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Hi. My name is Keith. I am Filipino male and bisexual. Uh, at what age did you start to come out? I think it was around 15 around Year 11. In high school? Yes. And was that long after you had started realising that you were, um, I first started realising that I had different feelings around the age of nine and 10 ish, I believe. But I didn't really come to terms with that myself until around 14 15 and [00:00:30] started coming around coming out around 15. Did you come out as bisexual first Or at first? Yes. And then for a while I identified as solely gay and then identified as bisexual again around year 12 13. What caused those those changes in identity? Um, there was a period in my in time where I didn't feel attracted a woman, or at least I didn't think I was. And then [00:01:00] I not quite sure, I guess I realised that I wasn't really looking at people for what gender they identified as rather as what I was attracted to. And I didn't feel like I should have, like, restrictions on kind of who I felt attracted towards. How did people take it when you came out to them as bisexual. Um, at first I think most of them were surprised. I know there was a couple of people who expected it, but most of the people were surprised because I hadn't mentioned anything before, [00:01:30] and I kind of did it really suddenly did take it. Well, um, for the most part, they did I. I think so. I. I got a lot of teasing for it from most people, and I was the first within my group of friends to say anything of that sort. So I think it was shocking for them. But soon, like not that long. Afterwards, I got pretty used to it. Did you come from a coeducational or single sex school? I was at a single sex [00:02:00] Catholic school. And, uh, do you think being in that environment made it harder for you to come out? Um, at school it was, but yeah, at school. It was, um but I found most of my friends were pretty accepting because they're quite similar to me in terms of like what they think is, like, right and wrong and outside of school. It was fine because most of my friends there were from, like, four varied backgrounds. Are you out [00:02:30] to your parents? I am now. Yes. And do you think them being Filipino altered how they took your coming out? Um, I'm I don't think so. Like, my father has a gay brother, so he was pretty OK with it. And there are a lot of, um, gay Filipinos back, like in the country, at least from what I [00:03:00] have seen and known. And my mother has a few friends. So she was OK with it after a while. Like it was a big shock to her at first. Because at the time Oh, rather, still, currently no one in my immediate family is other than me. But she started by now. Do you think the process would have been different had you come out as gay rather than bisexual? Um, probably I would say. So. How do you think that would be different? Um, because I think, uh, [00:03:30] around the time, my mother hadn't known me with, like, other girls and stuff, so she probably would have questioned it more, I suppose. Like, Oh, at the time I came out to her, I had a girlfriend. So it would have been confusing for her if I came out as gay, I guess. But yeah, I imagine it would be something that she would have had less familiar reality with. [00:04:00] OK, bye bye. How has the queer community accepted you as bisexual? Um, from the people I know around me, they are, like, fine with it. They haven't questioned it really from some other people, like, uh, people. I don't necessarily know very well or something. They'd question me because they're like, you have a girlfriend and you've been in a committed relationship for X amount of years. You aren't bisexual kind of thing, [00:04:30] and it's like it's kind of hard to have to defend yourself and explain yourself and how you feel. But do you find it difficult to maintain your by identity while being in a relationship with a woman? Um, a little bit. It kind of depends on the partner I'm with, like, some of them are a lot more accepting and open about that kind of stuff and others, so not so much like it kind of tends to be pushed aside a bit more. And how do, uh, gay men react to [00:05:00] you identifying as bisexual? Um, no different, really, I guess. Like I haven't other than like the few which I don't really know that do criticise me like the ones I know personally don't have an issue with it and they just treat me as me, which is good. Do you think that in general the queer community is more accepting of bisexual people than more mainstream communities? [00:05:30] It's kind of hard to say, I guess. Like, I don't know if I have as much exposure to like the queer community compared to like other bisexual people. But from what I know, they're pretty OK with it. Like I haven't had very many negative experiences at all with it. And like Like I guess, based on media, it's also more acceptable, especially like I feel like in the media, at least like it's seen as more OK for, like women to be, [00:06:00] I guess, bisexual. Yes, like you don't see it anywhere near as often in like mainstream media, I