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Nikki Edie, who was the convenor of the New Zealand Quilt Project who also had a brother who died of an AIDS related illness, and Beverly and Audrey, two mums whose sons died of an AIDS related illness as well. And we're talking to them this morning about this very important project here in New Zealand, the New Zealand Quilt Project, and I guess we better start with you first. Nicky is to explain to my listeners just what this quilt project is and a bit about its origins. Too. Sure, Alice. The New Zealand Quilt Project is a memorial to those [00:00:30] people we have lost to AIDS. Here in New Zealand. The New Zealand initiative comes from the American Names Project, which was founded in 1985 when the very first panel was created For a young man by the name of Marvin. This is a 6 ft by 3 ft panel which is created out of love. Can be from grief, anger, whatever they are feeling at the loss of somebody to an AIDS related illness. OK, it's [00:01:00] like a quilt, I presume it's sort of about almost a quilt. Size six by 3 6 ft by 3 ft and made out of material materials of Felts. And what it does is upon the panel. The quilt represents that person's life. They may have been a chef, so you can take look at that panel and realise Oh, this young person was a chef. Hairdressers we have right. So the very first one was back in 1985. That was in America. [00:01:30] When did we take on the quilt project here in New Zealand? 1988. Our first panel was created for a man called Peter Cuthbert and was displayed for the first time World AIDS Day for First of December 1988 in Wellington 1988. Now what is the number of quilts that you have now here in New Zealand? 72 panels That represents 128 names of people we have lost to AIDS here in New Zealand. That's quite a large number [00:02:00] that I was going to say 300 people if you lost just over 300 odd people. Now we've lost two AIDS here in New Zealand, right? So it doesn't necessarily mean that if someone loses their son or their daughter or whatever to an AIDS related illness that they're going to do a panel. But people, what motivates people to do a panel to make a panel to make a panel is a statement of unconditional love. It puts a human face behind the statistics of AIDS [00:02:30] here in New Zealand or internationally. New Zealand is one of 27 initiatives around the world quilt projects Now I believe the one in the United States is just huge. Have you seen it overwhelming? I was honoured and privileged last year to be able to take three of our New Zealand blocks to Washington DC, where we had an international unveiling. The quilt then covered 15.5 acres that's equivalent to 14 football fields. Just back [00:03:00] to back quilts, rows and rows of quilts representing again. As I said before, well over 27 nationalities from around the world must have been a very moving thing, though there must be just this energy that comes from seeing these wonderful quilts that makes people sort of stop and think, and remember whether it's through feelings of anger or sorrow or whatever. There's a whole variety of emotions you must feel when you view them. Definitely ours, definitely [00:03:30] the I guess the initial reaction is the one of loss. But out of a loss comes this overwhelming love, and nothing's going to stop us to say to the world that we do not have a cure for HIV, the virus which causes the AIDS related illnesses, and that the only education we have is well informed information and love, understanding and sharing. That and this quilt. The quilt [00:04:00] presents a human phase, as I've already said behind the statistics, and that people stop and take notice and think to themselves when they've seen them on display here in New Zealand. This is happening here at home in God's own. That's right. It's not something that's just happening. You see on a six o'clock headlines, how did you become involved? I became involved in 1991 just after I lost my 33 year old brother to AIDS related illnesses in the May of 91 [00:04:30] in October 91. We were having the very first unveiling in Auckland here, with Dame Keith Tesar in attendance for the New Zealand Court Project, and I was asked at that point by people that were volunteers that were working with the P to create a panel for Rob. Right? And can we ask what you have on your panel for your brother Rob? Rob has all his nieces and nephews handprints upon it. They were very important people in his life. He has Waiheke Island. Robin was born on Waiheke [00:05:00] Island many years ago and he has Australia because he lived off and on in Australia and America for 12 years roses because they were his most favourite flower and a couple of verses that we just think are very special. Particularly, I think it's the old Irish farewell verse. May the road rise up to me, too. That verse is upon and just his favourite colours, [00:05:30] just something that was representative of the person that he was. Now. Did you make this yourself, or did someone else make it for you or we create them, the families or whoever wants to who is connected? Panels are created by the