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How would you describe your identity at the moment, I'll probably say more gender fluid. But until recently, I didn't write as transgender. It's work in progress. Um, do you think the language that we use to talk about our identities has changed much over time? Oh, yes. It's definitely a lot of new definitions of words or terms that I use. When did you, um, [00:00:30] first realised that your gender was different? Probably. When I was started primary school, it was more in the way that the girls played together as opposed to the boys played together. I was. I was a little more interested in what they did, rather than getting bloody and dirty. So probably from about the age of seven, I noticed that I wasn't like most boys. And then what happened was that after I didn't really do anything about it, I sort [00:01:00] of put it to the back of my mind. And then one day I got introduced with the first, uh, male to female transgender person I met. Um, sort of from that moment was when I knew that I want him to make a change, to make the outside feel like the inside. How old were you when you, um what kind of situation she met here in, Um, I met her at a at a queer youth group. Um, it was introduced by [00:01:30] friends, and Yeah, it was from that moment, Like that night, I sort of had a breakdown and fire, and I was like, I think that's something I want to do. Did you get many messages about, um, What it meant to be when you were growing up was like, education and health class? Nothing. Nothing at all. I didn't even really know it was a thing until I became a part of the GB community. But even then it was still just sort of little bits, or [00:02:00] there was never anything that near any education or anything that helped you. So did you first become part of the community? As as, uh, yes. No. I came out as gay when I was 12. And then from there I found a queer youth group at my school. And ever since then, they've been helping me learn to love myself. What kind of reactions did you get when you first came out? Um, [00:02:30] some were positive of that was predominantly from the girls, which, looking back on it, I'm not 100% sure why, but yeah, definitely. At school, it was hard, and all the boys sort of avoided you or peed on you for it, but my family was quite accepting of it. Um, so my dad a better time to come around, but overall, it was a mostly positive experience. Did you, um, experience [00:03:00] much kind of homophobia or 2012 year at school? Yes. Lots. Um, every day, as far as I can tell, um, name calling, throwing things the usual. Was there any kind of support from the school Be this guy. That was what my form teacher told me one day. But you found out about utopia through school. [00:03:30] Oh, yes. Through my school counsellor. Um, I think they had a poster there, and that's how I heard about it. But I made contact with some of the facilitators and sort of shyly attended group sat in the back for the first few months. And no, there's some really nice people there and good to get along with. Um So what was it like? Um, going from people thinking that you were gay to think coming out as Trans. It's definitely [00:04:00] a big challenge for them. Or for me, too. Um, will your family support? Yes. Yes. Um, my mom was very supportive. She said that she had an idea when I was younger, and I was like, Ok, thanks for the heads up. Um, but my dad was quite against me, doing it at a young age. She wanted me to build a life first and be secure and [00:04:30] not He didn't want me to ruin my life, which I haven't, but in his eyes, it would have because of the way other people would have seen me. Um, apart from that, um, some of my friends were ok with her. The others weren't so much. I sort of didn't believe that's what I wanted. So don't really talk to them anymore. But it was probably a bit easier than coming out as gay. I don't know why, but do you think [00:05:00] it's because he'd already probably Yeah, because I had already come out once. And then because of that, the queer community helped me grow so much. Whereas beforehand I didn't have that support network there. Has it been important? Um to you to be involved in the community and kind of have a sense of community and belonging. Yes, definitely. It's helped her through many hard times, and [00:05:30] I learned quite a lot from others. Do you see, um, social media and the Internet being, um, more of a part in the way lots of young people find their community connect and get information? Yes. No, definitely. Um, master of world land. Or most of the Chinese people I've talked to have been via Facebook or online groups. Where there? Um, yeah, If it weren't for social media, [00:06:00] I don't think I would be out. Just It's good to be able to connect and share information and stories. And why do you think that's all happening on social media? Because sometimes sometimes it's easier to talking in person, and other times it's distance. So I talk to people in other parts of the world. But honestly, I think it's more it's just easier to try and organise [00:06:30] people together on social media than it is to try and sort of talk to them individually and go right. I'm going to be here at this time. Um, so you said that recently, you've been thinking maybe you were, um, gender fluid. Do you want to talk about what that means to you and how you came to think about that? Well, it was more to do with how I see myself. Um, I've still got a lot to learn, but I've learned a lot more than when [00:07:00] I first came out as transgender. Um, it was more to do with the fact that my issues weren't with the body I was born, and it was to do in the way I was treated because of it, or how what society expected of me. So there was more a social role of female I thought I fitted in more with than the physical body. That's why I've I feel I felt more on a gender fluid as it's not terribly necessary for me to transition. But at the same time, that [00:07:30] would be nice. So the more I'm comfortable in between, What does gender fluid mean to you? Or how would you describe that to people who don't really know anything? Um oh, I. I have one here. To me, it's sort of a state of being com enough with yourself to [00:08:00] not need to define your gender as one or the other. It's sort of a I don't know. It's like a middle junior. Or just be comfortable to act or wear what you like And taking the tributes from both male and female. How they perceived, um, how did you learn about, like, gender fluid? Or did you know when you first came out as Trans? Did you know that that was kind [00:08:30] of an option or identity that was out there? Uh, no, I didn't actually, I had no idea about it until I think it was last year. Sometime, um, in one of the trans groups I'm in on Facebook. They