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Uh, my name is Quinta. I did buy a eat him or date him. Pronouns. I have been youth mental. I'm 18. A youth. Um, I have been a youth mental here at work for the past four years. I think it will take once you once you come here for one session, you never leave. You're stuck here, but you can't complain. Bye. Yeah, Very grateful. And great honour to be [00:00:30] a part of this research and to get to answer some questions about it. Um, hi. I'm Logan. Uh, I use pronouns. Um, I started at 12 years ago as a member. So, like I said, I, um, was one of those people that came and never left. Um, I've been the wine coordinator here for [00:01:00] four years. Three years? A couple of years. Um and yeah, I'm just really excited to see you know how many people turned out and you own it. Um, I'm James. I'm 19. I go by BM. I've been coming to waking since I was about 13, and I've been a for about a year or two now. Oh, [00:01:30] yeah, that, um I'm just I'm 21. I use any pros. Um I've been coming to work here since 2015. So I'm coming up for six years now. Um, I've bought a lot of put a lot of people through. I've seen a lot of growth within wacky, and I'm incredibly grateful for this. This group and this community. Yeah, I'm [00:02:00] incredibly grateful to be part of the panel to Davidson, and my pronouns are And her ear, um, which we have always had, Um, which I love about Maori and the affirming resistance against the colonial winery, Um, and patriarchy. [00:02:30] Oh, What? This is on my face. It's really beautiful to be up here. Um, I won't say my age, but I'm not even new for Jason. Um, if that counts for anything and it is beautiful to be out here with these incredible people killed them. So the format for the panel is that we're going to ask a set of questions that folks are going to have a chance to, um, educate us with, um, each [00:03:00] of the questions is gonna be loosely based on one of our recommendations from the research. Um, and just before we get into that, I want to describe what we did so you can understand where those recommendations came from. Can everybody hear me? OK, so the first thing we did was we sent out a survey to every secondary school in New Zealand and we asked them to pass it on to their students. Um, the survey asked questions about what kinds of healthy relationships and consent [00:03:30] education topics they had experienced at school. What they thought about them, what was missing, what they liked, what they didn't like. Um, and 249 young people answered that. So we ended up with a decent amount of information. The big take home from the survey results were was basically the young people were saying, We are not getting anything Ramo specific in our healthy relationships, education, we're not getting anything that's about us. [00:04:00] The next thing we did was we held a couple of focus groups here at, and those were open to any of the young people that come to work groups that wanted to be part of this this kind of conversation. Um, we used the fabulous model to make sure that we were looking at relationships holistically. Um, and what we found from that the biggest takeover from that really were that the folks that came to the focus groups talked about [00:04:30] wanting and needing the environments around them to be safer. So wanting and needing home life to be safe, wanting and needing school life to be safe before even being able to think about what a healthy relationship might be like. Yeah, so the focus group results and the survey results really spoke to each other. The things that Rainbow young people talked about and asked for were brilliant, articulate, innovative and wise not building you up too much, folks. Um [00:05:00] and so we're going to now kind of start to explore that just before we do. I want to say really clearly that we're going to take it as a given that everyone in deserves access to healthy relationships and education that no matter what our culture, our ethnicity, our faith, our sexuality, our gender and disability status, we should be able to see ourselves and healthy relationships and consent educational content. [00:05:30] And it should help us get a bare minimum, identify red flags, situations where there's violence, abuse, coercion around sexual things. But that really is setting the bar all way too low right When we talk about healthy relationships, we want to be thinking about how do we set up the chance for people to practise skills and negotiating conflict really well and treating other people's belongings with respect [00:06:00] and being able to set boundaries and listen to other people's boundaries and really being able to set up relationships that enhance each other's lives? OK, not just relationships and that violence, relationships that make us feel better and make our lives richer. So that's that kind of, you know, quite big. Aim in mind. Let's keep going with the panel, OK, so I'm gonna start with that first question and invite someone on the panel to kick us off by telling us about why [00:06:30] Rambo young people need respect, space and information to support who they are specifically in the context of healthy relationships. You can use that, I think, for the same reason that anyone wants it or needs it, um, [00:07:00] eggs have flourished. Um, and I question why rainbow young people need respect space and information to support who they are. It's just watching the growth I've seen with a lot of our young people through, um, and receiving education that probably should have been in school. Um, [00:07:30] there. Yeah, there is this element of sort of solidifying. Yeah, your, um and bye. The Yeah, the education. Um, it it helps you sort of go Oh, actually, like normal. Oh, exactly. [00:08:00] Yeah, I, I just said I exist, and I deserve to exist. I deserve to be acknowledged. Yeah, gorgeous. Does anyone else have anything they want to add to it? Also having the education and the tools available to you That is more than just a heteronormative way of relationships. And [00:08:30] there is so much more than what we are forced to learn and what we are only allowed to learn through schools. And if you know what we're expected to be and what we're forced to be And if the rules are breaking out of that and we like you did have that access to education about healthy relationships in schools and they had the respect that they deserved and you know are entitled to, then it's pretty obvious that, [00:09:00] you know, everyone will be better off because you don't have to justify that. It's just, you know, basically yeah, absolutely. I think kind of one of the key issues there is that How can we have healthy relationships with other people if we're not getting any information about ourselves, that tells us where we are? Yeah. Yeah. Our survey respondents and focus group participants were both strongly [00:09:30] in favour of schools being the most successful place for healthy relationships and consent education. And the big reason for that was that they wanted that the material being accessible to everybody. And I thought it was a place that it was most likely to happen. So my next question for our panel was what healthy relationships and consent education content at school would have benefited you and your peers. Yes. You're looking keen to kick us off. [00:10:00] I think it's a list. Yeah, I think just, like, couldn't see before how succeeded in, like helping education. And there wasn't even education around like healthy. I'm gonna put a media quote like normal relationships as it was put. Um, So I think having an education there would take away a lot of the having to learn it for yourself. Kind [00:10:30] of aspect of discovering that you like queer discovering that you identify under the rainbow umbrella that takes away a lot of the feelings of guilt that a lot of youth, especially the Rainbow Youth, have to deal with. So I think having access to that education would be so, so important. Because people people need to know this. They can't just keep being [00:11:00] forced into these set boxes because that's the way the education system always worked. Like yeah, I think, Yeah, definitely having all forms of education around relationships consume education in schools, definitely