families and friends, partners of those that we lose to AIDS, and when they are ready only when they are ready to then give it to the New Zealand Quilt Project to become the custodian I guess you could call it, and we, in turn, take the quilt out into schools to [00:06:00] display. This really makes a huge impact on our youth again. Once again, this is not just a figure they're seeing on a blackboard or something in a textbook from school. This represents 72 people's lives. We're actually very lucky here in New Zealand. We have quite a unique block whereby the Kiwi kids living with AIDS Trust created their own block. And that's really unique in the world because it was the 13 families here in New Zealand that have Children living with [00:06:30] HIV or AIDS. They had, and they created their own whole big block, and that was really neat. It's really quite colourful, isn't it? I can imagine that. So obviously, when you do a quilt, it's partly a healing process, but also, I guess, helps you through. The grieving, too. Would I'd be right here if I can just bring Audrey and Beverly in, too. When you were involved with your son's quilts, [00:07:00] was it Did it help you through the grieving process at the loss of a son, either, If you like to start first of all, Yes, it definitely did. It was very healing, right? Lots of emotions are felt while you're making them happy ones. Sad ones. But yes, it's definitely a healing thing. Quite therapeutic, really. Yes, it must be quite constructive to do something like that on the loss of a loved one, because you put all your love and your feelings and emotions into that quilt, don't you? And I guess they take a little [00:07:30] while to make, do they? Yes, some people take longer than others. You just do it slowly as you feel right, and as ideas of things that you want to go on. It can't always rush it, and sometimes it takes a while to to actually hand it over to the project because you want to hang on to it. In the end, it's become so special because it's a part of that person, I guess letting it go well, just [00:08:00] talking, because we're going to come back to Beverly and Audrey in a moment and hear more of their stories. You talked about taking it to the schools. What's the reaction to young people when you talk about about AIDS related illnesses? Is there this realisation dawning on a lot of young people these days that there is a need for protected sex because I have heard of young people who at the moment think it's really cool to have unprotected sex for sure. And this is what worries me immensely is that there are some out there taking [00:08:30] terrible risks with their lives. I guess before being through it as teenagers, we tend to feel we are immortal and we're going to live on forever and that this is something that actually happens to somebody else. Well, if not, we know it's not. We definitely know that it's not something that happens to somebody else. HIV AIDS affects everybody. It doesn't matter your race, your colour, your creed, your sexuality. It happens to each and every one of us. And by viewing the quilt because it has become such a powerful visual tool, [00:09:00] these students are beginning to sit up and think, Oh, Lord, this is something that affects me. Often when we are in schools, we have somebody that is living with the virus, come along and speak as well, and again that brings it home just that much closer that morning, they may have not known being directly affected by the virus, but by being confronted by somebody living with the virus, suddenly it affects them. [00:09:30] And we hope it's something they remember for the rest of their days, because I think the thing that comes out here this morning, too, is that to get the AIDS related the HIV virus, you don't have to be gay. You don't have to share needles. You can be a heterosexual person who is out there having unprotected sex who just happens to have sex with the wrong person. True, Alice, would you ladies agree with this? I mean, I think a lot of people still tend to think AIDS goes with gay people or with people [00:10:00] who are perhaps intravenous drug users, right? That's true and not discriminating. The whole thing is that AIDS never was never will be. Never has been a gay related illness, never, unfortunately, that statistically that yes, it did hit in the Western world, our gay community is hard as fast as first, but never was solely that I think the perfect example of this has come out at the moment with the man [00:10:30] who has caused a lot of fear in the community with perhaps spreading the AIDS virus to a number of women. And I mean, this has come out to show that it is not just the domain of gay people talk about. You've got a special evening and then I quickly I promise you, Audrey and Beverly, we're getting to you over here with your stories. But you've got a very special evening coming up. And I'd like you to tell people what's going to happen on that evening and perhaps why they should attend Yes, On the 30th of October at the Mandalay New Market, the New Zealand Corp project is having [00:11:00] another fundraiser in the form of