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I'm Gareth Watkins, and welcome along to the Pride Audio Collective. Um, it ran over five weekends in February and March, and we looked at, uh, recording interviews on location and then editing them. So there were six participants, and we recorded, um, outside in the studio and at people's homes. Um, and then we edited the material at Wellington Access Radio in Guney Street, and it was an opportunity for all the participants to record and edit short interviews. So you'll hear those short interviews today. [00:00:30] Um, but first, here are the participants. Hi, I'm Rowan. I am 23 years old. I'm queer and I'm a huge nerd. I came along to the audio workshops because it sounded really fun. I'm a film student at the moment, and I noticed that sometimes the sound I would have in my short films was not all that it could be. So I thought this was a skill that would be really helpful for me to learn, and honestly, [00:01:00] it's been a lot of fun. I think I might actually get more involved in podcasting and radio from now on, because it seems like such a really awesome world to be a part of Hi. I'm Jennifer. Um I heard about this through Rowan. Um, I'm 24. I am an artist, and I make YouTube videos. And I thought this would be a really great skill to have because, you know, I'm just starting out and stuff like that, So, Yeah, my name is Pat. Um, [00:01:30] the reason I wanted to come along and do this course was I'm heavily involved with the glamour phones and, uh, have been recording the choir and interested in actually starting to do a bit more around, um, podcasts and, um, archival history of of our community. Um, so have come along and had lots of fun enjoying, um, the art of a recording voice I'm making [00:02:00] the most of our diversity is one of the most significant issues facing both New Zealand and the world at the moment. And we all have to play a part. When I saw these, uh, classes as a way to express our diversity and help others learn more about our diverse communities in New Zealand, I couldn't not come along, so thank you. Thank you, Shelia. So for the first interview we did in week one, Pat and I went into the studio here at Access radio, and Pat interviewed me about a life changing event. [00:02:30] It was pretty out of the blue. They went away for a weekend. It was like Queen's birthday or something, and then came home and sat me down. And we're like, Guess what? Um, it was Yeah, but it was pretty out of the blue for most parties, except for one. my father had been thinking about this for a while, and so it was sort of sprung on the rest of us. So how did that make you feel Something come out of the blue like that huge life changing moment? [00:03:00] Yeah, it was really It was really difficult. I wasn't really sure how to process, because I never really experienced something sort of that kind of altering before, Um, particularly since, like after they told me other things started to change. So, like, there was, you know, who's gonna have the house? Who's going to be moving all that kind of stuff, which is a lot to take in in, like, about three days? Yeah, it all just started happening. Um, [00:03:30] yeah. So, like when it first had when I was first told, I tried to be very like OK, well, I understand. You know, this is, you know, your lives and need to do what's good for you. But then obviously alone, I'd be, like, breaking down because I had no idea what I was going to do. I had, you know, I just finished study. I wasn't sure of what was happening. I was looking for full time work, which was not happening. It was really Yeah, it was quite difficult. The ongoing ramifications of of being in in something like this, um, [00:04:00] involved in in a family and a parent separation. Um, there there were triggers that happened from it. And yeah, So after my mother moved out, my father and I were the only ones living in the house, and he would go away every weekend, um, to be with his new partner, and so I'd be it would just be me and the cats in the house. Um, and I started developing panic attacks because, you know, this is everything suddenly changing, [00:04:30] So, yeah, it was very difficult. For a while there, I got to the point I was having, like, a panic attack every night on my own. Not a fun time. And this is the first time you've ever had something like a panic attack. Um, yeah, to that extent, Like I've had, um, depression for a wee while. Um, it's, like a family issue, like other members of my family have had it. But this was, like, the worst instance of this kind of thing happening. And I've never really had, like, full blown panic attacks before, which [00:05:00] was an intense time. Yeah. Is it? Is this, um, affected you now, as in how you see relationships, or how do you sort of see, um, it's continuing on in your in your life. It's it's obviously affected. How you Yeah, I, um I see the more like [00:05:30] they are things that will evolve, um, quite often in ways you won't expect. So I am. I feel like I'm maybe occasionally a bit more like prepped for that where I'm like, OK, things could happen. You kind of need to be a bit more like I don't know, like, more sort of self aware of what's occurring rather than just kind of following a sort of blindly along. And, um, your parents. Where are they at now? How? It's all sort of. [00:06:00] Yeah, all right. Like, they are still in contact because they have two daughters together. So obviously, they tried very hard to make sure things are as amicable as possible because, um, you know, they've got, you know, grandson and things like that, Like it is. You've got to try and keep these sort of things as level as possible. Um, so you know, they're trying. It's, you know, it's working for the most part. So what? What what advice Other than we we've got, um, communication [00:06:30] is is one of your huge, I