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This podcast is brought to you by pride NZ dot com. Uh, we're from a high school in New Zealand. Uh, we meet once a week privately. Just because some people aren't out for a privacy thing, we're gonna talk about what it's like to live in a New Zealand high school being diverse. I'm sha. I'm Alex. I'm Xavier. I'm Kylie. So to start us off, Alex, what expires you and why? I mean, I mean, inspires not expires. Yeah, I'm expired. Um, [00:00:30] I'm expired by music, I suppose. Not for any particular reason other than it keeps me balanced in terms of, like, mood and stuff, being trans and depressed and stuff. It allows me to express myself without needing to use words. So, um, I guess that inspires me the most. Makes my life a bit easier. So you, um, personally, what inspire what inspires me [00:01:00] in life are historical people that have achieved great things while being queer, such as the most famous one being is Alan turning, who was known for pretty much almost shortening the war by a good few years, As well as proposing the first ideas, what would possibly become the basic ideas of artificial intelligence and computing, and I mean tragically, they ended up committing suicide. But, oh, well. And just people like that along with him, as well as people like Sally [00:01:30] Wright, who was not only the first female astronaut but also the first known queer astronaut as well. And it just it. So it gives me a certain hope, thinking that if people that have been queer can achieve so much, well, then there's no real limit to what people can achieve in the future. What about you, sharp? Oh, you guys are talking about all the serious stuff and I'm just sitting here like YouTubers like I don't know I. I guess I figured out my, uh, my own sexuality [00:02:00] from watching people like Tyler Oakley or choice of A and seeing how comfortable they were with themselves and realising that like I could be like if I was comfortable with myself, maybe I could actually get somewhere I don't know. But, um, yeah, I guess the community surrounding those guys was like one of the big things that inspires me. That's cute. That's how I figured myself out watching YouTube videos anyway. So YouTube videos are like life. They're very much [00:02:30] an upgoing media. What about you, Kylie? What inspires you and why? Well, we did. Fashion is my life. I found a lot of like inspiration throughout, like fashion and just exploring different mediums to do with, like textures and colours and like variations of garments. And I, like, literally feel like there's a lot of designers out there who are on the queer [00:03:00] Spectrum and even like a lot of like models are coming through as like expressing their sexuality and even on like the cover of Vogue. Recently, they've had their first like trans model on the cover of Vogue, which I think is like a great achievement. And, yeah, there's some really cool like gender nonconforming models on, like Super models and stuff at the moment that are real cute. And a lot of clothes are now coming through as gender lists. [00:03:30] And like a lot of the new sort of fall like this new season, there's been a lot of gist spectrums on like the runway, especially from like the Vin West, which has been quite fluid with her sexuality, like portraying through her garments, which I love and I walked in on my dad, like watching a video on Facebook. And it was about our new stores were, like coming up with, um, gender unbiased clothes. And I was real excited because I thought it was an ad for an actual store and I was so excited. [00:04:00] And then I realised it was just a little podcast thing. It was sad. Did you see the video of the kid where it was like this eight year old girl in, like, target or whatever? And they were like, Oh, what do you like about these clothes versus these clothes? And it was basically this kid slamming like, um, feminine clothing and how it was like, Oh, I'm supposed to be beautiful. And then all the boy's clothes were supposed to be like, Oh, I'm adventurous and I'm a daredevil [00:04:30] or whatever. Like, can't we be both a man? I wish I had thought about that when I was a kid. Like my childhood would have been so much better if I had actually thought about that kind of thing. I would have figured myself out earlier. Yeah, sure. What challenges have you faced as a queer young person? I don't know. I never really faced, like, big challenges like people slamming me because I had a weird sexuality. I faced more the stereotype of people thinking that I'd had a bad life because I had [00:05:00] a diverse sexuality. So it's not so much the actual repercussions of themselves as the repercussions of those repercussions. It was, yeah, so, like, I don't know. I've never really liked the stereotype of everyone who's not straight, having some terrible back story with, like, horrible things happening to them and terrible bullying. But I had bullying anyway, but that was completely unrelated. But like, yeah, so I guess it'd be nice if people started, like treating us [00:05:30] more like we're normal people because we are, We're not. We're not all we don't all have crazy mental illnesses and terrible backstories. And like shitty lives, some of us are actually have pretty great lives, to be honest, like I'm in a real good space right now. So the biggest problem is people not understanding that I'm in a good space. I think the tragic backstory thing, though, is pretty old fashioned because, like with being queer and gay and stuff it's really come into, I don't wanna say mainstream [00:06:00] media, but it's become I don't want to say normal either. But yeah, people expressing their queer identity has become so much more normal that the tragic backstory thing has become more of a stereotype than an actual reality. And it becomes so much more like heard of throughout the media because it's more