This page features computer generated text of the source audio. It may contain errors or omissions, so always listen back to the original media to confirm content. You can search the text using Ctrl-F, and you can also play the audio by clicking on a desired timestamp.
I was born in, um, South Auckland, and I've grown up there all my life. Um, it's been a pretty It's been OK, I guess. Like, there's the good and the bad, But somehow I think my community is stigmatised. Um, and the stereotypes of the bad corrupt the good. So, yeah, it's home for me. Um, And where are your, um, your parents and your ancestors from, um so actually, my my mom is [00:00:30] from, but she grew up in Tauranga. And my dad, um, is from Tonga. Um and he moved to New Zealand. I'm not sure when, um, I didn't get to know my grandparents because my dad's side, they live in Tonga, and my mom's died before I was born from alcohol poisoning. So yeah, that was kind of bittersweet. I mean, it was kind of sad because, like, I I've always been jealous of people [00:01:00] who, like, had that whole Oh, no. Yeah, I'm going to my grandma's this weekend and, like I I've never had the opportunity to say that. Do you have much other extended family? Um, no, not really. To be honest, I'm not such a family oriented person, So my friends for me are my family. Because in a way, I was kind of, um, put to the back or kind of shunned past because of who I am. [00:01:30] Um, yeah, I was always looked down upon and, um, it actually just made me strive and motivated me to, like, show them that I was just like them and I could do just what they could do, and even better. So yeah. Yeah. Cool. What words do you use to describe your identity? Um, I use transsexual, um, or transgender. Um, I grew up with the term because I'm to But, um, for me, that [00:02:00] doesn't really doesn't really go with me, because that's like a lady. And I'm It's more, um, flamboyant and more, uh, drag. But I'm trying to live as a woman, so yeah, transgender and transsexual. And how did you, um, tell me about your journey? Discovering, um so I've always been more. I've I've never been a boy, and I didn't understand why people were like, Why don't [00:02:30] you just be a boy? But like, for me, that was never in. Um, that was never the case because I never knew how to do that. Like all I knew growing up was what I was doing, which was like when my parents would bring out the toys. Like I'd always go for what the girls would go for. Like when I was at kindergarten, I wouldn't be playing swords and pirates with the boys and Sam. I'd be dressing up in the girls dresses and the cloth rack, so yeah, um, and my family, My mom, Actually, when I was young and growing [00:03:00] up, she was in full swing. It was almost like she, um She wanted me to be a girl. Like when I went when we went to the shop and I would grab girls stuff, she was fine with it. She was like, Oh, what about this? And, um, when my dad found out because my parents split when I was born, he was like, trying to tell her like, Oh, what are you doing to that boy like you shouldn't be doing that to him. Um, and she she didn't care. She didn't care. It wasn't until I got older that, um she [00:03:30] started noticing it more. It wasn't that, um when people would be like, Oh, is your, um is your son gay, and she went No, no, no. It's just the face. He's just feminine. He's just feminine. And, um, it got to so severe to the point where she ended up, Um, not accepting me, she was very, um, ignorant to what I had to say. Um, she said she was like, Oh, no, you can't be gay, because if you're gay, you'll go to hell, [00:04:00] and I won't let you do that like I'll kill you myself if I have to. Like, I'm not going to let my child go through that. Um, so it really did scare me, But, um, I wasn't I wasn't gonna lived the life that I was living because I was unhappy. And I had, you know, like, it was just all I knew. And I didn't want to try and start being a new person because that just wasn't me. Um and so my way of coming out, um, was by my [00:04:30] school grades because my parents both were, um, dropouts. And they wanted and all my siblings had dropped out, and so their hope and their dreams rested on my shoulders. Um, so I worked hard. Um, and they my mom ended up telling me. Yeah, well, if you keep up with your grades, you can do this. And so that's exactly what I did. And, um, she ended up getting more surprised because she noticed it wasn't a gay thing. Like it wasn't like, Oh, yeah, I like boys. It was [00:05:00] Yeah, I like boys. And I'm a girl because I always I wanted to be a woman. Um and, yeah, I. I started hormones and yeah, it's been It seems like it's been a long I've lived a long time, but I'm only 17. So yeah, um, when you were growing up, did it feel like people were trying to put these other labels like gay and yeah, yeah, it did. Um, and I really hated it because I knew the