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When I was younger for me I I growing up, I knew I wasn't gay. And believe me, it's I'm not saying that drug to there was just I just knew I wasn't gay. I knew I was a girl, but I'm 58 years old. So in my world, back then, I didn't even know what a transsexual was. I mean, I'm not gay, I'm a girl. But I'm body of a boy and I kept having these, you know, dreams and wants and desires. And it'd be like, Oh, my [00:00:30] God, I'm just weird. I didn't know I was so you You purge what it's called you. You know, you you're in denial basically, and then you go back to living in the world and growing up. I was very effeminate till I was about 13 and I got tired of being beaten up every day going to school. So in that summer between middle school and high school, we had moved, and I kind of created the character who later became cutter. That [00:01:00] was my nickname. I was just this overly male obnoxious. I mean, would fight at the drop of a hat. I played, you know, ice hockey football, the really macho two. Not only to convince the world was easy but to get to myself. No, I'm really a male. I went in the military. I was in a police officer for 18 years. I'm not just a police officer. I worked the gang unit in SWAT in one of the most violent cities [00:01:30] in California. So that but still the urges were there and the feelings and I have been married a couple of times or, you know, have a girlfriend that would break up and in between. Maybe I'd buy some girl clothes, you know, through the Internet and the desires, and then be like, Oh, my God, I'm a police officer. I'm just so strange, you know? And well, now, as I'm older, I start hearing, you know about Internet, and I actually start running into, you know, uh, gay, [00:02:00] lesbian, trans people and stuff, you know, like, uh, there is a world out there. After I retired from the police department, I got injured after 18 years and they couldn't put Humpty Dumpty back together enough to be a police officer. So they retired me and I was single, and I just went. It's time for me. I'm gonna live. So, I I made the decision. By then I'd already learned about the Internet. [00:02:30] And I found a couple websites and support groups, if you will. And so what age were you? When? When you transitioned. I was actually very late. I transitioned at the age of 50 but I went from literally being outed. Meaning here again, I'm, you know, single now. And I was buying some clothes and we're not walking to a store. That would be just Oh, my God. You know, you can't really sell. [00:03:00] I'm buying for my wife. She's a big girl, You know. That doesn't work. The sales girl looks at you like Really? Um, Honey, please. Your wife wears size 12 shoes. Come on. So I had found out about these clubs transgender clubs in Los Angeles. So I got a hotel room and I went there the first night, and, uh, I was just terrified, and I walked in and it was like, Oh, my God, it was such a [00:03:30] It was such an eye opening. It was a feeling of freedom. And I can remember I walked in. I was a hot mess I had on, you know, final. I look like a hooker, you know, five inch heels and the whole big to do and and I'll I'll never forget it. The song I believe by Cher was playing and all the girls just dance by themselves in the dance floor. I was like a duck hit in water. I did that. I was just Oh, my God, The feeling of freedom This is who [00:04:00] I am And it was wonderful. Well, then, as I said, I started late, but it kind of I got outed by a friend who I'll make a long story short wanted me to bid on something he was selling on eBay. And I didn't know that a seller could click on your eBay name to see if you're a good prospect or whatever. But it shows everything you've bought. What possessed him to click on my [00:04:30] name. And there it was all the big girl shoes and clothes and all the stuff. So I was a member of a private country club Golf Country Club. For 21 years, I was the club champion. I got a phone call at Blue one day and It was like, I don't know what you're into, you freaky son of a bitch. And they're talking about you at the I was, like, What? But what? Yeah, well, I won't say his name, but found your stuff on eBay. You're a cross dresser, and it was like, Well, I was like, Oh, my God. My world [00:05:00] just came to an end because once Well, my mother asked me, Honey, are you sure about this? My parents are very supportive. I told her I said, Mom, they've seen Lana in a miniskirt. You can't go back to, you know, uh, I was just kidding, Guys, I'm really the bad ass cop. No, that's that's gone. So I went from technically being out to and I just started therapy and just started going to the clubs. [00:05:30] 16 months later, I was fully done. Post operative. I went well, that world is over. There's nothing holding me back. And and so there you go. Your friends and family pre op. How did they respond to you after that? Well, I do not have one friend from the police department. I mean, it is 18 years of, you know, being in gun battles and, you know, looking after you, Like in the military. [00:06:00] Obviously, you know, you're looking after your partner's back is not a one. The country club. 21 years. And I was, uh, in the inner circle, if you will, because of, you know, my golfing ability and not a one. But now I have