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Hello. How are you today? I'm good. That's good. Who are you? Dan. That's good. Can you tell us a little bit about yourself? OK, um, I'm 21 and I only lived in for coming on two years, so I'm originally from, um and Yeah, I lived there for a year for college there. Um, [00:00:30] I don't know what else to say about me. Uh, personality, Um, personality, I think is all right. I think you're one of the I'm one of the people that you actually have to. Um I don't know, either love me or hate me. It's one of those things, so it can be quite controversial. So I've heard, you know, um And what's your interests or hobbies? Um, interest hobbies. That's a hard one. I hate that. [00:01:00] I really hate that question. Um, I'm one of those people that I go with the flow and whatever comes my way. I do it like no shit. No shit. I, um Yeah, I. I actually just I I go with the flow and when it comes the way I do it and I like, I like to try different new things all the time, So, um There's all sorts of different stuff I like to do. Kayaking and rowing is real cool, and it's really cool to do it here with the river. And so so [00:01:30] with the muddy water as well. It's not mud, it's silt. I explain it to you Today. Our river is actually relatively clean. It's not as polluted as the river, even though the river doesn't look as bad and our looks weird. But as the we've got a really bad silk problem. And like I said, our river doesn't have much seaweed. So basically it's just sand, and it's quite close to the sea as well. Yeah, we saw it today, but the people who are listening just don't see it. Yeah, what's [00:02:00] close to the beach? The river, of course, rivers are generally connected to um So what is your What's your original sex? Well, I'm definitely not a female man. What's your gender identity? No, that's your sexuality identity. Your gender identity is male. Obviously. Culture, identity, culture, [00:02:30] identity. I'm Maori or New Zealand Maori. And how do you express yourself like masculine or feminine? Or, um, I don't like to live by titles. I think I'm just me, so whatever that is, I have no idea. I am me. I can be a bit of both, Like, you know, when I'm around gay people. Obviously. I'm like, Hey, but, you know, obviously when I'm with the boys, it's like, bro, what's up? [00:03:00] You know, I can be a bit of both. I just be myself. Really? Yeah. Um So when did you first realise? Realise what? When you're about your Oh, OK, um, I started to realise at intermediate school, How did you feel at first? Because I was brought up as a Jehovah's Witness. So at first I was scared because obviously, um, it it is not [00:03:30] really accepted. And, you know, it's sin. Um, well, I don't believe that now, Um, so, yeah, at first I was freaking out, and I didn't want it to happen. Um, that, you know, So in the to me at school, did you, like, see a boy across the class and you felt quite interested in him or something like that? Um, those kind of, um, not as dramatic. It wasn't [00:04:00] like, you know, we looked at each other's eyes and it was love. Um, no, I. I just noticing? Um, uh, Yeah. You know, at intermediate school, you're all young and immature, and, you know, our boys are saying all this shit and all this shit, but in my head, like I would be like, Yeah, yeah, she's But in my head, I'm like, Damn, you're much finer than her. Like it's just crazy. Yeah, I just Yeah, I just felt differently to other people. It's like, Yeah, she's hot. But I just look at her best friend [00:04:30] like, um, yeah, yeah, it's pretty much like that. Yeah. So, um, did you went through a stage where you didn't accept your, um your sexuality? Um, I don't think it was not accepting it. I was just in denial. I didn't believe I was I. I didn't believe I was gay, like, you know, trying to say to myself that it is not who [00:05:00] I am. Um, so yeah. More in denial. Not nothing else. Yeah, Yeah. Um, did you win for a surgery for to keep your six year old a secret? Um, yeah, Yeah, definitely. Um, even to this day, which I don't. But, you know, sometimes I have to, like, be myself and be like, No, This is me. Um, but, um, I left the ministers when I was 16 years old, so I didn't actually really come out till I was, [00:05:30] um, about six towards before I turned 17. So, um, what was what was going with this? What did I ask you? Did you feel that you had to keep a secret? Oh, yeah. So, um, after I left, I was, like, 16. And then there was a time period where I got into the alcohol, the drugs and all that stuff. Um, after that, I started going to another [00:06:00] church where I became a Christian and so obviously being involved with the church and stuff. Then there were times where obviously, I was scared because, you know, uh, so there there are many times I had to keep a secret, um, in saying that, um I don't believe you know, some people say, Oh, I came out of the closet and I announce it to this person. I don't believe people have to announce, you know, go around telling people because, you know, no one walks into a room and says, Oh, by the way, guys, I'm straight. So I didn't feel that I had to do that myself. So when [00:06:30] it came to church and other things like that, I didn't actually tell anyone. Um, you know, I did come to a realisation. Yeah, I'm out, You know, not in the closet or anything. Like I don't believe in being in the closet. Um, so I didn't actually, I didn't announce it to anyone, so But when it did come across when someone did, like, you know, nudge, nudge. Hey, by the way, are you gay? And, like I could say to myself, Yeah, I am. But then saying it to people and actually saying it to them was a bit real and nerve wracking. So I think that's the only sort of way that I didn't come out to people [00:07:00] saying So who Who was the first person that found out that you were gay? Oh, that's really hard. Um, I think the first people I really actually told were my you know, strangers, you