Yes, I'm afraid that this article is about the Australian federal elections. At present, the 'west island' may be about to be held captive by some rather peculiar characters in its House of Representatives and Senate. Let's explore these in turn. Some of the incumbents are relatively sane political parties. As is the case in New Zealand, the Australian Greens represent evidence-based environmental science. The Nick Xenophon Team is based in South Australia and is opposed to gambling, but advocates stronger government support for manufacturers and farmers. According to its website, it supports marriage equality. Some concern has been expressed about one of NXT's candidates and problematic past relationships with One Nation. Unfortunately, that's where sanity ends in the Senate. Beyond this dwell inhabitants of a land of confusion. The Family First Party is the political vehicle of the Pentecostal fundamentalist Assemblies of God, founded in 2001. As for the Christian Democratic Party, it needs no introduction. It was voted into the New South Wales Legislative Council in 1981 and has varied from two to three Members of the Legislative Council. Its most prominent figure is fundamentalist minister Fred Nile, who is antigay, antiabortion and antifeminist. The Christian Democratic Party and Family First Party don't get on too well together, as they tend to cannibalise each other's voter share. They're not the only odd characters in the Australian Senate. Take Bob Katter, head of the modestly named "Katter's Australian Party", founded in 2011. Bob Katter perenially wears a large cowboy hat, opposes carbon taxes, supports reducing the power of grocery chains to more modest market shares, opposes privatisation, supports purchasing Australian products above all others, supports use of Australian steel on construction projects, support for the domestic Australian ethanol industry, support new dam construction and agricultural access to irrigation water, better road and rail infrastructure, improved biosecurity regulations, and unfortunately opposes marriage equality. Katter is a redneck, and has made anti-immigrant racist statements and opposes sensible gun control laws, such as those that the Howard administration enacted after the Port Arthur shooting tragedy in Tasmania. However, according to Australian media outlets, Turnbull has managed to negotiate a confidence and supply agreement with the former National Party of Australia MP. And then there's Pauline Hanson. Aged 62, Hanson was born in Ipswich, Queensland. She used to operate a fish and chips shop and married Mark Hanson, a roofer and plumber, before becoming an Ipswich Councillor. Losing that local authority seat, she then stood for the Australian House of Representatives in the federal Queensland seat of Oxley, before being ejected from the Liberal Party when they realised what an extremist she was. In 1997, she founded the One Nation party. Charitably, it has been called populist, socially conservative and anti-multiculturalist. In the late nineties, the party campaigned for zero immigration, an end to Australian multicultural policies, the disestablishment of the Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Commission, an end to Aboriginal native title, economic protectionism and curtailment of foreign investment whose dividends flowed overseas, opposed privatisation, competition policy and GST, while proposing a rural-based bank to provide loans to small businesses and farmers at economic risk. It was also opposed to Australian UN membership, wanted repudiation of its UN and other overseas treaties, an end to Australian foreign aid and foreign ownership of Australian land. Predictably, Queensland embraced its retrograde daughter and even awarded it eleven seats at its 1998 state election. At that point, things started to go wrong for the far right party. It won seats in the New South Wales Legislative Council, but One Nation New South Wales then broke away from its federal parent over the incompatibility of NSW One Nation leader David Oldfield with Hanson. At this point too, the amateurism of One Nation Queensland politicians began to erode its voter share across Australia, and seat redesign and preferential vote redirection meant that fortunately, Hanson lost Oxley at the next Australian federal election in 2002. At this point, organisational instability, unsubstantiated scandals about 'fraudulent' election spending and supporter dissension damaged One Nation Queensland, leading to Hanson's own expulsion from the party she had founded five years beforehand. Following her release from Queensland prison, Hanson stood for New South Wales Legislative Council and a Queensland federal Senate position, but failed. In 2007, she founded the United Australia Party. In 2010, she dissolved the party and stated a desire to immigrate to the United Kingdom, at which neofascist British National Party leader Nick Griffin was reportedly overjoyed. Fortunately for the United Kingdom but unfortunately for Australia, she decided against doing so in November 2010. She then rejoined One Nation in 2013. In 2014, she became One Nation leader once more, and stood for the Australian Senate in 2016 in her native Queensland. Sadly, this time, she won. Uncharacteristically, she is pro-choice when it comes to abortion rights, and may even support marriage equality! However, the same may not be true for other members of her ghastly party. Members of neofascist Australian organisations like the Citizens Electoral Council and the Australian League of Rights were attracted to One Nation from its inception and may have undertaken entryist tactics. This might explain the instability that engulfed her party in the late nineties, although it may just be political amateurism and poor organisational schools. The Australian League of Rights enjoys considerable support amogngst fundamentalist Christians in Australia, although its New Zealand branch closed a decade ago. Still, there's one positive side to these shenanigans. According to the Australian Broadcasting Corporation(ABC) News(04.07.2016), it may be the case that Hanson's anti-racist drag impersonator Simon Hunt (aka Pauline Pantsdown) may sashay down the streets once more. Simon Hunt is the son of David Hunt, a New South Wales High Court judge. As Pauline, Hunt released two hit songs, "I don't like it," and "Backdoor Man." Hanson has no sense of humour and sued Hunt unsuccessfully for alleging that she was a ...gay man?! Hunt later did 'dag drag' and impersonated John Howard in 2004 due to the latter's refusal to apologise to Australian Aborigines over historic injustices. When Howard was finally defeated in 2007, Hunt hung up his frocks, but has hinted he may return to parody the far right Australian political fixture. Why can't someone do that to Winston over here? At present, the Coalition appears to be edging toward a slow-motion election victory, having won confidence and supply from the right-wing Katter's Australian Party as postal ballots are counted. Unlike New Zealand, where the Greens are the chief beneficiary from such ballots, in Australia it is elderly voters, who seem to vote for the Liberal/National Coalition. Recommended: Kristian Silva "Election 2016: Pauline Pantsdown creator considering comeback" ABC News: 04.07.2016:http://www.abc. net.au/news/2016-07-03/ election-2016:-pauline- pantsdown-creator-considering- comeback/7565890 Pauline Pantsdown: "I Don't Like It":https://www.youtube.com/ watch?v=D4tZRZSGxcE Pauline Pantsdown: "Backdoor Man:https://www.youtube.com/ watch?v=jPlhz2iX_0k Archived Pauline Pantsdown website:https://web.archive. org/web/20110218120541/http:// www.pantsdown.wild.net.au/ Nick Xenophon Team:http://www.NXT.org.au Wikipedia/Nick Xenophon:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ Nick_Xenophon Wikipedia/Bob Katter:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ Bob_Katter Wikipedia/Pauline Hanson:http://en.wikipedia.org/ Pauline_Hanson James Massola, Peter Martin and Wade: "Federal Election Results 2016: Malcolm Turnbull fights to form majority government as AEC Count continues: The Age: 08.07.2016:http://www.theage. com.au/federal-politics/ federal-election-2016/federal- election-results-2016-malcolm- turnbull-fights-to-form- majority-goverment-as-aec- count-continues-20160707- gq162u.html Not Recommended: Katters Australian Party:http://www. kattersaustralianparty.com.au Pauline Hanson's One Nation:http://www.onenation.com.au Pauline Hanson website:http://www.paulinehanson.com. au Family First Party:http://www.familyfirst.org.au Craig Young - 8th July 2016