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Good morning. How are you today? I'm good. Thank you. OK. Where are you from? Auckland City. Are you born in Auckland City? Yes, I was. I grew up here. Oh, good. Um, can you tell us about yourself? Um, well, I'm a 25 year old, um, happily outed gay person. Um, I've been that way for about the past seven years. Uh, I work in child care. I look after Children, um, for my mom and dad's business, and I try to get a bit involved in the gay community if I can. So, [00:00:30] um, you're 25. What culture do you identify with? Uh, Do you mean as in religion or just cultural ethnic ethnicity? I am European or New Zealand born European. How about religion? I'd like to say agnostic. What question? Mark, Um, agnostic means that I believe there's something out there, but I'm not sure what it is. And [00:01:00] I don't really relate myself to any religion as such. So it's very common term agnostic or I've been living on the rock kind of thing. Yeah, Typically, people go for atheist, which means they believe nothing, but I kind of don't believe that's the way, but I I again, as I said, I don't really believe most common religions. OK, so, um, you're a gay male, and you present yourself as that way. I present myself as a person, and the fact that I'm a gay male just comes into my life. [00:01:30] Ok, um so when did you first realise I was about 16? When I sort of started having feelings for guys and I went through a very confused patch and came out as by about 17. And then it took me till I had actually left high school to realise that I was gay and probably more accept the fact that I was So, um, when you how did you felt that that way. Um, how did you feel when you realised? Uh, very scared. It was sort of a really scary process because [00:02:00] it was there was a lot to do from then, sort of coming out to my friends and family and pretty much a massive overhaul of my life. Massive changes. And so it was quite a big, daunting experience, but I did have quite a few really supportive friends, so it helped quite a lot. So, um, did you feel that you had to keep a secret for a bit? Definitely. I keep keep it from my parents. For once, I had realised it kicked for for about six months. Um and then once that was over, I sort of was able to [00:02:30] then slowly approach other people in my life. So, um, how did you come out of the closet? Oh, are you out? I am definitely out to my parents or to friends or to everybody. Let's start with parents first, Uh, I sat down with my mom, and I told her that I needed to talk to her, and I told her that I was gay and she burst into tears. Uh, my parents are both extremely religious, and to them, it's it's quite a big thing. And so [00:03:00] it did take them a long time to come to terms with the fact that I was going against their religion and that in their eyes, they had sort of they were losing me in a way, and it took them Sorry. And it took them a long time to actually come around and realise that I hadn't actually changed that much at all. So, um How do they feel about it now? Um, they're a lot more accepting. Um, whenever I have a partner, they're very welcoming to the partner and get them to join in in family activities. [00:03:30] Um, my mom will listen to things that I talk about, but she generally won't provoke conversation, so she's a bit very selective in some way. Yeah, she she realises when I need to talk to her and when I need someone to be a sounding board. But she will also not offer to be the sounding board if if it's gonna result in a conversation around the topic. So, um so what do they How do they feel when you bring, like, a boyfriend [00:04:00] around or a partner or something? They generally know that if I'm going to bring one round to the family to meet the family, that they're a serious relationship, and they'll generally have heard a bit about them before, and it would probably be about the sort of month to two months when they actually get to meet them. So they know they're not just someone that I've randomly met, and that actually means something to me. Not like someone like you go to family and say, Oh, I like you. I like you too. Would you like to meet my parents? Yes. [00:04:30] Some people who actually do that I can believe you. I think I know a few. Hey, we don't judge in the centre. Um So how about your friends? Uh, it was a really good indication of who my true friends were, Uh, coming out I. I lost a lot of friends then. I also made a lot of friends and the friends that stuck with me through the whole process have been the ones that I'm still friends with. Now I'm really strong friends with, and I know I could call up at any point in time, and they'd be there. Listen to me. So they've [00:05:00] they've been the ones that sort of weeded out the people I didn't need in my life. So, um, did your old friends either came back realise like, wait a minute, I'm being sort of thing or, um, not fully. Some of them sort of. We just lost a bit of contact, but every time we see each other, we still have a really good catch up, and it's there's sort of no nastiness about it. It's just that our lives have taken different paths and we've grown apart, so I don't really see it as a negative thing. But [00:05:30] it's just the way that life goes. And you always lose friends in