like accepted nowadays. Yeah, when, like 10 years ago, people who were queered most likely had a tragic back story because it wasn't accepted. [00:06:30] And it's also in the vein of wanting to treat like a person, not an endangered species. So what about you, Kylie? What challenges have you faced as a queer person? Um, as a queer person, I think a lot of like the troubles would be to do with probably being accepted, although along a lot like the broader spectrum has generally been like 95% of the time. But like even at my job, [00:07:00] there's still people that, like throw a sly comments sometimes. And, you know, that's just part like, you gotta accept that there is always gonna be people who's not gonna be like accepting of that and also with like family coming to terms with the like. I just accepted that. It's gonna take them a while to, like, come to terms like when I did come out. So, like, I've never really faced challenges, I wouldn't really say I've been bullied. I've been [00:07:30] pretty glad that I've been able to, like, handle myself throughout my high school years surrounding my sexuality. But yeah, I think acceptance like it's in a good space at the moment, but it has a long way to go going back to hell. I didn't experience those things when I came out to my parents, but most kids got like, Oh, we'll help you through this. I got a me too, from my dad. I said, I'm bisexual and he's like me, too. And I was like, OK, [00:08:00] so I never had those problems. I had a lot. I was surrounded by people who understood, I guess. And so they just Yeah, they just kept on going, which was cool. What about you, Alex? Um, what challenges have you faced being a queer young person? What? How much time do we have? Um, I guess being altered to my parents by my principal was probably the biggest one. I um came out to one of my teachers because [00:08:30] I felt safe enough in order to do so. But I felt like the school was trying to save themselves before they were trying to put and trying to put my safety at risk whilst telling my parents when I knew they wouldn't accept me. So all the while I have come out to my parents. They don't understand and they don't accept. So they've denied it. And it's like I'm going to have to come out again, Uh, because being a Trans person with my family is not exactly the easiest thing My parents [00:09:00] don't think it exists, especially my dad. He thinks that everything is black and white and that there's either male or female and is someone who falls more on the masculine side, but definitely in the middle. Um, it's been really tough for myself, especially trying to figure my sexuality out as well, because I mean I call myself gay because I'm into guys more than girls. But I mean, really asexuality comes [00:09:30] into it, too, because I don't really like to think about that sort of stuff like the sexual side of things, because it just makes me uncomfortable. You'd rather just discover yourself first. Like, would you rather just, like, focus on who you are rather than having to, like, focus on who you'd want to be with? Um, kind of. I mean, I know I like guys, but I think it's more of a I'm uncomfortable with my body because it's not how I see myself. So I don't really want people looking [00:10:00] at me or like trying to be sexual with someone because it just makes me uncomfortable. So I guess I find it harder than the other people here just because gender identities a lot harder to come to terms with rather than sexuality, I guess. Yeah, yeah, because, like sexuality, at least you feel like you're in your own body. Yeah, well, when I look in the mirror, it's kind of like, Oh, well, it's like a painful reminder. Yeah, [00:10:30] and I feel really disconnected, like I know it's me. But like, I look in the mirror and I don't recognise myself. I look at old photos and it's like, Oh, that's me. But it's like I don't remember. It's almost like there's someone else's memories, which is a bit sad, but, you know, I know what you mean. What about you and Xavier? Um, personally, to my knowledge or [00:11:00] I, I don't remember it. But as far as I know, I haven't actually directly experienced a heck of a lot of sort of struggle or challenges. For the most part, it's been Oh, yeah, I'm by. So what? Big whoop. Um but I think from the idea of the community is that while I don't face it, one thing that I have known that is a big problem throughout much of the queer community and that I know is faced by by people or as many others is, [00:11:30] um, gatekeeping from within the community itself with I know with by people and play many of the other similar sexualities where they go If you're if you simply don't look queer enough like you're too gay to be straight and you're too straight to be gay exactly. You're ostracised by both sides of the community and it's often very frustrating and and coupled with that, there's also the problem of the whole B and visibility as well, because when you're [00:12:00] not being gate kept, you're often also just ignored and the spotlight is very much shoved away from you, and even some people just flat out deny that you exist. Funny thing is that there is the main letter in the LGBT movement, but yeah, um and also at the same time, there's also the problem throughout it with the fetishization of by people as well as other similar sexualities of Oh, you must sleep with anyone and everyone [00:12:30] when in fact no, that's just wrong. That's wrong. Yeah, like I feel like a lot of people see like, yeah, sorry. The bisexual people, as like sluts promise you down to, like, straight to like, Oh, like they like both sexualities. They must just, like, be like, Oh, who am I going to sleep with tonight and then just go for anyone? Sort of a sort of going for anyone with a pulse. I feel like that's how people see a lot [00:13:00] of poly sexual people in general. So that's like poly sexual like ranging from pan