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Hello. How are you today? Hi. I'm very good. Thanks. That's good. How are you? Um um my name is Daniel and I'm a 19 year old homo from Palmerston North. Fun? That's a good description. Can you tell us a little bit about yourself? Um well, I'm currently studying IC T at UOL, but I'm primarily a singer. I'm doing IC T, and I hope to get a career, and that will give me some money and then maybe play pubs on the weekends and just do music [00:00:30] because music is my passion. So music is more like your hobby in a way. Music's my hobby, but I want it to be a hobby that I make money off, which would be very, very cool. Which would that would work quite well. Yes, it would, but unfortunately, it's harder than you might think twice that there's a lot of competition in cities like this. Um, um, I've got some friends who have made it in big bands, but it's hard to break out as a solo artist just because, Well, for one, [00:01:00] I can't play guitar or piano for shit, so it's quite hard to accompany myself, but, um Yeah, generally you need to be a big band, and you need to play what the audience wants instead of what you like to play. So big bands and round palmy hiding would be evermore evermore. Yes, that's that's the most famous band, But there's a few around here. Um, there's the Blue Grizzly Band, which is formed up of mostly all of my friends from my old music course, [00:01:30] and they're doing pretty well. They recently won $1000 off the battle of the bands. And yeah, they're probably the biggest name in palmy that I know right now. Currently. Currently, yes, it's kind of shifting. So one might get to the top and then fall suddenly. Yeah. So did you went into the QS a last week? Um, yes. I was one of the facilitators there who attended the QS a workshop. And we learned, um, valuable tools about starting up, um QS [00:02:00] a groups inside actual schools. However, there was a bit of information that wasn't really relevant to me, seeing as I've left conventional high school and it's kind of hard to apply some things learned to UC and other tertiary institutes. So what is your sex. I am a boy. I am a man. So when I say gender identity, do you know what that means? Uh, yeah. Um I identify in every sense of the word [00:02:30] as a man. I am both physically and gender. Identify as a boy. And what, And your sexuality is gay? Yes, I am a complete homo. A complete homo. Um, what is your culture? Identity? That's a tough one. I'm both Irish and Maori. I'm about 50% Maori, though you wouldn't know what to think of me or look at me there. Um, but I [00:03:00] generally identify as Irish as I've got more ties to the culture there. And it's it's a lot easier than saying I want to claim everything as mine. Yeah, I pretty much identify as Irish, but I I'll acknowledge the Kiwi a lot. And when you like, hear people playing Irish music, you just go into a bit of a Yeah, um, there was this one time when I was down in Wellington with some friends and a busker was playing, um, a bit of a jig on [00:03:30] his violin. And I just looked at my friends and we knew instinctively what to do. So we started walking up to him and we just erupted into this random sort of jiggy dance. And we started dancing around while he was playing the violin and people clapped. It was it was a lot of fun. Not often you get that. No, it's not. But I don't like I prefer to do what I feel like, as opposed to worry about what other people think of me in the heat of the moment. Like finding a location for this interview was hard [00:04:00] because I was worried about personal content. But I don't care what other people think of me just by looking at me or looking at something what I'm doing. So what is, um how do you express yourself in a feminine, masculine camp twink bear Any other votes? Well, unfortunately, and I only say unfortunately, because I dislike the stereotypes, I would probably fit into the twink category. But, um, I prefer myself [00:04:30] as just a normal guy. Um, I can sometimes be feminine. I can be sometimes masculine. Um, there are a lot more straight acting times than camp times, but, um, yeah, I don't like thinking things like hair colour or clothing should define what you think yourself as. Yeah. So when did you first realise that you had an attraction to [00:05:00] another male? Um, that's an interesting story. Basically, um, I was 12 years old, and it was just after Christmas when my mom had bought me a brand new phone and it wasn't that great. It was a little old colour phone that didn't have a camera, But I was in love with it. And, um, what ended up happening was I ended up going on to a chat room with the phone's data and just talking to people, and then you could only have [00:05:30] very limited user names. And there was a guy there who only had the user name gay, and I'd never talked to or heard of a gay person before. So I was curious. And then I remember messaging him saying, Are you really gay? And, um, he messaged me something along the lines of no shit. Sherlock, how did you possibly guess, um but talking with him just led me to figure out some things about myself and gradually discover that I was, in fact gay and that I didn't like girls [00:06:00] in that way. Was there a moment in time where you were, like, in the class looking across a room And you notice a guy that you never expect that you are slightly attracted to? Oh, yeah, definitely. Um, but in my case, that guy happened to be my teacher. Yeah, I know. But