guess for men do you think it would be more socially acceptable to be bisexual if it was more media portrayal of bisexual men? Uh, I would assume So, like, the media does tend to have a pretty big influence on, like, mainstream society. I guess so. If there was more betrayal, it might be seen as, like, less of a weird thing. [00:06:30] Or, like, different thing. Can you name some bisexual character? Bisexual male characters in, um, popular media. There was that one on that doctor who spinoff, Right? Um, I never saw that, but I knew people that did. Um, there is a bisexual professional wrestler. Uh, and that's about it was the [00:07:00] process of realising that you were bisexual more difficult. Say, do you think than if you were realising that you were gay or or the other way around? Um, I don't think it's, like, more difficult to say, but, like, just difficult in different ways. Like, what do you mean by that? I don't know, like, kind of going through both processes, at least for a little while. Like when I came to a realisation that [00:07:30] I was feeling like I was more gay then, like I didn't have to think about or like, how And like, I guess the people I would be trying to date at that point were also gay. men, and that seemed a lot more straightforward to me at the time. Whereas now that I'm identifying as bisexual, I have to take into consideration what both men and women might think about that if they were potential dating, [00:08:00] um, options, I guess. But yeah. And like identifying as bisexual sometimes I do tend to think like, am I more one way towards another And like, try to have to focus more on, like, I'm not sure if I have potential preferences or biases or whatever Do you think you do? I think I tend to lean more towards effeminate people. [00:08:30] Do you think that that is something that is more fluid for you and changes a lot of the time or is quite concrete? Um, I've always preferred more effeminate people in general. Like, even like Yeah, I've always preferred more effeminate people, I think. But whether I'm more attracted to, like, effeminate men or like a feminine woman that, like changes occasionally but not too much, really. At the time when you thought you were gay, Um, [00:09:00] did you find yourself more attracted to effeminate men as well? Yes. Yes, I did. I'm not really the kind for big muscles and overly masculine things. Yeah. Who are your queer icons? Oh, this is difficult. Um, it's not something I really think of much. [00:09:30] And I don't really think about people to look up to. I kind of just do it myself, I guess. I, I haven't really thought about it. To be honest, if you could say anything to all of mainstream society about, uh, being bisexual, what would you say? Um, it's more common than a lot of people think to, like, experiment and to, like, at least like, be curious [00:10:00] about it. It, uh, I found that out recently, actually, that a lot more of my friends have tried or at least been curious about experimenting with, like, different genders, and not just the one they choose to identify with in terms of, like, sexual or romantic partners. So yeah, I, I guess it's just a lot more common than you think. To want to at least attempt or to be curious about it. Yeah. What do you think? The difference between bisexuality and by curiosity [00:10:30] is, um Well, I guess like in a really shallow level, like the idea of being curious and wanting to try things as opposed to knowing that you are attracted to, like both, I guess. Do you find many people assume that when you come up to them as bisexual, they take that to mean you're vicarious the other way around? No, I think like because I've identified this [00:11:00] way for a while now, So I'm pretty sure like the way I speak about it to them or tell them how I feel seems pretty concrete at this point. So I don't think people take me as vicarious anymore, like maybe at first. But now I'm pretty sure that, like most people just take it as I say it have many people perceived your bisexuality to be a phase and definitely at first, like that was definitely a thing, and especially around the time when I wasn't sure whether I was bi or gay. But [00:11:30] I think now it's been long enough that it's kind of not a phase anymore and was with the people that thought that it was a face. Were they more mainstream people or queer people? Um, a little a little bit of both, uh, around the time when I first came out, so around the time that they would have thought that most of my friends were identifying more in the mainstream camp as opposed to being in, like, the queer camp. So yeah, and they were the ones who are questioning whether I was in the first [00:12:00] place. So, yeah, they weren't quite used to the idea of people in their friend group being bi or gay and stuff. So around. Then I feel like it was more of the mainstream community that was questioning whether I was bi curious or bisexual or gay. Yeah. Have you ever had a negative reaction to coming out as bisexual off the top of my head? Now, um, other than like from [00:12:30] random people, I don't really know on the Internet, but