to homosexual to bisexual all of the like people who like both genders in general, like, um, I don't know, I feel like, but we're not sluts. We're just people like because I I gotta explain to me as a checklist, like for people who you want to date, There's always a checklist of things you want from them. And for a lot of people, gender is the very first thing you think of. Like, Do I want a guy or a girl? For a lot of, um, Polys people? It's [00:13:30] that isn't on the checklist. There's no gender like we don't care what gender it is, what they are looking for a personality, not a gender, and, like fair enough if you want a specific gender. But I personal like we personally, I know a lot of poly sexual people who just don't care. Like like we don't care. I get along with you really well. I like wanting to be attracted to a person rather than a set of genitals. Well, no, it's it's That's kind of like putting it down to people who want a specific gender. But I [00:14:00] guess the best way to compare it to people who want a specific gender would be like, You don't if you don't want someone who's really short, I guess like like if you don't or if you don't care what height someone is or if you don't care what, uh, eye colour they have. I guess it's more close enough to that. It's kind of like, Oh, I'm monogamous just like you except my pool of applicants is slightly bigger. I feel like outside of gender, I'm a lot more picky than some people, but I'm [00:14:30] really picky outside of gender. So it's not that the poll is bigger. It's just that our checklist is different. Yeah, it's kind of like that with sort of being queer in general. It's just it's not that we're we are different or whatever. It's just our checklist is different compared to yours or whatever, which I think is a really good way to put it that way. To put it. It's like the difference between people who like Macs and people who like PC. Your checklist for what you want on a computer is different to their checklist. It's not like you're [00:15:00] two completely different people. Yeah, two completely different species. Maybe that's how some people look at it. I don't know. Do you guys want to talk about coming out or is that a bit? We totally could. That could be could be quite a good topic. OK? Me, Kylie, you go. So, um, I would say to most part, I was, like, pressured by my friends to do it. They're like, you got to just get it over and done with sort of thing. I was like, Oh, OK, [00:15:30] we've known you for years. Yeah, but somehow my parents did not see that, um, which I don't understand that they're just so deeply in denial. So I got asked to partake in a like, video recorded interview for television, and it was really fun. We just got asked some questions. We got filmed. It was a really good time. Um, but it was also, like, very open. We discussed a lot of [00:16:00] things, you know, like a lot of personal things. We discussed our home life and everything, blah, blah, blah. I signed the contract and it got aired, and my parents were gonna obviously be watching it. I knew that they already watched this show, so I was kind of like crap, like I've done it now like it's happening. So I had to basically tell them beforehand because I feel like they would have been quite offended. The fact that I'd rather [00:16:30] the whole country know before I personally tell them. So I had to, like, tell them basically I was, like, time pressured to tell them before this aired, and we did the interview on like, I think it was a Thursday or Friday and the show is being aired on the Monday night And I was like, OEMG, um so I basically went home the night of the interview. I told my mum upstairs, blah, blah, blah. There were some tears, and I was advised by my mother not to tell my [00:17:00] father as she knew he was gonna react badly. But I did it anyway. And yeah, things kind of did, like, not go too well. I ended up leaving. I wasn't at home for about three weeks, blah, blah, blah, just to give them time to cool down. Then I came back, and I kind of things just, like, went back to normal, I guess, Um, and now I guess he's like, on the mend to being a bit more accepting of me. And like I recently [00:17:30] got a piercing, which was kind of like a big step towards, like, sort of my sexual identity sort of embracing it, I guess, Um, not that only, like gay people get feelings, but a few, um and yeah, so I guess it just is very different for other people. But I guess if I hadn't have done that interview, I wouldn't have been time pressured. And even still to this day, I might not have done it. So [00:18:00] yeah. What about you? How did you come out? What was it like? So I was I was another person that did the interview with Kylie here. And unlike, unlike him, I didn't actually tell my parents before it aired. Stupidly, the only person that knew was my mother, who actually had to sign the permission slip. And things were interesting to say the least. Um instead of my instead of my father watching the interview and asking me about it, [00:18:30] He didn't watch it. My grandparents watched it. They told him he complained to them. He complained to the school. He complained to my mother before finally saying that he was disappointed in me for not telling him and proceeded to try and turn it into a sob story about how I shouldn't have gone on national television before him. Um, but yeah, fun times. Um, as as for him finally accepting it. Um, it was simply a matter of that. It wasn't that big a deal, in my opinion. And coming out doesn't have to be [00:19:00] this huge show of display with tears and hugs and presents and all cake and shit. Yeah, fair enough. But sometimes it's just simply, well, you never you never asked. So I never told. And it's It's a It's a piece of your personality that there is no one defining moment of I must now suddenly tell everyone. But But, yeah, it is, it isn't. It isn't always