a silent auction in Cabaret. We have many wonderful entertainers on board for the evening who are giving their time free of our patron, Jeannette McDonald and her off sider, Gary McCormick, will be there. We have Grant Bridger, Lynn, Lakin Beaver. All these wonderful people that are going to be the entertainment and the funds we raise from the evening will go towards the travel of the quilt displays around [00:11:30] New Zealand for educational purposes. We are hoping next year to perhaps put up some I would like to see more HIV AIDS awareness and Prevention week set up. The quilt has travelled now to most of the major centres in the country. At the present moment, it's away in the wrapper region Wellington being hosted by the sexual health services down there and they are going. They have been on to marae where again it opens the door for our [00:12:00] Maori people to be able to speak about something that has been very difficult for them and that is right. And so it's opened up an awful lot of doors for the quilt in itself has opened up a lot of doors for other health care people. To be able to go in and say, Well, this is what we need to do in this area. So it's Saturday night, the 30th of October at 7 30 at the Mandalay. Where can people get tickets and how much do they cost? [00:12:30] The tickets will be on sale at the door on the night only they will be $10. We've kept the costs down as low as possible so that if you're a person that is living on a benefit, you can at least come and have a really neat night worth of entertainment for $10. And for those that are more affluent, we're hoping that we'll buy the items from the silent auction. At this point, I would like to thank the businesses in the Auckland community that have donated items to the silent auction. [00:13:00] Hope it's a tremendous success. It sounds like the ones in the past have been wonderful. And this one we too well, Beverly and Audrey, I just wondered if you could just quickly perhaps Beverly Audrey first. OK, we'll start with you first. Audrey, if you can just share a little bit about what happened to you and to your son, just whatever you want to share and the importance of the quilt project to you, the quilt of quilt project is that the memorial? It's a beautiful visible [00:13:30] thing, the quote and it is an ongoing memorial to a person. Um, so, yes, How long ago did you lose your son to AIDS? January 1991. He was 27. Yes, it's the most terrible illness. It's awful to go through, but, um, how far in advance of that did you find out that your son had AIDS. We had [00:14:00] only known that he was HIV positive for about two years previous to him dying. He had known a few years before that, but he obviously didn't want to tell us. Wanted to spare us, I suppose, as long as he could. And he was quite well until the last year. So he was a lot luckier than some people with the virus because he was able to get out and about, Really? In fact, he was actually driving his car two nights before he died in hospital. So he was a pretty determined type. And yes, [00:14:30] but some, of course, are sick for a lot longer that they have to stay in bed. Were you able to accept what had happened to him? I mean, I know no one can. But as regards perhaps the reasons why he got a being gay, Yes. Were you able to accept that the being gay was never a problem, right? He was just one of the family, and the sexual preferences didn't matter. Our whole family's father, everyone accepted him, was, was. Obviously, [00:15:00] being gay was never an issue. But when and we always or I always thought he'll be one of the lucky ones and he won't get the virus. And even when he had the virus, you think he might still just be a carrier and never get the age related illnesses. But of course, the inevitable happens. So that was the tragedy. And that is, it takes a long, long time to get over. I'm sure it does. Did you have good support, though, of family and friends during the last year, perhaps of the time? [00:15:30] Yes, yes, we did. We didn't really meet with much prejudice, not our particular family, our case and lots people do, and it's very cruel. It's the prejudice that must be the hardest. I think it must be. The cruellest thing of all is that people can be so prejudiced and you know the old saying there. But for the grace of God, go, you or I can happen to anyone daughter or son. When we look at these days, gay or heterosexual or whatever, people need to understand more and show them love and [00:16:00] acceptance and because I think the thing that came out in Bryce Courtney's book April Fools' Day about his son was he was surrounded by love. Anyway, he had a son who was, I think, a haemophilia who got the AIDS related virus that way. But he talked of one young man in the bed opposite his son and Nikki, You can talk about that. That young man, Jon Baker, has just had a panel created [00:16:30] by a person in re who read this book and wanted Jon Baker to be remembered. So I felt I had a few tears in my office the other day when this panel arrived. This young man, because his family deserted him. They weren't there when he died. He