different, different ways. So with your new friends, are they like Oh, you're gay? I want to be friends with you kind of thing or is this a different random situation? Um, I have had quite a few friends who have sort of wanted a gay friend, although they've generally been quite short lived as friendships. Um, because they're not really based on anything substantial. The some of the the friends who sort of take me as who I am are the ones that generally are [00:06:00] the ones that stick around, and I probably find nowadays I have more friends in the gay community, um, and a lot closer friends because they're general, they are more accepting than most people. So in the gay community, is it like a Do you believe it's a short community, a short community, as in like there's a short community of gay people, blah blah, blah like a small community? Uh, no It's huge. It's, um you know, there's thousands and thousands of people who identify themselves [00:06:30] as gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and I you know, I get to know a lot of them, Um, especially through the gay A NZ sites and I You know, I give everyone a chance and see how we get along. That's sort of how I take take my friendships. So when it comes to meeting new people, how do you meet new people? Um, I generally don't go searching for new people. I search [00:07:00] Facebook stalking. No, I don't search people. They search me. No. How do we become friends, Ben? Um, no. I mean, I just just you know, you you're at a party with some friends and you meet some other friends of friends, and suddenly they become your friends, and suddenly you've got this massive group going on, and you're like, Wow, how does this happen Kind of thing. Yeah, I think searching friends is kind of a a bit of a lost cause because you're trying to fulfil a void in your life if you're searching [00:07:30] for them. Um, but people come into your life and all the time, So it's just taking advantage of them and making sure you cherish their friendships. So it sounds like a really complicated friend circle. In a way, um, it can be, I guess I've you know, I've got a lot of different groups of friends, and a lot of them don't really know each other. So it's Yeah, there's it's just of keeping in touch with different, different groups. So, um, [00:08:00] how do you so generally, do you meet people online or just for friends kind of thing? Um, I'm not against many people online. I think it, you know, you can chat to someone and have common interests. Eventually, you'll catch up or see each other at a party somewhere. If you've got mutual friends and that that, then it becomes a proper friendship and a proper relationship. Um, rather than just having your little cyber back and forth chat, which generally annoys me like [00:08:30] cyber relationships. Yeah, there's they're very fake. Um, as you can kind of be who you want on the Net rather than face to face is a lot truer. So do you believe that, um, cyber relationships aren't proper relationships in some sort? I think some people may get the fulfilment out of them they need, but I don't see myself getting that, so I don't really believe in them. So when you first realised [00:09:00] or first came out, did you have any support? Support? Yeah, Um, I had originally come out to a a really close group of friends at school, and they were really supportive for me. And so they were kind of my sounding board, and I then went and sort of started approaching some of my friends out of school. Um, and most of them, we were really good friends, and so they were really good. And then from then it was sort of people in the workplace who I really got along with and and [00:09:30] from there, it sort of just grew my support group. And as they grew, the better I felt. So, um, you work with Children now? Yes. I work with Children. So how did you become working with Children? Kind of thing. How did they become working with Children? That that question makes no sense. Um, how did you get your job? Um, my parents own a large after school care company, and they've got franchised, um, programmes And so I'm managing one of Mom's franchise programmes. OK, so it [00:10:00] was this for family, mainly. Yeah. Mum had a need of a manager, and I had previously worked in one of the programmes quite a few years ago. And so it sort of was quite a good time that I came and did it for her and sort of takes a lot of weight off her having to hire a manager. So, um, being so do you interact with the kids a lot? Yeah. So do you. Have you ever gotten any problems with the parents? Um, not definitely [00:10:30] not in terms of my sexuality. I'm not running down K road waving a rainbow flag kind of person. I'm gay. Exactly, but, um, I'm not going to hide it. Um, a couple of the kids sort of have asked if I'm gay, but that's generally as a question. They ask any guy, Um and I just I don't say no, but I sort of laugh and go. Oh, stop being silly kind of thing. So I'm never denying who I am, but I, I don't see it appropriate to be telling them about my personal life. [00:11:00] And so I sort of I sort of laugh it off, and they can take from that what they want. Parents wise, I I've never had an issue with parents regarding it. That's good. So, um, you've been in relationships before, right? Yes. Are you currently in one? Ah, no. There's