the first few minutes. My inner emotions start to come to the surface. But then slowly I settle and hear every word. Brave people sharing their life stories sometimes for the first time publicly. People shedding tears, having their own inner fears, feeling pain for where their life has taken them, but feeling safe to be able to do this as most people for this one night are all feeling a sense of loss. The Candlelight Memorial at St Matthew's Church is the perfect place of remembrance. Over the years there has been beautiful singing from the GALS choir, wonderful dancing and singing from the African dance group, Pacific dancing and our own drag show from Buckwheat and friends who give all they have in remembrance of all those we have lost. The lighting of the candles has always been an emotional time as I remember those that I knew who lost their lives. And I reflect on those people I didn’t know but who in the early years never had a chance as life-giving medication was not available. I remember how the stigma from ignorant or bigoted people in the early years towards those who had HIV/AIDS was cruel; how support only came from those very close. Even today in 2010 there is still some stigma around having the virus. We must all take a stand on stopping that stigma. HIV does not discriminate. It doesn’t care what sexuality, age, color or culture you are, anyone can contract the virus if we are sexually active. The only way to be safe from this virus is to use condoms. This Sunday night, in Auckland, Wellington or Christchurch, on Bluff Hill or anywhere in the country, is a night for us all to give ourselves permission to feel what ever it is that we want to feel. If someone beside you is struggling with emotion give a kind word or a soft touch of comfort as this is a night of coming together. - Karen Ritchie is the founder and co-trustee of the Cartier Bereavement Trust. Karen Ritchie - 11th May 2010