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Hello. How are you today? I'm pretty good. What's your name? My name is Storm Cloud. That's a That's a interesting name. Uh, it's it's part stage name, part actual name. So it's It's that English or Yeah, Yeah. Uh, cloud is not my real last name. I just prefer it better Storm. So, uh, is a middle name of mine, But, uh, my first name is also my dad's name and his dad's name and his dad's name. So he just been called storm since birth. OK, so, um, can you tell [00:00:30] us about yourself? Um, I am 20 years old. I am a poet from Hamilton. Spoken with a poet. Um, do you want my whole life story in a nutshell or just Oh, it's up to you. Um, I was born in the States. I am from Seattle. Washington. Um, Dad is a bit of a loser. Uh, he's he's he's from the States. And, uh, Mom's from Thames. And, [00:01:00] uh, we moved here. Me and my father in 2001. Yeah, 2001. It's just over a decade ago. Uh, just so we can get in in connection with Evers. Um, went from from a city that houses that house at the time 3 million people to a little tiny town of of, like, a handful of 1000 possibly probably more. And, uh, then moved to Hamilton in 2004, uh, picked up poetry from, uh, from [00:01:30] when I went flatting when I was 17. 18. Uh, when I went to an open mic night at the library, it was international poetry. And I've been a musician since I was really, really, really young writing songs and and composing. And so I just decided to write a poem to the beat. Someone told me it was really, really good at the open mic night, and there were spoken words. So you tubed it, um, Got inspiration from of my idols, Phil King, who I'm performing with tonight. And, um, from from [00:02:00] there just came up. Just did a whole heap of competitions last year here in Auckland, Um, got got pretty high rank to get back to Hamilton and just started to create a culture. I teach a class of about, uh, 2020 students, mostly uni students. I have I have, uh a lot of I have a couple of single mothers. I have a few teenagers fresh, fresh, in high school, still in high school. I have people who bust up a couple of times from out of town just just to be there. So [00:02:30] it's it's really, really gratifying. And and it's just really I'm really thankful that people find, um, poetry and especially my poetry, but just poetry in general, so engaging, especially in the spoken word game. Um, So your poetry, um, they're very strong message based, aren't they? Uh, yeah, yeah, my mind. Poetry is is really I. I find it really strong. Um, like like the messages are [00:03:00] are really quite bold. A lot of some of the other poets I hang around with have have really subtle messages, but, uh, I've I've been told mine are really sharp and to the 0.1 of the first poems I wrote was about my, uh was it was about a friend of mine who, who I won't name, who came over from the states and the state with his uncle. He was 17. I was 15 at the time, and, um, I saw him getting the bashing down because he was he was wearing this. I'm I'm something. Something something he just had gay on the T shirt. [00:03:30] He's getting the bash for it. So I I cleaned him up after made good friends, and he was telling me that he stayed with this guy, Took kids. He's an older homosexual guy. Um, yeah, I. I didn't I didn't know his name. He was He was late late fifties, Took in about 10 kids. Um, from from any culture, every culture who was just on the streets for for any Any reason. And, uh, the poem I wrote was about Benny being with this guy and this guy getting hated [00:04:00] on so intensely by by the people from my hometown Hamilton getting hated on. And he eventually committed suicide from it. And I don't remember the poem at all. But since then I've been writing. I've been writing a lot of queer identity, gender identity things, uh, in in amongst all all the other stuff that I wrote. I wrote it for the audience just because it it speaks to me. I've had such a connection to that from from a very young age. So [00:04:30] is that one of your main passions Since um, since that moment is that one of your main inspirations Inspirations for poetry? Um, yeah, for for poetry, Uh, especially for poetry and music as well. It's, um Here comes the S and, uh, yeah, II. I write a lot about my own internal struggle with my own sexuality. Um, my own [00:05:00] gender identity as well. Um, and and really, what? What makes a man what makes a man a man? What makes a woman a woman? What makes a person really a person, but with within those those general compounds of that. So, um, have you done a part about your when you came to realise? Um, not quite. When I'm I'm not fully out of the closet. It's, um which is kind of weird, because I did go to a queer youth