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The workshop we're having today is I have a number of passion areas, but this is one of my oldest, so many and it is many years ago now, Um, my first training was in education, so as a teacher and then in a strange way that sometimes careers can take odd corners. I ended up working in civil defence and I used to think it was funny. [00:00:30] It was my standard joke. I used to say to people that I was a head towing a body around which was true, but not very healthy. So I have a PhD and association, and I was very good at doing that. And civil defence was my perfect safe place because I was working with other people who were probably as traumatised and associated as I was mostly Vietnam vets. They were guys, they were men and in civil defence, [00:01:00] um, over a number of years, I I rose up to a very senior position. I was regional civil defence manager here and and that role sent various staff off to disasters not only here in New Zealand but in the Pacific. And what I noticed when people came back they were different people, and I didn't understand that. I didn't understand what had happened. And so I started doing some research and some training, and I found [00:01:30] out about a model that was set up by a fireman called Jeffrey Mitchell and interestingly, um, a a blue collar fireman in New York. And he had been on his way to a wedding with his wife in a car, dressed in a suit and a civilian car, and he had come up upon a car accident and in the car accident, a man had been impaled with a bar that had come up from the side of the road. [00:02:00] And if Jeff had been in his fire truck, he would not only have had the equipment, but he would have had everything else that he needed to save this man's life. But he was there in the rain, in his suit with nothing, and it traumatised him, and he completely felt a bit, um and so And he was invalided out of the fire service. And so he went on, and, um, I studied psychology and various other things and put this model together, [00:02:30] which was called critical incident stress. So I went off to do this training because I wanted to look after my staff and and do it in an appropriate way and and to do something for the people that I could see had been affected. It's interesting because in those days it was nothing to do with me. It was a manager looking after their staff well, and it was only when I myself had to leave civil defence because I'd I'd hit a wall. Um, what we would describe as [00:03:00] burnout that I started my own journey. So as a mental health professional, I see a community of people that are very good at caregiving, extremely good, usually at caregiving and what we're not very good as as a profession is caring for ourselves. So again, I'm seeing very high rates of burnout in my profession, but more I look in the community, my community, [00:03:30] my family and I see burnout. But I have the resources now to look and think about you know what's going on and I'm seeing the lateral violence in our community. I'm seeing the fact that because we're a highly marginalised community, it is easier to attack each other than it is to be clear about where we need to go with our anger and our frustration. [00:04:00] And also there are real issues in our community that need addressing, and we we sometimes struggle how to do that. So this workshop and Tommy and I have developed it comes very much out of my own experience. And so what we want to do today is to create a safe, a safe place to talk about some of those issues. But more. What I would love for this workshop is is people to go away with both permission [00:04:30] and a passion that the most important person that you can look after is yourself. And until we know how to do that, really well, we're actually crap at looking after other people. And it's a really, really hard thing to learn and to do and practise, you know, And and I'm here at this conference. I came back from Canada 3.5 weeks ago [00:05:00] and I haven't had a day off. I've been working 12 hour days. If I had a flat inspection at the moment, I would be evicted. You know, there are unopened, half empty suitcases, and I think here I am practising everything that I know not what to do. You know, How did they get into that space again So we can have all this knowledge, But we can still fall back into these places, and part of it is, you know, our perfection, our desire to attend to all the things that need attending to. [00:05:30] So how can we do all that and do it gently and I'm not going to beat up on myself. But after this conference, I'll disappear for a couple of weeks. People will not be able to find me, and I'll be doing the things that I know that reground me that take me back into a a healthy place. You know, I'll be paying real attention to the food that I'm eating and doing the things that I know that I need to do to laugh, because for me, laughter is the thing that that grounds me and brings me back into a health place. So that's an [00:06:00] introduction to my philosophy. I'm now going to invite Tommy to talk to you, and and then we're going to do some work together as a group. I run. Um uh, with this workshop. I'm kind of the to, um some of the concepts that money is talking about. And I guess that demonstrates the work that we do in this community because we don't do things alone, and we don't do things. Um, [00:06:30] we we don't do things in a way that is unsuccessful. So, um, the way I've met some of the philosophy man has talked about and some of the insight that I'd like to share in this workshop today is around