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So I'm really excited now because, um, binge has just walked in. Uh, we're now in Wellington, and Bing is just about to complete, uh, Q 12 the tour in 2012, and, uh, Binge, What is Q 12? The tour Q 12, the tour. How can I say this? Um, Q 12 tour is a tour or as a project where I go around the North Island, interviewing all the LGBTI Q communities about realisation coming out, relationships, [00:00:30] socialising, bringing up stories, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. And it's about finding those voices that wanted to be spoken out. Spoken out. And also, it also helps for research as well. So when you say around the North Island, what centres did you visit? Um, I started off in Wellington for, and then I went back to Auckland [00:01:00] with Plus, we had the pre, um, project for Q 12 before Q 12 to to came. And then, um, I went to Hamilton Rotorua, Um new Plymouth Marton, palmy and fielding as well on the side trip. Um, where else and also Napier? And now I'm back in Wellington. And in that time, how many people did you speak to, I think I I was counting [00:01:30] on my way here. I think it was like, um, there was 27 males, 9, uh, 17 females. And I think there was a few of them that were transgender, That amount of people. I mean, that must be quite a rare event to actually go and be able to talk to 50 young people about being LGBTI in New Zealand in 2012. How easy [00:02:00] was it to find that many people? Well, all the other. Most of it depends on the centres, Actually, because some centres like, um like palmy was quite easy. There's people, um, you just I had lots of friends in palmy and they were like, Oh, yeah, he's so enthusiastic. They want to get their voices heard who and like some other, some others weren't because they don't have, uh, they don't have a group or they their groups is, [00:02:30] um, breaking down slowly because it's a new group, but they haven't been taught leadership how to sustain a group. And some places, um, aren't the very conservative I think it's called. Yeah, conserve. The communities are very conservative and not very open to the idea of sexuality. So how did you make initial contact with people? Facebook was a big help, but I got rainbow youth to help me a lot. Like they They got me in touch [00:03:00] with some people in Wellington for the and then I started, like, adding people on Facebook and adding groups on Facebook. And eventually the word got out there. Hey, is coming to this place? In fact, um, in the closet space for, um, the person who facilitates their made it a big deal on the Facebook page. Like, Wow, Q 12 is coming to You must come to this group this week because [00:03:30] this is so amazing. Like, Wow, that must have been quite neat to have that level of kind of enthusiasm. Yeah, I felt like a rock star, I. I did not expect it whatsoever. I didn't expect to get so many, like, 14 interviews in palmy and, like, seven interviews in So it was amazing. What kind of age range were you interviewing? 18. Well, my age range. I put it on for 18 to 27 generally. [00:04:00] And the majority of people where where did they kind of fall on that, uh 20. They're in the early twenties that the early twenties are very social, so they really Yeah. However I did got a lot of 18 year olds as well. How did you find talking to people of that age group? Because you were what, about 20 now as well. So you're basically doing kind of peer to peer interviewing. Hm? Well, it was quite easy, really, Because I'm a very people person. [00:04:30] I talk to everybody. I It wasn't really much of a difficulty. I mean, there was a few the occasional person that didn't like to talk, and I practically had to beat the answers out of them And, like, kept on asking, not asking. Oh, yeah, I was asking. I kept on asking extra questions so I can talk so I can, like, extend the interviews to what I felt like was a good time for an interview. But for me, it was actually a good, [00:05:00] uh, I was quite it was quite easy for me to actually talk to people. You mentioned the term LGBTI, and I'm wondering, was there much difference around the north Island? Um, in terms of how people, uh, identify themselves because I'm thinking they could use the term queer or gay. Uh, how was that? How did you find that? It was quite, um, interesting, because they were quite they were quite happy about identifying themselves as queer. And I've [00:05:30] heard, like, the first one of the interviews, there was someone who was demisexual. And they said that demisexual is kind of like, um, it's kind of like asexuals in a way, but it's not at the same time, like demisexual is you won't have sex with someone until you feel like you have made a strong emotional bond with them. So to go over that boundary of having a sexual connection with them, which could [00:06:00] be either post marriage or not. Yeah, and they