group. [00:05:30] I go to you. It's a fantastic place when I went there, Um, and just meeting all these all these young people younger than me who have been out of the closet for years since they were 13. I was 13. And, um I know, I know. Um, yeah, since they were 13, 14, 15. Just II I went. I started going when I was 17 and I'm not officially at home. It's just something I don't talk about, not because I am embarrassed, not because I'm intimidated [00:06:00] or afraid. It's just I I've been a part of the gay scene. It's It's not something I'm into. But, um, identifying with it, yeah, all my friends know workmates have known. And II, I think if I tell my mother like like, straight up, tell her mum I'm gay, she'd be like, OK, that's sweet. I love you no matter what, But before you leave the house, wear a helmet, elbow pads, knee pads Make sure that you wear full body armour. It's a difficult world out out there for you people. And and [00:06:30] I'm afraid you should get super protection and forget that I've been on my own for for a few years. So, um, so you're still technically in the closet in some sort of way. It's gonna sound really bad, but I don't believe in labels. I know I know it sounds cliche and and being unlabeled or, in that category, miscellaneous as a label by people who label label, label, label label label. I said it 10 times. I'm pretty sure um, like I realised that I wouldn't call myself [00:07:00] in a closet. I wouldn't. Wouldn't think there has been any closet, at least in my life. Um, I've never been afraid to say who I am. I mean, I I'm a whole bunch of different other things. Like I. I identify as being like, I've had to label it bisexual, leaning towards men. But I like what I like. And, um, like, I'm a whole bunch of other things than than bisexual. I'm I'm half class Maori. I'm American. I'm a spoken word poet. I'm at the moment [00:07:30] morbidly obese. Uh, I am a recovering alcoholic. I I'm trying to quit smoking. I'm a whole different. I'm a whole bucket load of things and and that's just one little part of me. So you don't like to be as your main self as the gay or bisexual person as you are. You want to be known as these many things that just this little tiny thing kind of thing. My my ultimate goal in life is, [00:08:00] um, is just to be happy. And my ultimate goal in life is a as as a performer as a poet is is for people to love my work because that's who I write it for. That's who I perform it for, and and writing it for them and then loving it, then them getting really into it and awakening something in them, really making letting themselves feel connected to that little part of me that's that's lived life is, um, really, really, really [00:08:30] special. What was the question again? Going off on tangents? Yeah. Um, so you don't like to be You don't want to be identified as one other person? Um, when I went to, uh, the youth group Youth, um, there there was being being so young and not really having, like for myself having gay around me all the time. That sounds bad. Having having [00:09:00] gay culture around me all the time. I. I didn't know that gay culture existed until, um, like, halfway through high school, uh, I I found out that a lot of gay men, specifically a lot of gay young men, think of sex as, uh, think of gay as a sexuality, which is true, but sexuality as being sex is like only doing it's only a sexual thing, and not a real life kind of thing. [00:09:30] Yeah, or or the lifestyle revolves around sex and and, you know, sex equating to love for for those young men who who haven't, you know, matured enough yet and being Oh, well, gays, sexuality, sexuality, sex, sex is love. Don't you love me? That that sort of thing? I, uh I don't really present myself as that when I present myself as a gay male and, um, I I really [00:10:00] want I really try to push that in my in my poetry, in my work, in my music and everything Fair. So, um, with your would you like to sit and do a strong poet? Yes, please. Ok, this is a poem called Equality. What is it about? Um this poem is about me at one time struggling with my own gender identity. And when [00:10:30] I was young, I used to be quite a girly kid. I remember my father really, really love genuinely loved me until I started playing with Bobby dolls. And like, who? Who who knows what what Gay is at such a very young age, like under 10 years old and sorry. Sorry again and and and me struggling with gender identity because feminism has come such a long way. The whole feminist activist sort sort of thing where women [00:11:00] weren't allowed to work. Now that now they all vote now they're allowed to vote work, be equal to men every single way. And they can. They can do both the things that that typically a man or traditionally a