the beauty of making mistakes. Uh, and the beauty of not of not knowing something and how, um [00:07:00] sometimes our experiences of resilience are so powerful. We are so resilient that our understanding of vulnerabilities that we have in ourselves can be really unmet. And, um and I guess the notion of activating is, um sometimes there's some of us that are quiet in background spaces, activating. [00:07:30] And some of us who are really forward in the world and quite, uh, recognisable. How do we manage? You know, So those ideas of meeting those dynamics within our communities is, um, where we often find those mistakes and how we can, how we can work alongside them mistakes and and and hold them in ways that aren't going to harm us or re reengage any sense of failure. So because often in [00:08:00] in activism work, there's a sense that you haven't you know that idea. Basically, where it comes from is the idea of OK, I'm gonna get up again today. I'm gonna talk about this thing with the person, and it might be their gender identity. It might be their lack of family or it might be their work problems. It might be because, you know, or it might be that they're they're running a community group or they've got a support group or they've got an activist group. All of these problems and I [00:08:30] have for me to do that work and listen. I have to be interested in that. It's really unsuccessful if I'm not interested in it. So I've grown and to to, you know, I'm really fascinated by the concept of mistakes and successes and what those mean to each of us. So, um, I guess that's where my philosophy sits around the idea of, uh, sometimes people call it self-care. But sometimes it's more about self awareness. I feel than [00:09:00] just, you know, the self-care is the action part Where we OK, I need to sleep in. Uh OK, I need to eat. Well, OK, I need to rest. You know, those are those things that we we know we have to remind ourselves of. And where's What's that next phase and what is that? Self-awareness. So you can sustain the work you're doing in your communities. Um and so that you're not you. You are able to access the care for yourself so you can be available for others. And, um [00:09:30] you know, So that's sort of my little philosophy around, uh, activating, I guess. So what we're going to do now, Is it OK if I is getting into small groups and there's three questions and I want everyone in the group to answer. So the first one we'll call a This is things that are going on in our community [00:10:00] that really bad people at the time. Yes. Yeah. Now there's a a key here it things, not people. OK, so the really key thing is this is not a time to blow off about an individual person, so it's to take the person out of it and turn it into what the issue is. B is the things that you know about yourself. You you might not [00:10:30] do these things, but the things that make you feel good that that reground you that put the grim put the energy back on. Um, and some people might struggle with that because not always have we had the chance to think about it. What was the I'll keep thinking about it, and so that that's to get you, [00:11:00] um, started. So we've got a big space. Now, if you are comfortable with your discussion being recorded, you can come down here and do it. Just one group can do that, But I'm suggesting that we've got quite a big space here and people can, you know, and And it's weird. I don't mind if people sit on the steps. Is the group still out? Yeah, OK, so we we are used, so I'm gonna suggest steps up there, steps up there, and we've sort of got another group there. And those [00:11:30] of us who have got old knees and old bones can stay in chairs and just maybe a very small group sort of talking, um, horizontally two or three people so just going back. So this is a a session about I. So if if people's statements to stay very, I anchored them or stay safe and and within the groups, if you can self monitor so that there's a a general sharing of of time. So whether you're in a group of two or a group of four, [00:12:00] so there's, um, the A and the B, and I'll wreck my somewhat tired brain and see if I can remember what C was going to be. Otherwise, Tommy and I will come up with a new C, and that's fine as well. Remember what we were talking about before? It's OK to make mistakes. It's OK to have tired brain as well. So let's just, um, break into those groups and I invite people who are feeling sort of a bit excited on on the edge to go with people that they don't know. But if you're feeling tired [00:12:30] and and frazzled and fragile, then stay with people that you know and feel safe with Either is fine, thank you outside so but we've got an exercise to do So because part of this is recognising the preciousness of every single life here in the room, right? And as activists, we can sometimes forget that and and we talked. And and a lot of the work that Tommy and [00:13:00] I do is around, um, suicide prevention and suicide awareness. And we know what the figures are. They're horrifying for our community. And as I said at the opening, if we go out into the margins, the numbers look ghastly. So the fact that you are here is extraordinary because it means you are survivors. You just got a little exercise. So we gonna turn out to the person, not touch them, because that's not appropriate. Just looking into the eyes and just seeing the person next to you and the person [00:13:30] next to you is seeing you. We're just going to do that for probably 30 seconds. Does it work? We got the right numbers. You And just at the end of the process, you say