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So, um, gender identity I identify as gender fluid. Um, and so as a friend of mine has, um, I guess given me the title or the the way of describing it. Um, boy in the streets. Girl on the sheets. Um, I guess that's just an easy way to kind of get your head around it some of the time. Um, yeah. So when I'm generally when I'm out in public and stuff, I will be dressed [00:00:30] how I, I think would be quite relatively masculine. Um, And then I guess in private, I could be quite feminine, which not a lot of people get to see, but yeah, um, sexual orientation. Um, I always identified as a lesbian. Um, however, I, I guess a a lesbian is is really specific, I guess. [00:01:00] Because when you say that you're a lesbian, people assume then that your gender identity is female. Because a lesbian is a woman that likes women. That's what people have come to know. And so, um, that same friend is very good at making these things. Um said, Well, what about a trans trans masculine lesbian? So I'm like, Yeah, that that sounds good. So yeah, I now identify as a transco. [00:01:30] Cool. It's awesome. I love how people make up their own, like, weird stuff. Have you got any anyone else using that term with you? Um, no, not yet. I don't I don't know anyone else like that, but I'm I'm sure there's plenty of us out there. And how did you discover the word and kind of identity behind gender fluid? Um, I don't really remember. I mean, originally, I it was just really confusing because I I had thought [00:02:00] about transitioning, um, so F to M transitioning, but it it just didn't quite fit. Um, I did outline training, and, um, one of the people that came in to talk to us, um, they were M to F. Sorry. No, they were, um, FM. And, um, they had taken tea and that. Yeah, so they were living their life as, um, as a guy and [00:02:30] something that really struck home, I guess was that they said the only reason they did hor hormone replacement therapy was so that people on the, um could see what they felt on the inside. And I think that would also be, um, that would be a reason that I would do it too. And I felt that for me, that wasn't the right reason. Um, and they had said that otherwise they wouldn't have done it. And looking back now, they they wouldn't have done it. [00:03:00] Um, I guess for a lot of trans guys, that's great. That that works for them. However, for me, it didn't. And so I thought, OK, well, if I'm not transgender and I'm not a butch girl, that that's definitely not me. If anyone knows me, they know that I have a very feminine personality. Um, So where do I fit? Um, and so I guess I I must have looked it up online. I mean, everyone looks things up online, and I guess I must have found gin fluid. And [00:03:30] I was like, Well, that kind of fits, because sometimes I still feel quite feminine. Um, And even though the majority of the time I feel more comfortable and more a more masculine persona, Yeah. So it it fits. It's a very broad term. Yeah. Yeah. Did you feel or still feel, um, any, um, any pressure pressure? Um, to transition or to take ones from other people [00:04:00] in the community? Um, no, not in the community. I find that there are quite a few young people that are quite similar to me. Um, and I get Yeah, since there's a there's a whole group of us. I there's there's not a lot of pressure, although from the, um from a lot of the older community, I've had questions like, um, So what? At what stage of your transition are you at or, um, asking quite personal questions [00:04:30] about tea. What sort of changes I've had. I'm like, I know I'm not. I'm not on tea, but I probably would have had a bit more facial hair by now. Um, yeah. So they kind of expect that if you're not CIS gendered, you must be transgender. Yeah. So you reckon identity is like, tinder fluid? Uh, a lot more recent or a lot more, Um, something that younger people were free to [00:05:00] embrace. I think so. Yeah. I think, um, you see a lot of the, um a lot of the younger generation going through this I. I don't You don't see many of the older generation. And, um, have you had any, um, role models who are, um who are gender fluid or, um, kind of somewhere in that, like more in between. Eric? Um, [00:05:30] yeah, um, H is probably someone who I quite look up to for that. Um, and I know a lot of people that know H and yeah, I. I think they're They're definitely someone that's paving the path for this movement. Um, just tell us quickly who H is. OK, um, H is the education coordinator for youth, and they're absolutely awesome. [00:06:00] Um So when did you first start to become aware of? I guess you, um What was your sexual orientation? Probably first. Yeah. Yeah, um, sexual orientation was probably there were first kind of hints of it when I was in year seven. So, yeah, when I was, uh, probably 10. Yeah. Where there were just things that kind of happened, and I overreacted to stuff, and I'm like, Well, that's really strange. What? Why did I overreact [00:06:30] to that? Um, it wasn't till the year after, um when we're at camp, everyone has those camp stories. Um, and I told a friend that I thought