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Hello. What's your name? How are you today? I'm all right. Can you tell us a little bit about yourself? I'm 21. I was born in. And at the moment this year, I'm doing a course which qualifies me to be a mental health support worker and breathe. Um God, I forgot what I was going to say. Oh, yeah? So what's your interest in hobbies? Interest in hobbies? Well, obviously mental health psychology. I like craft stuff. [00:00:30] I like music, but I don't play music. Yeah, I love me. Me, I like to three days Grace. It's like, softer, slightly softer. More than the disturbed. And some of it down. I'm just not yet yet. Her slow, slow, slow [00:01:00] getting there. Yeah. So you've lived in all your life. Have you travelled? Have you travelled out? I've seen some places, but not much in New Zealand? No, like I've never been to Auckland. For example. Everyone's stumped at that, Have you? Have you ever thought about coming to Auckland? I want to one day just to see it say I've been there slightly scared. [00:01:30] Yeah, that's big. I don't know what's gonna happen exactly. So, um, what is your sex, your original sex and your gender identity and your culture identity. Um, New Zealand. And what is your I'm straight. The first straight interview. Yeah, You got to help me. Yeah, but [00:02:00] you're dating someone that's transgender, indeed. Yeah. So what's it been like with you? Um, while he's transitioning. Can you rephrase that question? Sorry. You slowly see him change to a different person. So well, kind of different person. Let's rephrase that. I answer this question my way. When I first met Jay, he looked like this to me without the well, he looked. When I met Jay, he presented to me as a male. He wasn't on [00:02:30] the hormones at that stage, so dating him to me wasn't hard because I never met Jay prior to Jay. I don't know that other person. I've never met the other person. To me, Jay has always just been Jay the way he is today. And in the beginning of our relationship, it was hard because I I got faced with lots of questions myself. Are you lesbian? Are you lesbian? All the time from both family and friends. But over this time, I've managed to convince someone I'm still straight, and I accept it. [00:03:00] Has it been hard at all? So you're being fully accepted? Um, accepting for it. Of course. I'm non judgmental. I'm fully in support of Jay when I open minded fully. So you, um you also are very open to the queer community as well. Yes, I am. Yeah. So, um, so do you come to closet space with, um, Joe? I started coming last year when I met Jay and I've been coming since support everyone just be there. [00:03:30] You're like, Oh, hello. No, they will welcome me. You know, I'm straight now. Happy to have me there. Be a little cheerleader joking. Just waving your, um LGBT Pride flag. Something like that. Yeah. So, um, you being straight When did you realise? I suppose [00:04:00] I realised when I was 12 years old when I had my first boyfriend. I suppose I realised that then if not earlier, I don't know. Yeah. Have you always been attracted to boys? Yes. Yes, yes. Um, So when you first realised, how did you feel when you first realised you were straight? Didn't feel anything because that well, I'm gonna embarrass myself for listen [00:04:30] to you, but OK. When I first met my first boyfriend, I didn't know much about the sexual nature of things. Like, I'm gonna embarrass myself so much in this next sentence. When I first met my partner, I was that naive. I didn't know how guys saw girls and vice versa. Like, Oh, how do I say this to embarrass myself? I can't put it this way. As a straight woman, I never knew straight guys were interested in my body like my breast. For example, [00:05:00] when I first met my boyfriend, that's when I finally woke up and clicked. Hello. So yes, me. So you being straight for me, I didn't really realise anything because, like I say, I was naive back then, with the sexual orientation and everything, I didn't know what a lesbian was or gay. I was just me. I just was attracted to boys, and that's all I knew. It had no label for me until I was older. I I realised, Oh, these gays, these lesbians, blah, blah, blah. I'm obviously straight because I don't fit into those [00:05:30] categories. And when I met Jay, for example, I didn't know what transgender was either. I had one friend prior to him, but my other friend how to explain it, How to explain it, you know? Well, my other friend, he's about 40 something, and he's not gonna transition the way Jay is. He just lives every day. He just lives every day dressed in a male's clothing, you know, presenting himself that way and not going the full medical thing. So when I met Jay, it was really interesting for me [00:06:00] to, you know, meet someone trains and to hear this whole new thing and fully grasp the idea. And when I met Jay, like I say, he was not quite where he is now on team that I'm the one that got him there. We were sitting down on Victoria Avenue here outside Countdown one night, and Jay was sitting