a My LGBT friends are so much more. They're not hypocrites. They're true friends. This is who they are. And, you know, my life is different, but yet it's more fabulous. Now it's, you know, it's it's a lot better. My [00:06:30] parents very accepting. My, uh, sister is my brother is however he ha. He lives in Arizona. He hasn't seen me so eight years now. We've talked on the phone a few. He just said he's not there And OK, you know, But my parents are very good. Uh, some cousins, uh, very some of my cousins, like we love Lana. She's sweet. You're a bastard. Like that boy had issues. I'm sorry. So, [00:07:00] um yeah, it's good. My parents were very cool. My my mother's, uh, was very funny, And I Would you like me to tell you how I came out to my mother. Well, I was starting. They were still living. They live in Arkansas now, But they were out here living out here because my father was working out here, so I'd go over every night for dinner. Well, I'm losing weight. I was like, 2. 55 is a [00:07:30] SWAT cop. 91, 75. And, Oh, I'm just getting healthy, you know, nobody really noticed. You know that from the hormones. The, you know, facial hair is thinning the body. Hair is leaving. Um, so I've got Well, that was the biggest thing for me. Not for me to face the world. But my mother took great pride in her SWAT cop son, you know who was the protector of the family and the and I was gonna devastate her. And that was really hard [00:08:00] for me. You know, I didn't want to do that. And I was starting the life test where it's 24 7 girl, and you have to prove it. In California, you have to get a new identification card, new bank account. You have to get a job, which I did at this little, um, boutique where all the stripper girls would buy their clothes and stuff. And the man, I'm sure I walked in in boy mode to get the she was Oh, honey, I'll hire you. You're gay. I must have looked like some princess [00:08:30] when I walked in. She said I wouldn't hire you if you're straight and like, Oh, I'm transitioning. She goes, Oh, great. You know, Not a problem, you know, because of the type of store it was. So I had to come up to my parents, so I called my mother. One night at midnight, my father was in bed. I was crying hysterically, and she never heard him cry. I never I was no emotion. She was like, totally freaking out. So I went over to her house and I had a [00:09:00] five by seven photograph of me in full drag. I guess, if you will leather miniskirt, a five inch heels hot mess. So I went over there and she's freaking. She thinks I'm gonna tell her I've got cancer or something, and I had the picture down on the on the dining room table and I. I actually told her because she was What's wrong? What's wrong? And I looked her right in the face. And I said, How do you tell the person you love the most in life [00:09:30] that they don't know who you are? And she said, Honey, I raised you How would I not know? And I said, You don't know who I am Me meaning I'm a girl I'm And she wanted to know what the The pitch upside down. And I said, I can't tell you I can't And my little mother reached across the table and she grabbed me by the arm and she said, Honey, if you're trying to tell me you're gay, it's OK. My love [00:10:00] is unconditional because I she you know, she'd seen all the parade of girlfriends and a wife and whatnot. And I said, Mom, I'm not gay. I'm a girl And I showed her the picture and my mother looked at this picture, and the first thing she said was, Honey, you have nice legs and she didn't know, you know? So I've tried to explain transgender, and this is who I am and what I want to live my life [00:10:30] as and stuff. And she was, you know, I had a book, um, called true Selves by Mildred Brown, and it's quite informative. It's good for parents and stuff to tell us the definition. I mean, I don't like definitions, but you know, the difference between a dried queen and a transsexual and transvestite. Um, so we kind of talked all about that and she was worried for my, you know, safety and stuff. So OK, so two days later, [00:11:00] she calls me on the phone, all excited, and she's all honey, I've got it, I've got it. And I'm like, You got what Oprah Winfrey had a girl on just like you. Today she goes, Oh, my God, it's not how you were raised or nothing We did, Honey, you were born that way. And this is before Lady Gaga's song. She you were born that way. She says, You know, Pop, I call my dad Pop, she goes Pop and I have been talking [00:11:30] And well, he said, it is what it is. But even though you had the the I created cutter, if you will picture the most obnoxious you know, male macho, the epitome of manhood, which a lot of trans girls do, they hide as cops, firemen, they don't hide his gay piano tuner. I mean, that's that's kind of defeating the point, you know. But they started talking about how even as a male, [00:12:00] I knew more about decorating homes and, you know, women's fashion like than you know, most men. So that was kind of like that. And then, you know, we kind of they I give my parents credit because I tell people I've spoken at some groups and stuff as trans men and women. You know, you have to give your parents, especially or your relatives, family, friends if they're [00:12:30] accepting or trying to be. You have to understand that just because you can play remember Red Oh, I