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I'm here with Jason. Hello. Hey. Um, so I can get a bit of a description about you. Can you tell us about yourself? Um, I'm 18. I live in in Hawke's Bay, and I'm still going to school at the moment. OK, Um, OK, what is your interest? Uh, I like computers and cars. Mostly. What gender do you identify with Male? What [00:00:30] cultural do you identify with? What is your sexuality? Gay. When did you realise that you were OK? Um, probably when I was around 10. How did you realise I didn't have any interests in girls And my parents? Grandparents would always ask me why I didn't want a girlfriend or why I didn't have a girlfriend. And Yeah, the only answer I could give them was I didn't want one. How did you feel when you realised? [00:01:00] Um, I tried to deny it and tried to think around it. Try to realise how I could have a girlfriend, but Yeah, I just came to accept it. How long did it take for you to not deny it, um, to myself or to others? A bit of a a bit of B to myself, probably by 13 and to others. I still do for some people, but not to [00:01:30] close friends. OK, um, did you feel that you had to keep it a secret? Why is that? Um my parents would always comment about anything gay related something like on the news or on a TV show about how wrong it is, how sick it is. And yeah, so I knew that they wouldn't accept it. And same with most of my friends. And I'd also bully people they thought were gay. Um, is your parents religious or something? [00:02:00] No, they just don't. Yeah, they're more traditional in that sense. Ok, um, have you came out of the closet? Um, I have, but some people like younger people at school. I still try to keep it a secret from them because I don't Yeah, they don't need to know. Really? Ok, um how did you come out to come out to close it? Um well, my parents [00:02:30] suspected it because I was spending so much time with my boyfriend, Lloyd, But yeah, they really found out when they caught me and him in the bed together. What? Having sex with each other or no, Just sleeping just sleeping and underwear. Did you had a bit of a talk about it the day after or something? Um, that night, Yeah, they called his parents and got them to come pick him up and then had a talk to them, and they [00:03:00] lied about it, acting like they didn't know. Um, but yeah, I managed to get away with it, saying that it was a one off thing just because I didn't want them to know from the way they reacted. Ok, um, how about other people's reactions? Um, I lost basically all my friends over it. Is that because of the, um do you feel because that's the area you live in? That's the type of people that live there, [00:03:30] or, um, it is mainly the people that lived there, but yeah, they never were accepting of it. And I knew that they wouldn't be. How did you tell your friends? They mainly found out from my parents what your parents just told your friends or text them Or Facebook said us. Hey, my son's gay or something. They actually got my two best friends over to talk to them to ask them if they knew about it and told them everything. [00:04:00] And then that just spread from there. Did, um what did they, um, were you home at the time when your parents were doing it? I found out about a week later. OK, um, how did you feel about the, um, about you coming out? Um, I'm glad that I am out, so I don't have to hide it anymore. But I wish that the reactions were a bit more supportive. Um, one [00:04:30] of my main friends completely avoided me because of how his friends reacted to it, but he realised that it wasn't right. And we're still really close friends. Now, Was that for just that friend or more than one? Just that friend. The other one? Well, the other main friend doesn't talk to me anymore. Do you think your other friends will come around? No, not literally. Come around. Of course. Um Well, my best friend, [00:05:00] Hamish, which I've been friends with since I was five. He was the one person to react to it, and he spread it throughout the whole school. I'd get eggs thrown at my car and people coming after me calling me gay and just yeah, going on about it as they do just because he told a few people who told a few people and just got around the whole school. I get people that I don't even know coming into work, asking me if I'm [00:05:30] gay. Um, how does that affect your work, then? Um, my colleagues at work don't know about it, and they have actually asked me which they shouldn't, but they have. And I've just told them that I'm not gay because I don't want that to get in the way of work. How about showing your performance at work when someone comes in? Um, I've actually had a few people removed from the store in the past, [00:06:00] but there's this one younger girl who actually goes to my school. I found out who came in with a few friends, and they were yelling it out at the counter like saying that boy is gay and he has a boyfriend, and I've seen him kissing him at Kmart, which wasn't actually true. And yeah, so I had them removed from the store of all the places it has to be K mart. Yeah, just around the corner from where I work. Um [00:06:30] did you have? Did you have any support? Um, no, not really at all. I've actually. Well, I tried getting an independent youth allowance, um, so I could move out of home. But that got declined in the end because my parents lied about the situation, acting like they were supporting me and saying that there's no problems at home. Hm. Ok, um, have you ever wanted [00:07:00] to, um, try and look for support? In a way, I have tried, um, apart from going to, um, getting the Independence one, I spoke to my school counsellor because that was part of the independent youth allowance. And she recommended Rainbow Youth who I sent an email to her and never got a reply from. Um, But other than that, I've the main support I get is from my latest friends [00:07:30] who are all gay and can relate, including your boyfriend. Yeah, definitely. Ok, um, apart from your boyfriend that your relationship that you're in now, Have you been in a relationship before then? No, no. Has any of, um Has you, um, coming out affected your relationship? Um, it has my parents