were quite open about, um, how they identify themselves in the sexuality type of way. But at the same time, they didn't like to be putting the, um, a label on themselves. Yeah. What do you think has been the hardest part of of doing the tour sleeping? Um, it's very tiring the tour because some [00:06:30] my my main job of the tour is actually getting the name out there and, like hanging out with the groups and the people around them. So sometimes I'd wake up at six. In the morning just to plan out, schedule my day, get get some interviews done people showing me around this place and then, uh, get more interviews done, and then go back home late at night and do some editing and probably won't get go to sleep till 12 o'clock. Hm. [00:07:00] So it was very That's probably the hardest thing for me in terms of, uh, the amount of time it took and, uh, what you were actually doing on the tour. Is it what you expected it would be? No. No, I didn't expect. I didn't expect it to be so tiring, but I actually loved every minute of it. I loved I loved the travelling as well, because, um, I haven't actually, I've never travelled around New Zealand like this before, and [00:07:30] I've never seen so much scenery before, So they always say that New Zealand is such a beautiful country, but I never actually expected that it was this beautiful, especially going on the buses. And I didn't expect it being like I said, I didn't expect it being tiring, but I guess that comes with the programme. Really? You need if you're tired, that means you've been working hard, so yeah, you say that? Uh, it was, you know, physically demanding physically tiring. What about psychologically [00:08:00] tiring? I'm I'm thinking that if you were talking with 50 people and almost taking on board their stories, what was that like? Funny enough. It was actually quite easy for me. I don't I. I was expecting it. It would actually be, um, emotionally tiring. But I had a lot of support. So it was a problem for me. Like I always had, um, people there, just in case like I had, um, Rain, you, Chaplain Lisa, Um, Mum, my adopted dad [00:08:30] and my boyfriend as well. If I ever wanted to, you know, talk on Facebook on the Internet. But I never came to the point when I went Oh, my God, I'm stressed because I'm listening to everybody else or about me kind of thing, But no, I was all fine and happy, and I was excited being around new people every day. Were there any kind of reoccurring issues that came up in the interviews? Kind of independently of, of kind of what you were asking, Did you notice any kind of themes coming out? Actually, yes. [00:09:00] I think the biggest thing I've actually learned was was actually in my last question when I I actually asked, um, do you have you ever experienced or received any abuse or abusive behaviour? Because your gender identity or sexuality and, um, the majority, they they've practically said, um, on average, they say that they've got a lot of verbal abuse and that, and the people who have been physically abused say that [00:09:30] they affect, um that the verbal abuse affected them more than the physical abuse. And, uh, she painted a picture that, um how, um, that verbally, uh, affects you more than a punch or, um, being big enough because I guess, um, emotions is more of a emotions, or the more [00:10:00] in the mind is that she is more of their life than the faces on the outside kind of thing. Were there any other surprises? There was always a surprise, but I don't know. And when someone said demisexual, there was a bit a bit of a surprise for me, But, um, I think when I was in New Plymouth, I did an interview that lasted 38 minutes. That was when I realised that. I think that was the biggest surprise. Yeah, [00:10:30] I think, um, another surprise was in. I was interviewing a guy, and, um, they were He were, um there were some when I asked that question. Some people, um he told me that some people were actually outside his garage door once banging on the door just because, um, they knew that two gay people lived in that house, and then they went away and came back with more people to do that. Yeah, [00:11:00] I think that was the biggest surprise. What about funny moments? Oh, there's plenty of funny moments. I, uh I have a very a very all over place. Uh, that's my personality. I'm very all over place. So And that's the same with my emotions at times. But when I'm very, um when I'm having funny moments, I have funny moments, especially with, um well, one of the interviews in, uh, Hamilton. It was the [00:11:30] most hilarious interview ever because we had this. We went off to start talking about How would Lady Gaga collaborate with 30 seconds to Mars and mid interview? I think um I even started thinking closer to the edge of glory. There's the new song. Hey, so you've actually, um, sent me your question list, and I was wondering, would you, uh Would you like me to ask you the