remember this trip and I remember that That doesn't mean you're the same person, because when you're Trans, you are not. You don't look, walk, talk, act mannerism. You are a different person. So what? I told when I spoken at groups, um, I've even spoken in groups with the the parents [00:13:00] of gay and lesbian kids. Here's the deal. Whether your child is gay or straight, you as the parents in which would apply to even a friend where you still get to see your friend, That child that male child you raised who shows up for Christmas dinner even though he is gay. That's still your the image of your son. My mother doesn't have that luxury. [00:13:30] Her son doesn't show up for Christmas dinner. I do. And well, yes, I am her child. It's not the child she raised the boy. That whole image, it's the Oh my God and the heels and the, you know, you know, love you Debby stuff, you know? But my mother will say, she said, when Lana came out to us, it is literally like my son vanished in the thin air. She could walk, Talk. [00:14:00] I mean, I mean, I look like Vanna White, but I sound like Barry White. But but the mannerisms and that it was just so natural. I mean, I don't know for me. Maybe because I was doing it secretive, but I didn't have to. Well, how does a girl walk? How does a girl it just when I turned it loose? That's the way it is. And I never looked back. Never felt never No regrets. No. Sorry. Is there um, some kind of grieving process then? When, like, I mean when a parent loses exactly [00:14:30] because you have to. That's the point. You have to let your friends, even your family, especially a parent. There's a mourning period before there can be an acceptance. My mother's son died in 2000, and, you know, three. He's gone. Lana started living. There's, you know, And while she's trying to at that time being, you know, very accepting and stuff there was slipping, you know, with the you know, I was [00:15:00] telling him and he and, you know, I'd bring her a coffee. Oh, thank you. So, and I do I look like you? So I've got, you know, double D boobs. You know, my mother Funny. She was like, Give me a break. I'm trying to, but there's also I mean, they have to miss. You know, my mother took great pride in that, you know? And now I'm this, you know. Gosh, And my father, I went back home and he was working on the car, and my dad's a real country boy. You know, [00:15:30] the big overhauls and the whole. And I asked him if do we have time? And I asked him I could help him working on the car and he said Yes, Hand me the yellow spiral crescent, whatever. This and I was never mechanical that even as a guy, I just you know, Oh, this is broken, you know, hire somebody. I'd get all, you know, blowing smoke and mirrors. But I could cook and decorate, so I said, Oh, which which wrench is that, Pops, he goes, Oh, it's the one with the pretty [00:16:00] yellow hound and I'll get the hell out of here. Go in the house and help your mother cook, so oh, I don't want to be out here anyway, So I'd rather be inside cooking. It's the freedom once it's I'm sure it's same as gay and let and you can be who you wanna be and not. And for us. I'm not saying it's, but it is different, but it's not better or worse. But you know, I can watch the Save the Puppies commercials and start crying and my mother's yelling when you quit taking hormones. [00:16:30] I can't and it's just the freedom to be an act and and not have to put on this front of, you know, Billy Badass, you know, and I was I mean, I created that image so strongly. One friend, his son passed away. Um, he said you could put 1000 guys in a line You would have been the last one ever picked to be because I was just, uh, you know, called for help. I was there, you know? I would. And maybe [00:17:00] because probably I didn't care. I mean, I wasn't on a suicide mission, but I mean, first one in the door or bar fights, let's go. I mean, I didn't care. It beat me up, you know? I mean, I got stab wounds in my body from work and stuff, and I just like, I don't care. I was gonna do whatever had to be done. Now I'm screaming, not the face, you know, not the I'm the first one running down the street. I told my friends that if a fight starts, the only way you're gonna get hurt is you'll get trampled by me. If you get in the wake. [00:17:30] I'm getting the hell out of here. It's so different because that other But the point is the people who can accept me now they think this is the facade. The put off the image. No, honey, that I was like a script, you know, macho guy, the look, the whole, you know, the whole whatever the whole male image of stereotypical that was the creation I had to put that, you know, clown [00:18:00] suit on every day to go to work or whatever. That wasn't me, but it was so convincing. That's why they think this is, you know, But then, on the other hand, I have, um my one, very dear friend. She's a mainstream, a genetically born girl. And she's straight. She's only known a lot and she goes, That's how I think of you. And even though I'm big with this for sure and even her boyfriend, who's a man, he's very accepting. He's like, [00:18:30] I can't even picture you as a guy. The people who don't know Lana, they're like, I can't picture you as a guy. You're such a blond headed ding bat and you know, bombshell Barbie. You know I can't picture you as a guy. I'm