Last week I came out to a cool cousin who needed to know I'm gay because my partner and I will be staying with him at Easter. He was quite ok with it but asked "Which one of you is the girl? It floored me so I changed the subject! Help! - Nathan, Auckland Jim comments: First, don't be so sensitive. Comments like that are absurd of course, but not necessary mean spirited. Many people have an uninformed view of what a gay relationship is like and going silent doesn't do anything to enlighten them. I think the best response to that would be to first made a humorous comment: "I'm the girl in the am and he's the girl in the pm, but then on alternate weeks we switch." After having a laugh just say: "You know it doesn't really work that way." If he wants more information he'll ask. Jacquie comments: I think it is great that your cousin was so cool and accepting, it shows we are winning the acceptance battle after so long. His question is not one you should be worried about but rather recognize that it is part of the campy stereotyping from past days. Talk to your cousin about his comment and explain to him about Gay relationships and the diversity therein. Explain to your cousin you are a gay man not a girl and also explain to him that most gay male relationships are made up of two men being men for men. Then give him a big kiss that should stop any more embarrassing questions. - 14th March 2005