terms were generalised [00:05:30] for gay men, not necessarily men who were wanting to be women. And that's why I hated it. Like I really I hated it. And when people were like, Oh, are you gay? I'm like, No, I'm straight because I'm a girl and I like boys, but people just never got it. And, um, yeah, I really despise people who would use, like, faggot and post and sissy and Yeah, and it was really depressing. And as a child, like, [00:06:00] I just I just felt like I was experiencing way too much shit for my age. Like I was, like, in primary. And people are like, Oh, you faggot and stuff. Like what kind of seven year old should have to go through that, like being depressed and shit like it wasn't a life and that my mom told me like, Well, if you're gonna act that way, you're gonna have to be strong because life in the fag land isn't for the faint habit. Yeah, So I had to learn how to stand my ground and use my mouse as my [00:06:30] defence mechanism. And I did. How did you figure out that, um, that you could be Trans and that you could take hormones and things? Um, so I came across, um I was watching TV one and 2020 came on, and they're doing a special on transgender, um, girls. And that was the first time that I had ever heard of or seen it. I was like, Oh, my gosh, There's a word for this. Like for [00:07:00] girls that were born in the wrong body. And, um, yeah, it was really It was It was mind blowing. And I was just like, Oh, my gosh. Like, look at that girl. She's like a girl like her parents, her, her hair and, um, put on makeup and live the life that she wants to live. And, um yeah, and that was my first experience. And I told my mother, and at the time she was like, Oh, no, those parents are silly for letting their Children do that because all that's gonna happen is she's going to go to hell. But I didn't even hear that. I was just like, [00:07:30] I totally want to be like that. If that's what I am, I'm like, so embracing it. I want to do that. I want to be like that. And yeah, I knew that it would take a lot of work because, um, because it was really hard to like I was young, so I had a lot of growing up to do. But I also, um I researched and stuff as well, So yeah. What kind of reactions did you get from other people from, like, friends [00:08:00] or, um So, like my parents and, like all of my friends, always knew that was new. I never, ever had a girlfriend. I never kissed a girl. Um, I never had boy mates. I always hung out with the girls. Um, so when I actually did come out as not being gay but Trans, they were like, yeah, we knew all along like we knew you were a queen or along. Um, yeah, because when I had other gay friends and they were like, Oh, yeah, he's pretty hot and oh, yeah, when [00:08:30] we go to when I grew up on, like, wear like the tucks and skinny jeans and all the stuff And I was like, Well, when I grow up, I want, like, hair to my hips and a dress. And so, yeah, it wasn't a big surprise. And, um, I've always been quite, um I've had quite a popular school life. So, um yeah, that made it easier for me because a lot of people accepted me for who I was because, um, not because of who I was, but because of my personality, first and foremost. And, [00:09:00] um, they knew that they wouldn't see it changed like it was the same person, So, yeah. Where did you get support from? Um, actually, when I was growing up, I didn't have, um I didn't have anyone. I had to learn everything on my own. And it wasn't until I actually the journey to starting hormones that I ran into my school nurse and she had told me, um oh, I can see that you're, um you're different, um, to the other gay boys. And I was like, Darling, I'm [00:09:30] not a gay boy. I'm a girl. And she snapped her fingers. That mean she was, like, Right? I know what to do with you. And I was like, Oh, my gosh, am I in trouble? And she's like, No, I'm just gonna get these two, psychiatrists to come see you. And I was like, What? What the fuck am I mean sorry? I, I Yeah, And, um and they ended up coming in. They told me that, um, that there was a terminology for this, and it was transgender, and I was totally with it. Um, and I was keen, and I told my mother and she totally [00:10:00] flipped it. She totally flipped it. And she was like, No, what? You want to be a woman. Like what it mean you want to be a woman? I thought you were just gay. Like you want to be like those what? Those Chinese and on the corner and da da da. And it really upset me because it was like I thought that I had come so far and she had accepted me. But she had accepted me for being gay, not necessarily a woman. And then I told her about hormones, and she was like, What? You gonna I'm not having these strangers injecting. My, um my son was, um, chemicals [00:10:30] And you taking pills like and so I had to push hard, and I had to research, and I had to prove to her that it would be OK because, um, my mother was very