man and woman can do. But God forbid that little boys pick up boxing gloves and Barbie dolls. You know what I mean? So, um, this this is the poem and it's called Equality. Sometimes I wish I had been born a woman just so I can be recognised [00:11:30] for being powerful and full of manner. And so this alternative body of a full figure and childbearing is ships to be a sign of pride instead of shame that it seems to me like, um, one big sister always doing it for himself for the longest of times, for that lack of father and excess of motherhood shunned by the fellowship of men calling themselves the Brotherhood so ashamed to admit that power is not the same strength. And I wonder, if I'd been born a woman, [00:12:00] would I have got would I have gotten to keep those boxing gloves and that Barbie doll from my childhood, as well as that long, curly raven black hair that you call feminine, and I simply called her. And would I still be sick to death of that baby boy blues look smooth, swarf like attitude targeted at the age group of men that I was never pushed through by media pop culture crap pushing feminist Saturday morning cartoon sloganeering. You can do whatever a man can do but better and better [00:12:30] and better. And I wonder if I'd been given that power to give life. What kind of life would I have led if I didn't have society and my father's screeching down the back of my head? Be tough? Oh, no. Could you fucking moaning? Could your bloody crying? What are you, some sort of girl? If I had been born at the the would I still have all these obstacles sets in my path Road ultimate destination set there by stigma and social dick against power versus masculinity. So tell me, when do I get to be [00:13:00] purple in this world of black and white? When do I get to stop doing this big Mama always doing it for himself for the longest of time is representing all those pink wallpaper flowers who refuse to be white Washed in that man made manhood painted by the same fellowship of men calling themselves the Brotherhood too ashamed to admit that when you were born, you will rep You will represent your power, your colours through power and manner through an open mind with dual genders [00:13:30] through muscles of the mind, soul and body and not anything else. Because that makes you just as much a man as everyone else. Very strong. Thank you. If I had an audience, they would all be clapping right now. Awesome niceties throw, throw, throw money. So, um, going [00:14:00] from coming out in realisation How about something into personal? How about relationships? How have you been in relationships before? Yeah, I. I have been in a few relationships. Um uh, a few with a few with men and and a and a couple with women. But, um, my my male relationships, they don't last long because I have horrible. I used to have I should say horrible, horrible [00:14:30] taste in men. Horrible taste in men, The the the cheating kind kinds of ones. And, um, for me, I I know, I know. It's the same for a lot of of gay men, at least where I'm from back in Hampton that, uh, you can't you just It's just not done. You don't meet other guys at work. And you you can't pick up people at bars. And it the gay bar. And sometimes not even then, um, it's mostly done over the internet. And, um, San [00:15:00] one, I've only one I haven't found. And all the rest of then from the net or on bi, Facebook, MySpace, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. And, um, the last relationship I was in last year was, um, I. I won't tell you his name, but, uh, at a gas station. Oh, I know at a gas station. And why he Yeah, if he ever reads this, he's gonna be here. Is this He's going to be super angry, even though I didn't [00:15:30] tell his name, but fuck him, but yeah, he touched me at the gas station. Um, all all because I had this I. I had this this thing where? Hey, I'm I used to be Really I used to be skinny. I used to be a very I don't know, a heavy set twink, um quite quite attractive. And I found power in in sexuality. I found I found power in that in that sexy kind of sexuality aspect. And, um, [00:16:00] yeah, just all in short, relationships have not lasted long love. And I'm saying that, um af after having a whole bunch of crap men, I have taken a vow of celibacy from April last year. Uh, it's about now, uh, it's it's almost been a year. Wow. And, um, I I found now that I let myself go and and gotten fat that, um um I used to I I've always struggled with my weight and, uh, I [00:16:30] I used in my lightest I've been 100 KGS right now 100 and 60 KGS and I. I do a lot of gym work. I train in and train in K back in town. Um, I'm very muscular, and I know muscle weighs more than fat, but I always thought that the numbers on the scale really meant that I