there telling me about, you know, he wants to transition. He wants to be a man. So I said to him, You know, do you want to wake up in 20 years when you're 40 be a chick still, or do you want to be the man you're supposed to be? And that's when he thought, you know, right, [00:06:30] So since then we went to see um, as a psychologist counsellor, we call a psychologist to get the tea letter to start JR hormones, which the tea letter is written to something called the Harry Benjamin of Cares About. It's about 100 and something pages. It's an American standard thing, and it's how they diagnose a transgender so they look at different things, like childhood. You know, where the where the feelings start, [00:07:00] how examples all these different things to determine if they're trans or not. And Jay was lucky that lady agreed that he's Trans, that he got his friends or his tea leader. And then, after you get a tea litter, you go to see what's called an endocrinologist, which are the people who put you on hormones. So after Jay got his tea litter, he had to wait a couple of months to go see the Endo went down there that day. They did a few standard tests, you know, weight, height, anything like that. [00:07:30] Make sure he's healthy enough to be put on testosterone to blood test. Yes, they did that prior to to make sure his liver and kidney and all that were OK to put a new hormone into his body. So that was all fine. And then that day, Jay went home a script, happy as he had to wait a couple of weeks, so to get a script filled. Because at the time, testosterone is not in the country. But no, it was. And then so after that, after you get your chosen hormone, like for Jay, obviously is testosterone because he's a male, [00:08:00] you know? Um so he gets, for example, for Jay. He gets an injection three weekly. Every third week, he gets an injection of testosterone, and I think it's like two point. Oh, is it 2.7 mils? Yeah, 2.5 miles. So he'll get that injection for the rest of his life. But it will change once he becomes older. He'll get it maybe, like once a month, once every two months. Um, basically, So you once you get on the testosterone, you chosen hormone. You go see the endo every so often, like every 2 to 3 [00:08:30] months just to get some more blood tests, make sure it's all working for you. See what changes of the year etcetera. And then, after you're on your hormones you go for the top surgery, which, like JC, does to get the breasts removed. How long does it take before you, um, from going from testosterone, staying from testosterone to doing the first surgery, You have to go get another letter before you can go for top surgery. You have to go back to either the psychologist. You went for a tea letter or a completely different [00:09:00] one and then get another letter saying, You know it's OK to go do this. You're mentally stable. I think I think you can do it prior to starting hormones, though, there's no actual time. You just have to make sure that you have all you know to back you up. But most people prefer you to be on hormones first. It's not. You don't have to. It's not definitely hormones. First, it's preferred for most surgeons. Most surgeons won't operate on you unless [00:09:30] you've got hormones first and then after the top surgery or somewhere between starting hormones and the surgeries to get the hysterectomy. Am I saying it right because I get them confused? Sorry. I always say, mastectomy or something different. I keep them confused. Um, so you go for the hysterectomy, which has to happen pretty soon after you start testosterone and otherwise you run the risk of ovarian cancer five years. So Jay's got five years to get that done. [00:10:00] Hysterectomy is to get the womb and the ovaries taken out, or the lady bits. Otherwise, yeah, you can get about ovarian cancer because the testosterone running for your system and you've got the female body parts. Obviously not that much. Yeah. You don't need them. Don't want them. Yeah. So the female parts are like, What the fuck is this happening? And then when you go for her hysterectomy, God record my voice completely. I mean, I'm glad this interview gets typed up horror. Um, [00:10:30] when you go through ectomy, you get the choice whether to preserve your eggs or not. So if you get your eggs preserved, then obviously you can get them implanted into your partner to carry your egg, your baby if you choose. But that's a decision every Trans person has to choose for themselves. As for me and Jay, Jay's still trying to decide what he wants to do as his partner. I'm trying to push him to save them, but at the end of the day, he's his own person. If he doesn't want to, then that's up to him. Hm. [00:11:00] Oh, God. Did I paid all too much. Sorry, I do. That's great. Um, I'm just trying to think What else would you want to hear about if you think, um, God, I've wanted to do this for so long. That's why I was so keen to. Seriously, I like, Ever since I met Jay, I've been all about Trans. It's all I've been about and I've been longing for the day that someone want to come