Thirty-seven percent of women and 14% of men responding to the Lavender Islands national survey of lesbian, gay, and bisexual people report having some kind of parenting relationship with children. 13.8% of women and 5.8% of men parent at least one child who has lived with them, and 4.1% of respondents parent at least one child who does not live with them. Almost 18% of respondents to report having at least one child before they identified as lesbian, gay or bisexual, and 11.6% reported having at least one child after they so identified themselves. A majority of gay parents report no problems related to being parents, although the largest number of reported problems related to their children's school. Significantly more women than men reported parenting children both before and after they came to understand themselves as lesbian/gay. Over 56% of respondents reported that their children had not been disadvantaged in any way because of their parents' sexuality. However, 20.1% of respondents said that there had been problems at school. 6.9% reported problems at clubs or sport, and 5.1% reported problems with health care providers. Only 1.2% reported problems with friends, although 10.1% reported problems in other areas. One respondent wrote, “Society has made my children worried that kids at school will find out.” One respondent who was also an education student said the issue was not addressed in her lectures, and she was told to avoid discussing the problem so that other parents did not complain that homosexuality was being discussed in school. Twenty-eight percent of respondents said that they had felt pressured by someone to have children. Women were significantly likely more than men to say that having a child was important to them, although both women and men responded that having a child was no more than “somewhat” important to them (3.16 out of 7 for men, 4.03 out of 7 for women). Women were also significantly more likely than men to say that having children is part of a person's identity in New Zealand, although neither women nor men felt that it was more than “sometimes” a part of their identity (4.11 out of 7 for women, 3.69 out of 7 for men). One respondent wrote, “My partner and I do not have children and we occasionally receive subtle comments from family members or others that we (and other gay people) are not pulling our weight, or that our lifestyle is selfish in that we are not contributing to the raising of children.” Lesbian, gay and bisexual parents report a variety of responses to their sexual identity among their children. These concerns were largely centred on children's reactions or children's fears about other people finding out about the parent's sexual identity. Respondents' concerns including estranged relationships with their children, children's anxiety about the reactions of parents of friends, and children's discomfort about disclosing a parent's sexual identity to their own partners. Some parents reported that there had been no problems yet, but anticipated problems in the future. However, one respondent noted, “the advantages outweigh the disadvantages by far.” Another wrote “Bringing up my children is the most important thing I will ever do in my whole life.” Respondents reported an array of parenting relationships with children, including joint custody arrangements with former heterosexual partners, current heterosexual marriages with children, solo parenting, joint parenting with a current same-sex partner, conceiving children with other gay men and lesbians, co-parenting children with other same-sex couples, whangai and fostering relationships, adopting in and adopting out children. Some respondents reported resistance from agencies when they attempted to adopt children. Some lesbians reported having birthed children as a result of rape or prostitution. Challenges to lesbian and gay parents do not come exclusively from heterosexuals. “Even within Lesbian/Gay communities there is discrimination. As a lesbian with a male child [I have found that] attitudes are not always welcoming, ” wrote a respondent. Several respondents reported problems in the court system, child protection agencies, and their own families of origin. Some respondents reported that their families of origin had gone to some lengths to attempt to remove children from the custody of lesbian/gay parents. “She even had a doctor, who was also a member of her church write an affidavit stating that [my son] was being harmed by our relationship.” A total of 2,269 valid responses were received to the Lavender Islands survey, which was conducted from 28 April to 15 July of this year. For more information contact: Mark Henrickson, Project Leader of the study at 414-0800 extn 9050, or M.Henrickson@massey.ac.nz Mark Henrickson - 1st September 2004