I had a crush on someone and they completely freaked. They were like, Oh, my Gosh, it's so terrible. You can't tell anyone. Um, things went kind of down from there, um, as I tried to kind of shut that part of my life out, Um, but [00:07:00] quickly went back up again. Um, when I met a couple of other people, um, couple there with three other people, 44 other people, um, in my high school, and we started a diversity group, and we kind of just had this little network. Um, and it was good. It got better. It definitely got better towers coming up. We, um I think [00:07:30] I was really lucky. Um, Linfield College was a really, really good school for it. Uh, for me to come out both, um, sexuality wise and gender wise. Um, sexuality wise, I never had a problem. And II I couldn't really believe that I'd never had a problem. Um, I think because I was so confident with it, um, no one really questioned it. I was just the the the token lesbian. [00:08:00] I guess that, um yeah, I was quite happy to talk in assemblies or go into classrooms. And, um yeah, no. And no one ever minded there was, um what the The biggest thing for me, I think was coming out to my food technology class. Um, before we started the diversity group, and I knew that if they were OK with it, everyone else would be fine with it. So one day, when the teacher had left the room, I, um me [00:08:30] sitting alone in the corner was just like, um um, excuse me. I was I was wondering, um, what would you guys think if I started a diversity group? Um, maybe I came out as lesbian. First of them? Yeah. I must have been like, Yeah. So, um, I'm a lesbian, And I was wondering, what would you think if I started a diversity group, and then one of them was just like, Oh, my auntie's a lesbian and they were just [00:09:00] so absolutely awesome about it. Um, yeah, uh, the gender stuff that was, um, a little bit harder. Um, Luckily, our uniform, uh, they were really easy going with that. So I wore, um, guys, dress shoes, which I finally found in a size six, black dress pants, Um, my shirt and a tie. I absolutely loved my uniform. I loved being able to wear a tie. [00:09:30] Um, bathrooms. At first, I just trained myself not to go during school. Um, which wasn't always that fun. So if I was absolutely busting, I'd use the male male bathroom. I never had a problem with that. However, it was kind of Yeah, it was scary to think that that someone might have a problem with it. So, um, towards the end of my time there, um, I spoke to my dean, and she [00:10:00] said that it would be perfectly fine if I use the gender neutral, um, staff bathrooms. Um, I had three teachers who used male pronouns with me, which was absolutely amazing. Um, one that actually used it in class. And I was I was really proud of her because the the rest of the class was so confused, they were just like, Oh, my gosh. Miss Miss just called her. He Why would she do that? And I'm pretty sure they thought she was just crazy. But, [00:10:30] um yeah, um I, I guess the the whole name change didn't quite come around then. Um, I guess that was because my my friends they weren't up to it. They Yeah, it was too early for them now. Most of them have have come around, which is incredible. Um, yeah, yeah. No, it was a bit much, much of a change for them. So I decided that [00:11:00] uni would be the best time and place to do that. Um, and all all the other, um groups in the association. All the Yeah. All the other groups that I'm with, they're all on board with that now. Cool. Yeah. Um, and so at school, your teachers and stuff Did you go? Did you have to, like, go and individually talk to them about it, or Yeah, I did. And they were all incredible. I've always had a good relationship with my teachers and go, you for being [00:11:30] able to to do that. Um, So you're at uni now? Yes. Yeah. I'm about to start my second year at uni. You study, Um, I'm studying. Um, I'm doing a B A in psychology and women's studies. Um, and women's studies is soon changing to gender studies. And so I've been I've been told that I'm gonna get the choice to either stay with women studies or move to gender studies, and I think gender studies is probably [00:12:00] more appropriate for me. And so how are you finding that gender stuff at uni? It's It's OK. It's good. Um, I guess it's kind of daunting with every new tutor, um, having to, I guess, come out again to them. Um, whereas in high school, once everyone knew, they knew, Um, so that's a little bit daunting, but they're generally really good with it. [00:12:30] Um, I guess I'm also kind of tentative about the the whole, um, the role Because we always have a role in in the tutorials and the labs and so kind of like, Oh, my gosh, it is my given name going to be there, Or it is my preferred name gonna be there. And then in my in my psych class, there was another person with my given name, [00:13:00] and you never find people with my given name. And so when they call that name out, I'm like, Oh, my gosh, that's my name. Um, And so every time I was in that class, I'm like, Oh, my gosh, am I meant to answer? Um, luckily, my tutor kind of picked that up, and so she put my preferred name before so she'd