Simon Leary as Bottom Boy BE WARNED: If you're after a docudrama about San Francisco in the 1970s, go out and hire MILK on DVD. If you're looking for a fairy tail, maybe click onto NZD. But, if you're looking for a little bit of both and wanting almost nonstop laughter book now at for the last performances of Goldilocks and the Three Queers at BATS in Wellington. Goldilocks and the Three Queers minces us back 40 years to a dank flat in San Francisco and the family home of the Queers. Happily enough, Mama Queer, Bottom Boy and Papa Queer bear no resemblance to the super straight (and sacrine) Brady Bunch - that other 1970s quintessential American family. The plot is simple enough. While Bottom Boy (Simon Leary) awaits his 18th birthday (US age of consent) to be relived of his anal virginity, the family home is invaded not once, but three times by Goldilocks (Brownwen Pattison) one of Jesus' foot soldier, who is hell bent on exposing the family's evil ways. To cope, MTF Mama Queer (Martíne Gray) consumes copious amounts of cocaine, liquor, various pills and brownies while Papa Queer (Roger Johnson) receives prophetic messages for another god about the future of his Queer family and the family of Queers. Ling Ling (Chris Tse) is the family's nasty upstairs neighbour and land lady/lord who grounds the entire show by demanding back rent from the hapless Queers. Easy peasy right? All this proved difficult for the heterocentric Wellington theatre reviewers/bloggers. It seems they sat silently in their seats scribbling away only to go home and attempt to define New Zealand gay theatre and/or and to dismiss Goldilocks as “OTT Camp”. They somehow forgot to have a good time. Under Director Adam Donald, Short Term Parking presents cohesive and hard-working ensemble of performers. Musician Tane Upjohn-Beatson sits Stage Right and blasts out one great tune after another. Did I say there were two very fabulous original songs? And dance? The expertise Bronwen Pattison brought to the research, design and construction of the many 1970s costumes in Goldilocks is seldom seen at BATS. With so many costume changes the show works like a runway and is worth the ticket price alone. Tony Richardson - 23rd April 2010