like, Good. That's kind of the whole point. So did Lana ever go back to Cutler's workplaces? Oh, actually, yes. It's quite interesting. I had because I was retired, but I still have [00:19:00] what's called a AC CW concealed weapon permit. So I'm packing. I'm she's packing. Um, but I had my identification, my police badge and my police ID And what had the boy picture on it? So I was going to my purse and my one friend, she goes, I'm gonna see your police badge. And she goes, What the hell are you doing with this? I went what She goes? This is the old, you know she was. Honey, you don't look because the police will arrest you. They'll think you stole that. You know, they had [00:19:30] my boy name, and I was like, Oh, my God. So now it's been two years. Well, I'm 100 and £75. I've got, you know, double deep Hooters blonde hair. At the time, I was just down in my shoulders blonde hair and well, I walk in the police station, You know, I've got a little tight sweater, you know, very Lana Turner. Tight sweater and some jean. And up at the front counter is a sergeant that I worked [00:20:00] 10 years with. So I'm holding my badge in my hand. He's all Yes, ma'am. Can I help you big smile. I go I'd like I need a new ID identification and he puzzled and look, he's like, Oh, who are you? And I hand it to him and he opened that ID wallet and went Jesus Christ. And he actually said, Dude, what happened? I said, I'm on the other team now. [00:20:30] He was actually funny. He goes, Oh, we heard through the grapevine, you know, a friend of a friend from the country club. It got back and then he was very he goes, buzz her in because you have a security buzz her in. So I went in and it was funny because he has It's all straight men do. He goes, Hey, I'm not gay, you know, he has to clarify that first, you know, I'm not gay, but damn, you look better than we ever thought. You I guess they thought I'd look like, you know, some [00:21:00] macho guy with a bad wig or something. I don't know, but he was like, Damn, you look better than I ever thought. And I was like, Thanks. And I smile and he was like, Oh, don't do that, because you're gonna creep me out. You know. So they, you know, they kind of rushed me through, Took my picture and off I went, um, the country club early transition. After I said I got the whole out at eBay store. Well, I had a couple, uh, friends, if you will, from the country club. [00:21:30] You know, they're talking, you know, because I hung out in the in crowd on the the patio, and so they're talking all this stuff and da da da And I hadn't been to the country club. Oh, they're talking a bunch of, you know, Ha ha ha. Rumours. And, you know, truck drivers dress and whatnot, OK, it was a Friday night, and I'm sure they have private country clubs, and it's a very, you know, nose up. You know, whatever. Friday night is the big, you know, the bands playing and the whole I put on some five inch [00:22:00] spike heels, a leather mini skirt, a bustier top, full drag queen glama on makeup and strutted my ass right in the It was literally like dead silence. You could have heard it. And I was just like, Well, who's gonna buy a girl a drink and my one friend was like, Oh, come here, honey. You know, And the wires were all staring at me and stuff. And then the next day I walked in and I resigned. And I'm like, You're talking over here. Have a good look. I don't care. And the next day, [00:22:30] my one country club friend, he said, Don't take this wrong but for a woman you got the biggest boss of anybody I've ever seen to do what you're doing to, you know. And that's an important issue to, um to new people transitioning I. I know a lot of girls who've, you know, started and then, you know, and people do they they stop the process for whatever reason, peer pressure, they can't get employment. And [00:23:00] but a thing to think about. And I understand that, you know? I mean, we all have our own path. It's not a race, it's not a contest. It takes you. You know, I have some friends. It takes them three or four years. I mean, here in the States, A lot of the insurances don't cover it. You're 30,000 for the bottom. And if you need face surgery, that might be another 20 you know, breast implants are six to. It's a lot of cash, but for me, I had decided [00:23:30] once I stepped off the porch and became to the world, I never wanted to, you know, cut her during the week. Lana on the weekends, it's Lana. It's cut her because not only is it very confusing to yourself and it's drama when I was for before I went full time and I was basically boy mode during the weekend and living to go to the clubs, you know, on the weekend to come home and take off the, you know, the [00:24:00] image. I'd stay awake and a lot of girls tell the same. So I'd stay awake till 45 in the morning, prancing on the house because I did not want that to go away. And so and But the more important part is if you show you know your or you know Debbie or whoever you are to the world and then you're back, what happens is well, is this real? You know, she can't make up her mind and it said, Oh, it's just a phase And but if you're willing to [00:24:30] walk through hell to get to heaven and face all the snickers and the bullshit and the comments. You know, no one ever said that journey would be easy. They just said it'd be worth it. You know, when you come