to that person I see you and the other person [00:14:00] says back, I see you. I see you and we're just gonna do a swap. Do it with another person. Doesn't matter who you 000, I see you of the senses and Sometimes we need to do that for ourselves when we get up [00:14:30] in the morning. I know for some of us, it is extraordinarily painful to look in the mirror. OK, it's not always comfortable who's looking bad at it. But in the privacy of your own bathroom. Just reminding yourself the preciousness of your beer. OK? And we also just share. Sorry, we're not sitting down. We just run out of chairs. It's not a normal, but no, no, no, [00:15:00] no, no, don't look in. We just want to name that we're not standing up to look powerful. We're just We're just kind of standing because if we want to do all have chair, so thank you. Carry on. So we're just going to go around? This is our chance to say out loud with with no, just saying out loud, The one big thing you're on top thing that bugs you about our community, so we'll start here. Oh, I think one of the things that I went to was the disconnectedness of it. [00:15:30] Um, and I felt I felt a bit like the the disconnection in our community, um, being silenced and like erasure of identities silenced and erasure. Um, exclusiveness, um, and not inviting people in to be friends Exclusiveness not inviting people in to be friends, [00:16:00] um, amongst the volunteers when they don't do what they say they're going to do so people not doing what they said they're going to do, um, power and the misuse of that power and vulnerable community and our vulnerable within the vulnerabilities of that community, it must use of power to the vulnerability in our community, sadness and frustration at a lack of [00:16:30] resourcing and compassion that a sadness around the lack of resourcing in our community. Um, I suppose exclusiveness and misuse of power, exclusiveness and misuse of power um, lack of community, um, pulling together around difficult issues, lack of community [00:17:00] support, lack of community pulling together and lack of community support. Mine was more a personal failure. A feeling of failure that I've been working for a long time and, uh, particularly with the medical community, have really made no difference. Well, that's a different one. So a very visceral held [00:17:30] position of a sense of failure. Thank you. I'm not being counted not being counted. It's almost an anger over some voices being privileged over others so that yeah, some people are never heard, and others take all space. So some voices being given privilege and some voices never being heard. Thank you. Just take a moment and and let's honour [00:18:00] what's been put in the room. Just every single one of those statements was important. Tommy, I'm gonna ask you to lead this next round and and, um, witnessing the statements, things that feel good to do I'll start over on this side, um, singing, singing and having music and really loving that energy. Singing and [00:18:30] loving the energy of sounds and music and voice. Um, creating what? The words writing creative writing. I also quite enjoy writing. But my honest answer would really be chocolate. Um, spending time with good friends and being in nature, being in nature, Enjoying time? [00:19:00] Um um, me fencing with foil. But another thing is attending conferences like this with wonderful people like yourself meeting and engagement in conferences and sword. What fencing is the word, I think. Sorry. Fencing with foil, trying [00:19:30] to take space for myself and to just do nothing finding space for yourself to do nothing. Being in the water and the Pisces. Um, and also getting takeaways, watching Netflix and fucking around on the Internet, being in the water, getting takeaways, watching Netflix and fucking around on the Internet, travelling [00:20:00] with my family, going away on holidays and family spending time with and my flatmates and our five cats spending time with a bunch of fluffy cats hanging out with family in, um, eating, eating food, dessert. OK, let's specify eating, [00:20:30] um, spontaneous road trips and creative things with Lego spontaneous road trips and creating things with not at the same time at different time. Lots of people got too. So I want to chat my favourite passion to reading books, reading books with words. So holding that duality of those things that nurture us in some senses, literally [00:21:00] and other senses viscerally against the first things that we shared, which are those things that del us and empty us. So I'm not going to go around and say who had a plan. But what? I'd like people from this workshop today, gently. This is not something we're going to check up on is to have people leaving today with a mini plan, and that first thing is that plan of reminding yourself [00:21:30] of the importance of you as a being and then seeing what I want you to think about is those big things that bug us because they are the things that get under our skin, you know, for whatever reason, they they can get under our skin. Is is what you can do to protect yourself. And we're gonna have a conversation because I'm sure people have got different ideas and Tommy's idea might work for me. Or I might think, that's ridiculous. That wouldn't work for me. But it might stimulate some thinking. And then just this little tiny plan [00:22:00] that you're going to take away and and we're just going to work in pairs. So we first of all, just going to check in with every one, OK, those big things that bug us and then the things that feel good to do and and just sharing each