know, they don't care. But I told my sisters, but and my mom it was real funny how I told her, but anyway, it came when [00:07:30] I first came out. It was bisexual. So, um you know, I would tell. You know, my mom and my sisters, I was like, Yeah, bisexual. But it obviously changed since then, and it sort of just progressed. I really didn't have. I don't Yeah, I don't really have that. That's why I find this question so hard because no one really found out per se. I just carried on with my life and Yeah, that's hard. Yeah. Does your family know? Yeah, yeah, all of my family know, Um And to be honest, I am the only [00:08:00] gay person in my family. The only one that I know of. Yeah, there could be more out there. I have no idea. Um, majority of my family are Jehovah's Witnesses, Um, and other religions. But that's the main one. so, yeah. How did they react when they got out? My mom. It was real funny when I came out to my mom because, um, my sister didn't really care. They were just like, Oh, that's cool. Um, my mom, um basically a [00:08:30] guy that I was going out with at the time, um, we had taken photos of ourselves, and they're obviously not photos that straight guys do like we were in bed, like, shirts off. And we like you like she is. And, um, I got into an argument with her, and what I did is I stuck a photo as my screensaver, and I got into an argument with my parents, and I was so fucking pissed off. So I grabbed my phone and I threw it at my mom, and she picked it up and she saw my screensaver and this picture of me and my partner at the time. And, um, she [00:09:00] just looked at it. She was like, Oh, so so you're gay. I was like, Yeah, she was like, Oh, that's cool. That's cool. And then, um, that was a good we didn't really talk about it. Um, we didn't really talk about it for, like, ages. Um and then I, um Oh, what happened? Um, then another time she spoke to me. She was like, Oh, that's I really don't mind you gay. Um, the only thing that hurts me the most is I'm not going to get grandchildren from you. And I cracked it. Oh, it was so funny. Um, my dad, he actually, you know, because I've been [00:09:30] I've been gay for a while. So I came out when I was, like, 16, and I'm now 21. Um, my dad actually didn't find out to like, um my my real dad because my parents were divorced. So my real dad found out probably 2010. Um, and I didn't tell him. I told my stepmother and she goes, Do you want me to tell your dad? And I was like, Yeah, you can tell him and he hasn't spoken to me about it. Um, you know, um, he has said, you know Oh, you're still my son in love You and blah, blah, blah. Um, my stepdad, he actually didn't find it until last year. My [00:10:00] mom and sisters knew all this. I said he was having a conversation. It was Christmas, actually, last year, and he was having a conversation with one of my uncles. You know, they had a bit to drink, and he was like, I think my son's gay And I heard him and I came out and I was like, Do you know, I heard everything he said and he goes, Oh, no, sorry, sorry. And I was like, No, I am he goes. Oh, it's great. You still my son? And it was cool. My parents really don't mind each of their owners, but our family has always been like that, You know, they don't care. Whatever anyone wants to do. That's quite funny. I think my son's gay. Yeah, yeah, basically, [00:10:30] I heard them talking, and I was so awkward because I was with my cousin. We were in the kitchen and they were, like, in another room. And, um, yeah, I was just like he was talking to my uncle and my uncle was so funny because I was like, No, he's not gay. He's not gay. It was funny. And I came and I was like, you know, I can hear you. And I was with my cousin, and I was like, Can you, like, hear what they're talking about? She was like, Yeah, just tell him. So I just like I was like, Yeah, I am. He was like, Oh, that's all good. So what does it say? You already know you or your uncle already knew there? No. No, I don't know. [00:11:00] Um because I I always been the way I am. So it sort of they just know me as me. So to put a toddle on it, it was sort of I don't know if they were in denial as well, because my uncle was like, No, he isn't gay. And, um, you know, my dad was like, I think he is. I think he is. Yeah, it was real funny. It was so funny. So you've always had support, in a way, because you're always yourself. Yeah, basically. Nothing really changed. Um, it was real funny, Um, and being [00:11:30] in the church at a young, I had a really good friend, and he's still one of my really good friends. And he, um, you know, because I was gay, but I hadn't told him anything. And, you know, I was going to tell him if he would have asked me, but he never asked me years after years after years, he never asked. I was like crap. Well, you know, we've been friends for such a long time. I had to tell him, you know, and it was real nervous. I was so nervous to tell him. And, um, I just told him and he goes, Oh, you're still Dan. So it was really cool. Um, yeah. Friends and family are still everything's [00:12:00] great. Yeah, that's good. So, um, have you So you've been in relationships before? I've been in a few few, which is, um is this a few like tens, or what's your definition in the view? Um, I don't know. I have I've been in a few relationships. Um, I. I just I think I haven't found the right person like I've never been dumped. I've never dumped, but it's always been a mutual decision where Hey, this isn't [00:12:30] working. And you know, obviously when you're in a relationship where you're doing something and you feel it isn't working and you both feel that way, then it's so easy just to think, um, I've been in relationships where it's been, Um um, a few years, um, I've been in relationships where it's been a few months, and then I've been in relationships where it's been a few weeks where we thought it was, you know, the way we're supposed to go and then, you know, after a while, a couple of weeks and you're