same questions? I was waiting for [00:12:00] this. Go ahead. Well, I might skip the first one, which was Hello. How are you today? Well, maybe not. How are you today? I'm tired. I'm I'm actually good. I'm glad that I'm happy that I'm very excited for the tour. I'm very excited that it's almost over at the same time, but I'm excited about the outcome. What's gonna come after the tour? Could you tell me a little bit about yourself? Um, I'm [00:12:30] a fun, bubbly person. Like I said before, I My I'm I'm bit everywhere. So is my emotions, but in a good way. Um, I'm a happy person. I'm a very outgoing person. Uh, I used to. I've lived in Auckland, New Zealand, for the whole of my life, born and bred there and raised. And, um um I always forget how people always answer these questions. [00:13:00] I always do the same thing. What would you like to know? Um, yeah, I'm into pop rock type music. Uh, I used to go to radio school and graduated, which has got this is how I got my experience of doing the whole, um, Q 12, the tour. And I'm currently working at Civic Theatre, and I'm loving it. Next year, I'll be going to a T for events management. Uh, bachelor [00:13:30] of events management, which is a three year course. So Yeah. What gender do you identify with Male, but yeah, male and sexuality. Gay, Very fabulously gay. Uh, this is an interesting question that you've written down here. How do you express yourself? Um, there is a reason why I wrote that down. Um, when I was at the it's actually opened my eyes because, um, there's the thing. How it there's a chart. They [00:14:00] draw a chart for us. How sex, gender, identity, sexuality and expression is completely different things. But at the same time, they all work around each other. It creates a picture for yourself, and it tells you how what you are and what kind of way. But a lot of people, when I actually asked that question, people, um, they're very hesitant of ask answering it. But at the same time, they weren't because when they, uh um, a couple [00:14:30] of people thought that, um I was asking them to label themselves and I was like, um, which There's probably one thing I should have explained a bit more before I answered the I did the interview, but yeah, for me, uh, how I expressed myself. Um, when a couple like last year, I used to be a transvestite, which is a gay. Could be straight or gay person dressed up in girl clothes with, um, and wear [00:15:00] makeup or no makeup, but not in a drag queen type way. Yeah, but, um, I guess I'm in between between masculine and feminine. I'm like my my door. My I'm actually opening a door, but I haven't actually walked through yet. My my arm is through there, but not really kind of thing. Yeah. So you're an open door? Yeah, I'm an open door. Yeah, that's why that's how I express myself an open door. So when did you realise you were going [00:15:30] magical moment? Um, I guess, um I realised that when I was age, because I I guess I went through puberty. quite young as a child. I mean, I started getting erections at the age of age, and so I started having feelings for people for, But I went through a big denial phase that lasted about, [00:16:00] um I can't even remember about 78 years before accepting it, but, um, yeah, I realised, especially when, um, everybody. Everybody was like, there was one girl in class and everybody was like, Wow, she's amazing. And like, I used to lie to myself to say that, but in secret [00:16:30] I was I had a big crush on my best friend. However, I kind of I kept on. I kept on battling myself, which is quite unheard of, really, because I was at the age of eight. It was like 1998 19. No, even before that 2000? Yeah, 2000, 2000, 2001. 2000. Yeah, which is, like, before we had civil union, which was in 2004. So, um, [00:17:00] yeah, I went through a big denial period, and when I turned 13, I was like, Oh, I must be by because I was still lying to myself. I have to be attracted to girls because everybody else is Until this one time when I was experimenting with my friend, as you do so at the age of 13, what was going through your head in terms of your your thinking that you you might be bisexual? Well, [00:17:30] I, I definitely knew I had attractions to guys. And, like, um, but I just couldn't accept myself for being gay at that point because I still I kept on telling my I kept on lying to myself. I have to be. I have to have attractions to girls because this is the normal thing to do. As I fought, I went to, like a very homophobic school, and I had to keep a secret to myself. Where, uh, because, um, they used to be beaten. Gay [00:18:00] people used to be beaten up and Ridic and all the gay people just kept it to themselves and stuff. And but yeah, that was in high school and intermediate school. I was still I was still learning about sexuality, so I don't know. I just watch. I don't know, I could be, but yeah, when I was in high school, I was like, I'm