heading the nail on the head before it becomes a problem before it grows into homophobia and bullying and up the suicide rates and the homelessness and youth and [00:11:30] everything. That's already a problem in New Zealand, not just with freedom of youth, but as a nation. Um, being able to stop that and help, then fix that and provide the right education for youth, like, Why are we doing it already? Is the kind of good question, which is why I guess that's why we're here tonight, Obviously, um, but also having for me personally, if I had that kind of education available to me in school, I wouldn't have had [00:12:00] to deal with, like what you said about the stress of trying to educate yourself and educate others when you're already so worried and so mentally drained from trying to figure out who you are and what you identify as like it like just being yourself. I think one of the other things is also, um and this is in more of a broad sense than just the, you know, the community is so much of healthy relationships and consent [00:12:30] to the education is looked at from a sexual or romantic relationship point of view. There's sort of no sort of way of going. Well, how do you read the red flags in a friendship that might be bad for you? Um, yeah, exactly. It's Yeah. Um, so I think that definitely would have Would have helped me, because when you do, I mean, as a young, queer person, you do look to, [00:13:00] um, you know, older, queer people who and that can often lead to really dangerous situations. Um and yeah, it was having to find out the hard work on the stuff or, you know, those short chart shop kind of lessons. But having a little I don't want to say an introduction, but having some education based around that would have been wonderful. OK, [00:13:30] it It shouldn't need to get to the point where we get told that we're not OK or we need to offer ourselves that people start to realise that that's not OK. The education that we're getting. Well, Uncle Google doesn't know everything. Especially not to the teenage mind. Yeah, um I just want to kind of let people know, too, that one of the things that several of our survey participants said is what Quincy and have just referred to [00:14:00] having to write their own content at school because there was nothing relevant for them. So literally designing lesson bans for their schooling as a student. Yeah, OK, folks, next question. So one of the things that was really clear in the research was that there were lots of young people who said they didn't have access to groups like OK, and I'm gonna call them life saving groups like [00:14:30] so My next question is, what's the best way to make sure those pathways or support can be accessed by rain people? I think schools not hiding the fact that groups like this exist. We're not only schools, but counselling offices, support offices, the doctors, you know, Have you ever seen a rainbow youth with the doctors? It's just as important to the mental health as you know, depression [00:15:00] or anxiety, because that's where most of it stems from. But like, yeah, the things that are small as like I don't think I found out about working until where my friends had already been, because she found out through a pamphlet that she found through a friend through a friend like it wasn't anywhere to read through the school. It was kind of like gave the Chinese listeners just to get some Ramo youth support in the school. So it definitely needs to be a lot more accessible and a lot more like it needs [00:15:30] to be advertised far more than it is because you shouldn't have to wait until you're in your late teen years to realise that there was support that could impact you way up in your life. I also think proper funding for online resources. Um, but, you know, youth friendly online resources, a lot of the ones you don't know. It's very academic, and it's a lot of, um, [00:16:00] big words, which I don't want them. I wouldn't have wanted to read at the end of, like, a high school day with this recent exams and stuff, let alone um but, yeah, I think online resources are invaluable. Um, because it's basically everything is online. Um, mhm. I think as well kind of flipping that, um educating parents and adults, too, [00:16:30] because there's a lot that my mom didn't know. And she was, like, the only adult that I really trusted to talk to about that kind of thing. Um, so I think, really just educating parents and teachers on that kind of thing and just didn't know that, you know, it's it's OK. And this is a challenge you won't have to deal with. You should know how to deal with that kind of thing. So, yes, it should be accessible online [00:17:00] and through schools. But I think also to a degree, parents and caregivers should should know. Yeah. Yeah. I think that story of learning about groups because your friend knew about it and your friend told you that's what I hear most often when I talk to folks in groups like this. So I think you're right. Um, everyone, we need more information. We need it everywhere. We need our parents and families to know about it too. [00:17:30] And we need to remove the stigma from it, I think. OK, so one of the things I do in my spare time is I offer supervision to facilitators of school based programmes like mates and dates and one of the stories I hear from them and I've shared this with the panel already. So you know what's coming? Um is I had a facilitator a while back and this wasn't for a school in the You'll be pleased to hear I had a facilitator a while back. Ask me how they could support students [00:18:00] in a school they were working in and the concern was the Rainbow Students. And they were concerned about the Rainbow students because the school, when a young person there was going to be punished, was sent to a place that the entire school called the gay rock OK, and the facilitator talking to me was like, What can I do to make Rambo young people feel safe in my programme when this is what's happening around them? [00:18:30] So my next question and this is a big one, I think, and I know we have a lot of teachers watching online. We have teachers in the room, which is fantastic. Is what can schools do to be safe places for rainbow young people to learn about healthy relationships and consent. Don't have a gay rock. Um, I suppose it kind of jumps back into The other question, too, is stop hiding it like it's wrong. [00:19:00] Put the posters up like you would for the sports teams. There are resources. There are places to go. Don't hide it like there isn't Don't hide it like you're scared that there is. That's a big part of it. Actually, I think for me, the most important thing I could say now, after experiencing everything I have been through is for teachers, especially if you are an educator. If you deal with, if you're gonna come across [00:19:30] a way of youth in your job, the most important thing you can do for them is just be there for them. Be be that support and take it upon yourself to educate yourself on what you can do to support them and make them feel safe and comfortable and like they're worth it because they are like it's Yeah, that's honestly, that's I think that's one of the most important things. But before anything else is just be there for your students and don't be afraid to stand up for them [00:20:00] and do what's right, because I think that's something I came across a lot in high school. I kind of have a teacher who's who's there for me, but wouldn't even take any step through. Like when you go to the board about, you know, homophobia or they care. They don't put the effort in it. Yeah, so care and put the effort in it. You know, um just show off what you said about resources and hiding them and then going back again to what I said about more resources is actually the resources that are out there. There is a lot of resources out there. They're just not being advertised. [00:20:30] Um, but yeah, just as soon as you see that if you can advertise a gay for punishment, you can advertise Rabo posters. You can do it. Put them on the make it a positive thing. Be the gay one for your students. Yeah, I I think [00:21:00] kind of also going off of what Quincy said. Um, especially in schools. If a kid comes up to you and says I want to go by this name, use