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I am here with Jesper. How are you? I'm very good. Thank you. You tell me about yourself. What do you want to know about yourself? I don't know. I'm currently getting ready to go down to Waikato University to do a B A in Maori culture and language. And I'm 20 years old and loving being myself. I guess. Fun. Um, how old are you? I already said that, Um [00:00:30] what are your interests? Um, Maori stuff, rocks, fossils, meeting new people, making new connections and daydreaming about Prince coming. When you say rocks, you mean like rocks? Rocks like rock music or anything? No. Yeah. I mean, actual rocks in the dirt rock. What's so interesting about rocks? Um, unlike men, they don't go anywhere. Yeah, [00:01:00] OK, Um, what gender identity or culture? Um, do you identify with probably male? Yeah. Male. And what culture? Um, bear brotherhood. That's a new one. what is your sexuality? Gay? Well, gay pan, because it's it's complicated. Do you want to, um, get into that? Um it's more [00:01:30] like if I meet a guy that's a trans guy, and I develop fan for them, I'll go along with it instead. of blocking myself just because they don't have male plumbing. Male plumbing. OK, um, when did you realise when I was about six dressing up as a Disney princess two. I do that every night. No Disney Disney princess, [00:02:00] you say? Yes. Everyone from basically seeking beauty to Ariel. Everyone. So no princess or anything? Um no, never a prince. Always a princess. Because it's the princess that gets Prince Charming, isn't it? It's never like, you know. So, um, when you realised, um, did you have, like, feelings for other guys? Did you actually have feelings for other guys when you were, like, six? Not that I I remember. No, it was just the thing. Like, I just wanted to be a princess and [00:02:30] wanted Prince Hemming to sweep me off my feet on a white horse. When did you start having feelings for guys? When I was about 10 or 11 at an intermediate school, I developed my first crush on a guy never on the girl. There was a brief period, but it was more of, um, mental attraction, as opposed to a sexual or physical one. So when you realised that, did you feel that you had to keep it a secret from people. Not particularly because [00:03:00] it was everyone else around me that made a big deal of it. I was just like, Yes, I'm gay, but just deal with it. So you didn't have any of those things like shit. Is this right or is it wrong? Well, those kind of came about when I was in high school and actually proper. Came out to everyone when I was 16 on the school bus and, um, I but after a while, because my classmates are kind of saying, Oh, but you you're too straight to be gay. [00:03:30] I was just like, OK, maybe I am straight then. But no, the feelings remain for guys, and I Yeah, my my boy doesn't respond to girls in the way that it should. So where whereabouts are you from? Originally, I was from Australia, but my parents moved to, um, New Zealand when I was too young to have a choice in the matter. Good day, mate. Um, more like I was three years old, so Yeah, it was Yeah. So, racing whereabouts in New [00:04:00] Zealand all around Auckland, Basically from Parnell to New Market to sent to out west to Yeah, basically. So you're a city boy at the moment? Well, currently, I'm just Yeah, just being out in city lots, but I still live out west. So are you out of the closet at the moment? Why wouldn't I be? How did you come out of the cottage [00:04:30] and also to the school bus? Like I said, I was sick of being asked who I'd rather date Pamela Anderson and Jena Jolie. So I decided. OK, deal with it. I'm just going to go say it. And yes, I'm gay. Everyone deal with it. And yeah, and my goal promptly find my parents saying that I was making an issue of my sexuality. Really? Yeah. What do they do? They gave me the both sides of the coin speech and mentioned how that one of my third cousins has died of HIV. So Really? Yes. [00:05:00] How How did they tell you that? Does this set you down? Well, basically, the first topic that came into the into the serious conversation was gay. Guys get HIV, you better be safe. So I'm like, OK, so yeah, not not that supportive. Hey, so you're this blah, blah blah. It was just, you know, all the horror stories. So were your parents supportive? Um, not well. They're kind of subtly homophobic. [00:05:30] So not particularly like when I told my mom the same coming out story. She was like, So you took people telling you They told you straight to be gay as an insult. I'm like, What? So do you find it as an insult? Well, it's like it's very It's basing your views on someone's sexuality on a stereotype. And