I can't be gay yet. or something like that. So what kind of abuse? Um, would, uh, gay people get around 2006. [00:18:30] You know, the kind of language? Well, um, I went to West Lake Boys High School. I'm not scared of saying that name, because at that time, um, Westlake Boys High School had the reputation of being Homo Hill and saying that everybody that comes out of there is gay. And the that's from all the other schools saying that to them And the best way that, um, the students cope at that school [00:19:00] was to be a homophobic to, um, try and get rid of that reputation. So they're incredibly homophobic, like, um, not not the teachers or anything like that. However, I found out recently the teachers, um um, that school does not allow any, um, diversity groups because they they said, Oh, that that's where all the gay kids will hang out. And people will start being mean to them and the like. We don't allow [00:19:30] religious groups either because of the same reason. And I found out legally, they're not allowed to do that, so yeah. Anyway, um, but yeah, they used They used to like throw stuff at the gay kids and stuff like that. The teachers always supported her sexuality especially, um, because there was the hot teacher and all the guys were staring at her ass and I was the only one doing [00:20:00] the work. And she was like and she went up to me and one once and said, Ben, you're gay, aren't you? And it was like, uh, I'm not entirely sure yet How would you know? And she said, Well, the others are staring at my ass. You're the only one that's actually got in a mirror to my class. So yeah, and so when somebody actually [00:20:30] kind of I, I I'm not sure if the words confronts you with with that saying You're gay, aren't you? Uh, what does that do to you immediately? You'll put up your own your own, um, psychological protector barrier type thing. And you go like, what the fuck thing. But of course it's my teacher. And there's and I knew that there's confidentiality over it, blah, blah, blah, blah. And [00:21:00] so I just had to say yes kind of thing. But I wasn't at that time, I still wasn't sure. So I said I wasn't sure. So when did you become as sure? Um well, when I was seven, my coming out story is, when I became sure was when I came out, which is the next question. As I remember, by coming out story, it was quite interesting when I in 2008 I came out to my [00:21:30] mother through a text message saying that I was by because my sister kind of manipulated me in doing so, which got that out of the way. But I kind of had a plan, like because exactly on the same day a year later, I said I didn't actually realise. But I was actually saying to people that I'm gay and I didn't actually realise until I came to my mother when she came to me. I was like, You've been telling people that you're gay. Are you gay? [00:22:00] I was like, Yes, I. I am gay. And then that's when I actually clicked that I was actually gay. It it was interesting. It was interesting because when I actually realised that I was gay and accepted it, it was the same moment where I actually came out to my mother. So and what happened? Well, she took three months to, like Go. Oh, my God. My my son's gay. And she was She had to get used to the fact that her son's [00:22:30] gonna start wearing makeup now, but, um, after three months, she was fine with it. Um, she's super supportive. Like I've got my adopted dad, Um, who's like my father type thing? Um, he's he's gay and he lives in my garage where, like, recreated the garage so he can actually live in there. And, um, my mom has a T shirt that says, I love my gay son and on the back has a rainbow flag. Just rewind a wee bit. So you're saying that you've got [00:23:00] an adoptive dad who lives in your garage? It's complicated. Uh, I met him at, uh, during when I was in radio school, and he he's he was, like, 45 and he became the father figure because my my biological dad and my mom got divorced when I was like around five, and my dad lives in Sydney. So I and even though my biological dad was there until I was 16, I didn't have a father [00:23:30] figure in my life. Um, throughout. And I kind of resented my dad for a while. I kind of, uh, and a little bit in a way, I could say that I actually hated him for a bit. And then I think recently I've kind of gotten over that, but main mainly, it's because he's now in a different side of the world. He's He lives in Sydney now, and he's travelling Athens. I think Europe or something like that. And, um, I kind of had to accept [00:24:00] it. I accepted it. And that's who he is and stuff like that. Anyway, um, so, uh, me and Carl got closer, and he just became the father figure of my life. And eventually, um uh he needed a place to stay. And I said, Hey, Mom. Well, he met Mom a couple of times and said, Well, Carl needs a place to stay. Can we put in garage? Because he he loves [00:24:30] living garage