suppose, learning things from from this. But what What is there any other things that you that you would say? Um um, to people, Because it's I mean, many, many people have been through the situation of parents breaking up. So it's sort of, I think, maybe, just remember that, um, it's kind of their shit. Like like they're they're dealing [00:07:00] with stuff and like, it is really bad for you. But it is also probably it's still really it's bad for them as well, Like they are dealing with stuff. You're dealing with stuff you just got to try and like, remember that everyone has got, like, stuff happening and you got to try and, um, sort of be as respectful of each other's sort of crap. That's going on as well. Yeah, it's It's something that, um, some some people would would question whether they will split [00:07:30] up because there's Children involved or they hang in there And there's, you know, it's a very difficult relationship that the kids are are involved in. So, having, having been in in in that situation, have you got any thoughts on that? Um, I think honestly, like if you're only staying together for the kids, the kids will probably know because you're not going to be happy. And it's gonna turn the environment sour anyway. [00:08:00] So if you can make things as amicable as possible for everyone, then that's really going to be more beneficial than just kind of like pulling your socks up and just sort of all right, come on, then. Kind of thing. So, um, communication, use your words, your words And, um, it's about being happy. So that was in Week one, where Jennifer and I were sort of thrown quite in the deep end and in the studio and asked to do an interview. Um, not not prepared. So it was interesting how [00:08:30] the questions and answers, um followed in the interview the next the next, um, one was where I went to a a motel room. It sounds dodgy. And, um, I interviewed one of my best friends, Iona again about a a life changing moment. I'm going to tell you about a time when I discovered that it was not possible for me to become a horse. And I know people laugh [00:09:00] about this. People quite close to me have laughed at me quite painfully about this, But actually, this was a true thing. I really thought that I could grow up to be a horse. And people always ask little Children, What do you want to be when you grow up? And I used to always say a horse, and I didn't notice people laughing at me, but maybe they were, but I thought I could be a horse. And at what age Iona did you find out [00:09:30] that you couldn't be a horse? I struggle to remember that I really can't. It's back in the mists of time. But I distinctly remember the day that I discovered that despite cutting out the pictures of the horses and the racing pages of the newspaper and storing them all away and thinking about what kind of horse I was going to look like, somebody did mention to me that it actually wasn't possible. Possibly one of my parents, I don't know. But I do remember trying to get it validated with my mother that this was actually true, that one could not become [00:10:00] a horse. And she did say that it was true and she wasn't given to lying. So then I knew that must have been quite devastating. Actually, if you'd sort of grown up all your life cutting out pitches and, you know, collecting things and yeah, it was I was very upset about it. And I did, actually, despite seeking validation from my mother about the not being able to be a horse, I did have to ask several different people about it. Some of them were less than sympathetic, [00:10:30] which made me realise that actually, it was true. You couldn't be a horse. So you were settled with this whole problem. This whole emotion of Suddenly you couldn't be a horse. It was just like an my unbridled passion for being a horse had suddenly been curtailed. The main point that I had to stick to was that I was still alive and I had to find something else to be when I grew up. [00:11:00] So that's quite life changing really Well, it was I mean, I had this whole future plan for me being a horse. I decided to be a racehorse, even though they were quite tall and I had even set on a racehorse. I just think you remember that one of my very early memories of being set upon a race horse and thinking that it was an awfully long way off the ground, which it was. And I don't know whether that maybe fueled the fire or maybe want to be more of a horse than I had been previously. But I definitely wanted to be a racehorse and probably a chestnut. I [00:11:30] think, of course, back in those days there was only black and white photos in the paper. So who knows what colour they were? Really? And what's the main thing that you think? You you that's, um come out of this experience of realising that a horse is not for you. Well, I think the underlying message really was that contrary to what people like to say these days, you you can't do anything people like to say, Well, if you try hard enough and if you work [00:12:00] hard and if you want something enough and you follow your dream, it will happen. But no, I learned they're quite young, and they look at me an old nag. I don't quite know what to say after that, but that's quite I didn't know what to say back in the day. So, um, I struggled. I really struggled with it. And it took me a long time to just work out what was going to be next. And I thought, maybe a parachutist That was my next plan. And after a while I realised that involved jumping [00:12:30] off things that were quite high up, and so that went by the wayside. And, you know, I was just be floating about aimlessly in the air, really just thinking, What should I do? And I still haven't really decided. That's what they did to me. That was a very life changing experience. If I had just been able to be a horse and just carried on with that plan, I would have been like one of those people that knows what they