just like I get frustrated when [00:06:00] a guy is too girly to be a guy or not too girl but too feminine, like acting and just, you know, out there and just being, you know, portraying themselves as a very feminine feminine guy. It's the same with me. Like if I if people see me as a straight male, I kind of get offended because, like, Well, I don't fit the grain of traditional gay guy, but I'm certainly not straight. Do you feel that you have to present yourself [00:06:30] as gay? And no, if people ask, I'll say, Yeah, I'm gay. I'm into guys. So, yeah, your girlfriend will and won't have a chance with me. so he can stop being jealous. Do you ever have to, um, do you ever have the feeling like you shouldn't have to say that you're gay just to keep if they are? Well, if it's sometimes it'll be obvious. Like if I'm with a guy and I'm being all cuddly with them and being romantic, then it should stick out like a [00:07:00] sore thumb. Not like yeah. Then they wouldn't have to ask the questions like, Oh, so strange. You do just look very close. Yes, very much, I think. But I think if anyone's still on that stage, it's my parents. Because whenever I have guys over that I like I'm banned from touching or going anywhere within a metre of them. It's like, really strict you on that side. You're on that side pretty much [00:07:30] like we have to be on the opposite side of the couch as long as my parents are around. Which is odd, considering they're romantic in front of me, like 24 7, and they're like, Do they put themselves between you two? No, just They'll be keeping an eye on, because in my house, you can see from the kitchen into the living room. And they'll just be watching from just making sure that everything's staying where it should saying, As you know, you two saying together, nothing stolen. More [00:08:00] like just not stolen, but just staying where we should and not, um, going past the friend zone. The line in between the couch. That's the friend zone. Pretty much. It's like my parents say, Oh, you're not allowed to until you've been in a long a long term relationship. And I'm like, Well, how am I you helping By preventing me from being romantic? Yes. Um, So you're out to everybody, right? [00:08:30] Yes, out to absolutely everybody. Have you ever had the thoughts where you shouldn't be out to everybody? Or maybe I shouldn't tell that person or something like that. Not really, because I've encountered all sorts of people and the most harassment I've ever got from anyone was from an ex who just was abusive and beat me up. So and yeah, that was Yeah. I've never received any kind of harassment that would make me think I shouldn't be out to anyone. So did you have any partners [00:09:00] or friends that you weren't that told you not I'll tell them that you were OK. No, it was more just, um the my The hardest thing was I when my mum took me overseas when I was 17, I was trying to come out to my relatives there in the UK. And my mum would go behind my back and tell them Oh, it was just a face. So I had to explain myself over and over again. No, this is not a face. Yes, I am gay. Yes, I like men. Deal with it. [00:09:30] Did you ever thought it was gonna be a phase or not? Particularly because when I had my first computer at 14, it kind of opened all the doors to the World Wide Web. And as I exploring basically started exploring. And, yes, straight and lesbian stuff just did nothing for me at all. And you get into that little world, Just take your first step and start seeing [00:10:00] I. I walk 500 miles away pretty much you just, you know, starting into the world and you're just discovering what makes you tick. So how do you feel about being out and about being out? Oh, like I think a lot of people have different expectations about being out. Like like I've mentioned earlier. If some if you are out, a lot of people expect you to be flamboyant and feminine and glamorous. That Oh, my God. Honey, I love that dress on there. Oh, my God. Let's [00:10:30] go out. My But I just like I'm me. You got a problem with that? You can go talk to your more gay friends because I'm just gonna be me. And if I I'm sorry you can't go shopping with me or you can't, you know, pick out who's the latest designer is because I wouldn't even give a damn. So how did you feel when you realised when I realised it was like, OK, this is This is new. I haven't I don't know about [00:11:00] anyone else in my class or but in my year who might be gay. So I'm just like, OK, I'm going to deal with this in my own way. Did you ever thought you had no idea what was happening? Yeah, When I first developed my first crush, I was like, Oh, my God. What the fuck is this like? I'm not supposed to be, um I'm