a massive thing [00:19:30] that you have to make a huge show about. Sometimes you don't even have to tell anyone. You can just keep it to yourself or tell a slick member of friends. Ultimately, it's your identity, and it's your choice to come out how you want or where you want. You never come out once you come out, like to everyone and like everyone individually and like it's kind of the same with, like mental issues as well. I have to tell everyone that I'm schizophrenic, and every time it's weirder than the last, like I haven't told these guys and they [00:20:00] just learned that so fun times. But if you come out to like everyone individually, it's not like you come out once and then it's over with like, Oh, yeah, it keeps on going and going Everyone like I I'm personally omni sexual and everyone's like What does that mean? And you have to do like I generally define it as Deadpool, except rather than having Deadpool's different perception of genders, I know I have a normal perception of genders. I just don't care, and people didn't really understand [00:20:30] that. But I have the amount of times I've said that is getting into the way too high numbers now. So yeah, um, but the first time I came out, it was to I think it was to my boyfriend who's still my boyfriend to this day because he came out as by a couple of years before we started dating. So the first time I came out was to him cos I like, I knew that he'd already been through all this and that he knew, know what was best to do, and he was like, Oh, that's all [00:21:00] good and he's like, Oh, yeah, So I literally just He was talking about how he first he told his mum, and then he told some of his friends and like what sort of support they gave him and, yeah, it was pretty good. And things sort of went smoothly from there. I've never really had an adverse reaction except for one person. And that was just funny. Like, that was just really funny. So I've never really had. Like, from my perspective, [00:21:30] I've never had a bad reaction. So yeah, my coming out has been pretty good. Yeah, and similar to what you said is that, um, come coming out is simply just telling another piece of your personality. I mean, it's like saying that you have brown here, or I mean, it wasn't already apparently obvious, but yeah, it's just another. It's just another aspect of your personality. And what about you, Alex? Um, what is your tail? This is gonna take us another half an hour. [00:22:00] I came out in waves. Um, the first person who probably noticed rather than I told was Xavier because I started posting about it online. But the first person that I really told I first said that I was questioning my gender and that was to my two best friends. And they were like, Oh, cool, what pronouns do you want me to use? And that was probably the best way they could [00:22:30] have reacted because it allowed me to decide more than anything else. I still wasn't quite sure of how I was identifying. So just saying Oh, for now, just use they Them pronouns made me feel like I had some control over my identity rather than I was being forced to conform to these pronouns that I had been assigned to me at birth. And as I started to realise who I was, this people who I came out to first stopped. They just didn't care, and they just [00:23:00] swapped pronouns real easily. But when I officially came out to one of my teachers, that got out of hand, out of hand and I was forced out to my parents by my principal and, well, I've already told that story so, but I guess at the moment it's OK. Um, I'm out at home, but I'm not out at the same [00:23:30] time. Like my parents know, I'm going through gender issues, but they don't really know that I've stopped going through the issues and I know who I am. Um, all of my friends take it, um, for what it is and accept my identity, and I'm out at work. So the only people who really call me by my birth name or whatever are my immediate family, which is understandable to a certain extent because they're still trying to [00:24:00] what they think has helped me through it all. But I don't know, coming out was all right. I mean, it wasn't, but it is now. I came. I came out to my dad in the middle of an L DB two parade. That's cute. Yeah, he was. So when I it's a bit of a long story, but from when I was 10, the vicar at our church left and because he had he had an affair with his wife. But what my parents never told me was he was having an affair [00:24:30] with a man. So we met him at the Pride parade. And I was like, Dad, what did you tell me about our vicar? And he was like, he left the church because he's gay. and I was like, that would have been so nice to know a couple of years ago, Um, you know, all the like, inspiring. But, um, so I was like, What if I said I was in the LGBT Q plus Spectrum and he was like, I would say, me too. And I was like, [00:25:00] OK? And so we came out to each other in the middle of an LGBT. Q plus pride parade. That's adorable. It it was It was great. It was like looking back on. It's like the cutest story I've got in my entire life. But yeah, any final thoughts? Um, that was a really nice counselling session. Thanks, guys. Yeah, therapy. Um, a lasting message that would be for those that are listening to the edited and [00:25:30] probably much more concise and accurate podcast is that ultimately, your identity is what you make of it. Coming out as your choice as well as, um, not everything is doom and gloom, but at the same time, not everything is happy. LGBT parades and gay vicar. Um uh, the best advice is to try and take it in stride and that there are always groups to help um, [00:26:00] pride and Z and the website. This is going to be posted on and most likely have a list of groups that you can contact if you need any help. And there is no shame in reaching out a hand for help. In other words, you you exactly.
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