garages because, um, it's like his own place. It's like his own home. So I we rebuilt the garage into a rumpus room cut type thing and he lives in there. What was the reaction like from other people maybe, uh, the extended family and friends to you coming out. Oh, funny story. My brother before I came out to him, he was quite homophobic. But I think that was him trying to connect with me in a way to try to be funny, because that's his way of doing things. He wanted to [00:25:00] be funny and connect with me. And then I came out to him and he said, I um just as long I don't care if you if you're gay, straight by male female If you vote for labour, this is very much of a national voter. If you vote for labour, labour, green or anything like that, just as long as you don't play Xbox, you're still my brother. He's very anti Xbox. [00:25:30] Um, my sister, she her reaction was like, Oh, OK, another black sheep in the family and I was like, Yeah, right. I'm more of the rainbow one. I'm more brighter than you and my grandparents. I've I It took me two years. I think two years could be two years. Oh, no. It took me a year for me to, um after I came out to actually come out to them [00:26:00] which was because I was very scared to tell Tell them. But, um, I even I actually said OK, I don't want to tell them, Mom, I don't want to tell them. You have to tell them and she did for me and, um and it was quite funny. Mom said, I got some, uh, I wasn't there, but she she told me saying that I've got something to tell you And she said, What? Ben's gay. It was like, Yes, he is. Oh, we've known that for years. [00:26:30] It was quite funny. However, I, I still I think they've realised that they've accepted it. But occasionally they get uncomfortable with it because, like, I've only met one of my boyfriends and he was a very touchy feely type guy. He kept on touching my hair like grooming me and stuff like that and my grandparents. I said to Mom behind my back. Oh, he just keep on touching. He should keep his hands to himself, [00:27:00] which I found it quite funny. Um, my cousins, I don't know I. I don't know. They've assumed so Yeah, And my friends, when I first came out to my friends, they thought that This is a general reaction. Back in, uh, 2009 when I 2010 when I was coming out. Um, the general reaction was, if you come out for a text message, [00:27:30] they think that it was just being hacked. Someone has your phone. And then, um it was quite funny because then they Then they came to me and said, Oh, we thought, um, at first we thought it was that. But then more people started talking about, and then people just start to realise that you're actually gay. I was like, Yes, um, but they all accepted it. And I think the biggest thing was is that one of one [00:28:00] of my friends was very religious and very homophobic, and he said, and the biggest thing was, Well, we didn't talk. We don't talk much now, but it was kind of like a big oh, my God. Moment. So he came to me and said, Oh, we found I found out that you were coming out of the closet. Well, at least you're out now and you get true to yourself, and you're true to everybody else. Which to me, that was him accepting it. So Yeah. And how [00:28:30] did it change you? Well, before I came out, I was very hidden to myself. I. I had scruffy clothes. I looked. I was very chubby and I didn't have I. I guess I was still finding myself in a way. And well, after I changed, after I came out of the closet, I just styled myself up. I came out of the closet with good style, changed my hair, [00:29:00] straightened it practically every day. And I was glamorous. Every step footsteps I took, I got trail was following, I guess. And then I started getting camper because I that's at the time, I thought that was how I was supposed to be. But then I become me. So, yeah. Do you think it's easier now with, um, so much kind of queerness in kind of media and people quite openly talking about, you know, [00:29:30] gay, lesbian, transgender, uh, amongst you know, friends and and workmates? Is it easier now to come out? Do you think? Well, I don't know, uh, I wasn't very involved. A lot of it's quite strange because I wasn't very involved with the gay community at all until, um, 2000 late 2010 when I first went to Rain Youth in October 2010 and then And then I started going to groups until then, So I [00:30:00] don't really I don't know if I can actually answer that question, because people, um, I've noticed when I was on tour, a lot of people, even when they're not even out they evolve the gay community and, um, which made it easier for them, I guess. I guess these days it is easier to come out than it was back when I was because I had no knowledge of the gay community at all. So now [00:30:30] it's more a bit more open these days. And yeah, what prompted you to go to somewhere like youth? Uh, a friend on Bebo was the big thing in 2009, 2010. And then