that name If a kid comes up to you and says, Hey, I think I might be queer, just support them. They are going to remember that for the rest of their not only school life, but their life. You're always going to remember the positive experiences and the people who really supported [00:21:30] you, then made you feel grateful for someone you can't help, but yeah, so just education. Beautiful to deliver. OK, now the Lomans already mentioned this, which is almost like he knew the question was coming. Online resources were absolutely adored by the young people who participated in our research, [00:22:00] both the national survey and in our focus groups. They were the thing that got the highest rating in terms of usefulness. They were the thing that people wanted more of the most. So let's hear from people here. Why do rainbow young people need online resources about rainbow relationships and consent? Because you don't have to tell your parents incognito mode honestly, No, because they're so accessible. You you can go to the library [00:22:30] on the computer you can. You can have one at home. You can borrow your mate's phone. You can steal your mom's phone. It's so accessible. It's so easy just to well, if you know how to find them hidden that's so easily accessible just to to get those online resources because they're online and the online will these days. It was so much easier for me to do the old like MI a test than it was to go up to my mom and be like, I think [00:23:00] if you have to do that kind of. But it's just so much easier for someone who's lying with you and questioning their identity to throw like a quick search together or ask some friends or stumble upon resources than it is to ask people, because you never know what people are gonna have to come out to ask about [00:23:30] that one. It's also the accept, like as someone who may have no idea what the hell is going on within your head or your body. You don't know who to ask. You don't know who's accepting about this if you don't I. I didn't even know what gay was until I was about 13. I didn't know that there was a world where a woman could like women and men could like men. Or you could be in the wrong body. I don't know who the hell to ask. And I sure as help and ask my family. Because if I did, who knows what would happen? [00:24:00] So Uncle Google was a Saviour? Um, I think also like while groups like here are incredible coming into a group where you know no one and you have no idea what to expect as a young person is terrifying, Um, And like, yeah, online resources are great purely because of all the things that we mentioned, playing [00:24:30] the trouble at the moment is Well, I mean, when I was young, a lot of the online resources were poor. Um, that was your learning experience for gay relationships, for great relationships. Um, which That's not their focus. Let's be honest. Um, they're not out there to promote, like, concerned and healthy relationships. Yeah, but it it's [00:25:00] Yeah, that was the one resource. Um, And then, like, I bit the bullet and did the thing when I was 13 and came on to their alone. Um and yeah, I'm still here. It If I had an online resource, it would have. It would have made things a hell of a lot of people. Because I'm from a rural town. It's [00:25:30] There's not a lot of, you know, you can't go ask your local queer about it. Um, like we didn't have a gay rock together. Um, so being, um, yeah, I totally agree with all of that and then the other. The other opportunity that online resources gives us, I think is the opportunity to centre rainbow lives and to centre [00:26:00] sexuality, diverse people and gender diverse people and sex diverse people in a way that we're never gonna get when we're part of the general population. So it gives us another chance to really be the focus of what we're looking at, which is, I think, always a beautiful experience to see ourselves front and centre. Ok, I'm gonna hand over to our special guest now, Minister Davidson to ask the next question. It's a big one. Good. Thank you, Sandra. It's [00:26:30] like all of the questions and I'm scribbling notes because for me, um, hearing directly from the experts on these issues um is the most impactful way to get this information absorbed. So I've been scribbling notes because your questions are so on point. And this question that I have the privilege of asking is a question that, um, for me goes to the core of prevention of violence. But [00:27:00] establishing well-being And it is what do healthy relationships mean for young people in rainbow communities? So I think, especially in terms of bring your communities just really having that education, and knowing that you've got that support really is just knowing [00:27:30] how to foster a healthy relationship when you've got, like, all of these other things going on and just I think it's probably one of, if not the most important things to know how to have those healthy relationships and know how to maintain them. Whether it's, you know, romantic or the or anything, and just really knowing that you've got like, you look at your back like he was in, [00:28:00] like humans are animals. You can't be alone. Nobody wants to be alone, no matter how crap you might feel one day and how much your friends have you, how much no one wants to be alone and then you have an extra struggle of being a rainbow youth on top of that and feeling so out of place all the time because nobody accepts you. It's so incredibly important to have especially healthy relationships, as [00:28:30] as a younger person. Because what else are you gonna do? You can't be alone for your whole life like it's, you know, it's just the same. It's the same as any non Rabo relationship. It's equally as important. It's just extra steps because of the homophobia and colonisation. And you know, you go on and on and on. You know, all the reasons why we no, but, um, and a personal story to have, too, is one of the best healthy relationships I've ever gotten out of [00:29:00] actually having the right education on healthy relationships and contemporary. Is she like my little my of my sister, which is that's what she is for me, like yeah, like whenever I introduce her like, here's my sister like, Sure, she's like, you know, the exact opposite of me. Um, no, because without wacky, I never would have met her and she never would have been my best friend. I'm here today. We would have never been living together all the cool experiences we had together through and like just being able to be ourselves. [00:29:30] And I think just as the person I can most evenly Bo is be myself around, and I owe that to the proper education around healthy relationships. And that's why I'm so passionate about that as well, because I want that for every robo year. And that should be a thing for every room laton romantically, anything. It's what they deserve, I guess. Yeah, I think also visibility. Um, you don't see a lot of like [00:30:00] healthy queer relationships on TV or in movies. There is these, like there are two tropes that I can think of, which are queers, where you know, if there is a healthy relationship, one of them always dies in some tragic way or it's or it's sex, drugs, rock and roll. And that's all you see. Um, so just seeing like a queer couple of a couple [00:30:30] to me with a kid would be Yeah, yeah, that would be really nice to see so until then, but that comes with education. Um, that comes with learning how to how to just be [00:31:00] in everyday life, but be safe and be authentic and being the best. I know it sounds cliche, but be the best you you can be, um, with them in the context of a relationship, be it a friendship or a romantic relationship. Um and I mean, that's the other thing I think that comes under the education umbrella for consenting public relationships is that it's not one size fits all. [00:31:30] Not everyone has the same relationship. Yeah, agree, Agree, Agree? I just didn't say agree. I'll probably the answer. Um, we've only got a couple more questions now, folks, which is good because Slay is waving hands at me. Um, so I see the last one is about peer pressure. So peer pressure for young people can come from outside the Ramo community to be sis, to be straight to inform the [00:32:00] gender norms that