Thu 26 Feb 2015 In: Our Communities View at Wayback View at NDHA
A Different Conversation Mal Green, organiser Paul Martin, Psychologist Maya Newell, film maker Fa’anana Efeso Collins, Pasifika leader Rev Aliitasi Salesa, HOD Life and Faith, Wesley College The queer communities have a history of engagement in ‘different conversations’ and I’ve engaged in more than my share. This one is seriously different, however, because this is between an organisation that has its kaupapa in Pentecostal and Evangelical Christianity on one side of the divide and LGBTIQ families on the other – not necessarily bosom buddies in the recent, nor the far distant, past. The day and a half workshop/forum was put together by Mal Green of Incedo, an organisation known as Youth for Christ in a previous incarnation. The Incedo website says ‘change, while sometimes painful, needs to be welcomed’ and they’re sure having an authoritative bash at it. Further, ‘A Different Conversation’ is tagged as ‘a ministry forum on authenticity, pastoral care, biblical faithfulness, and same sex attraction’ and, while sincerely welcoming the invitation to attend and participate with my family I won’t deny I was more than a tad sceptical. In retrospect it felt like I was ‘sleeping with the enemy’ but Green also insists that ‘safe and respectful’ is the order of the day for all parties and so it proved to be. We were even given a sliver of paper with respectful ways to ask questions such as “begin with ‘I’m really curious about … ‘” and, while this initially seemed a bit silly, it certainly set the tone. ‘A Different Conversation’ is part of an ongoing series of discussions and, if the others are as positive and supportive as this one, they’ll all be great and extraordinary outcomes may be the consequence. Rather than attempting to change the hearts and minds of communities in one hit, ‘A Different Conversation’ aims to achieve this same result but one person at a time. The Sapphire Room at Ponsonby Central is the venue, just a few metres from Ponsonby Road from where, occasionally, the sounds of the Auckland Pride Parade set up filtered through. Maya Newell The advertising promoted the event as an opportunity to ‘come together to listen to the multi-cultural voices of children with LGBTIQ parents’. Guests from Australia, we are told, will include Maya Newell, producer of a feature film ‘Gayby Baby’ and a television documentary ‘Growing up Gayby’, and Paul Martin, a highly respected, gay clinical psychologist who has worked with gaybies in his practice. Also featuring we are informed are The Reverend Ali'itasi Salesa and Fa'anana Efeso Collins whose job is to share a Samoan Christian perspective. Then it’s my team, and we’re described as ‘a transgender and lesbian wife and wife and their straight young son’ and we will, apparently, talk about our experiences. The workshop began on the Friday evening. It was a low-key opening with Malcolm Green welcoming the 25 – 30 people present who were presented with a few ground rules regarding communication. Mal, the epitome of the ‘back room boy’ in that he habitually shuns the limelight, gave a brief introduction and handed over to MC Glenn. Glenn shared his mihi and, in turn, gave the floor to psychologist Paul Martin who outlined his own complex journey as the son of deeply religious parents, a young man who was same-sex attracted but who had been in seriously denial for much of his young life. His journey through, and out the other end, of the ex-gay movement was both fascinating and moving. Following this was a showing of Maya Newell’s excellent 30 minute documentary ‘Growing up Gayby’ which featured interviews with a number of same sex parents and their children. It’s a charming doco which includes some very telling moments not the least of which is Newell’s forthright interview with Rev Fred Nile. Nile, a minister with the Congregational Church of Australia, has described homosexuality as a ‘mental disorder’, calls homosexuality a ‘lifestyle choice that is immoral, unnatural and abnormal’ and is a long-time critic of the Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras which he describes as a ‘public parade of immorality and blasphemy’. Newell asks him about his family, and in particular his relationship with his father, and he is surprisingly frank. Newell, the child of lesbian mothers, she asks Nile his views on her situation and he surprisingly backs off, shamefaced, and says ‘well you have your opinions and I have mine’. It’s an excellent documentary and a great way to segue into the conversation about queer families. It’s worth noting that, on the day of the Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras, Fred Nile always prays for rain. As Newell told us this, the skies opened and it absolutely bucketed down while less than a block away the final touches were added to Auckland’s Pride Parade. It was as though we’d channelled Nile and he was here to rain on our wee tootle down Ponsonby Road but, in years to come, I suspect history will remind us that rain was the very least of Auckland Pride’s 2015 concerns. I have to say that a feature of both days was the excellent food and the ample opportunity to talk, meet new people and share the kai. Saturday opened with the same brief karakia used the previous evening and, even as a non-Christian, I found the use of the words chosen to be most appropriate for the occasion. Paul Martin expanded on his talk from the previous evening and included much that was helpful about his practice, his work at the interface of LGBTIQ and people of faith and his relationship with his evangelical (and rather delightful) mother. There was much talk about research, what’s good and what’s not, and I was enormously impressed by Martin’s capacity to engage with the difficult issues – and, let’s face it, there are plenty of them. Next up were the Matheson family in a Q Lexie Matheson - 26th February 2015