thinking maybe it isn't the best decision. So that is what we had to come to as a conclusion. Yeah. [00:13:00] Um, I don't actually, I haven't counted, so I have been so many places in the country that it's like a new person every day. Not every day, but every location I wish, but no, actually, not about. Have you had a relationship when you when you've lived here? Yeah. Um, yeah. I have only had one good one. Well, like one long one that I thought was right, But no, um, I've [00:13:30] had, but I had about two, which is decent. I think it's right. So, um, how do you meet other people in the community? That's really crazy. That's that's you're asking me all the hard questions, man. That's real hard. OK, um, how do I meet people? OK, obviously with, um, in space closet [00:14:00] space? Yeah, obviously with close space, I don't actually, uh, it's not through this. Um, this is specifically I keep this completely separate to anything else. Um, it's real crazy. That's a hard question. Because I know a lot of people not only in, but, um, throughout the country we were talking today. I was like, I know I know everyone. Um, but it's real crazy. Um, I have No idea. It basically just kind of come towards you. I think it's the whole Facebook thing. You know, um, sometimes I [00:14:30] add people and people add me and then it comes into conversation. And then, hey, I'm in, You're in and it's just like, whoa, people come through to the city and they're like, Oh, I'm sing And I'm like, OK, cool. And that's Yeah. Other times it's just been at parties or whatever. I've been around the place, has a lot of gay people, a lot of gay people that, you know, people think, Oh, because a city is very conservative. But there are a lot of people who, um there are all the gay people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, um, what is your definition of virginity? [00:15:00] My definition of my own personal definition. OK, um, I think it's obviously someone who has not had sex. Someone who has not had any sexual interaction. Um, that's yeah, basically, um, it's a real hard one, too, because, um, yeah, that's what I believe. It is obviously someone who's not had sex and not had sexual interaction. Um, I, I believe that someone [00:15:30] could lose their virginity, and, um, you know it doesn't. I don't necessarily feel that it is sex per se, but you know, you can intimately, you can be intimate with someone without sex. So that's sort of you know, someone you've given someone your heart, and that's a piece of you. It's like giving someone your body. I don't know. You know? You know what I say to Have you ever experienced abusive behaviour or abuse because of your [00:16:00] um um what do you mean, any of this? Because, like from from me, from me, Like from other people to me. Um, I actually haven't. No, I've never Um OK. 01 time, OK, it's only ever happened once I was in Palmerston North in the square, pissed as and I seen this girl that I know and I was like, Oh, hello. And we're, like talking away. And then I left from her and I was walking along and, um there had been some guys that [00:16:30] had walked past and obviously were hearing me talking and me and her obviously, and he come up to me and he was like, Oh, are you gay? And I was like, Yeah, yeah, like because I've never been shy of it, and he randomly grabbed me by the head and, like, punched me in the face. That's the only time that that's ever happened. Um, and it was so funny because, like after that happened, I was like, What the hell? Because there was there was three or four of them. And then I went to this caba store and I was like, Can you find the place as I rang the police? Because the CT TV cameras actually all throughout the square. So there were already police, like, basically there [00:17:00] I left, so it was real cool. Um, the other times I get, you know, get, um, get random people will be like, faggot or whatever down the street. That really doesn't affect me in any way. Like, um, a lot of people find the words faggot. No shit. They find it quite offensive as a as a gay person. I really honestly don't care. And I'm just like, yeah and proud, or someone will walk past. And like, I think he's gay. And I'm like, Yeah, you all right? I love it. I. I don't actually. [00:17:30] That's the only thing I've never really had not been any better than that. And, um, I've been drinking with so many, you know, from Gangsters to all sorts of different people. And, you know, I think that if you show respect to them, they will respect you back. I know some gay people can be quite creepy. Um, and try and come on, come on. To people that obviously don't want to. And then you, you they can cause strife for themselves. But I feel that if there's mutual respect, if you respect people, they respect you back. So, like I've [00:18:00] said, I've drunk with, you know, gang members and gang people who generally they they don't drink with gay people and would, you know, beat them up, obviously, and call them bed words. But I think if you if you can be one of the bros and just respect them and where they're at and I think it it goes the same way. So, yeah, um, and like, I've got my local bar here in. And, you know, my bar is a lot of older people. Well, not old, like, wrinkly old, But you know, a lot more mature people that go there, and [00:18:30] obviously some of them aren't used to the whole gay scene. But, you know, I can walk in there. I'm hugging all the ladies in there. I'm calling everyone auntie. And this is my man. They're not actually related to me. And I can sit with a big table with middle aged men who know I'm gay and you know, they've got no problem with it, because I don't I don't invade their territory, but I become a part of them. You know what I mean? So yeah, yeah, I respect everyone. So I think it comes back to you in the end, I don't poach. Well, thank you for the interview. [00:19:00] Good. Is that it? That's great. Thanks.
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