not a dating service, by the way. If you want my phone number, it's This is where you can find them. No. So, what have your relationships been like? [00:11:30] I've only really had three relationships, and they've all been quite long term. Um, I don't tend to enter a relationship unless I can see it going somewhere in the future. And so I guess that means it means that I don't get into relationship as as often, but when I do, they generally are quite a really good quality relationships. And I get out of them What I what I want. So, um, has your parents being super religious or your coming out experience have [00:12:00] affected any of your relationships? Um, my first relationship was extremely hard. Um, I was just 19 when we started dating, and he was very headstrong, and my parents didn't really get along with him very well, and he was kind of taking the approach of, Well, I'm going to throw it in your face, and you can deal with it if you want to or not. And so it sort of left a a bit of a head butting thing going on, which just wasn't that pleasant. Sounds like half K road [00:12:30] of it. Yeah, pretty much. Oh. So, um, so what is your definition in virginity and virginity? Yes, Uh, I guess I think virginity is sort of, uh are, like, unexperienced in certain things. So you can be a virgin for driving. You may have never driven before. Um, you know, obviously the main one you think of is a sexual virgin. So you [00:13:00] may be a virgin, and you've never had into course before. Um, that can be with a guy or a girl, whatever you choose, but yeah, that's sort of how I see it so generally, like the something that you haven't done before. And you're done for the first time kind of thing. Yeah, it's sort of a term that we associate with it like a virgin. Um, it's the first time actually sang the Madonna song in any of my interviews. It was going to happen. Um, have you experienced any abuse [00:13:30] or abusive behaviour? Yeah. Sometimes when I when I've been downtown, clubbing with my friends, Some guys occasionally shout out, you know, or whatever. Um, but I don't really think much of it because they shout abuse at nearly anybody, So they're just going to pick on something they can think about you. And if that makes them feel better than good on them, Do you think they actually aiming at you or do they scream out your homo to everybody? Um, they'd probably be aiming it at me. [00:14:00] Um, but I think it says more about them than it does me. So, um, do you think he there's a lot of, um, Do you think that K Road is like gay Central in a way kind of thing. It definitely is in Auckland. Um, I think we have quite a good community up here, and so people realise that if they're going to come up to K Road, they are going to be surrounded by quite a few gay people. So they kind of I think there are a lot. It's a lot more accepting up [00:14:30] here. Even if they don't like gay people, they generally try to leave us alone a lot more. So, you know, I do think that could also be a dangerous area as well. Definitely a dangerous area. There's a lot of back streets, um, that are really dark and quite dodgy people lurking around them. And so I tend to stay on the main road. I wouldn't really go into any of the back streets by myself. OK, so, um, you've worked on the very popular Facebook page of gay Buy NZ. [00:15:00] Yes, I'm an admin for it. So what's your experience with that? Um, I. I didn't really get it. At first, I sort of went on, and I was like, Oh, all these gay people are just writing random posts. This is really lame. But then I talked to Nick, and he sort of explained what it was about and how it was a really good supportive site and how people could go on and just express their opinions without being judged too much. And when he sort of talked to me about that, I actually started to change my opinion of it. And then he he He [00:15:30] made me an admin of it. Um and from then I've got quite heavily involved in it, and we're doing sort of a lot of the projects and we've got a website now. And so it's helping out with the wording on the website and some of the promotions we're wanting to do and things like that, and it's it's really exciting how it's taking off. So, um, with your experience on that, do you see a lot of abuse that's going that's happening between different gay people to gay people kind of thing? Or queers to queers, Rainbow [00:16:00] to rainbow kind of thing. Any group you get together, you're gonna have some people conflicting and that's just how it is. Gay people tend to voice their opinions a lot more and think they can really get away with it. Uh, part of the admin job is to sort of moderate the site and make sure that people aren't being nasty and aren't being vindictive. And if they are, we get on to it pretty quickly, um, and try to deal with it. And if if they're going to continue that behaviour, then they're not really welcome in our community. So, [00:16:30] um, do you have any other comments that you would like to make? Um, no. No. First time I've done a little interview like this, so it's quite exciting. Quite exciting. Quite quiet and exciting and very exciting. Yeah, quite nice. Well, thank you for the interview. That's all right. Thank you for having me along. Not a problem. Thanks.
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