was really, really fat. And I remember a couple of years ago I reached 100 and 10 KGS of of of that was just my base way. I couldn't lose any more weight than that. And I felt so fat. [00:17:00] And I was just thinking, Well, no one's going to love me if I'm if I'm this fat. But now I give anything to just to be that that skinny again because I realised, without with with being abstinent for so long that I can feel beautiful no matter what size I am. And it's not all physical, which which is it's it's really, really amazing. It's it's incredible to feel this way, And I really [00:17:30] wish I could have felt like this years ago, and a lot of other young people both my age younger and and older, who who are still struggling with who who do struggle with with the addiction, like I did, um, another reason why relationships didn't work out because of my sexual addiction. From 15 to 18, Um, I realised this at a party we had to drink as many shots as we had sexual partners, and when I realised I had to do over 300 [00:18:00] uh, I lied and said I, I had to do 30 then I didn't realise how much that really was. And they were like, Whoa, 30 shots. And I was just Oh, shit. But not tell them the real story like, yeah, you know, you got a problem You can't remember faces, names or or barely any places, So yeah. Yeah. Um, what is your definition in virginity? Ah, virginity. Um, [00:18:30] my definition of virginity. Well, I lost it at 15. To a boy at school and, um, in that school zone. And virginity for me is is this little tang semi ta piece of? You know, you're ready and and that's when you should lose virginity. But virginity for me is has always been Hey, you're not ready while you're having sex yet That that sort of thing. When you lose [00:19:00] your virginity, you lose that. That innocence that that you could have retained. Um, yeah, and I I've I've I've done a poem about that earlier today that you heard. Would you like to say that poem? Yeah, for sure. Um, yeah. So this is called T shirts. It's about my sexual addiction from 15 to 18, right? You took my baby in yet I will still find myself spending too many [00:19:30] hours of too many days wasted wishing you wished you were still here spending too much time on stop pocket and wrist watches waiting for you to come back. Too much effort. Keeping these tired, weary eyes open watching for some short sign. You've allowed yourself to change your mind, but you still took my baby. So tell me, when am I supposed to forgive you? When it was, I was being groped and spat on willingly wishes washed in alcohol and self pity, as if you didn't know You knew [00:20:00] I was a virgin. And some days when I find my strength beginning to leave me, I find myself longing for the bitter, sweet, sombre sounds of T shirts, jeans and worn out shoes starting on a bedroom floor. Not my own telling me that I'm home and that I belong, if only just for one night, just to remember what it was like to still have my baby to have some semblance of respect like it was before I let my body and soul be downed and damaged and cut by those [00:20:30] thick, hot shot lashes of lust disguised as love. By this insatiable itch, I just had to scratch from this fire deep in the pits and my spiritual womb wound. You fucked my baby. Don't do anything and everything get you back. You just I said I double it. I'm not that same cheap whore you once knew who traded you away for never learn narcotics and necessities and highs without devastating lows. But in spite of that, I'll still keep on walking the coals that burned my baby. [00:21:00] I'll still keep on juggling the knives that cut you biting the words that wronged you, hiding the holes. We fell down until I realised I took my own baby. Yet I will still find myself spending too many hours or too many days wasted, wishing you wished you were still here, spending too much time on stop pocking and wrist watches waiting for you to come back. Too much effort. Keeping these tired, weary eyes open, watching for some Sure sign. I've allowed myself to change my mind, but I took my own innocence, [00:21:30] and one day I wonder if my strength will fail. Me and I will be left wondering Well, all I'll be waiting for are the bitter, sweet, sombre sounds of T shirts Well done. Very strong messages from another poll. Thank you again. More audiences are clapping. So bunch of bunch of babies, You give me your babies? [00:22:00] Yes. I don't have any babies left to give. I'm sorry. Well, um, so that's the end of the interview. Um, thank you very much for the interview. Thank you for interviewing me. I feel really blessed to have to have some exposure. And any publicity is good publicity. Thank you. Thank you. Have a good day.
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