know that I'd already been called out, so it couldn't be me, which was very kind of harm. Yeah, that's right. Um, do you think there was anything in particular about your high [00:13:30] school, um, or or once he started that group, that kind of, um, made it easier for you or a celebrity. Um, I think just people knowing like I didn't have to hide it or I didn't. Yeah. I didn't have to hide who I am. Um, yeah, we We were very out very out there and proud, Um, and even like on Cultural Day, we had our own store with [00:14:00] rainbow goodies. And yeah, um, how have your family been? Family has been pretty good. Um, when I first came out, um, I had been quite upset, and I remember lying in bed crying, and my mom was like, What's wrong? What's what's going on? I'm like I. I don't think I like guys. I think I like like girls. And she's like, Really, [00:14:30] That's it. That's that's what this is all about. That's it. And, um, I was just like, Oh, so you're not like mad at me or anything, and neither of my parents were mad or embarrassed or anything. I mean, I'm Dad. He looked at the positives. At least I would keep the family name because I don't have any brothers or Yeah, at least one of us would keep the family name. Um, gender identity, I thought would be harder [00:15:00] for them. Um, but they've been absolutely incredible. Um, they don't use my preferred name or male pronouns yet. Um, yeah, I've decided not to introduce that to them. However, if my mom's in my queer sphere, which would be gals outline Ram youth, um, et cetera, or around any of my, um, friends, she will use, um, preferred name and male pronouns. I feel like it is really cool. [00:15:30] Um, what's behind their decision? Not to, I guess. Kind of make them, um, use your preferred ones. Have more. Um, I don't really know. Um yeah, I. I don't know what it what it is about it. I've kind of just gotten used to They're totally different. Yeah, I Yeah, I'm I'm not 100% sure, but I, [00:16:00] I think in time it'll it'll happen. But, um, yeah, I mean, clothing wise and stuff. They're They're absolutely fantastic. I remember going with mum for the first time, buying guys clothes from the guys section. And I thought it was gonna be like, a really scary, daunting thing. And I'm like, Mom, it's time. I need to do this. And she's like, OK, cool. Let's go. [00:16:30] Yeah, or or buying guys. Um, underwear. For the first time, it was so scary. And then I got there, and I'm like, Oh, my gosh, I'm so happy about this. And now it's so normal. Um, the only not so good thing about that is when dad's like, Oh, my gosh, these underwear are so tight, they must have shrunk like No, Dad, those are mine. And he's like, Oh, that makes sense. That's a great story. And unfortunately, that's happened more than once. [00:17:00] So would you see yourself as a minority within the Queer Trans community? Um, yeah, I think so. Um, with with, I guess, gender wise. Yeah, Although I within Rainbow youth there there are. There are heaps of us. There are heaps of people that are non conforming to yeah, even even gender roles and gender. Everything, I guess. Um but I don't feel [00:17:30] like a minority. Yeah. So, for instance, in gals. Um What's gals? Oh, gay and lesbian singers. So, um yeah, the queer choir. Um, I Yeah, I don't I don't feel like a minority. Even though I'm there's there's very few of us, um, who are, um, gender diverse. Um, but everyone kind of just treats me as the kid of the group and that that's the only [00:18:00] way I get treated differently because I'm the youngest. So I feel like you've got kind of a community, both a community and a community that supports you. Yeah. Yeah. No I. I feel, um, generally really accepted. And, um, in the queer community, the only place where I was really excited to explore. Um, I guess when I was younger Now, now I'm 18, so I can kind [00:18:30] of actually explore more of the queer community. Um, was it was the lesbian community, but now I don't fully feel a part of it, which, um, kind of sucks, But I guess there I found other places to go. Um, so, like, uh, bikes on mics or, um, lesbians and just stuff like that or even the lesbian ball? I don't know how comfortable I would feel [00:19:00] going to those places. Um, because I know that the lesbian community is really quite tight knit, and I totally respect that. They want to keep it. Women that love women. Um, but yeah. So it's it's kind of, I don't know, a bit of a dilemma. And you probably I guess your gender would get my if you did go into with those kinds of space. Yeah, like, yeah, what are some of the, um, kind [00:19:30] of biggest challenges you face being 10? Um, I think this is quite common for gender flu people's bathrooms. Um, especially public public bathrooms. So I If I walk into a woman's bathroom, then if someone's walking I've had this a couple of times. Someone's walking out. I'm walk. Oh, no, no. I'm walking out and they're walking in. Then they'll stop. Look at the sign, look at me and then carry [00:20:00] walking in. Um, yeah, and so it's like, Oh, I probably made them feel rather uncomfortable. Um, whereas yeah, and if I go into the guy's bathroom, it's always