might not fit us to date someone that's a different gender from us, whether or not we want to. Or they can come from inside the community to behave in particular ways. This is what gay men a life. This is what Lexan is alive. This is what a real trans person looks like, blah blah, blah, blah. So what topics do you folks think? Education about peer pressure needs to improve, to be relevant for every young people. Once you've got I just think this is very this is kind of ironic. It's very relevant to me. [00:32:30] Um, so the context like I I was assigned female at birth, and I transitioned whatever. And I'm just chilling as myself down. Um, but literally like, two weeks ago, I was sitting down with Jess and I'm like, You know, look, I think I am gay and like, that's OK to have a preference and to finally let go of that peer pressure that I have been holding on to for my whole life of like, No, you're Trans. If you're like a man, you're just [00:33:00] straight wine to yourself, being able to realise my internalised homophobia and transphobia and letting go of that and just being myself if we had education around peer pressure around the topics of your homophobia, transphobia or bio, everything like that, but also going deeper into how internalised phobias can also like, prevent you from becoming yourself, meaning who you are. And [00:33:30] I think the best advice you could give on air brusher is I know people, right, But don't listen to anyone to anyone else around whether what they try to tell you to do about your identity and if we would be able to educate youth and let them form their own identity and support them behind it rather than telling them what to do. Strength based, but like build your own. Yeah, [00:34:00] like if we could be guiding rather than force them into boxes. Yeah, it it again with the the trans issues. That's so a man, I'm sure you can all agree a man can wear makeup and look fabulous, right? So where is the issue with? I'll say a lot of I say, hetero people thinking that a trans man, if they want to wear makeup, they're lying or they're not. They're not [00:34:30] a trans man because they're a feminine guy, but there's you can transition from something. You can be a masculine female and you can be a feminine male. There is no box to fit into just because society wants you to. Yeah, from transitioning, I gathered a real toxic masculinity for myself. I felt like I had to be manly. I felt like I had to dress a certain way, talk a certain way, sit a certain way. I felt like no aspect [00:35:00] of me could be feminine or someone would think I was lying. And I've had that. I've I've sat like this and been told Don't slap your shoulders or slip with your legs crossed because that's not what guys do. And you wanna be a guy. Shut up. Just shut up. That's not how it is. If a trans man or a man wants to wear makeup on, if a woman wants to be masculine later, it doesn't matter. Society lies reinforcing and teaching the fluidity [00:35:30] of gender and sexuality. And I yeah, I think coming back to like talking about your, you know, everyday, usual peer pressure, Um, speaking sort of through the lens of a game. Um, is this pressure to conform to a party lifestyle, which which is yeah, um, and also the whole body. [00:36:00] Um, thing is, there's this and I mean, that's just society in general. But there is this added pressure as a gay man to look like you spend five days a week in a job. Um, yeah, it's fun. And it's like. I mean, other than that going to a few parties earlier on, I'd see people like that and be like, Oh, that's what I meant to look like. And then I sort [00:36:30] of reached my scrod edge like No, for that. I'm just enjoying myself. I think as well, like, I've dealt with a lot of bi failure in my life. Um, and a lot of the peer pressure surrounding bisexual people is the whole, like, side thing, And I think, really just dealing with that. And then having people [00:37:00] tell you that you do have to go one or the other way or even like saying, Yeah, internalising it, OK? Yeah. Yeah. Like, um, like, I'm I'm my partner is so small. He's you know, you know, how long would you say that? We'll just stay. Um, but I remember my [00:37:30] dad asking me so straight now. I was like, Hm, No, no. And he's like, But you must be because you're dating a man, man. And just the pressure to, like, try and change that integral part of myself is just and like, yeah, you still bisexual? Yeah. Yeah. OK, folks, last but not least question so The [00:38:00] young folks who participated in our research said that they wanted to see facilitators of healthy relationships and consent education that looked like them. OK, they wanted to see people that reflected diverse cultural ethnic identities in New Zealand, they wanted to see diverse sexualities, and they wanted to see diverse genders as well as that. And probably most importantly, I think they wanted people that weren't scared of rainbow identities. So my question for [00:38:30] the panel is what would rainbow competent facilitators of healthy relationships and consent education do better use pronouns and yeah, um and also, I think, one of the issues with facilitators not wanting to get into the, you know, talking about the community and all that is a fear of [00:39:00] looking dumb or like they don't know everything. And no one knows everything. Um Hm, yeah, yeah, the fear of being first. Um, but yeah, I think the first step forward is using, um was [00:39:30] like, don't be homophobic, literally. It's it's that easy that that might play a big part of being a rainbow. You know, being a rain. No, it's honestly, though. Don't be homophobic. It it sounds stupid, but it's the bare minimum. And And I understand you working with youth, you've changed their minds. Um, but I've met quite a lot of people [00:40:00] who have transitioned and Det transitioned because they realise this isn't right or they've gone from being a gay man to a gay woman. Or they've just been by your pan or at the end that they change their minds. And don't be upset about it. It can be hard to remember at times Don't try to force getting new watches like boxes Don't do what the streets do. We don't want that, [00:40:30] um, and what you said, too Don't don't play stereotypes as facilitators don't again the You know, the whole down is alcohol. Don't fall into that. Don't try to put everyone in the box, But you're trying to do the opposite because it happens a lot more than you think. It's like get rid of the guy. I think that's yeah, and I'm just gonna add one more thing to that rainbow. Competent facilitators need to deal with homophobic [00:41:00] biphobic and transphobic bullying in their classrooms, and they will, if we want healthy relationships and consent education to be safe for our own young people. There cannot be that kind of bullying going on. There's a there's a difference between standing in front of people and being like bullying is bad. We don't stand for it and then sending to get into the office and be like smack on the wrist. OK, bye. That's not dealing with the issue that's prolonging a bad result. [00:41:30] OK, and on that note I want to invite everyone to just thank our wanking. And I guess I wanna say thank you, not just for them being up on stage and chatting with me here tonight. Although that's been lovely. I also want to say thank you for everything they do as volunteers here at [00:42:00] to make sure that young people coming behind them Sorry, older folks have better experiences. Yeah, so let's just thank them again, OK? And now we're going to invite the right honourable Marama Davidson to give us his thoughts about this research where it fits into their plans to prevent feminine and sexual violence, especially for communities and maybe especially for [00:42:30] young people, for communities. Thank you. And I just wondered, um, whether it it would be ok to use that in just so that, um I can put my notes here because since I've been listening to the experts and some expertise, I have really wanted to draw quite heavily from a from a personal as well as a political level. Um, from what I've heard, um, [00:43:00] um, or or, um uh, what I wanted to do is locate myself, um, in the context [00:43:30] and the stories that have been coming through