The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse While reading a recent book on fundamentalist end of the world obsessives, I was amused to discover that one prominent huckster thinks the Antichrist is gay. And not just any apocalyptic fundamentalist huckster, either, for Tim La Haye is author of the Christian pulp Left Behind series of potboilers and prequels. However, as Nick Guyatt tells us, LaHaye is also author of The Unhappy Gays (1978), while his wife Beverly is founder of the Christian Right antifeminist Concerned Women for America, most of whose spokespeople seem to be male. According to Guyatt, LaHaye based his earlier volume on "counselling" fundamentalist gay church members, asking San Diego zookeepers about 'gay animals', only to be told there weren't any gay higher primates. Moreover, he went undercover in a brown floral print shirt and white PVC safari suit with silver clasps, creating a vocabulary of gay lingo thirty years past. So, how does someone 'go gay?" According to LaHaye, it's simple. There's a predisposition toward gayness, multiplied by gay sex itself, added to positive impressions of homosexuality, multiplied by more gay sex, and include the inevitable dominant mum and self-pleasure in some undefined manner. I'm not sure whether this is an advance on his later book, The Rising, in which the Antichrist is born from the spliced DNA of two gay men, or not. Be that as it may, according to LaHaye, we should be kept out of office and kept away from teaching children. Ah, but straight rapists should be allowed to teach in girls schools. Ugh! Worse still, because we have a propensity toward violent crimes and sadism, that'll increase (Tim, meet Paul Cameron...). Oh, and according to the last page of The Unhappy Gays, there's an international gay network who are exerting international pressure to facilitate the global rise of LGBT rights. But that's not all. Even if the Old Testament Book of Daniel's apocalyptic section is a posthumous stitch job hastily tacked onto that biblical book, Daniel 11:37 suggests that the Antichrist may not have regard for the "desire of women." Yes folks, the Antichrist may well be gay, although he may also be addicted to self-pleasure, because that also makes one go gay. You see, in LaHayeWorld, evil 'secular humanists' believe "they" must eradicate all religious presence in the public sphere, so this means textbooks that support neo-Darwinian evolutionary theory, safe sex lessons, and the use of SWAT teams against high school kids who distribute creationist pamphlets in the playground. Tut tut. If they wanted them "properly" indoctrinated, why not send them to fundamentalist private schools? But wait, there's one final proof. You see, Guyatt's UK distributor is Ebury Press... also publishers of Julian Clary's devilishly funny Murder Most Fab! Recommended: Nicholas Guyatt: Have A Nice Doomsday: London: Ebury Press: 2007. Tim LaHaye: The Unhappy Gays: Wheaton: Tyndale Press: 1978. Amy Frykholm: Rapture Culture: Left Behind in Evangelical America: Oxford University Press: 2004. Craig Young - 1st October 2007