Picture: Dee-licious Clothes We’ve been declared the second-most gay friendly place in the world, which is nice, but just how much does it reflect reality? Lonely Planet ranks New Zealand second, behind Copenhagen, in terms of being inclusive and progressive. It points to our world-leading ‘Gay/Lesbian Friendly’ accommodation listing system, the gay and lesbian homestay network, and the passage of marriage equality laws. The ranking has prompted a mixed reaction, so we asked lgbti Kiwis to weigh in … What’s your favourite thing about being lgbti in NZ? “That a vast majority of New Zealanders really don't give a toss if you’re gay, there is far more to be getting on with and that is the Kiwi attitude in my view” – Ben. “Feeling part of a community that has fought hard to make NZ the most gay friendly place!” – Geno. “Just being me a lesbian and being treated just like anyone else, having the same rights” – Jude. “The fact that homophobic people are considered to be the weird ones by the majority of NZers!” – Jake. “Feeling unjudged and being able to live life unbothered by others on the most part here” - Sam. “I love that I can walk down the road holding my girlfriend’s hand without the fear of being bashed for it. I grew up in a small town in Australia where this was not possible” – Kelly. “I can now get married, and I’m wayyy less likely to be killed for being gay than in other countries,” - Briar. How gay friendly are we? “I have had no problems here as well and when I did come out it got said to me about time bro u came out” – Tania. “Apart from that terrible incident of discrimination [Pilgrim Planet case], I have had absolutely no one being fazed by my sexuality. What a great country we live in!” - Jane. “I didn't appreciate how much NZ is until I moved to Brisbane. NZ has such a great culture, missing it so much!!” - Kristy. “Growing up in small towns within NZ I found people extremely accepting. Obviously you get the smart comments from young guys (jealousy issues I think) but overall I've never been discriminated against, I never lost any friends and the only people that have judged me have been Christian family members. I think NZ is a very accepting place for our community,” - Laura. “If you go elsewhere in the world, then you can appreciate that hard as it can be to be lgbti here in New Zealand, we are actually a lot more accepting than many other places. Also it is a lot easier to be gay in New Zealand now than when I came out more than 20 years ago. There were still so many inequalities that were fighting for back then … and l like that my two children have never been teased at school for having two mums. They have answered lots of curious questions but have had no bullying ever. It may be the liberal town we live in and school we have chosen for them, but I believe society has changed a lot in the past few decades” – Moira. And yet: “I've experienced homophobia in the work place, name calling from kids, speedy comments from guys as I walk past bars with girls, money offers to watch us kiss or for a threesome, disgusting sexual comments (albeit usually from drunk guys in bars) … I'm not sure if it’s actually worse here or that I'm just more aware of it. I moved from England four years ago” - Beth. “It would depend where and how you grew up. I grew up in a place called Clive in Hawke’s Bay which, 20 years ago, was a pretty small close knit community. I also was raised in a Catholic family so being gay wasn't exactly an encouraged thing. Most of my life I was teased, bullied, and outcast and I felt like there was something really, really wrong with me so I hid it for years. "It wasn't until I was 17 and had my first girlfriend that I started to accept that it is a part of me that I can't change and that I shouldn't hide it because even if for every 100 people who don't accept it there is only one person who does, that one person is one whom I can let into my life and can build a friendship or relationship with and be happy, whilst those other hundred walk straight on by and out of my life and don't even matter,” Trey. “One of the reasons I left Auckland was how anti-gay it was... even in the gay community there. If you weren't just the right type of gay, it was aggressively exclusionary” - Denni. “I was bullied all through school including being pushed down some stairs. I was thrown out of home. I experienced 'corrective rape'. I've been punched out by a guy who wanted a shot with my girlfriend. I've been discriminated against at work. On the plus side my daughter is out at school and hasn't experienced any of the hate I did at her age for it. Maybe things are looking up and changing for the better. I don't think a few nice features for tourists means it's gay friendly overall though. Those fluffy little things are nice to see happening but there are still serious issues to address” – Jac.(Thanks GayNZ.com Facebook and Twitter followers and the members of the LesbiansNZ Facebook page for all their input) Jacqui Stanford - 27th October 2014