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I am Laura and I identify as, um, a lesbian. And also, I suffer from borderline personality disorder. Uh, sphere, manic depression, and, um, quite significant psychosis. Sounds like sounds like a bit of a cocktail of drugs you got in the morning. That is true. Yeah, um, how has, uh, having all of these mental issues, um, affect your journey as coming out? Um, [00:00:30] I think I think, you know, with, um, mental illness. You take a while to recognise yourself as a person. And when that when that coincides with sort of, like, um, struggling to find peace within yourself as who you are in terms of your sexuality, that can be a really difficult as well. So, um, it takes it took me a good while to figure out who I was. And, um, what made me me, I suppose, Yeah, instead of, [00:01:00] um, because I tend to and other people tend to define me by my sexuality and my, um, my mental illnesses, because that's all they see. They only see the problems. And, um yeah. So, at what age did you start to realise your sexuality? Um, I When I was 13, I was sort of leaning on all of these boys and just sort of because I was trying to have fun, But I just didn't enjoy [00:01:30] it at all. And, um, all I could think about was this girl, and so that sort of, you know, I sort of thought, Oh, maybe maybe this is a one off. But then, um, when I was in year 10, uh, I had a very good friend, and we had, um, something of a relationship, I guess. And, um, in year 12, she stole my heart. And what can I say? Yeah, that that was when I probably knew. Definitely. [00:02:00] Yeah. And would you say that, um, that process was made more difficult by your mental issues? Oh, yeah, Definitely. Because, um, I had, uh you know, I mean, everyone has something to struggle with, but, um, I had a lot on my plate, and, uh, I found it very difficult. I still find it very difficult to, um, take care of myself. And, um so, [00:02:30] you know, it really, um, hindered my, uh I suppose my, um, journey to finding out what my sexuality was because I was so worried by all of these other problems, and I just didn't want to be who I was. I suppose I wanted to be someone different. I wanted to live a different life or not live at all. And, you know, um, when I found out, or, you know, when I accepted that I liked girls [00:03:00] and that there was no way around that, you know, it, uh, it was really difficult because you're brought up in this heterosexual world, like it or not. Like you're taught from the beginning that, you know, like most most parents are a man and a woman, and, uh, and you know, you're surrounded by this heterosexual culture, and so it's so hard to break out of that and really come to realise who you are if you're trained to think a certain way. [00:03:30] Um, who did you first come out to? I remember I first came out to this group of older girls who I really looked up to, and, um, I we were in the middle of a production of West Side Story and we went into this private room and I broke down in tears. And I'm like, guys, I'm bisexual and of course, you know, like, that's what most people say because they're too scared to think of. Um, it is scared to really [00:04:00] leave that safety behind of, you know, um, loving them because it's so much easier, I suppose. Um, And then, uh, how did they react? They they were totally accepting. They kind of thought, Oh, you know, she's another ting girl with, you know, identity problems. You know, Um, but, uh, they were really kind about it. And they were comforting me because I was, you know, an absolute hysterics. And, [00:04:30] um, it was just like they didn't care. And that was a really good moment for me, I suppose, because, like, you know, the people that matter and the people I looked up to and wanted to shape myself from, I suppose, um, didn't really mind how I identified. So you are you up to your parents? Yeah, I am. Yeah. And I'm assuming they're aware of your, uh, mental issues as well. Yeah, Yeah. For [00:05:00] quite a few years. It's been nine years now. Yeah. So how did your parents react? Uh, with my sexuality. Yeah. With your sexuality, like most important things with me, it came out in an argument and, um, I was sort of, you know, we were screaming at each other, and, um, and I just shouted out Mum and Dad, I'm gay. And they sort of went silent [00:05:30] for a bit because we're a Christian up upstanding, you know, wholesome family. And, um, then mum and Dad sat down and, uh, tried to talk it through with me and see if I was joking or if I was over reacting and, you know, there's still, you know, they don't understand really, uh, at all, even now, Um, and I'm trying to make them understand, But it's also really difficult when [00:06:00] you think that you just have a right to be understood. And no one is really willing to try understanding you. Yeah. Do you face much stigma because of your mental illness? Yeah. Yeah, there's a lot. Um, at first, it takes a while for people to take you seriously and realise that it's actually a serious problem that you're not just some kid with behavioural issues. Um, but, you know, I've had I've had, uh, quite a bit of mental illness. Um, you know, I've had [00:06:30] anorexia as well. Um, for, you know, two years And, um, it's just everyone thinks that, um, you're either stupid or you're incredibly creative and just like having an identity crisis. And, um, but, you know, when I was admitted to hospital, uh, last year people finally began to take me seriously and realised that, actually, [00:07:00] um, it was a problem and that no, it wasn't who I was, but it was a big part of my life. Yeah. Do you think that, um, there's much overlap between the, um the homophobia you get, uh, that you end up with and the stigma that you get for your mental illness? I think you know, I think what it comes down to is, um, people not understanding and people not being willing to understand. And, um, [00:07:30] that's where it's really difficult because everyone is born with a feeling that they have a right to be understood. And ultimately, you know what people seek in life. Um, people seek three things. They seek to, um to be understood. They seek to love and be loved, and they seek to express themselves. And, um, I suppose those are three very, very important things. And, um so when you have, [00:08:00] you know, all of them taken away from you. You You're no longer allowed to express yourself. You know, with your