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Hello. How are you today? I'm OK. How are you? Fantastic. How are you, Steve? Steve, can you tell us a little bit about yourself? Um OK, Well, until recently, I was a student of psychology, and, uh, I'm working towards becoming a family and marriage counsellor. What else do you do? Hobbies likes interests, music interests, Fairly [00:00:30] eclectic music tastes. Um this is pretty nerdy of me, but I've got to admit, I'm a bit of a sci-fi fan. Oh, Firefly Sci-fi. Yeah. Firefly, Star Trek. Star Wars? Yeah, most of those things. Stargate. Yeah. Stargate. Have you actually seen Stargate Universe? Yes, I have. I've seen the first two seasons of it. I think there's only two seasons. I think they cancel it. Yeah, well, [00:01:00] yeah. And they left it on the cliffhanger, just in case I wanted to bring it back. Yeah, Yeah. I didn't like any of the other stargates because it was about two nineties and that the set time. Yeah, well, most of Star Trek was Irene as well. Yeah, I prefer my sci-fi of actually good graphics. No. True. Yeah. So, um, what is your sex? I'm a male. What is your gender identity. I'm gay. That's your sexuality. [00:01:30] I Well, I'm I'm a male, So sexuality is gay. Um, your cultural identity. And what is your expression? How do you express yourself? I'm a masculine. Well, I like to think I'm masculine. Some people say I have a few eff feminine qualities, but I don't really see them. But you have your moments, the feminine moments where you just can't help yourself. [00:02:00] Exactly. Yeah. So, um, when did you realise? Well, that's a loaded question. I mean, I guess on a level I've always known that I was gay. I mean, I've never been one of the boys sort of thing, so But if you're asking, when do they come out? Um, no, not yet. When? When was that light bulb moment where you just think Oh, my God. I just realised [00:02:30] that I have the same. I have a I have an attraction to the same gender. Yeah, coming out that that would have been about 17 17 if it's real. Yeah, I Well, at, uh, when I was 16, I was sort of Oh, maybe I'm by I mean the But then obvious. I think everybody goes through that. I mean, it's the social standards trying to make you being by is more socially acceptable than [00:03:00] being gay. So I was trying to be more stay within the socially acceptable, uh, range. But then I realised this is not me. I really have no attraction to women aside from friendships, so obviously I'm gay. So, yeah. Have you did you went through a denial period about she sexuality? Well, I'm also a Christian, so yes, quite a long period of it wasn't so much a denial period, [00:03:30] but sort of a period of trying to integrate my sexuality with my religion and things like that. Did you not accept your sexuality for a bit? For a while? I did fight it. I did try to, uh, date women, but, uh, there was this one disastrous attempt, but, um, I'm sure you'll One of your questions in the future will come on to that one. but yeah, there was a denial period. What happened? [00:04:00] Um, there was this girl in my class, and I just asked her out on the date. And then when it came to meet her up, I just This is really bad of me. I stood up. So, um, I didn't turn up. And the next day in class, she confronted me, and I was such a goody two shoes that everybody else said, No, no, that's not in Steven's character. There must have been some. He [00:04:30] must have been held up or something. So, um, there's always something else or something like that. Some sort of excuse. Yeah, but what did you end up telling her? In the end? Uh, she was the fourth person I came out to. It was the first person that yeah, she came out to. She she was another girl in my class. And frankly, I wish I hadn't come out to her because she was a blabber mouth within [00:05:00] three days of telling her the entire school knew. So I stopped being Steve and became the gay kid. Every school had to have one, so we knew. So how about so that kind of affected you trying to date that girl? The girl that you told? Well, no, no, no, no. As I said, I came out to get this. The dating incident was a few months before I came [00:05:30] out, so yeah, so a few months before it is that, um when did she actually confronted you? The next day. She confronted me the next day and I made some some stupid excuse saying, Oh, I said we would meet here. Not there. So was she a bit a little bit hormone going? Her brother wasn't too happy either, did she? Did he did What? What was this? Straight people, Not straight. People [00:06:00] are all straight people, some over protecting brother. Yeah, I know. He actually threatened me with some fairly severe physical violence. He never carried through with it, but, um, yeah, it was a bit scary at that time. Did he? Ever after he came out, did he nearby abuse you because of it? Well, I believe that, um, since the homosexual law reform the [00:06:30] in New Zealand most somewhat the I don't think there was. The amount of negativity towards gay people has gone down. It hasn't completely diminished because you still hear stories in the news about gay bashing and things like that. So, at these days, I think being gay is more of a curiosity than dead wrong thing. I mean, because when I came out and became the [00:07:00] gay kid, I mean everybody in the school. I mean, everybody was coming up to me and asking me questions about it. I mean, how do you know you like guys? And if it was a guy, I would say, Well, how do you know You like girls? And it's brilliant. Um, yeah. So, um, I'm until the curiosity of being gay goes away, which probably won't be for a hell of a long time. It will still be a bit of [00:07:30] an oddity in schools and things like that. Um, when did you come out to your parents? Uh, have you come out? I've come out to my parents, although my mother is still in denial, and my father is purposely absent minded about it. Although my father has had a stroke, so I think we can forgive him for that. We we