Mon 9 Oct 2006 In: True Stories View at Wayback View at NDHA
Ten gay and lesbian New Zealanders remember the first time they 'went all the way' with a member of the same sex. Mary-Anne, 25 I was 19. A bit old! I was with a boy before that: I really wanted to lose my virginity when I was 17. I couldn't wait, and I sort of persuaded him. He got really upset over it, but I was like 'woo-hoo', I've done it! I used him - I don't even remember his name. I met my first woman partner when I was with a friend. My friend and I saw her at college and said 'that's the ugliest bitch I've ever seen in my life'. I was like 'oh, I think she's beautiful!' Later I went to a party in a flat and she was one of the flatmates. She turned out to be bisexual, and was going out with a guy at the time. When they eventually split up, I was in! She was 17. To be honest, she made me wait two months of going out before we went all the way. I was absolutely desperate and was wondering if it would ever happen. I started to worry she wasn't really gay. Our first time was a bit rubbish, actually. I didn't know what I was doing. I'd just seen things on the TV, in porn movies. I thought I'd give things a go, and she seemed quite happy… she'd never been with a woman and neither had I. But she stayed crap in bed - I learned quite a lot though! After me, she ended up with men again, and then pregnant. Andrew, 48 My first sexual experience with a guy was when I was 18, it was in Auckland. I worked in a nursing home, and we did it there. It was wild! We were both student nurses. We'd clicked straight away, but I'd known him a couple of months before anything happened. The aftermath wasn't good though. I had a lot of homophobic self-hatred shit to deal with. It wasn't just us we had to deal with - it was the world around us. Nick, 22 I was 14 years old. He was the same age and was in my science class. He was the 'naughty boy' and I was the goody-two-shoes one that sat up at the front of the class. So because he was naughty, he was moved to the front of the class permanently. He was there for the rest of the year! About a quarter of the way through the term, we started playing underneath the table. One afternoon he asked me if I wanted to go back to his place. By this time we had gotten to know each other and were good friends. So we went back to his place. His parents both had jobs so they didn't get back until about six o'clock. Because school finished at a quarter past three, we had quite some time for ourselves, and one thing led to another. We started kissing and then it was all go. It was exciting. It was something we both wanted. At the time it seemed like it took a long time but in retrospect in was probably a very short time that it happened in. Afterwards I quickly left, but it happened a few more times after that day. Jess, 37 I lost my 'gay' virginity when I was 21. She was 24, a visitor from England. We met on the internet - we'd been chatting online for three months before she came to visit, I was really looking forward to it. Afterwards I was left thinking I'd been a bit used. I didn't really want to do it again. Glenn, 23 I was 19. I'd only been with girls until then. I met him through someone I worked with at the library. I wasn't out to any of my family and only one or two friends. He was a little bit older and more experienced. I knew him about a month before anything happened. It was a big thing for me, but then hormones took over. He pushed my buttons! I think I'm lucky that it went so well. It could have been much worse. We kept seeing each other for about two months afterwards. I would have liked to have done it even more but we were both busy with work and not really having anywhere to meet made it hard. We used to go to another friend's place. It made me feel really good, but I wasn't sure how it would make other people feel about me. I wondered if there was suddenly an outward change that would say 'he's had gay sex'. I had mucked around with friends in late childhood and early teens but I always thought that was just something all kids did. John, 30 I never considered myself to be particularly attractive when I was growing up. When it eventually became time for me to come out, I was concerned that I might never lose my virginity because of this, so I asked a friend of mine if he would be my first. We had originally met through a dating website on the internet and became friends, and I knew he was attracted to me, so the proposal wasn't as strange as it sounds. I also chose him because I wanted it to be with someone whom I liked and trusted. One evening after we had been to a party I asked him if he would do this for me, and he eventually agreed, so we lay down together that night. I have to admit that although parts of the experience were quite nice, other parts were pretty damned uncomfortable! I chalk this totally down to inexperience on both our parts, as I know that from subsequent sexual encounters with other guys, it has been nothing but fantastic. Although I was initially surprised that there were other guys, I realised that I had forgotten that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I got luckier than I thought I would. In retrospect, of course, I wish that it had been someone whom I truly loved, but we can't change the past. I don't regret it, though, and I know that my first time with someone whom I actually love will come about in time. As for my friend, well, we don't really talk anymore. Cameron, 18 Nathan was the first person I had penetrative sex with. We met on ICQ and then we said we'd meet up. We met at downtown bus depot. I was 13 and so was he. I stayed the night at his house like a week later on a Saturday night. We were watching TV we started kissing and his Nana walked past and saw us. She shrieked: 'I hope your not AC/DC or anything like that!' I can still hear her ugly old smokers voice! And then after that we went to bed and he was like 'do you want to fuck me blah blah blah?' We started, but the condom broke and he was like that's ok just do it anyway' Not even any lube. We did it again in the morning. I felt like I needed a shower after. I thought he was so casual about it, but it made me scared about AIDS and stuff. But three months later I was negative, and that was my first HIV test too. I saw him for like three weeks after that and then we stopped 'going out' (you know what it's like at that age) but we stayed friends and we still slept together for a while. He was the same age as me but he had a lot more experience. He used to lie about his age and tell guys he was 16. Wendy, 27 I was 19. I had been with men, but had come out. I was very nervous. I'd only been out on the scene a couple of times - I'd only just plucked up the courage. This particular night, I'd gone to this club, and bumped into one of my old hockey mates from school, from a totally different town. She was just coming out at the same time. She was as embarrassed to see me, as I was embarrassed to see her. It was like 'what are you doing here? Are you here for the same reason I am?' So we got over the embarrassment and caught up on things. She'd been out a little longer and she'd already started meeting people. I didn't know anybody at the time. This hot chick - tall, blonde hair, really fit body, came up and started talking to her and me. I was getting drunk, and eventually I went off with her and ended up having my first sex. Screaming orgasms all night. What I didn't realise was that the mate I had met up with from school had had the hots for her for six months. So there was me, first time in the club, pulling the hottest chick there. I had a terrific time! With the first kiss, I thought: 'Now I know I'm gay'. James, 28 I was 19, it was with a guy I didn't know. I went to his house. Afterwards, I thought 'never again'. I was absolutely petrified. I spent the next three months worrying whether I had HIV. It was the worst time of my life. Matt, 28 I was 20 - a slow beginner! But I was desperately trying to be straight before. I'd even had a steady girlfriend. She knew I was gay though - everyone knew and were all just waiting for me to tell them. We met in the magazine shop I used to work in. He used to come in all the time and give me the biggest smiles. I used to tell my flatmates about him, and wonder if he really liked me or was just being over-friendly. He asked me to coffee one day… I was so nervous, but it must have gone well, since that weekend he invited me to his place. He was so exciting to me. He played guitar in a band, smoked loads of dope, and loved messing around with cars and racing them - all things I loved about him in those days but would hate now. I must have been terrified. I realise now how lucky I was to have had a really good - and patient - first lover. I'll never forget what we were both wearing that day, what his little flat was like, the smokey way he smelled, and all the little details. Matt Akersten - 9th October 2006