Mon 6 Mar 2006 In: Ask Our Expert View at Wayback View at NDHA
Karen of Kaitaia writes: My son is 21 His partner 46. He has been hit on several occasions Separated from family and friends. His counsellor has advised him to leave. He is suffering Battered Wife Syndrone. When ready to get out he will need somewhere to go as he has tried home but too unhappy so went back. He has been convinced we do not love him (UNTRUE). Are there any safe houses for men like the Womens Refuge for when he is ready to walk away again? Jacquie says: I do not know of any formalized safe houses, however one of the great things about our gay community is that support can be found everywhere in the community. You must work hard to reinforce your love for your son and be there for him all the way. Make sure he knows that when he is ready you will be there to help. Suggest he come home even if it is only temporary, just until he is sorted. There are many gay welfare groups but in Auckland Gayline should be a good first point to talk to. Auckland Gay/Lesbian Welfare “provides support, information and counseling to gay and lesbian people and their significant others through the Gayline/Lesbianline telephone counseling service, face-to-face counseling, referral and support groups. Mon-Fri: 10am-10pm, Weekends: 5pm-10pm Ph: (09) 303-3584. Lesbian counselors: Mon/Wed/Sat evenings. Website: http://www.gayline.org.nz “ Jacquie Bill says: Being young and gay is difficult in New Zealand, and to be young and gay and in an abusive relationship is particularly difficult. There's nothing like a Women's Refuge. Of course there are networks who are willing to be helpful, and the Auckland Gayline (09 303 3584) or the Wellington Gay Helpline (04 473 7878) would be there for someone as they looked for a supportive gay flat. It's more difficult if you're in a provincial centre like Kaitaia, of course, but the helplines would be very happy to chat, and actually, having someone to talk to, perhaps even many times, can be extremely valuable. It reassures you that you are not alone, it helps get things in perspective, and it encourages you to think through the options. And what can parents do about the distance between themselves and their gay children? All parents (and all their children) have made mistakes in the past, and in a world where there is a lot of homophobia often some of the past mistakes of parents were shaped by homophobia—often unconscious homophobia. Unfortunately children sometimes have an image of their parents that is distorted by those past mistakes. If families have the courage to talk about past mistakes it can clear the air and help renew relationships. Can I invite you to read a book which was written by a New Zealand woman who is the mother of a gay son, Invisible Families: A resource for family and friends of lesbian and gay daughters and sons, by Terry Stewart? GayNZ.com - 6th March 2006