other. OK, what? What might your mini plan look like now? When? When I was doing that work with, um, Civil Defence and and I met the guy that, um, originally developed that I mean, he he was a paramedic. So it's he he used to say, you know [00:22:30] I. I take my pops and he wasn't meaning literal pox. But he had some stuff that he used to do. Jeffrey Mitchell was his name to sort of check, and Tommy will laugh. But I know when my red lights are starting to go up, I lose things. You know, I put my camera down in the shop and then walk away one of the most precious things in my life. The other thing that I do is I start falling over. OK, so that tells me that I'm tired [00:23:00] and dissociating. You know, I'm I'm not grounded. I'm not connected. So they're my red lights. So they're the things that I need to check in. So thinking also about what? You know yourself, you know, it might be that I'm not sleeping. It might be that instead of having that one sweet treat that I've given myself permission for, I've been in a whole chocolate cake, and that might make me feel good right now. But, you know, tomorrow I feel absolutely terrible and it starts affecting my [00:23:30] self-image. And again, I'm not judging here. These are These are things for ourselves. So for the next quarter, of an hour. We're developing and peers some details around that plan. OK, now again, let's have the same rules that we had before. The challenge is to work with someone you don't know, but this is about staying safe. So if you want to do this work with someone that you do now, I said parents. And if the safest person [00:24:00] in the room has got a buddy, just check in with them and say, Can we be a three? Because I would really like to work with you guys some again. There's not rules about it has to be a pair. It's just the bigger the group gets, the less time you're going to have to develop your plan so some people might go great. I'm gonna be the plan of in a group of 10, and then the chance of me talking it's very simple to give yourself the gift of being in a group where you get the chance to talk a bit more and again. [00:24:30] Same thing. I don't mind if people pretend they are moles and disappear. That's fine. Me and cats. Yeah, me cats are like that, right? So, um, come back at five minutes past four. You sure? Right? So we were realising that we didn't do what we normally do at the beginning of any workshop, which is we provide a space for people to introduce [00:25:00] themselves. It was this sort of weird lecture theatre space through me, and I'll take responsibility for for that fact. So what we're going to do now is we're going to go around and we're going to do that. So your name, your preferred gender pronoun and then I. I don't want the details of all your plan because that's personal to you. But but just a summary of what you've decided to take out of here the bit that you you want [00:25:30] to share normally when we're doing this, work with people that you have a contract with, someone who's not gonna have you done your plan yet. But the support person that's just going, you know, how are you rolling, Tom? Is it going OK? Is there anything that I can do to help not checking in on details at all, and I'm not going to require anyone to do that. But keep that in mind, because if we hold it inside our own heads and we're changing that slightly [00:26:00] by speaking out loud. It's not likely to happen. But for some of you here, there might not be a safe person that you feel OK to actually tell your plan and have that. So, you know, when I said about the exercise in the morning looking in the mirror, you can have a a silent conversation with that person and just kind of, you know, how's it going today and kind of check in with each other? Like, is it shut or is it actually rolling? OK, at the moment. So just going [00:26:30] around, Um, and we don't have huge amounts of time. So if people could be mindful of that, so name pronoun and then a little bit of detail about your plan. So, um, my name is Manny. My pronoun. Is they them? Um, and what I'm going to do on Sunday when all this is finished is just [00:27:00] spend some time out on my deck weeding because my plants have not had any attention at all for the last really since Christmas. And and doing that, I'm I'm just going to go back. I've got my own plan. It's just needs looking at. And I'm just going to go through myself and check in. And Tommy and I are colleagues. I'm not expecting Tom to check in on me at all, but when I've done that, I'm just gonna check in and say What? What's going on? And if [00:27:30] I'm needing anything from my colleague, I'll be explicit. But probably all I'm going to need is Tom to listen and not do anything. But I'll be very clear when I have that conversation that I want you to do something or I just want you to be my witness. Oh, I'm Lynn Pronoun. Is she here? Um, I think my plan might be [00:28:00] to say no and, um, I don't know how I'm gonna check in with him. I might have to check him with myself at night time and those awake times I think the hardest vote for any of us who care about our community to learn is that simple, You know, vote. It's really, really hard. Thank you. [00:28:30] I'm Margaret, and she and I didn't really come up with a plan that I did this. So but, uh, I I'll try not to be such a perfectionist. Thank you. And is she who pronounce? And, um, my mini plan is at the end of the conference today. I'm gonna just consciously check in about where I'm at and then make my plan from [00:29:00] there and maybe just try to prepare for my workshop and a limited amount