not supposed to be, you know, attracted to guys. And my parents were just saying, It's just a phase, Just a phase. You'll be perfect. Fine. It's just a phase. No, but that phase just lasted [00:11:30] a bit too long. Comes a point in time where it's more than just a face. Pretty much, I think, um, the the dresses as princesses should have given them a hint, right? Yeah, yeah, but yeah, I don't know. It's I think parents only see what they want to see. Do you ever think that parents want their Children to see as to be an image of themselves or [00:12:00] to be the perfect little straight child? They want them to grow up as to be. Well, to my parents, it's like they want me to be straight because I asked my mom, I know that you said to her mom, I know you'd rather me end up with a girl, and she's like, Well, I just want to be you to be happy whoever you're with. And, um, like I was watching modern family and I was pointing at the, um, the fat gay guy. Well, chubby gay guy and saying, Oh, that's gonna be me in the future. And my dad, who was sitting next to me was like turning to me like, really, [00:12:30] I'm like, Oh, I mean, I'm I'm gonna have the red head gay guy's body and the fat guy's personality is like, Oh, that's much better. So it's not just my gayness that they want to reshape. It's my kind of being because both of them, both of them, are really health and acts and, you know, do everything to keep fit like yoga and surf and what not? But they just look at me. And I think they see me as a lump of clay that they want to mould mould. So what support do do you have? [00:13:00] Rainbow Youth and my friends and people that have just stuck by me throughout everything and just Yeah, yeah. So you're in a relationship at the moment, um, again, Fairly complicated. The guy is like, thousands of miles away in America, and he's just gonna walk 500 miles and he's just given me permission to see whoever I like until he gets here, which will be in August. So so [00:13:30] has you been completely out or when you real your past with your, um, realisation has that ever affected your relationships at all? Um, not really. But I guess be discovering myself as being gay has kind of made me more open and more like accepting, but to the point where I will everyone's innocent until proven guilty with me. So I've really I've dated and met some real [00:14:00] douche bags in my time who have just trampled over everything I believe in. So it's It's it's a hard road. I'll say that I love that saying innocent until proven guilty. I think there's no innocence in the case. That could be true, considering the amount of guys I've met that have kind of wowed me with the extent they'll go when it comes to getting a route. So, um, how do you meet other people? [00:14:30] Tag Facebook? ID Um, pretty much any resource at my disposal I'll use on the World Wide Web. So what's your definition in virginity Division of virginity? Basically, if you've if you're a gay man and you've taken someone up the arse or you've been taken up the ass, that's Yeah, that's your virginity gone, OK, and have you experienced or [00:15:00] received any abuse or abusive behaviour because of your sexuality or your gender identity? Um, well, like abusive GE. Well, not really gender identity, but gender expression. Because since I don't express myself as a, you know, a flamboyant gay man, a lot of people give me a bad rap for that. But apart from that, not really, no. Do people expect you to like certain things or stuff like that? They [00:15:30] expect me to act a certain way. And like they expect that whenever I have a conversation with someone, my wrist will go flying and I'll start talking like Lady Gaga or the solo. Ah, hello. Yes, and snapping fingers and just going. Oh, my God. Yes, you did. Yeah. No, don't talk to me. No. Do you ever think that they do? Do they say Oh, So you like Lady Gaga? Hey, Well, yeah, You have to get a few people like that, but [00:16:00] let's be honest. What gay guy out there doesn't? Do you like I can name a few? See, there's a guy in the corner of the room that doesn't like a yes, but but going back to your corner Well, there'll be exceptions to every rule. OK, that's pretty much the end of this interview. Is there any questions you want me to ask or any comments you want to say? Um, [00:16:30] just when If you're coming out as a young gay man or a young lesbian woman, be yourself because there are too many fake people out there pretending to be things that they're not. So just be yourself and have strength within yourself because the more you love yourself, the more you can love others. OK, thank you for the interview. All good.
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