Wed 14 Dec 2011 In: True Stories View at Wayback View at NDHA
So my fiancée bought a tent. Not a $99 falls over in a sneeze of wind non-waterproof job, nor the sensible $300 four-man sturdy one I saw at Mitre 10 Mega ... but a two room, on sale for half price 'great deal' at Kathmandu tent that is worthy of an Everest trek, probably erects itself, I'm hoping makes coffee, and am pretty sure is worth more than my Honda Civic. That's just the kind of girl she is, my arresting constable. She likes bells and whistles and fancy sporty things that I need explaining to me 17 times. She's an outdoorsy, sporty type, and while I can kick a ball with the best of them and don't shy away from Mother Nature's bosomy embrace, I'm more at home at a book fair or a CD store, or reading a book and listening to a CD on the deck, than in the great outdoors. But this New Year there will be no dancing on K' Rd till dawn. We're serious engaged lesbians now and it's time we did what serious engaged lesbians do and went camping (we're buying the dogs next year). Armed with a tent that makes John Key's house look shabby, the aforementioned Civic, tonnes of bug spray and well, probably every kind of snazzy camping invention known to man should my lady love have her way, we and a bunch of our friends – the ones who actually don't have to work New Year's – are leaving the gridlock of Auckland and descending to the campest place in the nation come the silly season, Vinegar Hill: If you somehow haven't heard of it, Vinegar Hill is a campground by the Rangitikei River in the Lower North Island somewhere near Hunterville. Gay, lesbian, bi, trans, intersex, straight and people who shun labels of any kind gather there at the end of the year, many with families in tow. The camp sites are decorative and snug, and the daily fun and games explode into a massive New Year's Eve bonfire party, while New Year's Day is for floating down the river on a blow up mattress before heading home. Waving the flag for GayNZ.com, we will head south with our fancy tent, my camera, my laptop and a map of the highest point nearby in the hope I will find internet service. At this stage our entourage will include at the very least a baby dyke, a beard-loving bi-girl and our compulsory gay boys; the hilariously witty American and the fabulously-French New Caledonian chef (if you smell something delicious cooking I bet you it will be from our tent). Coming up in the next instalment of 'Goin' Bush: advice from HRH the Queen of Vinegar Hill herself!! For now, I have to head off and somehow keep the constable away from Kathmandu catalogues ... we have a civil union to save for! Jacqui Stanford - 14th December 2011