from close friends and family? Not really. No. Um, there was a time I was involved in a same sex, um, bowl issue. I was invited as my male friend's date to his bowl, and we weren't allowed to go school bowl. Yes, and we weren't allowed to go as a couple one week before we were meant to go. So [00:13:00] as a result, we tried to get support on Facebook and there was a lot of slander around them, and I came out to like I was already mostly out to everyone, especially if they just ask. But at this point it was publicly known that I was bisexual and coming out that way. There was a lot of backlash from, like many people from both like no, not many, but a few people from both like queer communities and non queer communities, about whether I was actually bisexual [00:13:30] or not because I had a girlfriend at the time. But how did your girlfriend feel about you being involved in this issue? She was very supportive about it. She was helping moderate our page and defending us and our ideals because she had the same idea and thought of like, you know, she had the same morals as I did about this topic. So it wasn't really an issue for her that I was being invited to his bow or [00:14:00] that we wanted to go together. She was supportive. How popular was the page? Quite popular In two days, it was in five digit. Yeah, there was like tens of thousands of members or like people attending this event from memory. But we did have to close it down soon after. I think, um I think at that point, the school had placed, like, a definitive stance on their, um, policy, and [00:14:30] they just wouldn't allow it. And there was at this point, the page was getting a lot of like arguments from both sides. And it was getting stressful for both of us, especially for my friend. So we decided it was just best to close it down. By that point, what was the school's stance? Um, they said that they would not allow an old boy from the school because I was as a date to the ball, and that was officially what they [00:15:00] said about it. Um, they didn't give us any more than that. They didn't give us an explanation as to why From memory, even though we inquired multiple times about it. Do you think that was a homophobic move on the school front? Um, my opinion was that it was because they didn't really explain it afterwards, or they explained it as like if I was to go, I guess that I would be a disruption to their ball and I would cause havoc, which I do not believe [00:15:30] I would have, but yeah, other than that, they didn't give us an explanation or a good reason. So I, I think it was personally especially considering, I guess, like it's a Catholic school. And I guess their policy, like it did kind of flow with their belief system, I guess. But did the school allow other same sex partners to the board? Um, I have not heard of any since at that school, but there might have been I haven't kept up. Other schools have since [00:16:00] I've been told. But yes, do you think, um, the issue of going to balls is an important one for where you I think it could be like, Well, not could be. I think it is like it's supposed to be one of your more memorable nights being a high school student, especially like your final ball. And usually it's encouraged that you have a partner that you care for or really close to, like, even if it's platonic, you know, and you just want someone to enjoy [00:16:30] your night with. So I think, even, like just I think it's important to be able to take people with you, whether it's platonic or romantic, regardless of their gender. What proportion of schools do you think in New Zealand? Do allow same sex partners? I have no clue. Personally, um, I haven't looked into it for a while, but I've been told by other people that their schools have, like, since been more inclusive and allowing of taking same [00:17:00] sex partners. So, yeah, I haven't really heard of schools still denying it recently. So what can we as queer people do to help make the road for coming out as bisexual? Easier. Um, I think we can just be, I guess, at a basic level, just more supportive in general, about it playing what, Me personally, I [00:17:30] just find it easy to, like, talk to people about it and stuff. And I think just by talking and telling or showing people that it's OK to be open about yourself leads them to, like, be more open about it themselves. And I find, Yeah, I think just being encouraging and supportive is the best way we can go about encouraging other people to come out. And if you could say anything to, uh, young people [00:18:00] struggling with their sexuality and coming out as bisexual. What would that be? Um, yeah, I guess I would just tell them to kind of ignore all the negative energy that people may potentially put out on you. Like I find not worrying about that like people being negative towards you and just trying to find support elsewhere. Being the most helpful thing that [00:18:30] happened to me when in my experiences. So I think, Yeah, just find a good support group and be willing to talk it out and be open with them.
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