attempted to keep Lloyd away [00:08:00] from me, saying that he's a paedophile because at the time, I was 15 and he was 19. So the age difference looked quite bad, but yeah, accusing that he was a paedophile and that he's a creep and he's manipulated me into it, and it's all part of his little game. And so they stopped him from coming around completely and tried to stop me from going to his house. So I was lying about working late and lying about working on days that I had off and just doing anything I could [00:08:30] to spend time over there. Yeah, until his parents found out that we lied about my age initially, which made things harder. Yeah. Um how do you meet other people? Usually online? Um, yeah. I don't really know where else to start. There are a few gay people at my school, but I don't like their personalities. Do you like me them on, like grinder? [00:09:00] Something like that. ND manhunt on those lands. Yeah. Um, are you a virgin? No, Uh, have you gotten or Well, actually, this is obvious questions because you just practically said this before, but I'm going to ask it anyway. Have you gotten or experienced any abuse because of your or your gender identity? Yeah, quite a lot. Um, my parents [00:09:30] have told me about how it's disgusting and how they're so ashamed of it. And how, um, they'll do anything to change it and how they don't know where they went wrong. Like it's a problem. Like it's their fault that I'm gay and then at school constantly. I get people commenting about it and talking behind my back. And I get people avoiding me like I sit down in class and people move away from it just because I don't want to be seen with the gay boy as I'm known as [00:10:00] hm? Have you ever tried or thought about creating your own group? I've thought about it, but I don't personally know enough people in my area that would be willing to support it. I know my parents would be dead against it. How about trying something like combining areas of Hastings, Napier and New Plymouth Ma and Da Fielding? [00:10:30] It'd be a good idea, but I wouldn't really know where to start with it, OK? Because of the place and area. Do you feel that? Um, you want to move away from the area that you live in. Yeah, Um, the few times I've been to Wellington and Auckland, I've Yeah, the community is so much better and so much more accepting of gay people, so I would definitely like to move as soon as possible. Um, [00:11:00] is it just Do you think it's just the area that you live in, or do you think it's other small towns as well? Um, I know of a few smaller towns that do have quite a high population of gay people. So it might just be Hawke's bay. Or it might be that there are a lot more people in the closet. Hm Hm. Ok, um, what's comparing to Hastings? And what do you think Auckland's like overall? Yeah, Overall, [00:11:30] for the gay scene. Um, Well, for a start, there's gay bars which you wouldn't even hear of in Hawke's Bay. There was one in Napier once which closed down a few years ago. Um, but yeah, there's gay bars, and you see a lot more gay people on the street who are more open about their relationship. Like in Hastings. She wouldn't dare walk around, walk around holding hands with your boyfriend because you're bound to get abused in some way. Does it get violent [00:12:00] down there? If there's some sort of affection out in public with your boyfriend or if you're a gay couple? Yeah, I've tried with Lloyd. You try walking down the street holding hands, and people drive past and throw things out the window at you and shout fag it at you. And yeah, it's just not pleasant at all. Ok, um, so going back to talking about you, um, what do you want to do when you leave school? I'd like to go to a UT [00:12:30] and continue studying. What would you like to study? Um, I haven't really decided yet. Probably something computer related. That was always my career idea. But I'm quite lost for what it is at the moment. Ever thought about like doing something that would help the gay community, like maybe a youth worker or a social worker or something like that? Um, I don't know. I don't really plan to live my whole life in New Zealand, so [00:13:00] I don't really know how I could go with that. It might be a good idea, but yeah, well or something like that, you could actually adventure yourself to maybe Australia or something like that. Hm. That's an idea. Yeah, well, but then again, you can do that with computers as well. Yeah, I suppose so. Well, it depends on the computer, the computer degree and what you're studying. Yeah. Um, OK, that's almost at the end [00:13:30] of my interview. Do you have any last minute comments? Um, I think any parents wanting to know how to accept it, they need to understand that it's not their fault. It's not a problem. It's not a choice. It's something which the boy or girl is born with and something which they have to learn to accept. Um, my parents now allow Lloyd over, and yeah, he's allowed [00:14:00] to stay in a separate room, though. Um, yeah, but it's better than completely trying to stop contact, I guess. So. I think it's important that parents support their kids because if they don't support them, how will I think parents need to stand up for their kids against bullies or anyone that is offensive about it? Ok, um, last more question last question. And this is for about the parents. Do you believe [00:14:30] that parents only don't accept the fact that their Children are gay. Um, because they're not informed enough or do if you think they see their Children. As a little thing is is like a go a small version of themselves, and I want them to be a certain way. I think it's both. I think a lot of parents want an ideal kid that grows up, has grandchildren straight relationship [00:15:00] and yeah, then it just goes on from there, following their family name and everything. But I think a lot of parents don't understand what the kid has to go through to get to the stage of even being willing to come out to everyone. And they don't understand that. It's not something that you can decide on something you can you can just choose. OK, thank you for the interview. Thanks. Have a good night.
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