get together every now and again, and we like to play quiz games. So, [00:08:00] um, every time a question comes up concerning, uh, would you go? What sort of woman you would date or something like that? My mother would always switch it around when it It's my turn. So I don't think he's forgotten about it. I think he's just pushing it to the back of his mind. Have you ever introduced him into, like, a boyfriend or anything like that? Um, unfortunately, I haven't had any boyfriends. I've had hook ups. But [00:08:30] you had more things then. Yeah, I'm a very introspective individual. So it's quite difficult for me to get a boyfriend. Are you slightly, um, a a romantic? In a way, I'm not familiar with that term. It's like a asexuals that you don't like having sex. But however, that doesn't mean that you date a certain gender. You just don't have sex. It's kind [00:09:00] of like the same thing. But in a relationship term, Well, as I said, I've never actually had a relationship. So I've never had the opportunity to be romantic. I think if I had the opportunity, I could be romantic. I think a romantic meaning that you don't want to be in a relationship. Oh, no, I think I would like a relationship. I mean, it's just that being very introspective, uh, it's hard for me to find. I mean, coming up to clubs is not really my sort of thing, because I don't drink that much [00:09:30] either. Um, and most of the people online are looking for one thing, and I don't need to tell you what that is. I think it's a general international code for Yeah. Yeah. So? So, with these things, how many things have you had? Is 15, 16, 15, 16. Yeah, well, but since I've been 17, So it's been a while. Have you actually lived in palmy [00:10:00] all your life or No, I I've lived in Invercargill, Christchurch. I moved out of Christchurch about two years before. There's been a lucky escape. So where did most of these things happen? Like most of them up here. Well, a couple down in Christchurch, but most of them up here in the area. Yeah. So forgot where I was. Um So how [00:10:30] do you meet people in the LGBTI Q community? I haven't really met that many. I mean, I sometimes come up to the club Q, which is one of the first gay clubs in New Zealand. But a little plug there, Uh, but yeah, but usually I don't really get that much, uh, things because, as I said, I'm usually a [00:11:00] wallflower. Very introspective. I find it hard to get out on the dance floor and things like that. I find it quite interesting here because we're we're at at the moment. And, uh, look what I could describe it as something you would expect if something like in the eighties where all those underground gay clubs would actually happen. Yeah, exactly. One of the things I commonly see is every Yeah, sometimes when I come up here, I feel like I've gone back to the 19 fifties. [00:11:30] There's like, it's like, prelaw form type club. In a way. Yeah, it is. Yeah, it is quite interesting. But I know they are very protective of the club, aren't they? Well, yes, um the the gay, the gay community in in Palmerston North. There's very few gay clubs. I think I think there's only two and the other one is pretty grungy. Really? Oh, dear. Yeah. [00:12:00] So, um yeah, I think you need to be a member to actually come or know a member or something like that. Yes, well, I was the member. I'm gonna actually have to renew my membership soon. But as I said, I don't really come up that often, so yeah, it's just maybe it's like the principle of the thing. Yeah. It reminds me of an old TV show where you have to be. Um, it's called Queer Folk, where you had to be a member of the biggest gay club and in the area you go. Yeah. Yeah. [00:12:30] Um, what is your definition of virginity? Well, that's an interesting question. I mean, studying psychology I'm open to meant a wide range of ideas. But personally, I would say my idea of virginity is a sort of a This is really going to sound bad at penetration. So, um, [00:13:00] a blow job? It's sort of, but not really so I really believe it has to be a penetration for it to be considered full on sex. Oops. Um, when saying psychology, do they ever go for it? Go through like, um, how people feel about virginity or anything like that. Uh, not [00:13:30] that I know of, but I haven't completed my degree yet. So so do you think there's more to virginity than just six? Yes, I do. Because, um, in some, uh, a not African, some, uh, isolated tribes in New Guinea. I think it is something like that. The the male is not considered grown up until they have, uh, [00:14:00] ivied male seamen from an older member of the tribe. But they are not considered gay because later on in life, they marry, and they have Children of their own. So, sexuality, uh, and virginity is a whole. It depends where you are in the world, and it's all to do with your own sort of ideas. I. I have never actually heard that before. Well, yeah, it is. Yeah. I was surprised when I heard it myself. [00:14:30] So So, um, you've had a bit of abuse because of your six year old here, haven't you? Not really, No. I mean, uh, I once was rejected for getting into a flat because of my sexuality, but, uh, the the head flat mate said that it was just she didn't want to make the other flatmates uncomfortable, and some of them [00:15:00] did have a problem with it. And I can understand that. I mean, I didn't want to make anyone else uncomfortable either. And as I said, I believe since the homosexual law reform in what was it 1982 1986. Fine. Um, since the homosexual law reform, I do believe things have been getting gradually, better for us. Although the I I don't believe we should have done the Civil Union bill. I mean, [00:15:30] although I guess it is a good stepping stone. I mean, you can't I immediately move from being illegal to just being legal. Then suddenly gay marriage. I think maybe the stepping stone of civil Union is a good idea. Well, thank you for that interview. You're welcome.
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