The moment he is ordained and elevated before his adoring accolytes (this morning in South Auckland) "Bishop" Brian Tamaki launches a new website, modestly named after himself. Make a strong cuppa, take a deep breath and I'll guide you through the freakish world of www.bishoptamaki.org.nz. Just the headlines alone are ghastly enough: New Zealand, A Nation Under Siege! State of Emergency! Social Disaster has Struck Our Nation! A Government Gone Evil! A Radical Homosexual Agenda! The Media- A Modern Day Witchcraft! The Retreat of Religion in New Zealand! We are getting through to him, though. I spotted obvious sweat on his forehead in his publicity photo on the homepage. Anyway, what does he mean by all these shreiking headlines? Obligingly, he included a Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ) page, so I checked out his 'rationale' (sic) for goosestepping through the country, as he intends to do over the next few months. Again, courtesy of the Bishop of Bling, we list below the venues where he is going to express himself. In other words, yes, it is more of the same old homophobic stance in the service of personal political gain and ambitions. The 'State of Emergency' refers to an alleged proliferation of 'immoral laws' and a 'social crisis.' Such as? That's right, the usual suspects - the decriminalisation of sex work, civil union laws, state-funded reassignment surgery and adolescent reproductive freedom, ad nauseum. Why is this government 'evil?' Apparently, its members decline to swear on the Bible! And Ashraf Choudhary swore his loyalty on the Qu'ran! Yes, he is a Muslim, Brian. Contrary to his puppet party leader, disgraced ex-policeman Richard Lewis, Tamaki attacks Clark and Brash, and not even Peter Dunne is good enough for him. Why, Dunne voted for homosexual law reform, and passage of the Relationships Act! What's more, he even gave the Clark administration confidence and supply during the current parliamentary term. Labour promotes secular humanism, relativism and philosophical pluralism. That's right, Brian, it's called 'democracy.' "The Christian religion must prevail over all other religions!" Excuse me? What about NZ's Bill of Rights' religious freedom clauses? The Human Rights Act 1993? Our international treaty obligations related to religious freedom? And inevitably, he gets back to us, eventually. When the Civil Union Act was passed, two male MPs kissed in Parliament! We celebrated the passage of that legislation in a parliamentary hall. And to think this all started with homosexual law reform, despite the massive (-ly fraudulent) petition against it back in the mid-eighties. In December 2004, the Civil Union Act was passed despite the existence of an orchestrated letter blitz from unrepresentative conservative Christian pressure groups which had nothing substantive to say. But wait, there's more! State subsidised reassignment surgery! A gender identity anti-discrimination bill! Decriminalisation of sex work! Reproductive freedom! Wait a minute. Transwomen are not gay men, they have had, or intend to have, corrective surgery to address a perceived problem with an annoying unwanted dangly bit of their anatomy. And gay men don't make women pregnant, unless planned for the purposes of giving lesbian mates of ours a chance at parenthood, so since when are we responsible for contraceptive failure and abortions in this country...?! Moving right along, why are mainstream media 'a modern day witchcraft?' Predictably, Tamaki still gets all twisted and bitter about the poor reception of his blackshirted Nuremberg-esque "Enough is Enough" rally back in August 2004. From that, he swerves to attack sex on television, and the existence of gay cartoon characters. Leave our Spongebob alone, you bully! Moreover, Tamaki believes that fundamentalist Christian religious beliefs must be imposed and the people of Gaaard should make the rules based on biblical principles! In other words, he wants to recriminalise homosexuality and sex work, and he makes spurious references to numbers of "Christians" that bear no relationship whatsoever to demographic reality, courtesy of the Census of Populations and Dwellings 2001. These show that while no religious observance is the fastest growing belief category, mainstream non-fundamentalist Anglicanism is still the largest denomination in New Zealand. Moreover, while Christianity is declining, apart from Catholicism and Greek and Russian Orthodoxy and Pentecostalism, it is the case that Buddhism, Islam, Hinduism and Wicca are all growing, due to East and South Asian immigration to New Zealand, and adolescent preferences for antiauthoritarian, postmodernist religious belief. I'm afraid the Bishop of Bling is headed for a pratfall. However, it should be noted that one Maori academic doesn't think so. This person argues that Maori media coverage of Destiny Church isn't as critical, and regards him as an authentic spokesperson. Compared to that, Takataapui's welcome half-hour presentation is insufficient balance to counter his vitriol. Could our takataapui and whakawahine readers therefore alert the Broadcasting Standards Authority through its complaints procedure if they see anything out of place? Anyway, to sum up, here are some useful websites and reference materials to consult to debate the issue with the Bishop of Bling, if he ventures into your territory. Bishop of Bling Itinerary: Nation Under Siege Tour, June-July 2005: AUCKLAND Monday 11 July 2005 - 7.30pm Mt Albert Community Centre 773 New North Road Tuesday 12 July 2005 - 7.30pm Mangere Community Hall 241 Kirkbridge Road Wednesday 13 July 2005 - 7.30pm Otahuhu Town Hall 10 High Street Thursday 14 July 2005 - 7.30pm The Trust Stadium 65-67 Central Drive - Henderson Saturday 16 July 2005 - 7.30pm Pakuranga Community Hall 346 Pakuranga Road HAMILTON Friday 24 June - 7.30pm Kingsgate Hotel 100 Garnett Ave, Te Rapa TOKOROA Tuesday 21 June 2005 - 7.30pm Tokoroa High School ROTORUA Wednesday 22 June 2005 - 7.30pm Rotorua Boys High School Pukuatua Street TAURANGA Thursday 23 June 2005 - 7.30pm Holy Trinity Anglican Church Cnr Devonport Rd