want to do with their life. And I would have achieved it. I would have been one of those achievers. No, not a horse, not [00:13:00] a parachutist. Just nothing. Well, thank you, Iona, for I'm shitting that that, um I don't quite know how to put that, because I'm sorry to be such a Diana. So I'll, I'll just leave the room now. Thanks for that. Iona and Pat. I don't know about our listeners, but I always love that interview. I find it quite [00:13:30] an emotional roller coaster. This next interview is also on a life changing event. Um, my friend, my very close friend Daniella and I went to a cafe called the Wellesley Club. Um, I found it quite difficult to record there because of all of the background noises, but here it is. So I'm 24. I was reading Harry Potter like the first Harry Potter book exactly when I was age 11, and like, Oh, my God, I'm gonna get a Hogwarts letter This is on. [00:14:00] I am going to school. So what would you say is the most impactful thing about reading Harry Potter as an 11 year old? Aside from the disappointment when you don't get your letter and how that's crippling, so crippling, Um, I think one of the really important things was getting to identify with the character of Hermione like it was one of the first books that I read that had a character who who was female and who I identified [00:14:30] with who got to do cool things in a really popular book. Yeah, she was kind of one of the first female role models that I remember from my years. Totally like I'm sure there were others, but her mind is the one I remember, right? Like I'm all about her mind. So would you say you made connections through Harry Potter with other people your age? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Totally. Like, I think Harry Potter was the first time that I ever really got into fandom, like a community of other nerds who were [00:15:00] really, really into this thing. Like I'd been a fan of things before. I. I think I was super super into Pokemon, but I don't know like it was. It was a video game. All the other people I knew who were into it were were boys. And they just wanted to battle me as opposed to, like, the Harry Potter community, where I found other queer people and other girls and and just like, it was a really communal community. So how how does [00:15:30] Harry Potter connect to your queerness for you? Um, for me, a Harry Potter fan fiction was probably the first time I realised that gay people existed, which is preposterous, because I am. I am a massive gay like I had. I remember I had a crush on, like my science teacher when I was eight years old. She had this, like, long brown hair, and she was really clever. And she was really, really nice. And she taught me biology. And I was just like, My God, you are beautiful and perfect, but, um, crush on girls don't exist between other girls. So, uh, I'm just gonna be [00:16:00] straight now, and that continued for years. But, um, you know, like fan fiction isn't perfect as queer representation goes like, it's pretty dodgy and everything especially in, like our later years. But as far as like, burgeoning young bisexual, it was like, Wait, What? What boys are kissing boys? This is a thing that exists. Yeah. What is this? And like you ended up networking with other queer people, right? Like I've had a bunch of friends [00:16:30] who also thought they were heterosexual. They were also wrong, but where we'd be talking about, like, the the very, very queer lives of fictional character. And it's just it opened the conversation. I guess it it at least started things off even in this imperfect, immature sort of state. Would you say that you you found people within the fictional world, but also because of your shared love of the fictional world? You found people like you outside of it [00:17:00] as well? Yeah, totally. The, um it was all about connection. Like connection to characters was a thing that happened. You know, it could happen just by yourself. Like you. You have the book. This is well, I am. I am so like, it's not like there were queer characters in Harry Potter. Exactly like Dumbledore is. It's not explored in the text. Guys like I'm sorry JK, but that's it's not good enough. No one had any idea it was all Post. But anyway, I'm going on a rap now, and [00:17:30] I But, um anyway, the the friends that I made sort of from the seed of really, really, really liking this book. Yeah. Um, yeah, connections, Queerness, identity exploration. It was a good time. Yeah. Yeah. So it's first of all about exploring your identity from a point of what you love and then finding out more things about yourself through the shared interests of people that you also have come to love. Yeah, totally. [00:18:00] It was emotional. Oh, I. I personally think that Harry Potter is very emotional. So finding that connection, um, you also mentioned meta textual stuff. What would you say is probably I don't know. What what's your The thing you enjoy most about Harry Potter? I'm losing track of that question. I apologise. You mean outside of the tax? Yes. Yes. [00:18:30] Um, I guess I suppose at the time the thing that I was really into was theories like trying to trying to figure out what was up with the next books or whatever. And the gay gay gay fan fiction. People interpreted queerness from a text that didn't have explicit queerness right and like. And I think it's an important thing to do. You know, it's not just [00:19:00] what What do people say about it? That it's like shoe horning gayness in or or like it's It's just So You Can you just like dudes kissing, don't you? Or or you know that all that accusatory. You're just a teenage girl because being a teenage girl is disgusting to you, or or whatever it's it's about, like seeing yourself in the characters, I guess, to a greater extent, like you're a good person. And you're trying to find Queerness in the text that that you're partaking