out on the other side, you know, you know, it's I don't know if you've seen the movie Shawshank Redemption. Andy swam through a river of shit to come out clean on the other side. That's what it's about, you know, you might have to in some. Sometimes it's not all drama. I mean, some girls I know have [00:25:00] transitioned, and they've had especially the younger, you know, the younger you start to transition, your body will accept the hormones and the youth are, I think, in general and more accepting. My little straight cousin has a gay friend and a lesbian friend and, you know, they all hang out together. Not so in my day. You know, you hung out with your own period. You swam through some major shit with your sport. Can you tell me about that? Yeah, I, um [00:25:30] Well, just a little brief history. I am the first woman professional golfer in the United States. That's a transsexual. Um me. Anne Bagger plays on the women's tour in Europe. Um, I think, 05. She started Big Fan, and I was just like, Oh my God, I saw a news thing about her, um, and all she's been through. I just admire her so much. Well, [00:26:00] I was. It's, oddly enough, I was watching in 2006, and Phyllis met from Auckland, New Zealand won the Women's World Law Drive and and she's a sweetheart. I've met her and had beers with her and stuff, um, in the at the World Finals. Well, I saw her winning the the It's called the ReMax World Line drive, and it's not just, uh like a line drive at your local club. These are at the time the 32 longest women in the world compete, and it's televised [00:26:30] and the men's division. They come from Canada and New Zealand Europe, you know, the United States, and there's local qualifying and then your regional qualifying to ask you to get there. You just can't show up, and these girls all hit the ball 300. If you can't have a golf ball 300 yards, I don't know what that is in the metres, but 300 yards you you won't even qualify. So anyway, so I'm watching. I see Phyllis win and and you know I'm 5 ft 11. I'm not petite, but these girls are all [00:27:00] They're not your 5 ft two housewife that can hit. These are big girls. I'm like, Oh my God! So I contacted the It's called the LDA. The lawn drivers of America sent them an email said, Here's who I am, you know, can I compete and post up? I'm two years, you know, part of the United States Olympic Committee. In 2004, they allowed transsexuals. And if you were postoperative surgery wise and you've had two years, um, after surgery to [00:27:30] make sure the testosterone has left your body which that part's kind of BS to me because that mine was no higher or lower, you know? Anyways, so yeah, OK, and I sent them a, uh a nice picture of me, like it's not gonna be, uh, a freak show, if you will. I'm I'm coming there to compete. So they said OK, and it was kind of funny that once heard. He said, Oh, you look nice. I don't think there'll be a problem wrong, because I'm again. I sound like Barry [00:28:00] White. And I'm 5 ft 11, you know. So there was a lot of wood. What is that? You know, the first year. So the first year in, 07, I came in third, the the the year Phyllis won. I mean, the next year, Phyllis was in the in the finals, the Final Four. Phyllis beat the girl she played, and I lost. So I came in third. And there was a lot of, you know, I mean, mothers were pointing me out to their Children in the driving range. You know, I had, you know, people when they announce [00:28:30] you to the to the team area, you know, from Palm Springs, California. Or you know, Auckland, New Zealand. So they called me when I came out of the You come out of a tunnel up to the teen area, some guy threw a drink at me. Another one, you know, hack or whatever you wanna call it spat at me and stuff. So I was like, whatever. And people were booing me. And if I hit the ball off the grid or out of bounds. They were cheering and stuff. It was, um but a lot of the girls befriended me, and [00:29:00] they're like, Yeah, good for you. Phyllis Met is such a sweetheart, and she hands down the world's longest. I don't care if she got beat in 07 and then, actually, I beat Phyllis in the finals in 08, she said. Hands did an interview. She would play against me any day, any time, anywhere. She doesn't fear me because of my past. And she shouldn't. She she I watched her hit a golf ball 350 yards not once but twice in the qualifying rounds [00:29:30] in Nevada. I mean, she's phenomenal, But all the winners who couldn't beat her, they're gonna whine about me. You know, if I wasn't there, you still can't beat her. So I'm really not the issue, you know? Why would that be the issue? So now I came in third, and OK, so as coming in the top four, I got, um, an exemption to come back the next year without all the qualifying. So that year in, um, in 08, I won the desert, which was in June [00:30:00] um, long drive tournament. And so and somebody asked me How come you're not going for the L PGA? You know the ladies tour? I said, Well, they have a a rural female at birth in their bylaws. Even though I was legally a female and went to court and the judge that you are not a female, you are a And that's why I tell people you know after that point, either you are female or you are not. There's no female [00:30:30] ish my birth certificate, said Female. There's, you know, how can you say, Well, yeah, you're