How do you talk about building healthy relationships without sounding trite? There are more than enough opinions floating around, and not much new to say. So I wont say it. The most grief we may ever experience in our lives is based on the ending of a relationship with person of meaning in our lives. That end may be signalled by a death, which is something we cannot control or fix; or it may be the outcome of an argument that now that you can't really even remember. Rather than focus on what makes relationships good, or what keeps them going; it is sometimes more helpful to think about how we can go about repairing one that is damaged or broken. Very seldom in life do we wake up and remind ourselves how lucky we are that ‘xxxxx' is no longer our friend. On the contrary, when we think about a relationship we have lost, it often triggers a touch of sadness, regret, or anger. The loss of a friend through actions or inactions, theirs or ours, is a cross we bear internally for a very long time. How did we get to the point where someone that was once close is no longer relevant in our lives? How do we go about eliminating the feelings of guilt, shame, hurt, sadness and anger when they cross our paths or cross our minds? There are only two alternatives – we either accept that this will always be the case; or we take steps to mend it. It is not a matter of sitting back and waiting for the other party to make the first step. The idea that I will only feel better when someone I no longer talk to takes the action is not going to work. The responsibility for my thoughts, feelings, and actions are my own. So if I want to change the way I feel or the way things are, then I have to do something. Sometimes the effort and risk involved in taking the first steps in reconciliation can be daunting; but nothing ventured, nothing gained. The hardest part of all is to make contact with that person, and express the personal sense you still have over the end of the relationship, and then at the same time ask to start afresh, putting the past behind you. Their response may surprise you. When we get to the point where we feel we want to take the reconciliation steps it is an internal signal that we have changed. If we have changed, the chances are that the other person has too. Sometimes the biggest healing factor is time, but never give up hope. What once may have been lost can be found. Vaughan Meneses - 10th March 2011