in. Thanks, [00:19:30] Rowan and Daniella Great sense of passion and community. In that interview, our next interview wanted to understand the effects of being outside. So this is Beth and Barry Barry, I'm gonna take you down memory lane in regards to what would be an event that was momentous in your life Since you've come to Wellington. Well, I came to Wellington, um and [00:20:00] I was a bit down. Um, we moved into a house and then I I had a job But then things went bad and I lost my job and we moved out of the house and moved into council flats. Happened to be just at the top of street in Arlington apartments, which was OK. We were quite pleased to have a roof over our [00:20:30] head and, um, Beth and I, at times when we had a bit of money, we'd wander down to the blue note, Uh, late at night. Um, there's a bit of a alternative lifestyle type of thing going down there, and we were quite happy to be in that. And, um, one particular night, Beth decided to go home early, and I stayed on, [00:21:00] then wandered over the road, which happened to be, uh, the, uh and, uh, I walked in there and seemed to be very, very posh and sat at the bar. The barman sort of greeted me with a big smile, and I thought, Well, this is interesting. And then, um, the owner introduced himself. I introduced [00:21:30] myself and got a drink, and, um, it all sort of went on from there the next time we were in town. We weren't doing it very often. Same thing happened. Beth left early and I wandered over the road to the east bar and I walked in there and the barman greeted me with a hey, Barry beer, is it? And the owner [00:22:00] did the same. And, uh, I thought, This is interesting. I like a bar with the bar staff and the management recognise you and what to drink. So I thought this was cool. So I mentioned it to be that I went into the bar and she says, I'm not having a bar of that because it's an she thought it was a Sao massacre spa. But the M stands for Scott [00:22:30] EM Bar, which is quite interesting. So, um, the next time Beth happened to be walking past there, she saw a man in chaps, You know, the cowboy chaps and that sort of thing. You know, they usually have the jeans and the leather leather chaps and everything like that, but this dude didn't have any jeans on, so all he had was just [00:23:00] the chaps. And she came back to me and said, I'm not stepping foot in that bar. But it worked out that it was a theme night they had at the bar. They have lots of different themes and, you know, sixties seventies and this happened to be a leather leather night, so that was all right. Um, I ended up taking Beth into the bar, and it was just magic. Uh, we sort of got to know each other and worked, [00:23:30] um, on becoming better community people. Is there one thing about that bar that stands out for you? Just the friendliness of everybody. Um, in Christchurch. I had gone to some gay bars before, and it was always seemed sleazy. And, uh, but at the bar there, we both Beth [00:24:00] and I started going there regularly and getting to know everybody. And we had, um, school teachers, um, lawyers. We had every walk of life you could think of. We had people coming in from overseas who just happened to have heard about melan Scottie's bar. And it was just, you know, really, really interesting. And we've made some very good friends through the bar. Um, [00:24:30] the owners have just treated us like a family, um, which has been very, very good, because at times, both Beth and I Well, we are here alone in Wellington, and it is nice to have a family at Christmas and things like that. We are sort of being adopted by the bar, which is quite fun. Um, we haven't been going as much lately because I haven't been very well again, but [00:25:00] it's just magic. So even though you're not going to the bar very much, do you still feel connected to the community? Well, yes. Um, I hadn't been in there for about four months, maybe longer. The first week that I hadn't been, I didn't go there. They were text messages. [00:25:30] Where are you? We're missing you. Which was quite strange. But I wasn't well enough to go out. But even after four months going in there, it was a big hoofer. There was hugs and slaps on backs to say, Oh, it was nice to see you again, that sort of thing. And the bar changed my life. Really? And the fact that, um, being [00:26:00] and being greeted and treated like everybody else it didn't matter that I wasn't gay. As in by, um, gay male. I said I'm bi male. Beth's not a lesbian. She's a straight female. So she was treated normally as anyone else would be. She wasn't looked down on I wasn't looked down on. The whole community has been brilliant. [00:26:30] Thanks, Barry and and Beth for for doing that interview. And that's the final interview in the series of interviews we did for the Pride Audio Collective workshops. Um, the final words go to the the team. Um, who who did the workshop? Well, I personally learned a lot during these past weeks, uh, stuff about what kind of equipment to use when you're recording all sorts of things about the environments you need to be and precautions around that and all different types of editing. It [00:27:00] was really informative and super fun, as we've said before, and I just wanted to say Thanks very much, Gareth, for providing us with this opportunity. It's been lovely. Thanks, Ryan. It's been, um, it's been a great opportunity, and, um, I've really enjoyed meeting Gareth and, uh, everyone else that's come along to the course. I have learned lots of interesting things. It's great being up here at access radio and, um, just enjoying the art of conversation and and recording [00:27:30] different interesting people and and different environments. So, um, look out for people with, um, a recording devices community because we'll be out there hunting you down.
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