tonight. And it has been an incredible privilege to be able to sit amongst this panel of experts and receive the the celebration the mama and the experiences of, um, and including with SLA and us up, um, Sandra introducing the important research and then listening to, um, [00:44:00] Quincy and Logan and James and Jess. Um, bringing through the incredible incredible That is vital to the work that I'm trying to do tonight. I am here as you just heard. Um, as a descendant of, um, I live in, um, with, uh, my hubby and our Children. We have six. we also have a who is [00:44:30] nearly two. I realised, too, that before, on the couch, when we were introducing ourselves, Um, and I didn't say my age. Actually, it is an absolute privilege to be 47 and to have made it this far so far privilege to be coming up to 50. And I know and I'm learning every day that just the privilege of being able to live life and be alive and making it through some incredible challenges. [00:45:00] Um, I am proud. I am proud of whatever my age is, and I will learn that and continue to celebrate that, um, you and Sandra, all of our especially our young people. Um, just thank you so much what you are actually doing. And I referred to this a little bit in my introduction because I wanted to go back a step. What we are all doing here today, what [00:45:30] you are actually doing is you are a part of an ongoing collective work around the world and here in our local communities and neighbourhoods to dismantle what the world has put on us so far for hundreds, if not thousands of years, and rebuild a better world that stops putting us in boxes that stops competing, stops us competing against each other [00:46:00] and stops us from exploiting each other and our planet, and that that is absolutely related to the inhumane, undignified responses that we see, including to our queer young people far too often that when I mentioned before about these boxes, these values, these ideologies that have caused harm, it is time for them to go, [00:46:30] and the work that you are all doing is part of the rebuild. It is also part of the dismantling the dismantling, and I'll say it again and I'll say it again because I am in a position of incredible privilege and influence as a minister of government and as a politician. And it needs to continually be told, in truth that all of the ideologies that have exploited people in the planet can [00:47:00] be found very, very clearly in the same values that have pushed us apart. Whether that is the colonising agenda that has forced us into narrow interpretations of who we are supposed to be, whether it is a patriarchy that has led to the toxic masculinity that has been talked about here tonight, whether it is a Western agenda that has undermined, um, genders and sexes the way that we know of today, [00:47:30] um, that has also undermined the world views of many indigenous people, including of Maori here as that if we were able to uplift. And I and I heard Sandra, for example, refer to something as simple as something as simple as that one small example of indigenous ideologies here indigenous values and world views here and around the [00:48:00] world that can recreate respectful relationships with each other that can recreate respecting the manner of every single person and, most importantly and connected our relationship to our earth and to our being the and that those connections and relationships are directly linked to the way that we have been taught to not respect each other, to not [00:48:30] respect our planet, to not respect our relationships. So I just wanted to start off by saying that this is all part of the rebuilding work that we must do to address and is at the core of many of the manifestations of the problems that we are seeing today. Um, a whole lot of really lovely official notes here, and they've all gone haywire. Um, look, I wanted to I wanted to acknowledge [00:49:00] I talked about locating myself, and I talked about the privilege of making up to 47 years old and coming up to 50 as a person who was born into the gender that I've been assigned as a person as a person who, um, is heterosexual and who is in relationship, Um, with the opposite sex again? Another box that is seeming [00:49:30] baby. You're OK, honey. Um, another box that is seen to be what is more accepted than than other bosses and that privilege that I have continued to learn about and what it means for me, then to support those who don't have that the same privilege. I wanted to locate myself in that space. Um, when I met it, I, um, wanted to acknowledge my colleagues, um, [00:50:00] and my rainbow colleagues. But who I understand are online as well and the important support that I must give daily to my rainbow colleagues, friends and at all levels. And I also wanted to mention that my mama is here tonight sitting down the front here, um, and that the connections and the support that we get, um, from the people who mean the most to us is so incredibly a massive part of the prevention [00:50:30] work when it comes to everybody living lives of wellness and well-being And, um, certainly I have had privilege from my own parents. And as I was sitting here, I was remembering when I was young. I don't know, I maybe early teens, and I remember I. I must have asked the dad some questions that maybe triggered something in him. Maybe I was asking about relationships, you know, and immediately [00:51:00] he immediately he went to a space and he said to me, You know what, darling? And this is very typical of the privilege of the parenting that I have been like to receive. And he said, Whoever you love, um, we will love because you love him and, um he was I can't remember the exact words, but I remember the feeling he was saying, I think you're trying to tell me you're gay and I want you to know that I love you no matter what. And we love [00:51:30] you no matter what. And I remember thinking, I'm really not like I'm really not. But as I was sitting on the couch and remembering that, I remember thinking what a what an important reaction that I maybe even dismissed at the time how important that was. And I'm thinking now. Oh, and some young rainbow person missed out on a really loving parental reaction. It got wasted on me. Very, very hetro. [00:52:00] Um but that was one of the privileges of locating myself in tonight's that that came to me as a story in my ministerial role in the prevention of sexual violence and family violence. There are some really high level goals and values that I'm really, really clear about, that I have as a priority in my work that it includes. Um we cannot talk about the prevention of, um, any [00:52:30] forms of violence unless we acknowledge the violence of colonisation and how it continues. We cannot have solutions that are not held together, um, with a justice framework that a justice framework is one of the most inclusive frameworks that we could have as a country and that that will help us to outlive the mana of all people. Um, that the only preventions we [00:53:00] can really have that will be enduring must be community led, including for the diverse communities that we have in our country that we must understand the connection and have a holistic approach to reducing and eliminating violence in our homes. and in our communities that we must understand that some really basic things like having, um, good, safe, long term stable homes and enough income [00:53:30] and pay to keep your and yourself healthy goes a heck of a long way towards the well being of all people, including our queer young people, that in the solutions and in the actions to prevent all forms of violence, um, it must be done with a true partnership working with government who have the power and the resources, but not the expertise and not the networks that are held at local community levels, local [00:54:00] neighbourhood levels, local, local, um, group levels. So those are my high level approaches that lean into the incredible data and information and stories that is coming out of the research that we are launching That, um, you are launching tonight that, um, and I heard, uh, Sandra and Logan and others talk about the influence of hearing the voices from our young people. That is the only way that we will actually [00:54:30] transform