I work part-time nights at a supermarket as a shelf stacker. I suppose its obvious that I'm gay but I'm getting pissed off with sly little digs about my sexuality dressed up as "jokes". I don't feel like it's bad enough for me to make a formal complaint about it and our night-time supervisor is a lightweight in the hierarchy but I want to be left alone. How should I deal with this shit? - Mark, Hastings Jim comments: Try this: the next time someone makes a joke that you find offensive look them right in the eye. Without anger or sarcasm tell them how you feel. I'd suggest this: "I'm sure you think this is funny. And we all like to laugh. But do you know that sometimes humour can be painful to other people? And some of what you say is hurtful to me. I'm sure you don't mean to be intentionally cruel but what you say hurts. And no decent human being wants to do that to someone else. Since I'm sure you are a decent individual I'm sure you didn't mean to do that and now that you know you'll be a little more thoughtful before making jokes at the expense of others. Thanks" In this way you've not accused them of anything. You acknowledge that they could be mean unintentionally and you have said they are a decent individual who would never do this intentionally. If they have not thought about it before this will cause them to think. If they were joking and thought it was funny it makes them aware. If they continue doing it you have indicated how cruel they are to their audience (since the joke is presumably told to others with you present). That may cause their audience to stop laughing as well and without an audience bullies usually stop. Then if he/she continues, take the matter to a supervisor and tell them you asked the individual/s to stop and they didn't. - Jim Jacquie comments: Sexual harassment is unwelcome sexual conduct which makes a person feel offended, humiliated and/or intimidated where that reaction is reasonable in the circumstances. Sexual harassment in the workplace can take various forms. It can involve unwelcome touching, hugging or kissing; suggestive comments or jokes; unwanted invitations to go out on dates or requests for sex; insults based on your sex or sexuality, explicit emails, and the list goes on. It is obvious that you see these comments/jokes as nasty to you. That then makes your work place a hostile environment. Definitely bring it to your manager's attention, that's what they are there for. This supervisor sounds like a right smart arse and needs to be taught a lesson. His / her behaviour will, given time, escalate and get worse if you don't act. If you don't want to involve management at this point have strong words with the supervisor concerned. Tell him / her that you are unhappy and will be keeping a diary; times dates etc of any further breaches, and if there are any, you will bring a claim for sexual harassment. I don't think you will have any more trouble, A little story about someone I know who was experiencing a form of sexual harassment in the supermarket where he works; this lad was given a girls name by a supervisor who thought he was gay. It got to the point where this new name was put on the roster by the supervisor as a put down joke. However the joke backfired as the lad did not turn up to work for the three days he was rostered. When the manager chipped him for not notifying he was not going to attend his job, he quietly answered: - sorry it was Hayley that was rostered on, my name is Harry. - Jacquie GayNZ.com - 21st February 2005