Facebook came along, but, um, someone was like, uh, it was a friend on Bebo. I think it was some random. It was like, Come on, I need to take you to Rainbow. It wasn't even a group or anything. It was just into the drop in centre, so I can, you know, say, like, Hi, I'm been la la da da da [00:31:00] da da car thing. And, yeah, had you experienced, um, a kind of an environment where there were just lots of gay people before. No, it was the big When I first went into, uh, LGBT group, I was like, um I was like, Hey, I know you. I know you. I don't know the rest of you. I was like, Well, well, but this was when we were in a coffee shop, so it was a little bit more [00:31:30] open and everything like that, but which has changed. Now everything's more. They have their own centre or not their own centre, but they have a little venue for themselves. But, um, I've never I didn't It didn't actually become a bit of a shock for me. I just fit right in. So, yeah. Can you recall how you felt? Um, just walking in there for the first time. Um I mean, I've seen walking [00:32:00] in. I was very nervous going into, like, the drop in centre for the first time because I used to, like, go, like walking up and down, just like, oh, I won't go in there but I can't. So I just bugger off somewhere else. And then someone just, like, practically pushed me through the door. So I was very scared. But now, but then when I got through, I was fitting in. So yeah, it it's there's a psychological door that I couldn't get through. Yeah. What do you think? Uh, organisations [00:32:30] like Rainbow Youth. What what value do they have for, um, LGBT youth? Um, they have big value, because I guess, um, about rainbow you if we wouldn't have a way to connect with each other. And I guess that's one thing that, um, we all and the rest of me, especially when we're much older because we forget about how we came together. Well, how I came together with the group [00:33:00] with the gay community, and that was with rain, youth and rain. Youth is actually great value because they do bring the gay community together, or the young gay community together. It's like the introduction into the gay community. I find it quite interesting. Um, when you were talking before about your adoptive dad and how, um, there's that kind of intergenerational thing going on, and I wonder, I mean is there? You know, in your [00:33:30] experience, has there been much of that where, you know, you've actually interacted with across generations in the kind of queer community? Well, he was. My adopted dad was the first stepped into the meeting Older, um, meeting older people who are more mature than me to actually talk about what happened in, like, Pre-law Reform was on the ground and stuff like that. So and that kind of after meeting Carl, [00:34:00] it was more of a big eye opener because I was saying to learn more things about gay history because I was like, I was clueless about the gay history until I met Carl and, well, things kept on. Um um I kept on, like, learning about things that happened in the past. And yeah and I. I think, um, it's good to because he was a became a good mentor for me as well as a father figure. [00:34:30] Speaking of, uh, relationships, I'm moving on to the next questions on your list. And I was just wondering. So the next question you have, um, is, um, all about relationships, and I'm wondering, um, you know, have you ever been in a in a relationship before and And when was that Fuck I've been in many relationships. Um, there is There is a thing, um, relation to I've kind of actually, [00:35:00] I had to reword the question from how many relationships you've been in, How many flis you've been in because a lot of people kept on changing, Um kept on having different opinions and relationships. And when I changed the question, everybody agreed with it so well, actually, it was unanimous how I actually changed the questions and they agreed with me how there's a difference between a relationship where it's fully serious and there's a fling which a fling would probably be less than a month, and [00:35:30] a relationship was fully over a month. So I guess when it comes to fling I've seen and I 13, 12 flings and I've been in four relationships. Yeah, my longest relationship was six months on and off, which was like it was, like, on and off. And then there was a full, um, [00:36:00] another. And two relationships were like four months. One of them was on and off. One was completely four months and one another. One was like two months. I think, And then the rest were like Flink. Uh, I went through a lot of relationships I've had. I used to be a sex addict when I was when I first came out I I attracted to the gay community like metal and a magnet, and I guess I was still I didn't actually know [00:36:30] what love was until I dated someone. I think that lasted a month or so and which he broke up with me and I was devastated. And