the way that we respond and eliminate violence. For far too long, we have neglected, undermined or completely rejected the expertise from the very people at the front line at the front line of violence, including homophobia, transphobia, um, toxic masculinity and so on that we cannot continue to reject that expertise [00:55:00] that we have been trying for decades, in fact, to reduce violence. It has not worked. We have been operating in a way where government agencies, communities have been working in factions and silos. We must join up the knowledge, the resourcing, the overview of what we are trying to do together. And that's why we are about to go out and [00:55:30] draw from communities. What a national strategy on the prevention of sexual violence and family violence should look like. And all of those priorities and principles, Um, are why again, your voices and your stories are so important. Um, at the start of the night, I was really privileged to be able to talk to Jess a little bit more about, um what, what? This organisation? What this place means [00:56:00] to people. And we were talking about how it was organised, that just nearby at Starbucks around the corner, that it was offered as a place for people to meet to come to this event in case people didn't feel like They could, um, come to this this event, um, on their own. And it is that very community monarchy that is going to be be, um, a massive driving solution of how we take care of each other. Those [00:56:30] that sort of local monarchy. Thinking can only come from the local groups from the local experts, Um, at the forefront of some of the most harmful impacts of violence. That is the very essence of what community means. And so my constant daily challenge is how does government support and work with more of that community creative, innovative response [00:57:00] and care that that in itself is a prevention strategy? Um, we, Jess and I also talked about and it came up later in one of the questions, the importance of things like, um, she was able to hear about this group those years ago from a simple poster up at her school and how important something so simple made in the rest of her life and being able to find a place of belonging. And I think it was [00:57:30] you. Um, Quinn, who was talking about humans are pretty simple. We are trying to find our place of belonging and Tumi. Um, now we also take that for granted and certainly people like myself who have incredible and extend in community support and understanding how not everybody has that. And how do we make sure that we create that so that everyone can find their place of belonging in support? [00:58:00] And so I know that there's a massive question for how do we make sure that we are not getting in the way of the innovation of community driven solutions that we do not keep seeking barriers and group of people to be their innovative, creative, um thought leadership, um, driving those solutions that must come from the ground. That must come from the very people who know what their local neighbourhood needs, who know what. [00:58:30] Um, talent is available in the area What organisations are available in the area and for me, not putting things in the way means exactly what was coming out here tonight. Making sure that our education systems, our health systems, our justice systems, um, our places where we go to for school and for going to the doctor and for any sort of help, are firstly inclusive of everybody. Um are firstly aware [00:59:00] that they need to be inclusive of everybody. Those are the sorts of barriers that we have been putting in front of diverse communities for a long, long time. Um, looking at the barriers, you know, And it actually goes broader. It's how is our right now we have a massive housing crisis like that is a massive barrier. And we talked about, um, how important how the relationships are and with rainbow young people and often like [00:59:30] a home we know is such a massive, important dynamic in all of our lives and means everything. But similarly too, I often think of people as home. There are some people who are home, and we know who those are when we're lucky to have them. Um, they are the people who, when things fall to shit, they're the people who we can at least breathe a sigh of relief. They the people who actually help [01:00:00] us to see we're going to make it through. And that little difference is a massive difference of being able to understand when things don't go well, which is a life. Um, do we have the strength and the enduring vision to be able to see that we've got a community and relationships who are going to help us through this. And I know that that has been the difference in dark moments of far too many of our people, [01:00:30] especially our queer young people. Um, I will. I've been in, uh, and Hamilton over the past week, and I'm not actually at all surprised by the community strength and leadership that has been shown across so many, many areas, um, of well-being and, you know, and again, the ongoing work to dismantle the stuff that hasn't worked for us and to rebuild the stuff [01:01:00] that we need to put into its place. Um, where do I go? I wanted to highlight that. I'm hearing how we need to improve specifically, um, how we work with schools, how we make sure that the information are but really schools are also places of affirming values. Every institution, every health institution, justice, institution. [01:01:30] Everything is a place that affirms or rejects particular values. We've got some work to do. We've got some work to do. It is clear here, um, in terms of what is considered and what is expected of young people. What boxes? They are considered they have to go into, um, what boxes they were supposed to stay away from. And so there's a lot of work that we must do in that space. Now that is a core prevention strategy, um, of [01:02:00] violence. But I want to acknowledge that it needs to go back even further than that. And there's a whole culture across A that has been entrenched for hundreds of years, in fact, and it does come from the colonial patriarchal value of what I mean, the values we put on little babies as soon as they get here. And I'm thinking about my one of my own boys who's today 13, but as a young boy who had these beautiful, [01:02:30] older three older sisters and was, you know, got into their bedrooms because it was a beautiful fancy Playland and as a young boy who loved pink high heels and lipstick and all their beautiful, bright clothing and colour, and it's really exciting, and that is just a very ordinary, ordinary thing for a child to be able to celebrate and play with and experiment with. But I remember the horror of some people, thankfully, mostly not my [01:03:00] family, but the horror of some people when I would post it up on social media. Look at my look at my amazing son. Look how imaginative he is. Look how playful he is and the horror of some people who just felt really nervous. They are just a baby getting into colours and they brick and clothing. That's all it is that those narrow boxes and this is like this is pretty basic stuff. I feel like I you know, I feel like this is a speech in the eighties, but sadly, it's [01:03:30] still here and that prevention strategy of what we impose on babies, what we impose on babies and the minute they get here. And I want to acknowledge, too, that we we have internalised colonisation. We have internalised racism. We have internalised elitism. Um, when uh people have been so subjugated and who they are that they want to aim to be something they [01:04:00] never will be, you know? And we've seen that everywhere and I. I want to acknowledge that the interruption that colonisation has done for the beauty of that fluidity, I think, was a that used the fluidity of who we are. And I wanted to acknowledge the work of the inquiry, which is a treaty tribunal inquiry right now. And I've been listening to the submissions and the Maori women making, giving that evidence, and [01:04:30] they are very clear. We must bring back the fluidity of thinking that solidity of identity the inclusive nature of is at the heart of everything should be what we have affirmed as opposed to, uh, societal norms. Papa means that and it's what my father was