talk to me and hear my stories. The straight guilt date, the Trans person. Not that, um not that Jay's make people get me famous, [00:11:30] you know? But I just wanted to share that with someone. How do you feel while he's going through the transition? Oh, OK, here's what the or honesty comes out at first. Like I said, I was unsure because of all this stigmatisation against me. Like I didn't like being called a lesbian. Even my own mother thought I was a lesbian. She thought that for ages I'm not. But anyway, my main concern was before Jay [00:12:00] starting testosterone. I was scared shitless. I was scared that Jay would start this hormone and he would completely change and he wouldn't love me anymore and he wouldn't know me. Obviously my fears are stupid. A hormone can't do that. But at the time, I was honestly scared I was gonna lose my jay. But no, we made it through that. And we're stronger and happier and yeah, I support turn out into a completely different person. I was terrified. [00:12:30] I was terrified he would take this hormone and it would change his mind or strength and met much that I would wake up one day next to a stranger this pop up this manly. But yeah, the changes in Jay have been slow. And if I'd be honest, I haven't noticed them because, like, as Jay's already said, we lived together and, like we came and said, Yes, once and Misty is like, Wow, your voice. And I'm thinking what? And Jay's like, huh? And then she's like, It's got so much [00:13:00] deeper. Yeah, and I had no idea myself neither Jay. But, you know, I was so scared of the changes yet when they start happening, I had no idea they were happening like his voice deepening. I can't even tell you. When it deepened, it just happened. Jay's got videos of him prior to see his voice. It's amazing to hear her say it's amazing. How high was it? Probably as high as mine right now. [00:13:30] No, I don't think it was that high. Like he obviously had a female voice because it didn't hit the hormone in the system. But it wasn't like a real It wasn't a real soft, ladylike voice. I don't know how to explain it or put it this way. I can't really remember what he sounded like. But all I can tell you is this. It was never a real soft, ladylike voice like, unless you knew Jay Prior or you looked at him long enough to click, you wouldn't know he [00:14:00] wasn't a girl. You know, you wouldn't have never known that. That's all I'm saying. Sorry if I'm but he was never that soft tone. So, um, so has the Has your relationship ever been affected because of him being transgender? In what way? Jay's gonna kill me for saying this, but our relationship [00:14:30] has been hard. I won't go into detail. It's so personal struggles. But yes, it hurts hard times. But one of the hardest things I found dating Jay as a transgender person is we've been together for like, just over a year now. But it took him about I know about 67 months to trust me enough for me to see him naked like completely light so naked. It took him about 67 months and trust me that way. And if I be honest, that was hard for me [00:15:00] because like I like, I always understood Jay and I always you know, I showed my respect and not force it upon him because, you know, I understand it's hard for him. It's not quite his, you know, it's got the body he wants. So, please, I want us to see it. But I found it hard for me as a part because, you know, I felt like my boyfriend was holding back this big part of him from me, like I didn't know him. But no, that that we talked about that and Jay understood where I was coming from. And then time went on a little bit further and he trusted me. And now now there's nothing Jay holds back from [00:15:30] me. You know, I know everything about him, and he knows everything about me and our relationships improved. I really don't think our relationship would be any stronger if it tried. You know, like the Jays transitioning. It's just made us grow together because, like I say, I've been there throughout the whole transition, and I've been to every appointment. I went to the I went to all the endos except for the last one, because I couldn't make it like course. But it's OK, you know. So I've been there for [00:16:00] six of the way, and it's just made us stronger. And it's made us grow together as people because being there for Out of all, it's been a learning curve for Jay going through it all. And for all the things you know, I've learned alongside him. So it's Yeah, it's been really good, helped us grow. Have you, um, met anybody else from the transgender community? Yes, I have one other friend who I spoke about, who I met prior to Jay. And we also have another [00:16:30] friend who I met through Jay, another trans friend and We also have a couple of other guys that we met from that trans website that came down to about I might have been about a month ago. They stayed at our place for a couple of nights, so yeah, it's good to meet them. And they got, they shared, they shared their stories with us and we shared our stories and, you know, they told us about them. They talk