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How do you describe your identity? Um, I will describe identity as female, but currently, uh, very confused about everything else. Everything with, like, gender. And I would say Can't Yeah, I would say I confused about my Children. See, I can, [00:00:30] I guess, would say so. And health as of the past few months. So when did you first start to realise that you were, um there was different. I first I saw he noticed that when? Um when I went on a study exchange [00:01:00] programme to about three years ago and his first realise it was different when I, um yeah, when I first portrayed myself as sim on on this online chat programme, I wasn't aware of it at the time, But during the three or four [00:01:30] months, and I started feeling more comfortable being portraying myself as a few more online is being a guy offline. And I guess ever since end of July, just yeah, I just started noting it more and more. Um, what do you think made you, um, [00:02:00] first appear as a woman online? Well, I didn't really have much. I was always really rather quite shy, and I've never had I was I was never really easy for me to talk to, other to other girls. And I just guess I just thought that maybe if I was a film, then it would be a lot easier to talk to other girls. [00:02:30] Was that something you'd ever, um, kind of thought about, um, when you were younger or before that at any point? Was it Did you know that it was an option to be, um, trend or non binary? I never really knew about I. Apart from like when you were in 2020 I put a documentary about Trans people, but back then, even before 2011, I was confused by it. I I understood, [00:03:00] like how difficult it must have been for the person and for the parents and such. But I was just, like was the real show. I meant, um What what's it been like? Kind of coming up, um, as an adult, because you will be hearing a lot of kind of narratives that, like, um, people figure out that they were transgender when they were like a child and started wearing dresses or or, um, things like that. And that's often kind of seems to be the narrative [00:03:30] that's portrayed in the media. So what's it like? Not yeah, a different story. I haven't really received negative opinions from people as such myself. It's always seems like, Oh, I was worried that it would happen but I guess the feels were because I guess, as you said, like the society like, Well, I wouldn't say they expect, But it's definitely stereotypical that most [00:04:00] Trans people only found out when they were a child. And I've basically was around about 20. Yeah, 20 years old when I first found out. Have you met many, um, other Trans people who have had a similar to your, um, up until 2012? I never really. That means [00:04:30] a lot of friendship. I might have been one transform of the chats programme. I used to frequent a lot, but I think that was before that was after being in a weights. But, um yeah, when I first came out, when I like in September 2012, I joined up two local groups in Christchurch and from then on, always heads. [00:05:00] We friends, we friends a few trans people and and yeah, I can definitely say majority of them have become have become my friends. Um, was it important, or has it been important to you to, um, have, like, a sense of community and belonging? Um, yeah. I felt better having people, especially people I can talk to in person rather than online, [00:05:30] but everything. And it's like giving me advice and like, and support as well. Um, do you think social media and the Internet play, um, a big part in the way that lots of queer intensive people connect with each other and find information and build their communities nowadays? I would say so. Especially with [00:06:00] Facebook and Tumblr, because have met. Well, I haven't really met, but I have made friends off of Tambo. I know that they have always been like, I know that there's a strong trans community online there, despite having some few setbacks every now and then. Do you remember, um, [00:06:30] any messages about queer dreams to people and that you learned when you were kind of growing up about what it meant to be there? Or did you learn anything in like health classes at school? They really never from being an intermediate and high school. They never really told us about being translated, even sexual. I mean sexual. He is. But like, um, I guess sexual orientation. They've never really talked about [00:07:00] much. And as I mentioned those documentaries from 2020 about Trans Children, But I guess only until Wikipedia or a few years after Wikipedia first started I've never really I. I was intrigued by the stories, and I as I mentioned, I felt a bit weird after, but I've only [00:07:30] I don't know, 2009, 2010, 2008. I really just started, like, read articles in Wikipedia about being talked about transfer to the people, but I never really I never really gave much thought. Um, have you come out to your family? Um, I've come out to my sister and my parents, and so far [00:08:00] a has been more supportive. But I've got bunch of grandparents in my home country and my grandma who was here, but I haven't come out to them yet, and I think they're the ones I'm more. I'm more worried about the reactions in my parents. Why, more than that, because they're really quite traditional, and, um, by [00:08:30] home countries is. Well, I won't say it's massively central against LGBT people, but it is definitely negative history with all that. And I really don't know where my grandparents sense on that, I guess. Yeah. Where are you from? Um, I'm originally from Serbia. When did you come to New Zealand? With my [00:09:00] family In about 1995. And did you grow up in Christchurch? Um, yeah, I grew up in Christchurch. Do you think it's harder being, um, change in the South Island? I wouldn't really know, to be honest. Um, but you think it would be better to hear them back in your home country? Um, yeah, definitely. Um, what kind of rights do queer and Trans people have [00:09:30] there? Um, all I know is that gay, gay marriage or marriage of the same sex people is illegal. Um, sex between same sex people isn't or I haven't really checked online in a while. All I really know is that there's, like, [00:10:00] a surgery medical centre in the careful city where they do, um, treatments for where they do the bike GRS surgeries and such. But I think that's about how do you feel about the American colony? passing in New Zealand. It's a good thing I don't understand why it wasn't passed until earlier, but [00:10:30] I make people happier being able to like actually got proper origin, not just a civil union. Do you think, Um, it's been important for the trans community? I guess for us there's more important things because, yeah, what do you think are some of the most important issues that are? Um, I think we're in trans communities in New Zealand. At the biggest thing [00:11:00] is just that, like, health insurance companies want to, like, cover any of our like treatments or surgeries and such I I know that all surgeries and treatments are in place, but I remember when I called my family's health insurance provider. They said that they don't cover anything. Um, have you had a hard time trying to access healthcare myself? Not really. I [00:11:30] just basically just had help from my GP ever since I started from like when I first realised that all this was going on and had the side ways with the endocrinologist and the psychiatrist to go see apart from that, it was all fine. Um and you said that over the last few months, You've been kind of really confused about, um, gender. Do you want to talk about that? Um, I just I've always [00:12:00] had, I would say, both exciting depression, although there are on points up since 2011. Oh, I wouldn't say it was both. I think it was more anxiety, but I've always had very bad anxiety since finishing high school, and it flared up like it has basically been, like, [00:12:30] acted within me since I know beginning of near the beginning of last year. But it hasn't been recently, isn't it's been worse since, I guess because I've I remember when I focused more on my, like, trying to figure out my gender identity. But recently it's just all been. It's always been about my anxiety and just I guess, just because of that, I just felt like that [00:13:00] on say, I'm not sure anymore, but I was just like I just been feeling again like I can't call. I can't call myself Trans because I've not done much in the sense of transition, and I have not done very much anything else to help like make me feel better about that. Do you feel like there's quite a lot of, [00:13:30] um, like pressure or like kind of portrait that there's like a right way to be Trans and to transition. I have lost it from some other people, but I haven't Oh, I guess, any real pressure. I've had the reason why I want to start as soon as possible because I know that on my dad's side there is no path and important and he got around 26 or something, and I just really we were trying [00:14:00] to beat that and not let it happen to me as well. I think there's it seems like there's often, um yeah, often people say that, you know, just like one way to be Trans. In fact, it's like, you know, it's completely like a personal journey and it's up to you like what things you want to do and at what pace you wanna do it and stuff. But do you? Is that, um do you find other people wouldn't understand that or don't kind of [00:14:30] so most White Trans would understand that. I guess I really think is just being feeling, uh, I would say just I guess like, um show or something because I've always felt like biggest part is just like looking a lot more. I wouldn't say a trick that was like, I guess, just for creating what I how I work now. And [00:15:00] that's what most of my friends on Facebook have been seeing for me, I think, last year. But they always said, Oh, you know, there's so one way to be Trans and you don't have to be But I know gorgeously or whatever to be Trans and just like they've never called me out for being shower. But just I've always mentioned that myself. [00:15:30] Do you think the, um, anxiety kind of issues that you're talking about? Um, do you think that's related to your, um, gender? I think that me thinking about my agenda has come about because of my anxiety. I think I have had one friend tell me that she got anxiety because of her gender stuff. But I know in my case that my anxiety has always been around here before. Any kind of [00:16:00] like confusion about gender mhm. These are like other things that are kind of getting in the way or like challenges you're facing to help you kind of like along your journey. I'll just say so for