died apart from. And he already said I was one man surrounded by so much love and understanding, and this one person who had nobody there with him. That really mattered to him at the end. [00:17:00] And as I say, this woman in Whangarei has sent this panel down, and Jon Baker will lovely. That's lovely, because I think that's one of the biggest tragedies of that of the whole AIDS thing is that they should die alone because of what they've got, you know, through prejudice of one form or another, that people can't their sons and their daughters. They can't bring themselves to be there for their final days or whatever. Heartbreaking. Yes, Beverley, can you just share a little bit of your story, [00:17:30] too? For you? You mentioned Alice the song there. But for Fortune Go, you or I. It happens to be one of my favourite songs by Joan Baez, because you often think that something like that is never going to affect your family. My son Michael died in 1989. He was 26 when he was 17. I found out that he was gay. I actually asked him, and that wasn't a problem for our family either. He was accepted for what he was and as a gay [00:18:00] person, and he felt good about himself as a gay person. When he was about 23 he went for the test, and I remember him coming home and saying the bad news he had to tell us and how he just felt so pleased that he had the sort of appearance he could come and tell this to. And he had intended to go overseas to Europe. And he said, Well, I'm going to do what I want to do and not let this affect my future life, which I'm glad he did [00:18:30] and he travelled overseas. But he was one of the unfortunate ones that the virus progressed very quickly to AIDS and he only survived about three years with the virus. He came home towards the end of his illness and he was home in New Zealand for three months, which was a very special time, and I visited him overseas when he was ill. That was very hard seeing the difference in the sun who had gone away and the son that was facing me at the airport. [00:19:00] But as Audrey says, the only important thing is love and acceptance, and what the court has done for me is show the human face of the illness. Each person we have lost is somebody's son, brother, sister, lover. And as I said, it just puts a human face to the illness, and that's the important thing about it. And it's the only thing we have to break down the stigma and prejudice about the illness because [00:19:30] I did encounter that you did encounter the prejudice statements that people said like the ones I feel sorry for are the hemophilias and the Children with AIDS. It's more or less pointing a finger of saying gay people deserve it. And that made me very, very angry. Yes, that would be very, very hard. Nobody deserves. Nobody deserves to get cancer either. You know, I mean, you just It's such a shame that people have the prejudice because of [00:20:00] someone's sexuality towards this. And as mothers, you know, there are your sons who died in front of your very eyes with this illness, and to have somebody say that kind of thing to you is just so cruel. And, you know, we just hope that as a result of these projects that more people are going to have more understanding about it and see that it has a human face, as you say. And so, obviously, for both of you, having those quilts made was very, very special and very, very important. Right for you. And for you [00:20:30] too, Beverly. Yes, I think it addresses the uniqueness of everybody. We have lost a unique human being. Any final words just before we finish? I just wondered that out of all this personal tragedy that you have experienced, is there anything that you have learned that you'd like to pass on to my listeners today. Just some one little thing, perhaps that you want to say to them. I would like to say Love your Children unconditionally. That is the only important thing that [00:21:00] when you're on your own death bed to be loved by your Children and to love them and do anything from you they're Audrey to And to get life generally into perspective, don't let the little things spoil your days. Just live for every day and just think of the big tragedies and then the small ones just won't seem big at all. Right? Well, I hope that we've all gained a little bit of something from this, and I hope that there will be a lot of people turn up to the quilt project [00:21:30] coming up on the 30th of October. That's two week, this coming Saturday night at the Mandalay at 7 30. It's going to be a wonderful evening with the silent auction, the cabaret, lots of wonderful people taking part. So, folks, if you get a chance to go along to that, I'm sure that you would enjoy the evening and continued success with the quilt project too, Nikki. I hope that you're going to reach a lot more people with it and perhaps as a result of it, get a lot more understanding. And Audrey and Beverly, thank you very much, too. To both of you for braving [00:22:00] the nerves of sitting in front of a microphone and coming in sharing with us today. Thanks so much for your time. Thank you.
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