overprotective of me because of who I was. And, um so, yeah, I, I think all it was was her just being a mother. But I was determined to prove her wrong. And, um I did, and I ended up starting and I was very, very happy. Very cool. [00:11:00] How long have you been on? I've been on for 11 months now. Um, I it's actually been 13 months on testosterone blockers and 11 months on oestrogen. Um, it's been really good, because I feel like up until the point of me starting, I felt like the pain of me not being on it was just getting worse and worse. And I was just Oh, I was hating it because I was developing more as a male, and I just didn't want it. Um, and so when I did start, I was ecstatic. And it's been a great [00:11:30] journey, even though I've only been on for 11 months. Um, I've noticed heaps of changes, and I just feel it just puts not only physical changes, but, um, my mentality, um, it's put my mind at peace that, um, yeah, I feel a lot more comfortable and, um, in my skin. So, yeah, um, do you have many other trans friends or trans community? I do. I actually was a part of a big [00:12:00] train group in, um, Auckland, but we fell apart because we realised that it was just our creative differences. Didn't, um, they didn't fit right. But I do have a couple of close friends now, and I came out. I came out before them. So then coming out was like I made sure that I was there for them and I could feed them all the knowledge and wisdom I had. Um, and yeah, it's It's great. It's It's [00:12:30] a It's a sisterhood. I would I would say that because, yeah, we're there for each other. And it's like we connect on a different level than friends because they know what it feels like for me to walk out every morning to have to put up with people's discrimination and, um, stereotypes and stigma and how it feels that, um, to just build up the courage just to walk out the house. Um, yeah. So I definitely love. Yeah. I love my girls. [00:13:00] Um, do you face much kind of discrimination from people? Um, not necessarily. I think it's because I'm actually quite an intimidating person, especially in school, like no one will step to me at school because yeah, like everyone seeing me get ugly, and I don't even like it, so Yeah, but, um, no. Yeah, because and I've earned my respect because I people just there was just too much stereotypes over, um, Trans girls like Oh, yeah. Oh, She's looking at me. She wants me, and she [00:13:30] wants everyone like, Hello. I have standards. And, um yeah, and people ended up seeing that. I wasn't under those stereotypes, and I was just a normal person. And so I've been accepted and almost embraced. Um, What about the the school and the teachers? Yeah, Um, my, um the school has embraced me as well. I've been, um I've transitioned in school, and I'm registered under my preferred [00:14:00] name now, and I wear the girl's uniform, so I'm really happy about that. Um, my teachers as well, I've They've always been, like, accepting of me, so they adjusted just as well as I did. So I'm also happy about that as well. Were you the first gentleman at your, Um no, I wasn't. There was one. There was a Yeah, there was one for me, but yeah, Was it an easy process to kind of get your name changed and we Yeah, Yeah, it was It was, [00:14:30] um it was actually easier. Way easier than I thought. It was just a letter and yeah, I didn't even need permission to switch uniforms. They were just like, Yeah, cool. How do you feel that your, um your culture intersects with, um, with being trans or do you think you have a different experience? Um, to say, um um, yeah, I do. Because in my culture, being to they don't know, transgender isn't the thing to live as a woman. It's just for the laugh, like [00:15:00] it's just to be, um, more prorogation and, um, to be over sexualized. And it's all about that. And what they do is, um, they're used almost as like maids, like they appreciate them because they have the domestic skills of women and the masculinity skills of a man so they can help out with whichever chores. But when they told me that, like No. Yeah, you know, these are supposed to [00:15:30] do this and that. I'm like, Darling, I'm not I'm a woman. Mhm. Um, have you had any, um, role models? I have had a lot. Um, I won't name any of them because Yeah, that might be, um, a bit thing, but yeah, I've I haven't, um, met them, but I've seen them, and I've seen their journeys, like, follow the, um, their transition. And it's really inspiring to see that, [00:16:00] um, because they're quite They're way ahead of me. And so it's, like, great to see, um, the outcome of it. And like the struggle and the tears and sweat, it's all worth it in the end. Yeah. So I'm definitely Yeah, I definitely have it wrong with us. Um, you say you, like, followed their journey. That stuff was that, like, online on YouTube. Um so, like, watching them start from being men and transitioning, being on hormones