my anxiety because it's has been really affecting me. And I'm finding it difficult to see the point in studying currently because it's [00:16:30] like, Yeah, I've been told that if, like if you study enough or say hard enough or you focus enough on your anxiety or try and go away. But for the past two weeks, I have not felt that even working hard on my projects and such. I still feel my anxiety. I was like, It's like overtaking everything and just I've not felt need to drop out of school. [00:17:00] But I felt like sometimes, like, I would just rather take like, the week off or something. But saying that I've had you see how my school, that schedule I recently did have a week off. But even then my anxiety was affecting me, and I would not say that I haven't had an effective enough break from everything. Are you getting for that? Um, I [00:17:30] assume I psychologists Oh, it used to be like a month in between the retirement seeker, but now it's like every three weeks or so. Oh, very good. Sometimes I have like morning classes, and it just it's not easy to try to like, like, arrange everything. So it kind of they pretty much cause a like, long times in between [00:18:00] appointments. What? And unfortunately, I can't. My school doesn't have free counselling services, so I can't see someone like once a week or something. What are you studying? Um, I'm studying graphics design. And what kind of hopes do you have for your future? [00:18:30] I'm not really sure at this stage. I know that transition is a big thing, but as I've mentioned anxiety, I don't know if that when that can restart, and even though I am sure I will be able to get a diploma in my course in about August or September, I really don't think I'll be actually be able to get a job after I finish. [00:19:00] Why do you think that? And I've I've always felt like nothing ever could, like happens to me like III. I don't have bad luck, but I have the good like and I just II. I would say getting a job is like something good happening to me, but like somehow it was just like like it's just not going [00:19:30] to happen. Um, do you feel like that way like is kind of your anxiety and being part of your fear of not getting a job? Or is it because there aren't many jobs out there or it's quite hard to? I would say it's more because of anxiety and anything else. I. I realise that being Trans and trying to find jobs is all I realised I was. Being Trans makes for find jobs. But since the whole [00:20:00] transition thing isn't going to happen off isn't going to happen. Um, so I guess isn't like my main concern is just trying to like trying to just re my anxiety as much as possible before I try for finishing off. Um DNA. And how do you feel about the way queer and Trans people are represented in the media? I [00:20:30] would say it's a bit stereotypical now. We were focusing on either really young or Trans have known since young transitions, young or like which although like I guess like I, I wouldn't say like a bear. But like all the trans people as well [00:21:00] and like how you, like, just focus on stereotypes, fight LGBT people, and it's just like, what are some of the stereotypes that you see? It was like overly camp people, and I guess, well, that's wouldn't say it's a really a serious type like [00:21:30] Dr Queen Swell. And I guess it's like the recent thing. Like how, uh, American actor with of Hits portrayed himself as a Trans woman in this movie. That was, I think, really early this year or last year as well. What do you think [00:22:00] about that? I don't think that he should have chosen that role. I, I did read a few months after. Like how he, the director, said that the character was supposed to be a drag queen, but for some reason the change a trans woman. But I remember reading about the huge backlash that had, especially with the Yeah, Trans comedian Tom, You know, it's like arguments [00:22:30] from from one side the other. Like I it was it was a pretty big mess. Do you think that, um, role should have gone to a Chinese woman? Yeah. Yeah. What else would you like to see? More of on the media? It is like to not expect that every Trans person is heterosexual, because [00:23:00] I would say there's one bias in the trans community, but actually it's like even though, even though the same thing being heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual. But yet somehow the media she was like, Oh, yes, if you're if you're a trans woman, then you but only rather go for guys rather than girls because as a guy you were into girls. But now, because you're a woman now you have to be into guys and something. That's [00:23:30] a big, big stereotype, and it's a people from as well seem to like, Yeah, just get confused about the difference between, like how sexual orientation and gender. Two different things. Um, if you could give a, um, kind of hopeful message to a, um, young trans person coming out in their twenties, what would it [00:24:00] be? Um, I guess I would say Don't give up hope. Yes, you have come out question in what usually what? People usually think that trans people can't come come out. But that doesn't mean that you won't have. You won't have the same amount of success as they would. [00:24:30] Um, I, I guess. Just like I was supposed to say Don't give up hope just because you're all there in.
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