in my defence, he he was quite young for a teacher. He was 23 and, um, he was teaching drama at the time. And, yeah, I just thought he was very, very [00:06:30] attractive. I don't want to say his name in case anyone might know him, but yes, I. I had a big crush on him for a while. So you never went for a denial period at all, did you? Well, I kind of did. Um, See, I had a bit of a complicated situation. I sort of came out of the closet to everyone but my mother and my family. I came out to my brother and my friends and stuff like that, but I got so [00:07:00] much flak for it. I just stopped talking about it and essentially went back into the closet. And everyone just kind of forgot, like, um the gay jokes were gone. They kept joking about girls and stuff like that. And I ended up getting a girlfriend. I use air quotes because you can't see me. But, um, I ended up getting a girlfriend for a month or two until I just decided. Fuck this. I am who I am to quote the famous song and yeah, [00:07:30] I just didn't want to keep lying anymore. That that's quite interesting. I've never actually heard someone that came out and then went back and yeah, it was a weird situation. This was in Ireland and I was in quite a Catholic community. So there was a lot of negative stigma attached to being gay at the time. Well, at that age, rather just because they hadn't really experienced homosexuality for themselves. So they're going off notions that they might have received from their ministers [00:08:00] or their parents that it was just bad or something to make something to be made fun of. So you were born in Ireland. I was born in New Zealand, but in 2003, my brother and I moved over to Ireland to live with our mom. And then we moved back to New Zealand in September of 2008. So that's right. Back forward to it. Yeah. So you went to high school in Ireland? Yes. I went to a Catholic school called Saint Patrick's Grammar [00:08:30] School, which is essentially an all boys school until the final year when they started letting girls in. And it was an interesting experience. Um, it's definitely a hell of a lot better than the school I went to in Masterton. And there was a writer. A range of subject choices except religious education was compulsory. And I didn't like that just because I'm not very I'm not a very Catholic person. Yeah, and not just say you don't really want to be forced upon with religion. Yeah, exactly. [00:09:00] Yeah. So you came out twice? In a way. Yes. Essentially, um, I when I when I say coming out, I, um I just would start saying it to some friends the first time. I mean, I'd just start slipping it into conversations with friends, and they generally, like, pick up on it. I don't think I ever actually had to say I'm gay or I like boys. I would just say certain things that would imply it. And then they would say [00:09:30] it. Kind of like, uh, I noticed that this was it was a cute guy over there or something like that. Yeah, something like that. And, yeah, I essentially just got a lot of flak from it from certain people. And there was a period of time where I had a few major bullies over in Ireland and one bully. He never beat me up directly. What he would do is he would beat up anyone who talked to me. So I couldn't have friends inside of school hours for fear of them getting [00:10:00] beaten up. So I I was always quite isolated when it came to inside school. And so I just stopped talking about it in case it slipped out. And the word somehow got to him and his behaviour might escalate into something I didn't really want to deal with. That's that's kind of smart for a bully. You think about it. Yeah. Um, he was slightly psychotic. Um, he put up a video on Google videos, [00:10:30] and it was seven minutes of him tying down a cat he stole from his neighbourhood to this big piece of wood, tying each of its legs down to the corners and shooting it with a gun. A cat, a cat? Yes, he shot it with a gun. And that was that was disgusting. And he he expressed in class a desire to go into the Army, which I found hilarious to have practise, I suppose. Yeah, I do not, Uh, and [00:11:00] and I do not encourage people doing that at all. I just like to add No. Oh, God. Cats are like one of my favourite animals. And if I ever hear of anyone doing it again, I'm going to beat the shit out of them. I'm not the timid little, little scared kid I was when I was 12. Yeah, you gotta love the cat. Definitely. If you don't love cats, you don't have a soul. I keep staring into the microphone, part of it, expecting there to be a camera. I [00:11:30] get you. Yeah, it's like it's got a little face. Play with me upside down. Play with me. Maybe, but yeah, that was about French. Maybe Anyway, um So when you came back to New Zealand, what was that like for you? Um, it was quite difficult because, um, the reason we had to move back was because our mother had passed away. And, um, it was quite difficult adjusting to that fact when we were only 15. [00:12:00] But, um, yeah, we managed to get through it, and we started a new school. But the school we started was called Kota College. And that's not a very good school. Yeah, I'm looking away because I know what that school was like. Yes, Mako College is a very school to the listeners, and it's technically referred to as the dropout school of Masterton, where all the kids who cause trouble who can't be fucked doing any work, or we just can't afford [00:12:30] it go to school. And one of the things that really annoyed me about the school was the