all female unless you wanna be sports or you're too tall. You're too big or so. If I was 5 ft one and weighed £98 and transsexual, that'd be OK, you know? So I just stayed and I thought, Well, I'll do the law drive circuit and stuff because I could, you know, win some. I got some prize money for third and I got a golf sponsor who paid me thousands of dollars to play their equipment. So hey, this is kind of like [00:31:00] I'm even though it's drama, but I can play so 08, I won the desert. Do it well, I win the finals. And it was quite interesting that night because the finals were under the lights at night, the wind was blowing 40 miles an hour. Right in our face. Phyllis hits your golf listeners. One moment she hits drivers with eight and nine degrees of loft. She flies the ball very high and very far in the air. But that doesn't work really [00:31:30] well into the wind. It'll knock your ball down. I hit a 7.5 degree driver. My sponsor was there with a little mini van repair shop in Nevada the night of the that day when the wind was howling, he built me a five degree driver. So come I tried it, you know, in the warm up session. OK, come the finals. I was able to hit the ball under the wind with less loft. [00:32:00] That's the only reason I beat. Jealous. I beat her with technology. She didn't have that option. Her sponsor was back in New Zealand. So I mean, that's how I beat her. I mean, I know it is because she's phenomenal. So anyway, so you know, I went back in. 08, and I won. So with the world championship, you as everybody before me has male or female, you get a five year exemption straight back to the world. This is again. [00:32:30] I'm a professional now, and I took that money that last, too. That's what defines professional from amateur, not ability. It's if you get paid or not. That's the difference. So now I've got five years, got my sponsor. You know, I got I gotta make some extra money. I have my retirement from the police Department, but this was fun, and I'm part of something, even though some don't like me. But some do well in, 09, they can't. The Law Drive Association cancels the women's division, [00:33:00] so they had nothing in 09 2010. They advertise. The women's division is back. It's all on their Web page and everything with new rules and my heart sunk. I went. I know what they're gonna do and I was right. The new rule is females at birth. The thing I take the most pride in even more so than winning [00:33:30] the championship. When we were all finished with the with the litigation, I was sitting in the town car with my attorney and he looked at me and he said, Lana, you not only made history in 2008 being the first, Honey, you just changed it. I was like, Yeah, that's really cool because someday there'll be some young Trans woman you know out there playing on the L PGA [00:34:00] tour and living the dream, living her life. And I said, And she's gonna be out there because a big girl from California went before her and ploughed the road. It's girls like me. With the exception of Jenna Talaba, the beauty queen from Canada, she's gorgeous, even though they tell they hear something. They banned her. What? She has an advantage because she used to be a male in the beauty contest. She has an extreme disadvantage. So what's the [00:34:30] issue there? You know, it's just not wanting to accept us for being trans or gay or whatever. So they you know, they changed their the ruling, and then, uh, she came in 12th. But the point is, is most of the Renee Richards and I'm not, You know, you know, I'm not a beauty queen. I'm not making, but it's girls that are are not, say, as passable that have to fight [00:35:00] the fight. It's just that's the way it is. I mean, you know, I'm tall. I have a deep voice. I have friends who live stealth and what that is for people who don't know is you're so passable. I have a friend like that. You could go into a gay club and they would think you're some straight girl who wandered in. I mean, usually petite, very girly voice. They I have a friend who works at a university college. They don't have an idea. I have one friend who's a nurse in the surgery. They don't have [00:35:30] a clue. I mean, she's that gorgeous. Well, those girls don't, and I don't blame them. They don't bring the attention to themselves, you know, They might come from San Diego up to San Francisco for gay pride and boo hoo. But they're not gonna be in the forefront fighting the fight because their world is gonna come to an end or it's gonna get changed. And I understand that, you know, and that's OK. They don't have to, you know, I did what I did initially being honest. It started as my own fight, and then it snowballed into something [00:36:00] else. And that's fine. Where where do you get your strength from? Because, I mean, there's a whole lot of shit that's coming your way. Uh, you know, I don't know. Maybe it Maybe it's just from I my dad. I remember always to tell me something. He goes, you know, you never break your word to anybody. You just don't give it if you're not gonna stand up for it, you know, don't be a flake. You know, I say, don't be one of them California Flakes. And now I live. You know, I feel like Californians are kind of, you know, whatever you know, [00:36:30] and you always stand up for yourself. You know, you don't ever back up, and I've always stand