role modelling, you know, he was role modelling me and bullets of connection. [01:05:00] He's This is my daughter. She looks like she's struggling with the question. I'm going to love her no matter what that is. And the inquiry has been coming through with these very firm values that are there, all of us. They're there for the taking, especially here in a. So I acknowledge the Greek building work that is happening all over the place at all different levels for a more inclusive, [01:05:30] more understanding, more caring world that will save lives that will improve the quality of lives. Um, that will rebuild connections across all of us and that will rebuild our love for our planet as well as people So, um, that's what I think I wanted to talk about mostly tonight. And I think I I've been speaking for far too long, and most supportive voices here tonight are not mine. So I wanted [01:06:00] to close on a couple of things. Um, I mentioned that we are going to start the public engagement of the national strategy. What does that mean For a and asking communities to help us create a national strategy and I I look forward to, um, where young people being supported if they think they would like to engage in that process and including the research and the ideas. [01:06:30] And the stories are so vital to any strategy, but especially for the prevention of violence and had a couple of stories to, um, end on and one final one was, um, some people may have heard, um, many, many years ago, when I was at the Human Rights Commission. There was some research that was happening. Um, which was called, I think to be to be Cassandra, um would have [01:07:00] been very involved in it. And we were in a and and I had my little boy another little boy who's today 15, but he was new. He was maybe some weeks old, and we were doing at the opening of them. Essentially, it was, um, affirming the the sort of gender continuum, including intersex people, trans people just being who we are. And we went around and and, um, it was a a room full of trans people, intersex people, [01:07:30] rainbow people. And we were introducing each other. They came to my baby and I said, Um, this is Manu. He's a few weeks old. Right now. He's male, but he'll decide that for sure when he grows up. And I just thought some I'm trying to think, What is it? And I know it's from my parents and our old values as well. But what is it that that I'm able that I'm able to that I'm able to see that [01:08:00] and not be afraid of that, not be afraid of that possibility and can even celebrate the diversity even among my own Children? Um and I and I know together we can pull through what will help stand there with strength, with confidence, knowing that they are able to love, love, their people, love their Children, love their no matter who they love, no matter who they are and [01:08:30] actually, um, celebrate celebrate the fluidity and the diversity. So with that, I thank you very much for your time for including me and tonight and most importantly, for your work and helping to rebuild a better world. See, I'm like to go after that. Wow. Um [01:09:00] So I had this really formal, Thank you That I was going to read out to you. But after getting your just coming from such a place of, I think it's only appropriate to do the same. But I just want to say on on behalf of, uh and everyone that's here, just thank you so much for coming tonight. I've watched you being so engaged on stage and writing your notes and actually listening and hearing us and talking about your experiences. And I think it's so correct and so true that when we come from a place [01:09:30] of, um when we come from a place of love and to support our when we come from a strategy when we come from our Maori world view, when you spoke about, um that really resonated and I think it's so beautiful. Um and I just want to finish off really By saying that, um, it was just really powering and that wa you looks forward to working with you in the future. Um, as we know that preventing violence in Rambo communities [01:10:00] is a conversation where all our voices are included. And so, um, all right, I also think it's really important once again just to acknowledge our amazing youth that are up here on stage this evening, the power and money that came from our panel was intense. Um, so I want to thank you all again for your I know how hard it is to get on a stage and talk in front of people and share your experiences. [01:10:30] But it's you sharing your experiences that is going to help keep these conversations going and make a difference. Um, we are now moving into our last section of the formalities this evening, which is a Q and a session. So what's going to happen is I would like to introduce our researchers. The first was going to be Nathan Bramwell, our fearless leader, who, unfortunately, as we said, can't be here this evening because he's unwell. Um, but we are lucky that we have two amazing [01:11:00] researchers here this evening from who are responsible for this amazing resource. So we have the Sandra Dickson who is already with us on stage, and I would also like to welcome up the Phra who is going to join us. Lastly, I would also like to welcome to the stage, uh, one of our board members for you, Melissa, [01:11:30] who is going to join us to step in as our Waki representation. So what's gonna happen now is we would like to open the floor, um, so that you can ask some questions and we got the research to our panel. So please be aware we're aiming to do this within a 10 minute time frame. However, our time frames this evening are very fluid, and [01:12:00] we're OK with that. Um, So what's gonna happen is if you would like to ask a question about the research to one of our panel, please raise your hands. I will bring the microphone to you. Um, everything is being recorded this evening, so if you don't want your question recorded, please let us know. Uh, but I will. Yeah. Pass you over to our panel. Um, and if you've got any questions, Chuck your hands up and let's get into it. Second, [01:12:30] um, if you have questions, can we please? Um, focus on on the research at this stage of the evening? Um, rather than on, um, personal stories. Thank I'm Regina Sting from the intersex. Um, was there any stories? Any information about [01:13:00] intersex youth coming out through the research? We, um do you want to answer that for the, um we asked people there if they knew whether or not they were in the sex as part of the survey. Um, we only received a positive response to that from one from the sex person. Um, we had a number of people say they didn't know which was surprising, and we decided that we wouldn't say pulling anything [01:13:30] out from that one person's response because we thought it might be to identify, but certainly in terms of, um, intersex issues more broadly, lots and lots of the people participating both in the focus groups and in the research talk explicitly about wanting information about sex, is wanting science based information about bodies, those kinds of things. Yeah, um, we've got the research itself. Has lots of quotes in it, so it's absolutely worth reading [01:14:00] them to see what? Yeah. Thank you. Can we just put the light up on the, um yeah. No, um, folks, um just wanna do a message to, um to the work that you're doing and also to all everyone on the stage, Um, in terms of intersectionality, where does your research come in proximity to that word. And how does that play out in in the research if it plays out at all? Yeah. [01:14:30] So it wasn't question, um, got intersectionality as a big space. There's so many different intersections that people talked about. Um, and I So I facilitated the focus groups. Um, that we held along with Nate, um, and in those we talked. So in terms of the participation, um, there was a fairly intersectional group there. People talked about wanting, um, a lot of diversity from from facilitators [01:15:00] and from the, I guess, the context of education that they received. They wanted that to be far more interception than it is now to acknowledge different parts of our identities and to work with those in ways that made us feel whole rather than, um, pulled out individual pieces. Yeah, um, in terms of we also wanted to use a framework that