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So as for me, um, I realised, quite soon, uh, I was different from all the guys. Um, in fact, uh, as I was six years old, I noticed that there was It was the only guy in my school to have just, uh, girlfriends. I had no boyfriends. Um, so I I noticed it, and I couldn't say what was different was me. But, er [00:00:30] it does so So I accepted it. And, um, several years later, when I was a teenager, uh, it became more obvious that something was different than me. Um, my friends, if I may use the word friends because, uh, I had no real friend at that at that time. I was OK with the other people, but, um, people used [00:01:00] to choose me as a friend, but I didn't choose people as friends. And that's quite different for me. So, uh, the people who were which were living with me, um, always speak about girls, and, um, they try to give them notes or things like that Say that girl seems quite wonderful. Er, she's, uh uh quite nice. I would give her a wonderful note. A or B or something like that. see, [00:01:30] uh, and as for me, I would have give give notes to two guys to boys, so that was quite difficult at that time, as I used to live at that time in the countryside in France. Um, you know, it was in the seventies and the seventies, and that time in France, it was quite difficult to speak about homosexuality. In fact, um, people didn't [00:02:00] really speak about it, and they knew it existed. But, um, the images that you had in films or in books about homosexuality was quite awful. Um, the people who who were supposed to be homosexual were always represented as, um, almost female guys. So when you you were not such a a guy, it was quite, er difficult to identify [00:02:30] yourself with such people. So when you had noticed you were homosexual or feel attracted to to guys, it was, uh, quite hard to to accept it. Still, I accepted it. Um, it became easier when, uh, I grew. I grew up, and, uh, I moved to to Paris, uh, for my studies. And then, uh, well, I quite dream a lot about [00:03:00] living in Paris. Uh, I wouldn't say it is a a game maker. But in fact, when you or you you used to live in a at the countryside, Paris seems to be something wonderful. So when I began my study in, uh, in Paris, Uh, it was the first time I could live on my own. I have my own room. I have my own things and, uh, be out of home [00:03:30] and living on my own. That's quite that was quite interesting and very interesting experience at the very beginning. Um, I was in, um what do you call it in France? An inter inter? I don't know. There's an English word for it. So, you know, it is when several people are, um, sharing a room where they're, um they are sleeping together. See? So, uh, at that time, at the very beginning, it was [00:04:00] quite hard for me because I was quite afraid to To have to dream to To sleep with other guys. Uh, I didn't know how I would react. Um, so I remember quite well that at that time, er, I made up my mind so that, um I woke up very early in the morning just to take my shower. Er on the alone and, er not to have to, um, [00:04:30] to cope with other guys and to trust, to see them under the shower. You see, sometimes it's quite difficult not to react. So, um and then, um, I had to cope with the military duty services. I don't know the right word for it, but in France we have to, um, to spend one year, uh, for a military service. So I did it. [00:05:00] I must admit, it was I was quite afraid also to to do it. See, when you have to share a life with, uh, many other guys from quite in quite nice, and it's difficult not to not to react. So But, um, everything was quite OK. So now there wasn't quite many problems. And then I've been able to [00:05:30] really live on my own. And that is to say, I had my real my own flat, which was quite awful and wonderful at the same time. Um, and at that time, it was in the middle of the eighties. Um, it was at that time that AIDS appeared and many people were talking about it as a homosexual disease or things like that. So [00:06:00] But the positive effect was that at that time, actually, people could speak about homosexuality, even if it was the bad side. But even they began to to speak about it. It was the very beginning. And, uh, at that time in the middle of the eighties, uh, I chose to have a a Mini what is I don't know if you you know what it is. But in France it is what [00:06:30] we can say is a sort of an ancestor for, uh, internet. And, um, that was quite interesting. You could dialogue first, right to people you you had no ideas about. It could be anywhere in France where the military existed and the dialogues with writings and phone them and then meet them. And that was quite interesting. [00:07:00] So, of course, there were specific such services for gays, so I used them, and, uh, it was my the first time I really met people who were feeling like me. So, uh, it was very interesting for me. Interesting. And, uh, sometimes, uh, I must admit, I was quite disappointed in as much as I didn't expect so many people to be, [00:07:30] um, to be sad to be to feel quite ill at ease with homosexuality. Um, I met several people who had already tried to commit suicide several times because of their homosexuality. I was I was quite surprised, because for me, um, it hasn't raised so many problems. I had accepted my homosexuality, even if I hadn't really [00:08:00] lived it at at that moment, as am I coming out? Well, what could I say? It's quite difficult for me to speak real about it. Um, and as much as I haven't made any coming out towards my parents, for example, uh, Except, uh, my sister, who is, uh, who knows everything about me and, well, everything a part of everything about [00:08:30] me. Um, my parents don't know anything about my homosexuality. Uh, that's my choice. Um, I know that they would have many difficulties to accept it. Um, I've tried to see how they would react, you know, just, um, talking about it from time to time. See what their point of view was about such a topic. But, um uh, they [00:09:00] have always considered homosexuality as a disease. So with time, I hope they that we change our mind. Er, at that time, it's still er life is so I haven't spoken to them. Still, I I think I'd be compelled to do to do it. Um, my boy, my boyfriend has, uh, has, uh, told everything to his parents. Uh, I've met them. They are quite wonderful people. And [00:09:30] I decided to move in South France French Riviera in quite a few months with my boyfriend. So I think I'll be compelled to speak about my parents about that. Um, even if I am quite sure that my mother wouldn't even believe it, and, uh, even if I didn't say anything, she would believe it's just a friend. Uh, even if I'm always telling her that, um, I'm always with him, in fact, so [00:10:00] but, er, when people don't want to understand, I think they they don't. So that's OK for me, and it's sometimes a little hard not to be able to speak about it. But, um, in as much as my very close friends are all knows or know all about me and uh, that's OK, because I've been able to to to do my coming out with my friends and I've been quite I really happy [00:10:30] to see that they have accepted it quite well. So I think I'm quite happy. I'm quite lucky. I wouldn't give any advice to anybody about coming out. I think there are no general purposes, general way to act in such a such a field. There are people who can tell it to their parents. And some wars and well [00:11:00] depends on each situation. In each case, I think it is always interesting when you can speak about it to the people you love. But it is not possible. Yeah, You've got always friends so friends and are wonderful things. That's my point. My first sexual experience was a, um it was not a good one. [00:11:30] It was, um, was a pianist. I met through the and, um well, it was the first time I accepted to meet someone in in his own flat. And just a few few minutes after coming in his flat, he helped me to to put my clothes off, and, um and he wanted to have sex with me. So [00:12:00] I was quite surprised, because for me, um, sex and love were connected, and it is not always the case. Uh, still, it is the case for me at the moment. Uh, I I've always thought thought and, uh, I still think that, uh, it's best to have sex when you love, um, the person you have sex with, but, uh, this chemist didn't think like this. So I I was curious. Uh, I wanted to know [00:12:30] what it was. I must admit it so, But at the same time, uh, as I didn't love really, that that guy, um, it it was quite surprising. It was like acting and, uh, being a witness of your act at the same time. See, um, that wasn't love at all. For me. It was something something physical, but, um, nothing else. So after that, um, must admit, [00:13:00] I didn't feel quite well. Um, I wonder why, Um if was was to be. So maybe, uh, I had to have no sexual life at all, but, um, I don't regret it.
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