lack of dedication for discipline from the teachers. So, um, you so you came out in a way a third time. You were in New Zealand, weren't you? Well, yes, kind of. But for me, that wasn't really coming out. I'd gotten used to telling people so essentially it was merely telling my friends that I was gay, and, um, all of them took them. Took it quite [00:13:00] Well, except, um, one of my best friend's sisters she got after I told her I'm gay. She thought I was joking. And then when she finally realised I was actually telling the truth, her face just sort of dropped. And she was like, But I thought you were straight. And then for about 40 minutes afterwards, she goes around following me saying, But why? Why? Daniel and I just have to give, like, random reasons. Like, because I am. Because this is how I was born. And then [00:13:30] my principal was coming up to talk to either me or her. But he was looking at one of us, and then he was coming up behind her, and she didn't see him. And then she blurts out quite loudly. But why, Daniel? Why do you like men's asses? Yeah, and the principal got a very shocked expression on his face and just sort of turned around and walked off in the other direction. Oh, my [00:14:00] God. That's one of the best. Can I say that as a coming out story? Yeah. Yeah, that's the best coming out story I've ever heard. Well, yeah, it was pretty funny. That's fantastic. Um Did you ever went to any, um, LGBTI Q groups? Um, no, I didn't. I remember in Masterton there was a listing under Rainbow Youth for a group there, but I remember [00:14:30] ringing up rainbow youth and, um, they said, Oh, no, there isn't one. But we're more than happy to help you start one. And at the time, I was only 15, and I didn't really know what to do. So they said, Don't worry. We'll email you with some information and we'll call you back tomorrow and just give you some tips on how to get started. And I never heard from them again, which I suppose was both a blessing and a curse. Because while I was out at school, like if someone asked me if I was gay, I'd say yes and [00:15:00] keep walking. I didn't prefer to keep, like, drag attention to it. And if I was publicised as starting a rainbow youth or a QS A, um I know in my school that it would have brought me a lot more negative attention. Um, hell, in my final year when I was still just carrying on this cavalier approach of just answering Yes, I am. If anyone asked me if I was gay, there was this annoying year nine, and I guess he was homophobic or something. But I'm pretty sure he's gay, too. He was just trying to [00:15:30] act like a homophobe to try and divert the suspicion of himself. But I was sitting in the library minding my own business, completing an English project when the little bastard starts throwing shit at me. And, um, it went from pencils to random balloons to PS rulers and stuff like that. And then, just as he was about to throw a fully like heavy metal stapler at my face, the music teacher, Miss Kerry, she grabbed his arm [00:16:00] and said, What the hell are you doing? Put that down And, um, she pulled him aside and you could quite clearly hear her because she was quite angry. And she's like, Why are you doing that to Daniel? And he responded with But miss, he deserves it. He's a faggot, and I remember well, I actually remember laughing first because I was thinking to myself, Wow, if there's anything, there's some misplaced anger here because you're definitely not the straightest year nine I've ever seen But, um Then [00:16:30] I just got kind of angry about how that sort of image is ingrained at such a young age that there's so many people who just assume faggots are bad. And, yeah, I assume there was some screaming afterwards from the teachers. Yes, there was, um he never tried to tried to throw stuff at me again, but, um, he always gave me these ugly glas and stuff across still little little bastard. Oh, yes. I don't think anything's [00:17:00] gonna change that, but, um, yeah, he didn't bother me. So did you have any support of your kind of? My friends were quite supportive. And, um, there were quite a few of my friends who were really happy for me that I just didn't want to lie anymore. They were just like, Oh, yeah. Um oh, I didn't realise you were gay, but yeah, I'm happy that you're admitting it, and you're not hiding it. But, um, I accidentally came out to my father, which is a bit of a weird [00:17:30] story. What happened was, um I used to talk to my dad online through a messenger, and, um, his screen name was Gary, which is his first name and I was also talking to my friend Gareth using the same programme at the same time. And when I meant to type in Gareth's window, didn't you know I'm gay? I accidentally typed it into Gary's window. Oh dear. And yes, that didn't end well. He he logged off for six hours and came back on saying, [00:18:00] Oh, don't worry, it's only a phase. The impact was slightly lessened because it was I was in Ireland. It was through a messenger, but yes, it was still a bit upsetting, though. The next time I logged on with him, he asked me Oh, how are you? What are you doing? And I ended up saying, Oh, just watching my wife and kids and I don't know whether to take this as offensive or a joke or maybe a mix of the two. But then he just said, LOL, you know you'll never have any. It could, [00:18:30] but knowing my father, he could be trying to be funny or it could be insulting. You don't know it's a two way street. He probably both at the same time. I would not be