of time and constrain that and then have the rest of my evening. Hm. Um, I'm Nathan, and I prefer male pronouns. Um, part of my, um, plan on checking in is, um, communicating with family and just telling them how I feel because I tend to bottle it up a bit. So mhm. I'm Geraldine Preferred pro Anna. She, I suppose, [00:29:30] networking with wonderful people like yourself because, boy, there are so many interesting things I've heard so far. And on a personal level, um, trying to get better at fencing and finishing series three and five of the Twilight Zone. Thank you. Um, my name is I use he and pronouns, um, in our group. We brought it into the immediate, [00:30:00] Um um So tonight I'm gonna have a really nice hot shower or maybe a bath, and I'm only gonna do a little bit of work on my presentation for tomorrow, and then I'm just gonna aesthetically make it look pretty. I'm not gonna do brain work. Thank you. Awesome. Um, Kilda, I'm Jack. And, um, I'm going with [00:30:30] boyish pronouns. Um, and I think I'm getting the swing of what's happening. So I think my thing is, I'm just basically hanging out to cuddle my brand new nephew and yeah. Yep. So that's going to be my job. Um, Jason, he or may pronounce, um, when I get back to Melbourne on Saturday night. I've got work Sunday, but [00:31:00] I'm planning on having a Monday off and going to see a couple of films with my husband. So, um, everyone Melissa she her pronouns. Um, my plan is to let my older sister know that I have a plan. Um, and let her know that when I'm not talking to her for a week, it's not because I don't like her anymore. It's because I probably am pushing her away. Um, and so I particularly need her to keep checking in with me in those times. [00:31:30] Thank you. Um, my name is Kay. Um I don't care what pronouns any or none is fine. Gender is not really my thing. Um, and I was thinking creatively about my plan, so that not just do a checklist. But I've been learning about agile methodology, and I think I want to do a mini, agile board where I've got my [00:32:00] to do my work in progress. My done my sort of, you know, topics and actually break it sort of down in a way that because I've always got too much on the go, But I actually enjoy that. And so it's more about how I manage it and prioritise it. And, um, other than that also culling my collections, like the clothes to the secondhand, um, sale that's coming up the New Horizons Trust to run in the, um, books because the book fair. You know all of those things, I. I collect [00:32:30] things and I try and redistribute them. But, you know, thank you. Um, my name is Bella. I use she her pronouns. Um, again, we were sort of thinking in the immediate plan, and after this, I'm gonna go to the supermarket and buy great food. Mhm. Yeah. Um, my name is Beck. I use she and her pronouns today. Um, and I I think, [00:33:00] um I need to find a mentor, actually, um, from within our community somewhat. Yeah. Thank you for that. Hi. I'm Tommy. I use, um EMM. Yesterday I used guy person. Um, and I'm trying to think of my check in plan, which is very hard, because my brain is really busy. And, um, Jack is staring at me [00:33:30] to know what that is. I could see you staring at me. Um, so I'm going with I'm going with Oh, yes, my chicken is drinking water. And, um uh, eating some vegetables. No more sandwiches for the next few days because I've been busy. Uh, and I'm also going to my other part of my check in is, I will make sure I ring Marie once I get back to Auckland, [00:34:00] and, um, I will just randomly ask how they're doing, and then they'll ask me how I'm doing randomly, and we both won't admit that we're checking in. Uh, it'll be kind of cool, like, Hey, how you doing? Good. Yeah. So, um, and there is one other aspect, which is II. I said exactly what Jack was saying. That [00:34:30] there there is, um, a little Bubby that I'm gonna meet and cuddle on Sunday, which always regenerates me. And also, hopefully I can connect with my goddaughter who's here in town at the moment. So cuddling little little humans will be really important. Thank you, everyone. So this workshop, you know, these are the fastest 1.5 hours that you have [00:35:00] in months. They just go by so fast. So all all we've done is scrape across the surface of what, um, self care looks like and how it works. But I'm hoping there's a few seeds that might be planted in the ground and, um, allowed to grow the other thing. I would say, Be gentle with yourself if you get to Wednesday and you know it's not working. It's not working like start again or think. OK, I. I want to rethink this self-care [00:35:30] idea. But I come back to the point that I've just said that the most important work that you can be doing is looking after yourself, and it's not a bad thing. So the the saying to a friend or a colleague, Um, even somebody in pain, it's actually OK to go, Tommy, I can't do that now. you check in on Wednesday and then you need to find someone else. My my bucket's dry. I can't [00:36:00] do this now. That's OK. And we really you know, they're the hardest things to to do, because if we're that depleted, even if our friend is really in need, we're not going to be able to listen appropriately. We're not going to be able to go appropriately. So that's, um, the end of our workshop because I want to give people just It's only 10 minutes, but a space to transition out of the space and into, um, our last plenary for the day. [00:36:30] So it's the end of our workshop and thank you, Thank you. And written in your own car but me.
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