This page features computer generated text of the source audio. It may contain errors or omissions, so always listen back to the original media to confirm content. You can search the text using Ctrl-F, and you can also play the audio by clicking on a desired timestamp.
I think that some people are born gay. You are not. You know you don't learn to be gay. Because when I was really young, uh, when I see some handsome guys, I would like get an interaction. But I didn't realise that, you know, I have, like, feeling for guys. Until when I was my first year in high school, like I only 15. So that's when I started to accept myself as someone who is feeling for guys and not for girls. [00:00:30] Um, I'm in the closet, you know, I don't go out, and none of my friends know that I'm gay. So I have to go to the Internet to meet someone you know, and chat room and stuff. And I also go to some porn site, and that really excites me. And I compare the, um, gay porn and straight porn. And that's when I realised that what I really want, uh, what [00:01:00] my sexual preference is. So, um, that's why And then when I met the first guy on the Internet, we had coffee, and then we talk and we had we really had fun. So So that's how I realised that that's what I really want. And I won't be happy being with girls. Um, because of my age, I'm only 19. I'm still in, um, college and my parents. They I don't think I think they [00:01:30] will accept me as a homosexual eventually, but not easily so. And they're still supporting me financially. So, um, I'm waiting till I graduate from college and get a job and settle down to tell everyone you know. So I think that's gonna be a big thing, But I, I am gonna tell them eventually because my mother is always expecting me to, uh, marry someone and have kids and stuff. So I think [00:02:00] that's gonna be a big disappointment for her. But I have to tell her because I won't be happy if you know, if I do what she wants me to do. So the first time was, uh I think in, uh, 97 like, around October 97 I met that guy on the Internet. Uh, he's British, and, um, I talked to him. And then, like, I was trying to experience what gay, [00:02:30] uh, sexes. And, uh, I talked to him and I went to his apartment, and then we talk and then we get really interested in each other. So, um, we did kiss. And then, um, we went to or or And then, um, I didn't know anything about anything at all. I was kind of know and wanting to experience stuff. And I told him, like I as I seen [00:03:00] in a porn, I want to have anal sex. And then he said he won't do it because, um um I think, uh, you know, he he is really He sort of cares for me because I'm still a virgin and he he he has a very big endowment. So he's one of the best gay guy that I've ever seen, and I think I'll never see him again. And then, um, I forgot to get [00:03:30] his address. So I didn't email him or anything, and then so I sort of wanted to experience other guys. I don't I. I don't know. I think it's not right. But many gay people do that, and I think this is what I sometimes I think it's what life is about seeing a lot of different guys, which is why a lot of us wind up getting AIDS or HIV so um I went to see a, uh, like, a couple more several guys. Um, but I didn't [00:04:00] feel the same way as the first time. They weren't gentle, you know? So I think it's really hard to find someone like that first guy again. But, uh uh, I don't know. I still want to experience with, uh, several more guys, you know, to have different experience, but they just don't feel the same as my first time. It's memorable. And it's really what love making is all about. Not like other times. Um, [00:04:30] what I feel what I really want is a gentle and romantic stuff. It's not. It has nothing to do with, like, sex, but the way he touches you like it just feels so good. I think this is what all sex is about. It doesn't have to be an sex or oral sex. So, um, after having sex with a lot of guys with just, like excitement and what you see in the porn, I feel that this is not all what sex is about. [00:05:00] Well, I think that, uh, coming out, um, it doesn't have to be like you don't have to come out. You know, like I don't know if I accept myself gay, uh, like socially because, um, like, I try to be with a lot of my my friends that are girls so that, you know, to work with them so that so that, like people would like, look at me as socially [00:05:30] normal here because the homo, like the number of homosexual people, is, you know, are very small. So they think that what heterosexual is normal and, oh, we are not normal. So II, I don't know. I don't know. Like I do want to accept myself as homosexual, but like in my mind, I just I don't know. I just can't control it. Like I want to be with girls to let people [00:06:00] see that I do have girlfriends. I'm not real, you know, I'm not, uh, like, don't let them suspect about myself and stuff, so I don't know why I did that, but, uh, I do, except I I'm so confused. But I think I eventually will come out sometimes to tell all my friends because I don't feel good keeping all the stuff myself. So I tell them sometimes, uh, but it will be after [00:06:30] college So, um, I would suggest that people just coming out like after they settle down or everything. Because a lot of people, this is a very new thing. A lot of people don't accept that. So my parents, they are very kind of old fashioned, so they haven't been, uh, exposed to what homosexual is about. So it's gonna be really, really new to them. [00:07:00] I can't imagine what my mom would feel. She would be really, really disappointed. My dad, I think he would understand. And my mom would even eventually understand. But it would be really, really hard. It would take a lot a long time for her to accept me because she has such so much hope for me. And like, according to them, like heterosexual is what the life, you know, should be so Oh, I can't imagine [00:07:30] how I'm gonna tell them. Oh, and my my parents are really old now. I'm the youngest. My dad is about 60 now, So sometimes I thought about not telling them because they only have, like, uh, you know, they won't. Well, you know, they are pretty old now, so just like, forget about that and stuff. So uh I don't know if I still need to tell, but But if they find out in some other way, like, find out my personal [00:08:00] life, like, find out, then I will tell them. But if they don't find out, then I would try to avoid that. Uh, you know, as far as I can, because I don't want to hurt that feeling, so I think it's better not to tell them.
This page features computer generated text of the source audio. It may contain errors or omissions, so always listen back to the original media to confirm content.
Tags