Fri 26 May 2006 In: Ask Our Expert View at Wayback View at NDHA
Amanda writes: I need your help, I was on my fiance's computer and came across a folder and it was pictures of guys, they were teenager guys, and masterbating, and there were two clips of a man and a women but the rest were of guys. Do you think my fiance has gay tendencies or am I just freaking out? Jacquie Grant says: I would say you need to explain to him just why you were snooping on his computer looking at his folders. There could be many reasons why those images were on his machine and the only way you are going to find out is to ask, but be prepared to hear something you may not like. Either way you need to know before you turn from fiancé to wife or partner, better now than later. Please remember they may have been there for a variety of reasons and until you get the real story stay cool. It seems to me that you have not exhibited a level of trust in your relationship and this does not bode well for your future relations. Sounds to me like the wife looking for lipstick on collars. Bill Logan says: This must be painful for you, but your fiancé almost certainly has a sexual interest in gay porn. The alternative possibilities are not terribly likely. Perhaps another user of the computer put them there? Perhaps he has a scholarly interest in the subject? But the strong probability is that these are his files, and his interest was sexual. The choices you have are both messy: you can go ahead with the relationship without mentioning the porn, or you can confront him with it. Confronting him is almost certainly less messy. The likely thing is that he does not want to be gay, and he genuinely believes his relationship with you will help him put his gay feelings behind him. But that belief is contrary to the experience of the millions of men around the world who've been there before him. In fact, men with a history of gay feelings, who then marry, find that those feelings reassert themselves at a later point in their lives. The longer the issue is left unconfronted, the more will be the pain—for both of you. GayNZ.com - 26th May 2006