kind of a little bit scary. Um, kind of break out in a bit of a sweat. Oh, my gosh. They're gonna They're gonna know that I'm not genetically male. And what What are they going to do? Um, I've never I've never had any problems in the guy's bathroom, though, Which is quite lucky, [00:20:30] I guess. Um, yeah, I. I guess making people feel uncomfortable is one of the worst things. Um, so I I was happily bouncing down the bouncing down up stairs, and, um, one of the people that work there was like, Good morning, sir. And when I get surprised or when I talk louder, obviously, um, I my voice goes higher. And so I'm like, Good morning. And he's like, Oh, my [00:21:00] gosh, I'm I'm so sorry, ma'am. And I'm like, No, no, no, it was fine. It was It was a compliment. All good. All good. Um, so, yeah, just stuff like that, where it's it's great that they recognise me for the I guess the gender at that point that I more identify with, um however, then there are sudden like, Oh, moment. I'm like, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's OK. Don't worry. Um, or that also comes with the I hate. [00:21:30] Um, So Saturday night I was walking alone, um, just out out of the gala What's the gala? The Pride gala. So the the fabulous opening of Pride Month. Um, and suddenly I had this this guy yelling out at, um, yelling out profanities at me and that had never happened to me before. Um, it was it was clear he thought I was a gay guy because I don't think you call lesbian a fag, but, [00:22:00] um, yeah, that was not fun. Um, that was that's luckily the only time that's ever happened to me. But I'm sure it's gonna happen more in the future, because that's just what happens. I guess which really sucks. How do you feel about, um, the way I guess people in our community are represented in the media. And do you ever see that your identity is reflected? Um, and that that might be TV [00:22:30] books. Movies. Can't see anything. Um, I don't I don't know. I don't, um I guess I don't really watch a lot of TV. Um, I did, however, like orphan black, and I liked how they had, um a couple of LGBT characters. Um, [00:23:00] yes, that was That was pretty cool to see a trans guy on it. Um, other than that I I don't recall seeing a lot of people that I kind of click with or think like, Yeah, that that that's That's totally how I feel That's that's totally who I am. Um, yeah, probably the closest in a book, um, again, not not much of a reader, but the closest book. [00:23:30] I don't remember the book's name or who it was by, um, but they the whole way through they only used, um, gender neutral pronouns, which was very exciting, like Oh, my gosh, they're actually using it. It's correct. And no one can tell me it's not correct because it's in a book. What would you like to see in the media or what could be done? Better? Um, I guess representation. And at the same time, [00:24:00] um, there's everyone is so unique and everyone is such an individual that I think it would be hard to hard to represent everyone in some way. Um, even with within the trans community, everyone's so different. Um, yeah. Um, what do you see as some of the, [00:24:30] um, the biggest issues in the current Chinese community in New Zealand at the moment, I think schools still need to be addressed um, I think I was very lucky. Um, however, every time I, um I'm with a group of people and we talk about schools, I'm one of the very few that I hear that have positive stories about it. Um, and I would really like for my [00:25:00] story to be more common. Um, but there are a lot more positives than negatives, and I think that's just in society as well. Um, that people become more accepting and I. I think that's that's a time thing. And it's a generational thing. And it's it's an ignorance thing that that people are scared of. What they don't know. Um and [00:25:30] so yeah, an education thing. But But mostly I think it will come with time. As most things seem to, um, if you could give a message to a young ginger fluid, um, person and maybe go through some things that you went through Well, what would it be? Just be yourself. Go with what feels right. And, um yeah, don't listen to other people say, because [00:26:00] they don't They don't know you. Um, you know yourself best and, um, seems rather cliche, but it gets better. Yeah, the more you get to know yourself. And the more you come to understand it, um, even if it doesn't make sense and you're like, Oh, my gosh, what on earth is going on? Um, eventually, it makes sense. And if it doesn't make sense, then you come to accept that and cherish that about yourself. Hm. [00:26:30] And and what's your favourite thing about being a young trans Trans? And you get used to it? And, um, I guess that I can people and that, Yeah, they they kind of are like, Oh, my gosh, what on earth is that? And it's like you. You can just be yourself and you can just make things up if you don't fit because you don't have to fit into a shiny box. Um, you don't really get taught that growing [00:27:00] up. Um, but you don't have to. You really don't have to fit into a shiny box. Just make your own.
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