up for my arm, my friends, you know, and I don't know, it's just it just comes from within. I'm not confrontational, and I know it sounds funny, but, you know, I don't you know, what did they say of what you run over the But if you you know if you have a problem with me or my happiness or a friend of mine's I'm not gonna take it [00:37:00] as I say all the time. Hey, wrong bitch. Wrong day. Don't mess with me, I. I like to tell everybody. Live their own life, you know, and just be who you wanna be and stuff I don't know. It's the in in police work. It's it's it's called the will to survive. It's what they teach you because a lot of police officers, you know, young ones have, you know, they get shot in the arm and not and they stress or, you know, they shock and oh my [00:37:30] God and they die or they're in a in a fight because not everybody happily goes to jail here in America and they they give up as again. They taught us you have to have that will to survive. If somebody punches you in the mouth and knocks out all your teeth, you swallow them and keep on fighting. You never give up until the job is done when you die trying. And that's just the way I've always been. I've never started a fight in my life, but [00:38:00] I've finished many of them. I should also say that it's not only that shit that's coming your way. It's, I mean, some really good stuff because you were telling me earlier about the wild girls Can you tell me about Oh, the wild side, the wild, the wild side Oh my God, yeah, For any of the girls that are we have an organisation. It's a wild side TG dot com. It's, uh, it's a website in a chat room, and it's just, uh, awesome group of girls from [00:38:30] all over the world. Six years ago, 10 friends said, Oh, let's go to Vegas for a weekend. There was no Web page or nothing. Then, well, 10 girls for a weekend. Six years ago this year in May, we had 73 girls and we went for seven days, eight days or so of us. And it is just so fun. It doesn't matter cross dress or pre [00:39:00] what? Whatever. And it was pretty much for an exception of a few of the guys that are good friends, that it's just all girls we hang. We take over the pool, we stay at a smaller hotel, so we we take in it a gay friendly resort, and we take over the pool and at night we go to clubs and you can imagine, like, 60 hookers walking into the New York New York casino. It's It's not one of your, you know, conventions [00:39:30] for information and like, No, this is party central dress agent appropriate. Get the hooker clothes out and we're hit in Las Vegas. Uh, we had security following us around, and we had four girls from Canada, two from England, one from Ireland. One girl came all the way from Switzerland, New York, and it starts with, you know, friends of a friend. Oh, my God, my friend And everybody's Trans and we have a couple. I mean, we have some girls that, like, she's a cross dresser. It's like, What world [00:40:00] does she pass as a guy in? Because I don't see it. And then we have a couple of girls that are really fun. But you know what? You know the look. They need to work on the look a little bit, but we don't care. It doesn't matter. We're all one. We look out after each other, and we we take, uh, party buses down the strip. You know, they have the stripper pole and the party bus. It's all windows. And, you know, sometimes butts and boobs are against the window. You know, it's like, Wow, we're gonna get arrested. But it's just fun. [00:40:30] I mean, nobody does get arrested, but it's just it's just so much fun. You can go in the chat room, usually at night, and there's always somebody in there and we can talk. And you look at the pictures from the gallery, the previous. It's just a great organisation. We're just so close and tears saying goodbye crying And, uh, the week after our event, Um, it's called the the um Viva Wild Side. The Las Vegas [00:41:00] sore is that's, You know what it's called when we go to Vegas. Um, there was 10 of us girls in L a that met up at a club, and I was like, Oh, my God, you know, and seeing each other and hanging out again and Facebooks. And now you got all these friends posting pictures and chatting. It's like belonging to something, even though we only go once a year. But throughout the year you have connections. It's like I had, um, lesbian friends in, [00:41:30] um, Palm Springs and Facebook and, you know, a few gay friends. I had many gay acquaintances but friends And, you know, occasional conversation on Facebook. You know, they're posting a picture. But now it's like my Facebook lights up every day and stuff, cause that's the thing, too. Um, well, I'm not ashamed I'm lesbian. And after being in Palm Springs for two years, I, you know, finally kind of got into [00:42:00] the lesbian group, and they're all nice to me. Um, you know Hey, Lana. Hi, Lana. And then they're, you know, two years of I'm not in the inner circle. I'm on the outer circle. And the reality of the fact is, wow, we're all females. I'm different. That's the bottom line. I told to my very good friend who's gay. I said, Here's [00:42:30] the deal. You could go out and hang out. And with 10, you know, straight men. Yeah, you're all males, but you're different. That's the bottom line. And our farewell dinner in Vegas. Some of the girls were standing up and you know, my God, it was so wonderful. A