Billy Joel sings that “Honesty is such a lonely word, everyone is so untrue”. The thing we often lie about in our lives is our sexuality; not only to others, but sometimes to ourselves. Why are we so determined to subvert the truth about our expressions of sexuality? Is sexuality really as complex as we like to think? Probably not, but the old saying of “there's nowt so queer as folk” is probably the best summation we can get. We are all different; and that is the very paradox that makes us all the same. Why don't we just accept the basics of human attraction and let them be expressed in their own way? Is it remotely possible that the person I was attracted to when I was 20 is the same person that I will be attracted to at the age of 80 – will they even be the same sex? Will there be times in my life where I am not only attracted and aroused by the male form? Will the lesbian separatist of the 1980's ever be able to outwardly acknowledge and embrace attraction to a man and still have respect in the community? Not from what I have seen, because as much as we ask for tolerance, acceptance, understanding and compassion from the ‘straights', we too can be just as harsh. George Orwell in his political satire of the soviet revolution in ‘Animal Farm' springs to mind - the oppressed become the oppressors. Often our own commentary and parameters of what makes sexuality ok are the things that threaten us the most. Where do we really fit? Do we condition ourselves for a particular type of attraction and dismiss any concept, real or imaginary, of deviating from it? I suspect we do. As a queer person, am I so terrified of what the other side of the fence represents that to acknowledge my own slight fluidity in sexual attraction would be tantamount to treason against my own kind? If we preach tolerance, then let's be tolerant. If we want inclusion, then be inclusive. If we want diversity, then embrace the diverse. Whether you are takataapui, queer, gay, lesbian, bisexual, or sit anywhere else on that long and flexible continuum, then you have a responsibility to embrace and validate the sexuality of others. That does not mean that you have play nice all the time in the face of discrimination; but the expression of my sexuality, my humanity, should not be dependent on the denial of someone else's. If we are to achieve equity, then we need to behave as equals. No one is more valid than you; you are no more valid than anyone else. - Vaughan Meneses is the General Manager of OUTLine. GayNZ.com welcomes submissions for the Our Communities column. Email gaynz@woosh.co.nz Vaughan Meneses - 7th April 2011