and recording transition videos and seeing like it's almost [00:16:30] like a video timeline. So it's great to see what? That the process? Because sometimes you don't notice it, um, from yourself. But you can if you put it into perspective and see it on other people, it's it's great to see. Um, So we're doing this interview. Um, the, um how did you find out about this? Um, so I had I'm with a company, and, um, yeah, I found out [00:17:00] through them, and actually the term I've only recently heard about it. I thought it was a new thing, but coming here and learning that it's been around for years and years and years, it was quite shocking because yeah, because I never knew that, um, the Maori term for it. But it's good that they have. They do have it. And, um, it's great down here. Yeah. Um, did you hear about it for the first time? Kind of finding out about the Yeah. Yeah. Um, and how are you finding being at this? I'm loving it. It's [00:17:30] great to see so much, um, older, um, trans women here and seeing the journey. And I'm just like, oh, wow, like they're stunning. And they told me like, Yeah, you know, just keep at it and push and you'll get there. But it's great to see, like someone who's way older, like, because from where I come from, I don't see much girls that are older than me. They're all around my age, and we're just all starting. So you're coming down here and seeing girls who are, you know, well established. It's just like how amazing, Stunning. [00:18:00] Um, what do you think you'll take away from the, um, I generally think I'll have I think I'm definitely being more comfortable in myself and more accepting of the fact, Um, that I am, um and yeah, it's just like a lot of I'm just a lot of, um, gratitude towards all the older girls who have paved the pathways for us because some of their stories are just heartbreaking hearing about how they were treated in their days [00:18:30] and you know, me thinking that we're struggling and we actually have it really great compared to what they did. Um, so do you feel like you use the term? Um, yeah, and I kind of do. It's just almost like it is a It's a multi terminal. It's Maori terminology, but I do because it covers, like, the whole spectrum. And it's not like, um, it's not a lab. Like [00:19:00] a labelled thing. It's like it's whatever. Like, Yeah, So you're talking about the, um, some of the gentleman here kind of giving messages to you. What message would you give to other? Um, um I would definitely say if you're struggling, if you're still, um, on your way to coming out and you're scared and you can't tell your parents it it takes time. Or if you haven't been accepted, it takes time. It definitely takes time. Um, I know these girls out there that are hungry for it, and they just want it like that. They don't wanna [00:19:30] be women overnight, but it doesn't happen like that. It takes years of pushing and, um, of hormones and hard work. And yeah, but it definitely takes time. You you will, You will not see, um, effects overnight, that's for sure. It's a It's a continuous journey. Um, how have you stayed so strong? Um, and I actually I don't know. It's just the motivation. You know, when I get really dumb and stuff I, I realise why I'm doing this. And that's my [00:20:00] fire. That's that keeps me ignited to keep going. Um, yeah, because I don't want to see people. I don't want people to see me fall because that would give them happiness. And I'm not having it. Um, where do you say you are at now? Um, in your journey. And where do you want to? Um, I know I'm still a baby. Like I know I'm still a baby. Um, but I do. I'm planning on just doing what I do, and, um, hopefully getting a job in the future to [00:20:30] make some money for, um, some of the surgery someone, um, and settling down, um, being well established in my own home and stuff. And yeah, and what kind of work or study do you want to do? Um, I'm really into cosmetics. I love makeup. Um, I think it's it's art. It is, honestly, an art form. It's not something that's necessarily just generalised as, oh, just to make me pretty or because I'm ugly without it. It's art [00:21:00] like you can do so much things that make up. It's an endless Um, yeah, it's an endless thing that Yeah, it's great. Um, and what's your favourite thing about being, um, in? Um oh, wow, that's a That's a hard question because, actually, I don't know. It's just like I think it's almost like because we are different, like and, um, yeah, even though we [00:21:30] are a minority, I think that's the the beauty about it, Like your you know, some people see it as a burden, but I see it as a blessing, like you're one in a million. That has been, you know, like it's I feel special, like, yeah, I feel special.
This page features computer generated text of the source audio. It may contain errors or omissions, so always listen back to the original media to confirm content.
Tags