posted, like, a link to definition of what's the difference? Identifications. So, no, it wasn't until recently that I was actually told about the other terminology and [00:09:00] that there's more there. What have you done since you left high school? I've been trying to figure out my place in life, Um, working while I figure out what I want to do. Really working. Where have you been working? Um, caffs building sites. Where else? Bakeries, car yards. Just all sorts. Yeah. Have you been out in any of your work place? [00:09:30] Yes. No, I've been out on all of them, apart from the one I'm at currently. Um, that was more to do with they. They know my dad and they knew me as a child, so I was sort of a bit harder rather than coming as a fresh face. It's like, Oh, I that's that person. But why is your name different? And so yeah, I've been out at my past jobs, and it it's been a little awkward at first as the workers got used to it. But after a while, they can't fool around me, and there hasn't been an issue. Have you had any [00:10:00] transphobia in the work place? No, actually, in the work place I haven't. Which is quite surprising. What was it like working on the building site? Dirty? It wasn't an issue. What were you doing? Um, at the start, I was sort of going in before the building stuff like little plastic and stuff. And then I got to mo the walls, put the concrete, do the plaster and painting, build a house. [00:10:30] But it wasn't an issue with any of those. No, it wasn't. Actually, they they still treat him like one of the guys, but this come to be expected on. So how do you feel about the way queer and Trans people are represented in the media and some of them on a positive light? If it's generally if it's been written or done by a career trans person, it's in a positive light because you know, when people see themselves in a positive light, Um, [00:11:00] but there's bound to be a lot of negative media. I can't feel anything examples at the moment, though. Have there been any characters or storylines that you've been able to kind of relate to or see your identity reflected in? Is it short bus or it was a movie? Um, foreign movie. Oh, sorry, I don't I don't know if it was foreign story. It wasn't spoken English. Um, it was about a tomboy. They moved to a new town [00:11:30] and it was a girl and started dressing up as a boy and playing with the boys and stuff. Oh, as a movie, I don't know if I can remember what it's called, but yeah, it was a It was about a girl who moved to Newtown and Fred, a boy. So she seemed to be a boy snuck in, and they found out in the end. But yeah, I felt quite easy to relate with that, because some of what I did at primary school, I sort of tried to disguise themselves, not disguise myself as school, [00:12:00] but sort of put in put in. Yeah. How do you feel about the marital quality bill that passed last year? Long time coming. Uh, it's Yeah. I watched. I watched all the readings of the bill up late at night on TV and I went out with friends and celebrate the last one. We watched that we read [00:12:30] and accepted. Um, I'm glad it's finally passed. It's It shouldn't have been an issue in the first place. It's What do you think of some of the issues? Other issues facing quarantine? Um, young people in New Zealand at the moment, The one for me that I can think of is mainly be playing skills. Where do you think we might be in 10 years time? Maybe we'll have to say right to [00:13:00] everyone else getting there. Still a few things to go, but we'll be just like everyone else. we'll be all just like everyone else. We'll be treated just like everyone else. And you won't have to come out anymore. It will just be You won't get to chose necessarily. But it won't be coming out. It'll just be Oh, ok. You like boys instead of girls you like instead of boys? It won't be a big deal. Are you still involved with, um, catch up here or any of the transcript? Uh, yes. I'm involved [00:13:30] with op. I help facilitate it on a weekly basis. And for Trans Youth Group, it's currently, uh I think it's currently on hiatus, So we're doing some rebranding and trying to get in some more information before we start up again. But, yes, I'm still involved. Helping or trying to help run them. And do you see them? What kind of do you see? Those groups, um, do include including Chinese people. [00:14:00] The main thing I see is helps the young people, the young people realise that they're not alone or they're not the only one going through this. Also the same time, it's good to inform them about everything. But the main thing for them is having friends meeting other queer people and going, Hey, I'm not alone because most of them are at different schools and they don't see each other outside of Utopia. So they feel quite [00:14:30] couldn't feel quite isolated at school, especially if there's not many other gay people they know of. What does it mean to you? To be volunteering with that group means quite a bit to me, because when I was younger, the heads of helped me quite a bit to come to terms with accepting who I am and knowing that it's OK to be gay. So it means quite a lot to me [00:15:00] to hope that I'm helping some of the young movers to be able to accept themselves and not feel ashamed. Have you had any, um, train models? I actually haven't. I don't I can't think of any role models in general. It's not good. That's right. Um, if you could give a kind of message to, um, young person is struggling to [00:15:30] come out as a chain, so to me it gets better. Maybe, how at the moment, or maybe it's not. Maybe you're still just starting to question yourself, but it gets better one day. Things will change, you'll be somewhere different. You'll be someone different. Don't stress out about it too much, Miss. What messages do you, um, remember getting when you were [00:16:00] growing up about, um, growing trans people that they were that they were creepy old men that met people in toilets. That was most of the messages I got about. Where did you get those from older kids at school? Um, big brothers of older friends? No. Who would have talked about that? Yeah, it was just sort of the school yard gossip. [00:16:30] What's the kind of have you been part of much of the kind of nightlife scene in Christchurch for the community? No. I feel like it's a safe place to go out in. I'm hoping, Yes, but I honestly wouldn't have any idea on I'm early to bed. So I don't see that side of thing. And what's your favourite thing about being a part of a care intense community in New Zealand [00:17:00] that you feel welcome and accepted? So you got freedom of yourself when you're around your peers because half the time busy pretending to be someone else or trying to please others, but with your queer family, you can just be yourself.
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