that was, I guess, my first death on becoming a mature person, having my heart broken for the first time kind of thing. And then I guess I mean, like, this year, I've tried dating, Like, last year. I tried dating, like, 10 people, and before that was like, [00:37:00] four. This year, I've only dated like I tried to date two people, but they only lasted four weeks, so yeah, and I'm in a I'm in the relationship right now. That's in in the third week, so nothing serious, but, you know, Yeah, but, um, yeah, I wonder if that whole thing of you know, uh, when you come out, you just kind of well, for some people they They just really hit the scene and really seek out [00:37:30] a lot of partners. And I mean, that happens both at a young age and also when people come out at an older age. Uh, do you? Do you think that's, um, something to do with just kind of, um, these kind of pent up feelings suddenly being allowed to exist? I think more. It's it it could be. But I think my thoughts is I think people are trying to find themselves in a way they're trying to find what love is they're trying to find, um, what type of the gay community, even [00:38:00] though it's small, it's actually big. There's so much variety like there's, um, the gay community is very like in categories, which is it's quite funny because even though it's so small, we're big enough to actually go against each other, Which someone told me once saying that when the gay community got their rights to be who they are these days, they you know, you think, um, these days before the [00:38:30] marriage thing went to parliament, they were fighting against each other because they can't find anything to unify each other with and so the only thing they could fight as each other. But, um uh, I think it's because people are find a bit finding myself of themselves, Like for myself. I That's how I did it. It's because that's what I think it is. It's because I was trying to find myself, and [00:39:00] it was more like I didn't until recently. This year. That's when I became I became properly mature, and I actually found myself. I know what I want. I know. Yeah, you've mentioned relationships being more than a month flings being around less than a month. Are there things? Are there things? Are there names for things that are kind of less than you know, like a week? [00:39:30] A quick fuck? Um, no, I think it's a very short fling, But, um, I think I think, um, a lot of people, uh, have a a lot of people have different, um, different ideas for a relationship. And fling is, however, it's very close together that unanimous that there is such thing as flings and relationships there. Yeah, but the time difference is a bit different. [00:40:00] However, I heard there was this. There was this YouTube video saying How to break up with someone. And, um, they he said that if you're breaking up with him within the week, it will be OK to send a text message. If it's over a week, it's OK to give them a call. If it's over a month, you need to do it in person or you break their heart and you become an asshole. Yeah. How are you meeting people? How? What are the ways of of meeting people nowadays? [00:40:30] Um, big way is NZD manhunt grinder who just just go back. Uh, so NZD is what? New Zealand dating dot com manhunt dating dot com or dot net, I think one of the two and there's an iPhone, um, iPod touch app thing, or android called grinder, which is the biggest thing ever because it's like the closest person to you. And it actually finds you, um, like [00:41:00] it brings up, like, doesn't bring up Google maps, But it goes with Google maps like the GPS kind of thing, and it locates the closest person to you, but it doesn't tell you where they are, but yeah, it's the closest person. Yeah. Also, um, meeting a lot of people I've met a lot of people in person through friends. And Facebook helps a lot, especially with the tours Facebook. Hm. So with something like grinder, you could then say you might be sitting in the movies or whatever, and it would tell you who's in the room, [00:41:30] Not necessarily because they have. They would have to have grinder as well, and you need to have Internet to to use it. So if if the grinder is on and your grinder is on, then yes, then it will come up with, like saying this person is three metres away or something like that. And it's free for coffee. Well, it comes up. Well, everybody. Every profile is different. There's like some people say NSA, which [00:42:00] is no strings attached. It's mainly a hookup site. More than anything else, but not not, not really, uh, some Some people are actually taken, and they're just looking for friends. So, yeah, so, uh, you've got, uh, NSA. What? What are some of the other, uh, little acronyms? Um, like for manhunt? They have a whole list. I can't even remember most of them because it's a big list [00:42:30] like, um, but it's just practically tell, um, say every single