surprised. Probably just see what happened so When was your first youth group that you attended? My first youth group was actually here in Palmerston North. I attended uni for the first time in about June. No, not June. [00:19:00] Um, it would have been. March was the first time I attended uniq and that was run by, um, my now good friend Seth. And that was quite good because it introduced me to some people, et cetera. But I really wished I'd been introduced to some like a gay group earlier. Just because it's it's easier to talk to some people about about certain things. And even though you might have really supportive straight friends, there are just some things that are really hard to talk to them about. [00:19:30] And the one thing I do regret was not learning about the club scene or the gay scene in general from a youth group, because when I turned 18, the first thing I did was go up to the gay bar here in Palmerston North, which goes by club Q. And I kind of jumped into the deep end without knowing about it. Like the first time I was there, I was sort of cowering in the corner and I didn't know anybody. And, um, the bartender was trying to make me feel welcome. [00:20:00] And that's where I met one of my friends, Beth. And then, um, my friend Matt came over and introduced himself to me. And like, Oh, we've talked on Facebook. We used to text and got the ball, roll the ball, the ball rolling. And, um yeah, and through Matt, I was introduced to Beth, and through Beth, I was introduced to my friends, Anna and then so on and so forth until I've got some really close knit friends here that are like a second [00:20:30] family. So So, have you been in relationships before? Yes, I have. My last relationship was January 2009, and it lasted for No, wait. Sorry. It would have been January 2009, lasting for maybe five months. And, um, I have not [00:21:00] been in a relationship since then. Unfortunately. Well, fortunately, unfortunately, it depends on how you look at it, but, um, yes. I haven't had a partner since then. Why is that? Um, a lot of reasons. Just lack of compatibility and trust issues. I suppose. Um, my first boyfriend was semi abusive, and that sort of left its toll on me. And I'm not like the the greatest personality anyway, because, um, [00:21:30] I had a bit of AAA. I don't want to say abusive childhood, but a very, very shitty childhood. And it's left me with, um, issues about, uh, dominance and and, um oh, what's the word? Oh, it's on the tip of my tongue, Um, trust dominance and sort of and, well, no, it's kind of ties into trust the fact [00:22:00] that there should be something other than they're not like in with my dad. It was He should be nicer. He should be calmer and a partner like expectations. Yeah, it was like I had realist, I Well, I thought I had realistic expectations, and, um, because they weren't being met, I sort of, like delved deeper into a little hole. And I'm still a bit like everyone has their own scars and their own bad [00:22:30] qualities. But I have to say my worst one is probably, um if things get a bit too intense for me, I just kind of burrow away into a whole. Um, if someone's getting very, very intense very fast, uh, I feel bad for doing it, but I just sort of cease or contact because I can't really bring myself to do anything more. Yeah, so you meet other people through, like, closet space, right? Yep. Um, that's where I first met a few friends. And [00:23:00] from there I've met friends of friends and friends. And yeah, it's it's the whole two degrees of separation. And, um, in New Zealand, everyone just sort of knows everyone. And that's sort of true in the gay community, too. Um, but I've actually made some really good friends off dating websites such as NZ dating et cetera. Um, I remember I was a regular message boarder on there, and a few of the other regular message boards added me as a friend on Facebook, and when I hadn't met any of them before [00:23:30] and the first time I've been up to Auckland for years, this message board who I never met before, invited me around to his place for dinner, invited all the other message boards and cooked this wonderful three course meal is sort of welcome to Auckland and nice to meet you thing. It was really, really nice. And he is an amazing cook and unexpected as well. Yeah, it was so it was so friendly and so nice. And he's still I still consider him a good friend to the staff. So, um, what is your definition of virginity? [00:24:00] Well, that's a tough one. physical virginity, I. I sort of had different. I sort of have different interpretations because I think physical virginity is the act of penetration. I don't care if it's gay, I know or straight with vaginal vaginal, but, um, I think, um, that is physical virginity. But then there's also emotional [00:24:30] virginity because there's this aspect of there's always the whole sort of, like, free falling thing. Um, when you're opening up that personally for the first time, and I think emotional like a true emotional losing of your virginity involves being with someone that you really care about and that you really trust deeply and that you're both in a very good maybe not even relationship. You could be like very good friends who are doing this. But you need to have [00:25:00] a very good sort of communication and trust between you two. So, yeah, I think there's a difference between physical and emotional virginity. Well, thank you for the interview. Um, no problem.
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