lot of the first timers I stood up and I was talking and I actually broke down and started crying, and I said Why? I love this so much. I said, [00:43:00] It's because here is the only place where I do not feel different. I feel equal. I'm no better because I'm post op. I'm no, you know, further down the road. As I said, it's not a race, but this is our our community. You know, we should all stand together. You know, it's amazing how, you know, in certain parts of you know, West Hollywood [00:43:30] or in Palm Springs, some gays or some lesbians will look at, you know, me or even some of my friends. And they have to come. I'm like, really? You know, I you know, I. I marched for, you know, for gay marriage with my friends, you know, and stuff I like. Why do we throw shade? That's a drag queen term. But on people in our community, we have to stand together. There's nobody [00:44:00] else gonna stand with us, you know? You got how many you know, mainstream. Yeah, that they're not standing on the corner and they're not marching. And they're not, you know, going to you know, you have activists. I didn't say that. Right Anyways, you know the word I'm trying to say, but you know what I mean. So we have to stand together. You know, it's that cliche. We're united. We stand divided, we fall. It's that simple, you know? And I don't care if you're gay, lesbian, bisexual, well, bisexual. Pick a team. That's my [00:44:30] motto. But whatever. You know, if you wanna, you know, I just don't get it. You know, we have to stand together. You know, I don't makes remarks about, you know, I have some friends that are butcher lesbian, more manly than I ever was, you know? Hey, that's who they wanna be. Go for it. It's amazing when you find those spaces where you can, where it just fits where everything just works, right? I mean, it's just nobody cares, You know? I find [00:45:00] that a lot. I mean, it's very rare. I mean, it's not, you know, I have some wonderful gay friends and wonderful lesbian friends, but occasionally you know you you well, people are people. I guess they have issues, you know, it's like I'm not involved in your issues. So that's my little story. Hey, just, uh, finally, do you have any kind of parting advice for for somebody just starting out on on that journey. [00:45:30] Well, I would say Enjoy the ride number one, because it, you know it happens so fast. Um, well, the better this is gonna sound. Well, if they're younger, you know, the younger the better. But if you're not younger, don't worry about it. And this might sound funny, but believe in that your own path is your path. Don't because so and so did it this way. And, you know, and girls in our community, I wanna tell you how to do stuff and the it will take [00:46:00] you For what it's worth. You know, not everybody's a doctor. Do your research On what? Um, surgeons, You, um, are looking into probably one of the and this might sound silly, but the biggest tips finish your laser or electrolysis on your face before if you can before you go full time. Because you can walk around in boy mode because you have to let stubble grow and stuff and get it. Who cares? Get it taken care of and the girl on the weekend [00:46:30] if you want. But if you wait till you're full time, how do you walk around as a girl with I speak from experience because I didn't do it the way I'm saying to do it. So it was kind of, you know, just some small, um, and and God, it's just so hard to tell somebody, Um, what to do? I would say, Try to find, you know, support group or even on the Internet. Come to the wild side. You know, um, got it. I always tell [00:47:00] girls, just enjoy the ride. You know, it's the liberation and the freedom of finally getting to be you. And you draw the strength from that and the and the ones around you, um, you know, it's not like Are you sure you want to do this? We all pretty much know, You know, when you get to that point when you've had enough And I admire the younger girls who had the strength to do it, you know, and even the the the boys, you know, transitioned to [00:47:30] the FT MS. You know, in my day, people didn't have that. I guess it'd be a peer pressure or just lack of knowledge. We have a wealth of knowledge today. Um, do your research. Do you You know, do your due diligence. You know, like I said, TS road map. Uh, there's a wealth of information out there. You're gonna have to have the strength, and I will tell anybody what? My friend told me who I had. A friend who was just kind of [00:48:00] ahead of me, you know, she got breasts, and four months later, I did, and she started hormones. And, you know, she said, Honey, um, congratulations. But you're about to get on a horse that never stops bucking, and they don't. You know, I'm not saying you're gonna have to put up with it, but it's gonna happen. I don't care how cute you are or how passable you think you are. You're gonna get red clocked, outed. Whatever you wanna call, it's gonna happen. Sometimes people like How do they know? You know what? [00:48:30] Yeah, roll with it. You're you. You know you can't go back. You know, just so what? You know, this is me. Um, just give me my groceries and let me go. And you have to have inner strength. You're gonna That's the bottom line, you know, conviction to be who you want to be.
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