sexual thing that you can imagine, like as a tick box or anything like that. So what's the most people you've encountered on grinder? Like what kind of event? Oh, I, I haven't actually really went to an event to actually look for grinder. But however, um, I want to try one day this. I actually do want to try one day, go to the big day out and turn on my grinder to see how many people are so close [00:43:00] together. But yeah, but I haven't, actually, um oh, the most, Actually, the most I can actually say is that a family gay bars birthday? I think there was, like, four people in one room that had the grinder on at the same time. But yeah, coming to the next question on your list of questions that you were actually asking people on the tour. And I'm not sure if it would be a question that I would have ever thought of. Kind of asking, [00:43:30] which was, you know, what's your definition of virginity? And I'm wondering how you came up with that question and and kind of, uh, the responses, but also what your response would be. But everybody has a different opinion on it to everybody. And it's something about sex. And I think I can't go. I me Personally. I felt too uncomfortable to ask him about what type of sex they were into or stuff like that. So the next best thing was to ask them their [00:44:00] their personal opinion on virginity and, well, there were so many responses. But everything always started off. Um, every guaranteed, every single, um, interview started off. It was like, uh, exactly like that. I don't know. I haven't thought about it before. Well, there was. There's three that did that, but, um, a lot of reactions were like purity, [00:44:30] um, about being pure. A lot of people saying it's the first time they found love is not necessarily a sexual thing. Some people say it's an emotional thing. Some people, it's a physical thing. Some people, it's a religious thing. I think my favourite reaction up reaction, Um, answer was, um, one of them, which is my favourite interview, was, um, when someone was talking about virginity, how virginity was [00:45:00] was really something back in the olden days, where it was a lot of value to a female when they, um because a virgin was a big thing. It was like, Hm. And like especially like no sex before marriage type thing. But And he thought that virginity doesn't have any value these days, which I disagree because I think my personal opinion and virginity I think there's not virginity [00:45:30] is hard to define because I think there's more than one definition of virginity. I think there's completely a lot of meanings to virginity. I do agree with the fact that the first time you fall in love, you can lose your virginity. There is sexual virginity. When you 1st, 1st time you had sex and there's also the random virginity. Like the first time I went to a Lady Gaga concert kind of thing. I lost my gaga virginity. Yeah, so, yeah, that's my definition. [00:46:00] It's the three definition. My three definitions random First time you fall in love the first time you have sex and it's penetration for not yeah, and then getting from that question on your list to the the the next question, um, which is about, um, being abused, you know, have you been abused in any way whether it's physical, mental, sexual. Um, how did people respond to that? Well, I've put abuse as as the [00:46:30] last one, because it's the most difficult question throughout the whole thing. A few people, um, had problems with it, but they told told it a coup. Um, like, after the interview, there was one and specifically, um, one broke down in tears straight afterwards, which, um, which was fine later. But, um, luckily, not during the interview. But a lot of a lot of people were OK with answering [00:47:00] because they want, um, because even though they had to tell their, um, tell them it was more of like it was the past. It's not happening anymore kind of thing. Yeah. And how would you answer that question for me? Um, I never was really physically abused. Uh, I was I've never really was emotionally abused. When when it comes to that either. I mean, there was always the people that try to scream out faggot and stuff like that, and I was like, Yeah, I am well done. [00:47:30] Well done. But I never really was abused. Now, at the end of the North Island tour and after doing 47 interviews, which is just amazing and three more to come. So you 50 all up? Uh, what are your thoughts? I mean, how do you think it went? I think it went amazing. Uh, it was tiring, but amazing. I loved every second of it. I'm still very I'm glad it's over, but [00:48:00] I'm not at the same time because it was a fun tour of meeting so many people. And in fact, I wish I could actually do it again. I probably will do just do one big holiday, just travelling all around the North Island. But yeah, that's that's really my thoughts on it.
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