about us. And when we told them that I was straight, they were go because [00:17:00] yeah, because one of the one of the guys had a partner and his partner was lesbian. So she took a bit of time to adjust to, you know, the partner country, et cetera. So, yeah, they were all gobsmacked. I was straight. And if I be completely honest, which I like to think I can stay in this interview, I hate feeling this way because and I hate staying in front of Jay. But before I met Jay, I didn't understand how because, like my other, my other trans friend, [00:17:30] um, he often said that he wanted a straight be of a straight woman or a bisexual, and if I'd be honest, I didn't understand how a straight woman could want to go down that road. I feel awful saying that and I don't get me wrong. I really do. But now I get it because I suppose in saying that I've grown up and I've matured, You know, like I. I assume you don't talk about I say pen sexual. I agree with that like I call myself straight. [00:18:00] But if someone really wants to argue with me, I'd say I'm pens because to me, like to me, Jay is a man, But I love her not because of who he was, because he is now. He's just Jay. He could be like he could, you know, have purple is brought like the green spots all over him. You know, he's just Jay. I hope he doesn't have purple ears. That means he cut the circulation cuts off. All I'm saying is, you know what I'm saying is, I've grown up now and I've I've learned a lot and it doesn't matter who they are, what they look like. [00:18:30] So I feel bad that I used to think that way, But I'm talking about three or four years ago, so give me a break. I'm sorry. I'm prepping too much and breathe. Um, how do you meet other people in the trans community in the trans community? I don't really. Or in the trans community, I don't really meet people as [00:19:00] such. Like Jay said, He's on that Facebook page, but I'm not on it. Since I'm not Trans, I can't join it. Oh, no. I think you can join it for being the partner. No, no, it's the only quote. I'm not included, so basically, yeah, I just I meet people with Jay. Like when those people came to stay with us. Obviously, I met them. Yeah. So what is your definition of virginity? [00:19:30] All honesty. I don't know what to make of it. Because it's virginity, as you see for, like, a straight girl and, boy, you know, go figure. But as when it comes to the lesbian and gay community, if I be honest, I don't really have a comment when it comes to virginity, because obviously I'm not lesbian, so I've never been with a girl. So I I don't I don't know. Sorry. I just don't I don't know. I don't know what would be classed the game lesbian community is for myself as an individual. It's It's basically [00:20:00] to me as an individual. It's when two people get intimate in a way where, OK, I scratch that. I have no idea Scratch that. So when they get intimate in a sense of sexual sex, sexually intimate with the genitalia area, should we say it like that politely. Do you mind if I ask a personal question? Um, have you two ever been intimate with each other? [00:20:30] We have. Has it? Has it been hard to do so? I wouldn't like when you say hard. Do you mean hard in the emotional, mental or physically or what? Are you going towards all of above? You can individually if you want. OK, emotionally, it's, I don't know. Can I say on the interview? Is it gonna be emotionally? [00:21:00] It's the great be sticks with the head. OK, it's not a it was OK or not, but no, emotionally, emotionally, it's fantastic because it's probably I don't I don't think it's Jay as a person. I think it's just our relationship, but emotionally it's fantastic because for the first time, I feel like I'm with the guy who actually fall on loves Me back, [00:21:30] so I don't think it's emotionally special, because Jay the person, I think it just comes back to our relationship. But emotionally, yeah, we had It really is, Yeah, mentally, too. We go that far. Oh, but you know that embarrassing. He's great. [00:22:00] It. So I have to ask, um, have you experienced any abuse or abusive behaviour because of, um, you dating a transgender person? I haven't experienced? A. I've experienced a lot of questions. IE. Are you gay? Lesbian? Straight? How [00:22:30] do you have sex? I've been asked that one a lot. I guess it's more of a People aren't very educated on that certain subject. I can appreciate that. But I also think that these people need to mind your own business. Like people who ask me, these questions generally are my friends. If I be honest, they generally are our friends. But I won't answer them because to me it's mine and Jay's personal sex life. If we want them to know them, we'll sit there and tell them all about it. But [00:23:00] we don't you know, so don't go in front of them personally. I just think it's rude. I don't ask them how they have sex with their friends or their people. They don't even have sex with my boyfriend. OK, well, um thank you for the interview. Yeah, so good. Thank you.
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