looked really holistically at where people are When we talked about how their relationship. So in using, [01:15:30] we actually got information that was really broad, um, broader than we've seen before come through kind of healthy relationships, education. So people didn't talk about a relationship as in the primary sexual relationship with someone. They talked about relationships with farmer. They talked about relationships with themselves. They talked about relationships. They talk about all the kinds of relationships community relationships that need to be right. In order for us to be healthy [01:16:00] people, I guess, um, and so that you'll read that when you when you come to the research as well. Those Australians. OK, thank you. I I'm really interested in that. Thank you for that question. Um, there are lots of interceptions, as you say. What came through in terms of disabled, um, queer young people, if anything. Yeah, um, those are really, [01:16:30] really good questions. Um, so with the survey, we asked people to, um, tell us their gender. Tell us their sexuality, tell us their ethnicity, tell us their, um, things they have difficulty doing so. Disabilities started up, and in terms of the people that answered our survey as as usual with the rainbow community, there was a higher number of young people identifying themselves as having some kind of disability. Um, and there were there was considerable kind of feedback [01:17:00] about neurodivergent identities in particular, and the ways in which, at the moment, the needs are not being met in consent. Education in terms of ethnic diversity, there was a huge amount of commentary around how white all of the healthy relationship material is that we will get Yeah, yeah, And I guess I want to kind of reflect back, um, on something Mama said earlier, which is that I don't know how we can [01:17:30] build a consent culture in New Zealand if we're not, If consent hasn't been enacted in, um so it's really, really, really important that the way we engage with that also talks about colonisation the voices of the young people in the research. Talk about those things really clearly. And, [01:18:00] um, my name is Nicola. I am an honours student from the University of Waikato. Um, my research, my honours project, um, is around gender and sexuality. Um, specifically, um, experiences of people on asexuals spectrum. Um, I was just wondering what, um issues asexuals people brought up in terms of consent, education and sex education and [01:18:30] high schools. That is such a wonderful question. Thank you for asking it. So the first thing was that 11% of the people who answered our survey identified themselves as asexuals, so we never, ever, ever, ever, ever hear anything about issues for asexuality and negotiating consent or negotiating healthy relationships. Um, and we need to quite clearly we need to, right The second thing that became really clear, especially in the focus groups, I think, was that people [01:19:00] talked about, um, people talked about that. Actually, this material has to be relevant to more than just romantic relationships. It has to be relevant to the fabric of relationships around them. So the tonic, relationships, friendships and so on. Part of the reason for that that people talked about was because we we have as people in the community. The other reason that people talked about was that actually, those are the relationships that keep us alive. We really need [01:19:30] material that talks about boundary setting of platonic relationships, boundary setting for a section people that acknowledges all of the ways that human beings with each other and builds on all of the other material out there. So it's quite a strong thread in the research. Yeah, yeah. [01:20:00] Um, were there any concerns or negotiations that you had to do as researchers, um, to to to kind of philtre around one in the filtering process of your research? Were there any negotiations that you had to really have tension points with in regards to not putting [01:20:30] words on behalf of, um, youth? Because I feel like maybe our young you know, they don't know what they know. So we might be putting words in their mouths by engaging in this might be the the first time they engage with the topics itself. So we're leading negotiations or tension points on that aspect. And also again, thank you for your research because it start our conversation. So I'm just really I'm just really moving out right now on my guess. Thank you so much. Um, in terms of the focus group. So we did a bit of talking. We talked quite a lot. We had long focus groups. We [01:21:00] talked heaps about it, and I think, um so in and and lots of what you're reading the research is actually just people's voices, so we didn't have a huge amount of time for this particular project. So there's not a lot of, well, it's not. There's not a lot of analysis, but we haven't kind of spent a whole bunch of time trying to reinterpret what people have said. We've We've presented it as, um, part of the research. It was just really authentic, I think, [01:21:30] in there, um, in terms of I think people, I think there was a peer group work. So the focus groups themselves. We did a lot of small group work. People talked with each other. Um, I Some of those conversations would have been educated for everybody involved in them, including that for myself. So, um, and I think where we thought there was anything in any of the quotes that might be identified, we just didn't use it for stopping [01:22:00] the story. Um, we had one quote that we thought illustrated something particularly important. Um, and it was about how rainbow young folks are often oversexualized by people around them. We went back to that young person to ask if the way that the way we had captured their words reflected, um, whether or not they were having to talk about that, they gave us their consent for that particular quote. Yes, thank you, everyone, for [01:22:30] your questions. Um, if you didn't get an answer, if you didn't get an opportunity to ask your ask your question, um, we will be holding space after the formalities to continue these conversations. Um, so feel free once again to jump into that. Um, And so before we wrap up, um, I really want to extend a massive thank you to our amazing researchers. Um, Sandra, and please give them a round [01:23:00] not only for answering those questions this evening, but for doing the research, doing the and making this resource come to life. Please give them a massive round of applause again. Now, it wouldn't be a launch about us sharing this amazing resource with you. The digital [01:23:30] resource is now available through the scan code available on the flyers we have in the building. Uh, it is on the websites of both and and for those of you who are joining digitally, don't worry about missing out, as you will be emailed a direct link. Um, I have to finish off by saying what an amazing and even this has been full of inside vulnerability, empowerment and authenticity. Thank you to everyone who has shared this evening with [01:24:00] us, whether in person or online, your support and I mean is wholeheartedly received. And we really want to make sure that, well, these discussions in this research is just the beginning. This isn't one of those places where you come along and you show up, and that's it. Um, just from a personal viewpoint, I've been very honoured and privileged to be recently on boarded as the education coordinator here at youth. And I think [01:24:30] this resource along with is going to be what really, um, guides the delivery and what we put together. We've heard these voices, and we know that the resources that are needed are not out there. And if they're not, they are out there. They're not being seen. So we're really on a journey right now to make sure that we stop waiting for things to happen, and we make it happen ourselves. Um, if you do have the capacity to say we warmly invite you to join us in our researchers [01:25:00] and all of our team here at you, Um, along with the youth mentors as well. Um, so that we can share in some more conversation, share in some share in some, and keep these important conversations going and flowing.
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