mental illness, you're no longer allowed to talk to people about it. And in the case that it might trigger them or, you know, um, create a problem for them. Uh, and you're not allowed to, um, express yourself, express your sexuality, um, openly, because it's still very taboo. Um, And when no one really wants to understand you [00:08:30] and you feel like you don't have as much of a right to love who you want to love and be loved by by those, you want to be loved by it, it's very difficult to really come to terms with yourself and come to terms with the ever changing world around you. What form has, um, the impression you've received taken, uh, I've been bullied. Um, I have been assaulted, but that was a while ago. Um, [00:09:00] and I. I just have people mocking me a lot, like, uh, especially for my mental illnesses. You know, people will say, Oh, she's happy now, but she's just manic. She's just gone through a manic state, and, um, there'll be, you know, I had a nurse, actually, uh, in hospital, who laughed at my voices and basically called me a crazy bitch And, um said that, um all I was were my mental problems And, um, [00:09:30] you know, the constant putdowns. And I mean, I suppose I'm trying to take them on and, like, make them make myself a stronger person from them and trying to grow from them and understand other people and where they come from. But that's very difficult when you're constantly being harassed and constantly being put down. Um, do you think that the queer community is, in general more understanding of your mental illnesses than more [00:10:00] mainstream communities? I think these days it kind of comes with the territory. Like if you're What do you mean by that? If you're queer, like so many queer people have so many other problems to deal with, You know, um uh, like, I hate to stereotype, and I'm probably gonna really regret saying this later, But like, um, I find that a lot of people in the queer community are incredibly creative and, um, creative [00:10:30] people often creative and bright. People tend to have, um, difficulties like mental mental difficulties. And so Um, yeah, that's a huge generalisation. But, you know, um, that's what I and my experience. That's what I've, um that's what I've, uh, seen and realised. But I think, um, you know, people are just people, and, um, they tend to accept it more and, [00:11:00] um, try and help because they've been in a position where they've been prejudiced against and like, are criticised for who they are. Um, so it's a lot easier to find an affinity with, um, with queer people. I find, Yeah. Do you think that maybe, um, there's, uh, a common cause for someone's queerness and their mental illnesses? Or do you think maybe being queer might cause someone to go through issues that would could result in mental [00:11:30] illness? Or maybe possibly I think I think that's probably, um you know, that's what I've experienced a lot of, Um, a lot of people in in hospital were, uh, were struggling with their sexual identity. And, um, I think it's really, um, when you're quer, you tend to face more problems. Um, than other people. That's not always true, But, um, but you are, [00:12:00] I would say, more at risk of mental illness. Unfortunately, Yeah. Do you have any ideas? Why? I suppose again, it comes down to finding your place in society and, um, and finding acceptance and wanting to fit in and still be accepted by people. So, uh, some [00:12:30] Yeah. I mean, um, I have a lot of queer friends who struggle with body image and have, um, developed eating disorders. Um, as a result, um, to try and fit, uh, to try and fit into one of society's ideals. Unfortunately, yeah. So if you could say to anyone in all of mainstream society about people with mental illness, [00:13:00] what would you say? Um, please, I beg you, just try and understand. You know, like, if you have, if you know someone who is going through mental illness or even if you think you may be going through something, um, or even just in general, to understand people and, like, accept people. If you care about other people, you will research these problems and talk to people with mental [00:13:30] illness. And really, um, try and understand the world that you live in because the world is a far more complex place than we first. Um, believe when we're you know, when We're younger, you know, the the older I grow and the more people I meet and the more the more I come to realise, um, my world, I suppose, um the more I come to realise that people are far more complex than, um, I initially believed and, you know, I just [00:14:00] every new day further confirms that for me. And so, um, you know, I'm very interested in people I'm very interested in, uh, what makes people individual and unique And, um and you know, mental illness is something which unfortunately shapes someone into who they are and like, changes the way they think and the way they perceive society. And you know, their self perception and their perception of others. [00:14:30] So, um yeah, II, I think that, um in my experience, people who have gone through mental illness often have far more depth than, um, other people who perhaps have not struggled with, um with caring for themselves, um, in a way that, um in a way that they haven't been challenged to before. Um, similarly, if you had to say something to all [00:15:00] of the queer community about people with mental illness, would that be the same or different. Um, it's probably the same. Just express a lot of love and, uh, you know, And don't be afraid to be yourself, because that really does help. And if you could put out a message to all of the struggling young people with mental illness, what would you say? Um, [00:15:30] I know that, uh, it's a lot easier to turn to a friend that you trust, but, um, putting that pressure on another person as as much pain as you're going through, um don't depend on another young person for your mental stability. I I even though it hasn't really worked for me, it does work for some people. [00:16:00] Please seek help, Um, and try and build some trust with those you love and those who love you. And, um, you know, just educate people on what's going on, and, um, yeah, just talk to the professionals because they can know some. Sometimes the pills help, Sometimes they don't. But sometimes, um, the professionals methods help. And, um, anything that helps [00:16:30] is worth a go right.
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